I hadn't spoken to Mia in weeks. Whenever I found her in the courtyard with Dina, or chilling in the library, every time our eyes met, she'd glance at me for a moment and look away or walk away. It was hard being this far from Mia. She was always there for me ever since she entered my life, and now, I practically betrayed her.
I just needed to apologise. I needed to tell her I was wrong, that I shouldn't have said what I said. But before I could even approach her or say something to her, I stopped myself and walked away. I couldn't find myself to do it. Why? I was somewhat angry at her for saying what she said, even though part of it was true.
When I saw Mia in the courtyard the following week, I was determined. I couldn't sleep last night, thinking of hundreds of ways to apologise. Now, I had a speech ready and before I could even approach Mia, Beth stepped into my view.
"Uh, hi?" I said, a little taken back by the sudden attention.
Beth hadn't done anything to met yet since I showed up at the airport before our Gold Coast trip. I expected she would do something during the trip, but it seemed she was more interested to avoid me and enjoy her holiday. But it didn't stop me for looking over my shoulder every once in a while and be cautious of my surroundings in case Beth did something.
"Do you not have any common sense?" Beth asked venomously.
I was confused. What was she harping on about now?
"How much longer are you going to play with Kyle and Daniel until you figure out that you're the problem?"
"I'm not playing with anyone."
Beth snorted. She placed her hands on her hips and glanced at me intimidatingly. I tried standing strong, but I was just confused. I didn't want to question how her twisted mind worked. I needed to see Mia. I needed to apologise. But I also had enough of Beth's drama.
"I don't get you. Why do you hate me so much? I did nothing to you."
She scoffed. "That's right. Poor Ellie. She's just a victim, here with her poor dead mother, aren't you? Please," she rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. "You haven't changed one bit. You're still the lame, selfish piece of shit I ever met."
I sighed hopelessly. "I don't have time for this," I mumbled. I walked past her, no daring to even glance her way and this annoyed her.
"Do you really want to know what you did to me?"
I stopped and turned to face her. "Yes, that's what I've been asking you ever since the beginning of the year," I replied, perhaps with a little bit too much irritation.
Why was she dragging this on so much? Just tell me! I wanted to clear the air, figure out what I did so wrong to her. But knowing Beth over the past couple of months, I was beginning to think it was nothing. That it was just some excuse to be angry at me for being Daniel and Kyle's friend.
"You were gone from school for weeks. You left me alone at school for a month, and I didn't hate you for that," she began. "No. But people were making fun of you even though your mother died, and as a good friend, I defended you. I protected you, telling them all to shut up and leave you alone. But since you weren't there, they targeted me instead."
Why didn't she tell me any of this before?
"They pushed me around, called me loser, pulled at my bra and even threw rubbish at me. I was going through so much pain and torture in the weeks you were gone just from defending you."
"I didn't know," I replied softly.
"Then you came back. I thought, finally, my best friend was back ,and we were going to fight off these bullies together like we used to. But you didn't speak to me anymore. You didn't even look at me and everyone noticed. So, they continued harassing me. They didn't dare touch you. The teachers protected you/"
I didn't remember any of this. She went through so much back then and I had no idea. I just ignored it all like how I ignored everyone else in the five years that followed. I felt horrible. How could I do that to her? What was wrong with me?
"Then one day, Lindsay and her group cornered me in the courtyard during lunch. They pulled at my bra, pushed me around and even threw mud in my face. In front of everyone! And everyone laughed."
Tears were starting to form at the corner of Beth's eyes. My heart, in return, squeezed in pain as I felt my eyes stung too.
"And then I saw you, walking out of the building as it was all happening. I thought please Ellie, please save me. But instead, all I saw was my best friend walk right pass me like you couldn't even see me. Like you wanted to avoid getting picked on by Lindsay, so you kept moving. Only protecting yourself."
"Beth," I whispered.
She shook her head, her eyes glaring at me with so much hate. "I was abandoned by you. When I needed you the most, you abandoned me. Everyone and everything around you are always left behind in pain and misery because of you. You are a curse. You break people, relationship and everything that makes a person strong. This was what happened to me when I was around you, and now you're doing the exact same thing to Daniel and Kyle. You're the plague."
Her voice wasn't loud, but it was laced with pure hatred. Her lips quivered as she said and I could tell she was holding back her tears, but it continue pouring down her cheeks. I felt a tear fell down my cheek. Repeating the words over and over again in my head.
"You did it to me. Your best friend. And even though years has passed, I know you'll just do the same again. To Daniel. When he'll need you the most, all you'll do is stand there and watch." She was breathing heavily now.
I couldn't reply. I couldn't utter a word. My throat swelled and I couldn't breathe right. I didn't want to believe her, but a part of me wondered if that would happen. No. It won't. It couldn't. I wouldn't do that to Daniel. I refused to.
"You know, he's giving up his dream University because of you," she added after composing herself. "And the saddest part is, it's only a matter of time when you abandon him too."
I looked down at the floor. Daniel never told me that. Why would he do that just for me?
"Why can't you just do us all a favour and leave us alone so we can live?"
I took a step back. I shook my head. "You're wrong. I'll never do that to him," I whispered.
When I looked back at Beth, she had her lips pursed. She didn't believe me. She was convinced that I was going to abandon him too.
"If only that was true," was all she said before she left.
I didn't spend much time standing out there. I kept thinking about what Beth said. I couldn't picture myself just walking by her when she was being bullied. I couldn't have done that. But I didn't even remember Kyle asking me out publicly either. I just walked away like I walked away from Beth. If I did that to Kyle last year, then Beth had every reason to believe I hadn't changed. And she was right. A part of me thought I hadn't. But no. I was different now.
That was what the bucket list was all about. Put myself out there. Stop living in such a secluded life and open my eyes to the world around me.
I headed back into the school building, completely forgetting about my plan to apologise to Mia. I walked down the empty hallway, deep in thought. The bucket list was almost over though and it made me worry that when it was finished, would I go back to my old ways. Would I really abandon Daniel when he would need me the most?
"Hey, beautiful," I heard.
I peered over my shoulder. Daniel was leaning against the locker with a small smirk on his lips. His brown eyes on me, and only me. A small smile appeared on my lips. Just by looking at that wonderful smile, and the way my heart fluttered just by the sight of him, there was no way I would ever abandon him.
There was no one else in the hallway except for us. Everyone else must be in the lunch area.
"Hi, handsome," I replied.
Daniel pushed himself off against the wall and headed towards me. He gently wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close towards him. I looked up at him with a frown.
"You seem way too chipper this afternoon," I laughed.
"I guess you just have that effect on me," he replied smoothly. "And also, Kyle has finally talked to me."
"Wait, really?" My heart instantly lifted.
I hoped it was true. I hoped that everything was okay. I just needed to know that they were going to be fine and that my relationship with Daniel wasn't going to ruin I tall.
Daniel nodded with a genuine smile. "Yeah, he did. And he understood and forgave me."
"That's great news!"
Daniel's smile slightly faltered though. "But, he doesn't know that we're dating yet. I thought best to handle one thing at a time."
I wasn't sure if that was a good idea. He should've told him now, so Kyle didn't feel like he was being lied too again. But it was Daniel's choice and I was going to support him even if I disagreed.
"And guess what?" Daniel asked. "I bought tickets to Annabelle, which may also be partially the reason for my good mood."
My expression dropped. "No. Have you lost your mind? I'm not watching that movie," I immediately retorted, trying to push him away.
Daniel laughed. "Very presumptuous of you that I was going to take you," he teased.
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please. You love watching horror movies with me. It's a little sadistic at times," I said sarcastically.
"Well, how can I not when I have a beautiful lady clinging onto me?"
I snorted. Before this used to make me blush or have my heart flutter, now I wanted to roll my eyes back into my brain and out my nostrils.
"You're so lame," I sighed walking down the hall.
Daniel grabbed my arm and pulled me back, hugging me like we were before, leaning closer to my face.
"Please, you love it."
His lips touched mine. It was soft and felt like absolute bliss. It was like all the worries of the world, all the stress from exams and year twelve dissipated into the air. I returned the kiss, feeling his arms tightening around me, pulling me closer.
Someone will see, Ellie, the little voice in my head told me.
I pulled away instantly like an electric shock. "We need to stop. We're at school," I mumbled, pushing him away from me and maintaining a distance.
"So what?"
"Someone could see us," I said. Daniel seemed unfazed. "Kyle might see us."
That got him. It was like he just remembered his fight with Kyle and he stepped back, increasing the distance between us. I wished I hadn't said it, but it was for the best. He needed to make up with him before we go public with our relationship.
"I'll see you after school, okay?"
He nodded. I pulled on my backpack a little more tightly and watched him momentarily. I should leave. The longer I stood here, the more I'd want to hug him.
"And I'm not watching Annabelle with you," I added with a stern face, which only caused the corner of Daniel's lip to lift.
Good. I hated seeing him sad.
I turned to my right to head to the library but froze in place. My heart squeezed painfully out of fear as I stared at Kyle standing in the middle of the hallway looking at us. No. Looking at Daniel and he was angry. He was fuming. His fists were clenched to the point it was turning white and his eyes looked terrifying. Did he just see us kiss?
Why? What the hell. Why is the world so against us?
"So, this was the reason why you told her to stay away from me?" Kyle scoffed. "You had a thing for Ellie?"
"Kyle, that's not it," Daniel immediately responded, fumbling through his words.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
"Are you kidding me right now? How desperate were you that you liked the same girl your mate did, so you went the extra mile to make sure she didn't talk to me, so you'd have a shot with her? How petty are you?"
"No, it isn't," Daniel shook his head.
Crap. How could it get any worse than this?
Daniel walked up to Kyle who was ready to just walk away and leave us. But Daniel grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to face him.
"Fucking leave me alone," Kyle seethed.
"C'mon, man. Let me talk. I swear it's not what you think," Daniel begged but Kyle didn't have it.
He shrugged Daniel's hand off and looked away, walking. Daniel reached out, grabbing his shoulder to stop. Everything after went in a blur. Next thing I knew, Kyle turned around and punched Daniel straight in the face. I yelped in startle as Daniel held his jaw.
"What the hell, man!" Daniel yelled.
Kyle threw another punch. Daniel raised his arm to his face, protecting it, causing him to stumble back as Kyle kept going. Next minute, there were on the floor, wrestling. Kyle threw another punch and so did Daniel. Daniel pushed Kyle off him, causing him to stumble back and fall. Daniel got back up.
"Seriously, stop!"
But Kyle didn't listen. I tried to intervene, to stop it but I was too late. Kyle shoved Daniel roughly causing him to stumble and break into the glass window of one of the classrooms. I heard it break, shattering onto the floor and heard Daniel yelped.
I was suddenly frozen in place. I couldn't move. I couldn't even say anything. I only stared at the shard of glass stuck in Daniel's leg, blood oozing out uncontrollably. There was so much blood. And all I could do was stand there, watch, just like I did six years ago.