I stepped into the bathtub carefully, holding its frame with both of my hands as I was going down. I sighed in relief when I was finally sitting at the bottom of the tub with the water at my chest level.
I was being extra careful this morning because I didn't want to hurt myself. I knew how clumsy I was, and also because this bathtub wasn't mine. My bathtub at home wasn't this big. You could fit two people in here! I wondered how much it cost!
It was 7:30am and I was having a hot bath. Who on earth took a bath in the morning? Just me I guessed.
I started to clean my body, brushing my skin with my favourite Patrick Star designed bath sponge that I brought from home. At least that was what mum told me about its look before I bought it. This hotel did provide their shower amenities but I liked to use mine, since I brought them with me already. So I preferred using them as they did take the weight of my check-in baggage allowance on flight.
I continued my morning routine until brushing my hair was the only thing left to do. I already had everything on me I guessed; blue blouse with tight jeans, chosen by mum.
Then I heard soft knocks on the bathroom door.
"Honey?"
"Yes mum?"
"Everything's okay in there?"
"Yeah, just-" I sighed as I put the comb on the sink cabinet. "I just don't know how I look"
"You can ask me, Rosé"
I turned around, walking very carefully with my hands at front to feel the wall. It was so hard to move in this small room that I was unfamiliar with, and suddenly it felt so big. Unlocking the door, I opened it to permit my mum to enter.
"How do I look?"
I let out that question for the first time. I never cared about my appearance before. I never even asked anyone about my looks. But that day was an important day for me, so I thought I needed to look presentable, at least.
"You look beautiful, honey"
I could tell that she was smiling at me. If only I could see it, I would remember it for my whole life.
"Do I really?"
"Of course you are," I heard her walk and stayed behind me, starting to comb my hair softly. "People fall for your words, Rosé. Not your looks"
I smiled as soon as she said that. That was the best compliment I had ever received, and it came from my mum's mouth.
"It's your mind and soul that you need to take care of"
"Mum?" I called for her. "Thank you, for everything" I lowered my head, tugging at the hem of my own blouse. "I couldn't have done this without you"
"I will do anything for you, honey. You know that"
I nodded, thinking that I had the best mother in the world despite of the endless fights we would always involve in especially when she was being overprotective towards me, again. She had helped me a lot in all terms, in all perspectives. All I got to do was to open my heart for her, and I was glad that I did.
"Is the taxi here yet?"
I changed the subject to avoid myself from crying. The feelings I was keeping inside me were just overwhelming, knowing that I couldn't hold them any much longer.
"Maybe not. The receptionist will give us a call later"
"Okay" I responded with a smile plastered on my mouth, receiving a sweet kiss on the cheek from mum.
"I'm proud of you, remember that,"
I was trying so hard not to cry but mum wasn't helping at all. She always knew when to hit me with her words. So I just kept my lips closed, not wanting to let the conversation going as it saddened me in a strange way.
I mouthed 'I love you' to her when she was closing the bathroom door back. That was the thing that had changed about me. I couldn't say that phrase anymore, even to my mum. Saying thank you to her was my own way to express how much I loved her, and I hoped she knew it. Besides, I was her only daughter. I was sure she already knew me at that point.
Turning back to the sink, I let the water flow out without actually using it.
"No, please, not now"
I complained, listening to the water hitting the bottom of the sink. It was because I had this headache that had been going on for months now, and whenever I took a bath or just listened to the sound of water, it calmed me a little and the pain would subside slowly.
Most of the time the headache would come in the morning; when I woke up from sleep. It also would happen at night especially if I was out. I did go to the doctor. I did the scanning thing that I didn't even know how it worked, but it was all clear. Nothing was inside my head or anything that could cause the headache.
But then my case got transferred to an ophthalmologist; eye specialist. Only after that things started to make sense. I was 90% blind when I was ten. The doctor said this headache was caused by the changes across the nerve cells in my retinas as they interacted with lights. I still could see lights and shadows, just like normal people did when they closed their eyes. My problem was, that was how I saw with my eyes opened.
Since I was born with this thing I called a disease even though mum tried her whole life saying it was a gift, now it had gotten worse throughout the years. I would get the headache when lights flashing directly to my eyes, causing me to avoid going out at night. Sometimes I restricted myself during the day too when the sun came out and the ray hit my eyes.
Those were the situations occured as my eyes had became sensitive towards lights. My nerve cells were getting weaker in handling them, effecting my retinas. I was fully aware of the consequences, which was, I would be 100% blind.
To be honest, I didn't mind. Yes, it would worsen my condition. I could still see lights and shadows and they had been helpful all these while. But living my life without being able to see them anymore couldn't be so bad, right? It wouldn't be that much of a difference. It was just that I'd live in a complete darkness once both of my retinas were done.
Besides, it wasn't an urgent one. It depended on individual cases, also how often my eyes were exposed to those lights and got the headache. Some people took years and only then they gone completely blind. Some took months because it was discovered too late. I was lucky that I went straight to the doctor when I felt something wasn't right about the headache.
So the doctor predicted that I still got so many years to go. It was nothing to worry about. I just needed to take care of my eyes from those lights, considering using shades as the easiest option.
But to solve the problem for good, he suggested a cornea transplant, which was a major operation that required a donor and also a big sum of money; both that I didn't possess. As long as I still could see the lights, that was the first sign that the operation would work; a 50/50 chance I would get my vision back, since my retinas were still functioning. But not until I got that 100% blind, no operation could fix that.
I'd die with blindness, which I didn't mind also.
The good news was I got so many years ahead, I still got time. I still got the chance to save money while waiting for my turn to get the donated corneal tissues from a disease person. It was hard to get one though since not everyone was registered to be a donor once they died. That was what made the queue line was so long, waiting for turns. In usual case, most people already had the money but not the tissues, so they had to wait longer.
Donor and money; both played their own roles. You got to have both at the same time to get it worked.
And that was why that day was very important. I couldn't do anything with the donor part, but I could always work on the money, hopefully. At least when the donor finally arrived, I already got the money ready.
Me and mum finally got into the taxi and it brought us to our destination. I had been to this place before. It was the second time and I was still so nervous! I had a file in my arms that I held on so tight against my chest.
Mum chuckled for a few times. I guessed she was so entertained by my facial expressions; anxious and happy at the same time. I felt like jumping around like a rabbit if that could express the joyful I was having in my heart.
As we reached there, we were greeted by the staffs that were so considerate and nice to us. They all knew that I was blind, and the assistance I received was exceptional. I was thankful that I was surrounded by these lovely souls around me.
That kind of treatment I got might ease mum a little bit since she had always been sceptical and scared of how people were going to treat me. She probably had forgotten that this wasn't school anymore. Mum was just funny sometimes!
"Ms. Pearce?" A male voice entered my ears and I got up from my seat instantly.
"Yes?"
"They already calling for you"
"Okay, yeah, sure" I responded nervously as I kept the file with me.
Mum waited outside since it was a private and confidential process. I made my way to a room using my walking stick with the gentleman's guidance. He even sent me to the seat I was supposed to sit, which was in front of the owner of the company himself.
"Good morning, Mr. Wilson" I bowed as my sign of respect that I would never forget when I grew up in Korea. It had been part of me since I was a kid, so that gesture would stay with me forever.
I gave my hand out for him right after the bow.
"Good morning, Ms. Pearce," He greeted me with a bright tone in his voice as he took my hand into a handshake. "It's nice to see you here again"
"It's even nicer to be here again, sir" I joked around since I was getting more nervous than before. But I was relieved when I heard his small laugh.
"Ms. Pearce, I want to introduce you to someone who is going to be super important in your life after this," He talked in a playful manner and I gave him my full attention. "This is Editor in Chief, Ms. Kim Jisoo"
He let go of my hand, probably expecting to replace it with the other's hand. But I withdrew my hand immediately, going for a bow instead as it was definitely a Korean name!
"Roseanne Pearce, nice to meet you" I greeted after I strengthened my back.
"Kim Jisoo, nice to meet you too"
Her deep voice pleasingly welcomed me, causing my smile to go even wider that it already was.
"She is the superior of all editors in this company. Nobody is better than her here" Mr. Wilson added and I heard a soft slap, probably coming from that woman because she was highly praised.
"Looking forward to work with you, Roseanne" She said with a friendly tone, probably avoiding to be formal with me since we would be closely working together in future.
"Just Rosé, please" I corrected her softly. I didn't want anyone to call me by that name.
I hated it.
"Okay Rosé,"
Then I heard a sound of another chair being pulled like somebody else was with us.
"And this one is Assistant Editor, Mr. Ji Jeongkook"
I gave another bow to another Korean in the room.
"He will be working along with Ms. Kim" Mr. Wilson continued. "Please have a seat"
I nodded with a smile that was still on my face, grabbing the chair behind me before settling down.
"So Ms. Pearce, let me explain to you the flow for everything. Firstly, your story will be edited by Mr. Ji. He will advise about the plot and develop ideas just in case if some of your story contents need to be changed, and of course with your consent. Also, the process will include correcting errors, basically grammatical ones"
I nodded, taking every single word into my head and processing it.
"Secondly, Mr. Ji's work will be reviewed by Ms. Kim. She will determine if your story needs more twists in terms of hooking the readers and making it more interesting. Without her approval, no book will be published in this company. So, basically she's the boss"
I heard another slap and I couldn't help to chuckle.
"Thirdly, your story will turn into a book by our designers who are responsible in making the cover and everything, which also will need Ms. Kim's approval in terms of view of interests and marketing display"
I started to tap my leg on the floor as the atmosphere had became so overwhelming for me to endure.
"And lastly your book will be published through our own printing sub company, and will be ready to be sold at bookstores in the entire continent, also in our website for online ordering"
I was shocked by what he just told me.
"Entire continent? Did you mean, the whole Australia?"
"Yes, Ms. Pearce. We will distribute your book to the whole continent"
"But-" I took a breath before continuing. "This is my first book, we don't know if it sells yet"
"Ms. Pearce, we have marketing department to work hard on that" He assured me about his sales strategy.
Kim Jisoo's voice joined in shortly after. "Mr. Wilson have read your manuscript before he put out the offer to you. I also have read your story, Ms. Pearce," She said firmly. "And I have learned through experience that good story like yours definitely sells"
I knew what I got myself into since this company shouldn't be taken lightly. I was at Houghton Mifflin Sydney head quarters, the biggest publishing company in Australia. This company had published lots of bestsellers and produced a high numbers of bestselling, award winning authors worldwide.
Previously, I had more than five publishing companies on the list that I planned to approach with my story. Houghton Mifflin was on the number one. The fact that my manuscript was accepted at the first approach was already shocking enough. It was my first book. How could they take the risks? They were planning to print a large amount of copies to be sold in the whole continent, along with marketing and such to make my book popular enough in the market. And those required costing, and costing meant the company's money.
I knew Houghton Mifflin was already a multimillion publishing company, and there were lots of first time authors like me who had became bestselling just within a year after their books were published. This company was no joke. Its reputation and marketing strategies were undeniable. Maybe it was just me who didn't trust my own talent.
Maybe it was just me who wasn't sure that my story would sell. My success in getting publishing contract under Houghton Mifflin at the first place was already a dream came true that I still couldn't process, so I was finding reasons to sabotage my own self.
"Have you read everything on the contract, Ms. Pearce?"
Mr. Wilson's question startled me back, and I finally put those braille printed documents that I had been keeping like my own life treasure on the table.
"Y-yes I have,"
"Is there anything you want to change?"
"No, sir" I answered him shortly because my heart was beating so fast.
"What about the royalties?"
"It's good enough for me, Mr. Wilson," I pushed the file forward, letting go of it from my keeping ever since I got it 4 weeks ago. "I already put my signatures on them"
There were seconds of silence in the room after I spoke.
"Pardon, Ms. Pearce?"
I chuckled a little before repeating myself. "I already put my signatures on them"
Everybody was quiet since I could hear the sound on the table, and also flipping papers.
"You put it in all pages," Mr. Wilson said and I hummed in response. "Do you know what this means?"
"I guess so, sir" I answered reluctantly, straightening my posture when I realised I had been slouching for a while.
"This means that the manuscript you have attached along with these contracts will be in our possession,"
I swallowed my throat, blinking for a few times as my mouth was slightly parted.
"You need to commit in everything as stated on the contracts that you have put your signature on"
I nodded nervously.
"This means," He cleared his throat before continuing. "...you belong to this company until the contracts end"
"Yes sir, I understand" I responded vocally this time no matter how nervous I was feeling at that time.
Then I heard the noises from the chairs in front of me, signaling that I should get up too.
"Welcome to Houghton Mifflin, Ms. Pearce"
I smiled with tears were already in my eyes. I had no words to describe what I was experiencing. It was mixture of feelings, and each one of them fought for eminence. But I was certain that one of them was pride. And after those last handshakes with incredible people in what they were doing for a living, I could finally feel proud of myself.
I could finally walk out from The Publisher's office, making history of being the youngest Houghton Mifflin's author at the age of 20.
▪️▪️▪️
"Can we continue tomorrow?" I asked her, almost whining.
"Since when you know how to procrastinate?"
"Jisoo, it's 1 o'clock in the morning" I whined for real this time, resting my head against her arm and closing my eyelids.
The light that came out from the thing she called a laptop was kind of painful for my eyes. I was lucky that I used a typewriter for my transcript, which was specifically for blind people to type something, and it was a gift from dad when I was 17, where I first worked on my first book; It's Not All Roses.
I spent 3 years to complete this story. I took longer than other people since I was blind. I needed to feel every single alphabet on the typewriter just to type a word, let alone constructing a sentence, a paragraph, a page, whole book. But I finally finished it even though it was such a long process.
Working with Jisoo and Jeongkook, everything was a lot easier especially in editing process. They were so professional and hardworking, still editing and checking my manuscript even though it was already midnight.
"I'll be done in 10 minutes," Jisoo stated, which I did not trust at all. She had said the same thing since evening but she was still working.
"Really? Do you know how long 10 minutes is?" I responded sarcastically. "Or you mistaken 10 minutes with 10 hours?"
I heard a loud laugh came out from her mouth, causing a sudden movement on the table. I guessed it woke Jeongkook up.
"What the hell, Jisoo?" He groaned as his nap was interrupted. "People are trying to sleep here,"
"Remind me again why I'm the only one who's awake doing this job?"
"Err, because I have done my part and now it's your turn?"
"You are supposed to assist me, Kookie"
"Should I? You never listen to my idea anyway,"
I laughed at them both. They really weren't compatible to work with each other. Jisoo was too strict and controlling, meanwhile, Jeongkook was more relax and laid back. I guessed that was the difference between a male and a female in terms of job.
"Let's take a break, Jisoo" I suggested. "Anyone wants hot tea?"
"You are not going to my kitchen, Rosé" Jisoo objected instantly.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You dropped the whole container of sugar the last time"
"That was because Kookie startled me!" I whined in defence as I frowned.
"I don't care. Kookie, go make the tea!"
I heard Jeongkook groan a little bit louder this time. "Why me?!"
"First, because I don't trust Rosé's clumsiness in my kitchen. Second, because your boss tells you to,"
"Fine!"
He got up abruptly, making Jisoo and I giggled. That was how she won over him. She would use that 'boss' card on Jeongkook to make sure he did whatever she asked him to.
"Okay, Rosé, just one more thing and the designers can start working on your book's cover"
My heart skipped a beat when I heard that.
"Are you serious?!" I exclaimed in excitement.
"Told you it would only take 10 minutes,"
I was so happy to hear that. Jisoo and Jeongkook had spent almost 5 months in editing the whole book, and finally we were one step closer to get it published!
"You are the best!" I started to hug her neck, rocking our bodies together in a rhythm that annoyed her so much.
"I have heard that enough from Mr. Wilson," She shot me, refusing to take the compliment.
That was Jisoo. She hated to be praised since it made her uncomfortable to respond to it.
"Take it! I have nothing else to do to show my appreciation to everything you have done for me"
"Maybe you can treat me food, Rosé. Food is more practical"
I laughed again. I didn't know why but she was so funny to me. Almost everything she said was like an entertainment to my soul. I could feel like she was just a cute woman who pretended to be fierce. That was the vibe I got from her.
And if only I was a guy, I'd definitely marry her. No joke.
"Kookie! What taking you so long?!" She shouted all of the sudden, making me flinch and laughing again from it.
My stomach was already in pain from laughing too much for the whole day.
"I can't find the tea!"
"And you didn't even ask?! Do we need to wait until morning?!"
"It is morning now, Jisoo. Can't you see the time?"
She sighed before replying to him again. "It's in that red container! Next time don't use your knee to find things!" Jisoo continued to nag at him. "Ugh, this is why I don't want to get married!"
"Like there is any guy wants to marry you?"
Jeongkook shot her back with a much meaner reply, causing Jisoo to gasp.
"What did you say to me?"
I hugged her tighter when I felt like she was about to get up and beat everything out of him.
"Hey, knock it off" I said playfully, still couldn't suppress my laughter.
"He's lucky I have a little girl in the house"
"Yes, don't do violence near me even though I can't see" I giggled by my own joke but Jisoo and Jeongkook didn't buy it.
They were both went silent for seconds.
"Why do you love to make fun of your blindness, Rosé?" Jeongkook interrupted the calmness.
"Why shouldn't I?"
"It's not good," He responded and I heard his footsteps approaching, probably already done with the tea. "Don't do that to yourself"
"Kookie, I have been living like this long enough not to like it" I assured him that there was no need to feel bad for me, or even pity. "It's part of me already"
"We still don't like it, kiddo" Jisoo interfered. "No matter how much you like your blindness, we like you even more"
"Really?!" I exclaimed again, almost making Jisoo startled in my arms. "You guys like me?!"
"You do know that your mouth is so close to my ear, right?" She complained again. "You are ruining my eardrum"
"I don't care, you like me anyway" I pulled her until our cheeks met, squeezing her a little.
"Okay focus here Rosé, let's get this one last thing done so Kookie can take you away from me"
"Why?" I frowned, arching my mouth down as a sign of disapproval. "Can I just sleep here?"
"No you can't, you are getting on my nerves"
"Okay, I'll sleep with you tonight"
I chuckled as she tried to free herself out from my arms. She never let me go back to my apartment this late even though Jeongkook would send me back safely. That was how it was since we started working together. I always slept at Jisoo's whenever we missed the clock.
Being unknown to why or how it happened, I just felt like I had known her and Kookie for so long. We only got close for almost 5 months now but I felt so comfortable with them. I even started to consider them as my best friends instead of just people from Houghton Mifflin that my first ever book depended on.
My future was literally in Jisoo's hands. I still remembered what Mr. Wilson once told me during the contract submission; no book will be published without her approval. I should have been afraid of her, but I just couldn't. I respected her as someone who was 5 years older than me, but to treat her like my boss? I guessed not. She was my best friend.
"Okay, this is for the 3 front pages of your book. When readers open it, these pages will be among the firsts they will see"
"Okay..."
"We will put the title of the book again for the first page, and copyrights and licenses for next. Then the third page is the author's note"
"My own note?"
"Yeah. Usually authors will put something like... who they dedicated this book to, or just an appreciation to people who have contributed a lot"
"Can I put about you and Jeongkook then?"
"Awwhhh, thank you Rosé" Jisoo brought her fingers to me, pinching my cheek softly. "But we wouldn't do this for you without getting paid, so..."
"Hey! That's mean" I whined as Jeongkook laughed at the background.
"You can put anything you want on this page, maybe your parents?"
"Yeah! That can be it!" I exclaimed as if I just got the idea of what to put there, while actually I already had it at the back of my mind ever since I started writing.
"That's great then, just say it, I'll type it for you"
"Okay..." I sighed as I let go of her neck, rubbing my palms against one another like I was heating my body temperature. "But they are pretty short though, just two words"
"Doesn't matter" Jeongkook responded. "It's your book, Rosé"
I smiled when I heard that. It was my book. My book! My heart would always beat faster whenever I heard that.
"Okay Jisoo, type this for me"
I felt Jisoo stretching her arms forward, probably getting her fingers ready on the keyboards.
"For Lisa"