"Could Sawyer Logan and Aurora Martinez please go to Mr. Davies' office?" a voice said from the intercom in the middle of class on Friday morning. I gritted my teeth as my classmates started whistling and giggling. No doubt they thought this was related to the stupid rumors that refused to go away. I dumped my things in my bag and stomped out of the classroom.
By this point I recognized that this was a lost battle and there was no point in engaging. Our attempts to counter the rumors with boring information hadn't worked and my nerves were frayed, and I had to admit I didn't have the best reaction earlier this morning when Lina and I overheard some sophomore kids in the hallway saying how they'd heard I may have got pregnant with Sawyer's kid. I turned to them and asked them where they'd seen the pregnancy test.
No surprise when this backfired. By lunch time people were asking me if I already knew the sex of the baby.
It shouldn't have affected me because I knew these things were far from the truth. But it still did. When this same situation happened to Toni, I'd been high on my horse thinking this would never happen to me, that I wouldn't make such a grand mistake. Now I knew that it didn't matter. I could be on my best behavior all the time, attend church every Sunday, never say a bad word in public and keep away from boys, but it only took one rumor to spread like wildfire and all that hard work was for nothing. Now that it was happening to me, I felt horrible for the way I'd judged Toni. At least she had enjoyed her blunder and she had a boyfriend who stood by her and wanted to be a part of her life. All I'd done wrong was kiss the resident bad boy in public, and I was the one who was condemned. Why weren't people talking about how bad he was for ruining my reputation? Or about how I was probably his current victim in a large succession of girls he had fun with and discarded for the next? And yet...
That also would be unfair. No one knew, but Sawyer had kissed me because for some reason he liked me. And I still couldn't believe that.
None of that was why Mr. Davies was calling both of us to his office. He must have caught wind that Sawyer was back to school today and wanted to talk about that. That topic was going to be even more complicated than if we had to discuss about the ridiculous rumors.
I was thinking about that as I stomped down the empty hallways when a second set of footsteps joined. I glanced over my shoulder and my heart stopped as Sawyer headed my way. His head bowed forward, but I could still see the gnarly colors around his nose and eyes. As if sensing my attention, he lifted his eyes and they locked on mine.
"Rory," as he said this my breath caught. "We need to talk."
"Well, yeah. That's what we're going to do," I said, pointing in the general direction of Mr. Davies' office.
Sawyer glanced around to make sure we were completely alone, but he must have not wanted to take any chances because next thing he grabbed my arm and dragged me into the janitor's storage room. He closed the door behind him and turned on the light, as familiar with the layout as if he worked here. I lifted my eyebrows and he shrugged.
"Make out spot?" I asked, sounding bored even though I really wanted to know the answer.
His lips stretched into a little smile. "Detention, actually. I often end up having to help Smithy."
"Who?"
"The janitor," he said, shaking his head. I felt heat crawl up my neck and cleared my throat. The storage room was made smaller by the shelves packed to the brim with buckets, detergent and boxes, which didn't leave us a lot of room for maneuvering. Sawyer shifted so that the door handle stopped digging into his back and it brought him closer to me. It was impossible to hide the way this hitched my breath. I couldn't help but remember the searing kiss he'd given me last week when he was so close, his eyes veiled in a way that made me think it was probably on his mind too.
Now he was the one clearing his throat.
"Anyway," he murmured. "I need you to promise me that you will say nothing."
My brain stopped functioning the moment he shut us in the little room, so I sounded like an idiot when I breathed out, "What?"
He made a pause that he had no business making. Like he wanted to torture me on purpose, see how intoxicated by him he could make me feel. The spark of annoyance at that thought gave me the strength to take a step back, and that brought me flush against the shelves. Not entirely a smart move, considering it just trapped me even more.
Sawyer tucked his tongue against his cheek but eventually said, "About my dad."
My eyes widened. I was truly at a loss for a hot second there. Was he asking me to cover up the abuse his dad doled out to him? What good would that do but continue the cycle?
My brow scrunched up as I looked up at him. "I can't do that, Sawyer."
Something flashed in his eyes. I thought it was anger, but I could see his big frame growing smaller and farther from me, even though he also had nowhere else to go.
"This isn't for you to tell. If I wanted anyone to know, don't you think I'd have told?" he whispered. His fingers played with a strand of my hair I hadn't realized he'd been holding.
"Isn't it better to tell someone?" I asked, watching his fingers play with the tips of my hair.
"I tried it once," he admitted. "Manny's mom called Child Services and I got assigned to foster care for a bit while they investigated my dad."
My eyes went wide as saucers. "What? I never knew. When did..."
Something haunted him then because he shook his head in two jerks to try to get rid of it.
"It doesn't matter. After that I figured it was better to just hold on." He shrugged. "There are only a few months left until I turn 18. When that happens I can officially leave him to rot in that house and live my own life. That's my plan. All I'm asking you is to help me not risk it."
I was struggling with holding back the desire to cry for the second time today. I squeezed my eyes and my jaw tight.
"It's not fair."
"You're telling me," he said, but he didn't sound angry.
I opened my eyes and found his. "Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"
Sawyer tilted his head and a strand of blond hair fell forward. "Would you even have believed me?"
I didn't know.
He had a point.
"Okay," I said at last. "I promise."
He released a big breath and surprised me with a kiss to my forehead and a low, "Thanks."
I was rattled as we left the janitor's storage and headed toward Mr. Davies' office. Still, just before we knocked on his door I grabbed the sleeve of Sawyer's faded jean jacket.
"With one condition," I said. "Whenever you need to escape, call me. Or Toni as well." Since he said nothing for a while, I added, "You know, if Manny's not available sometime. Or your girlfriends."
He smiled at my babbling. "I get it. Thanks."
Mr. Davies must have heard us because he opened the door. Whatever he'd been about to say died as he took one look at Sawyer.
"What the-" he caught himself as he ushered us in. "What happened to you?"
"Motorbike accident," Sawyer said smoothly, like we planned yesterday. He couldn't mask a wince as he sat down. Adam didn't think he had broken ribs, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.
Mr. Davies leaned against his desk across from us, folding his arms as he lost himself in thought.
Weird. A glance at Sawyer told me he thought the same.
"And I suppose that's why you missed school for the week, huh?"
"Ah, yeah. Sorry," Sawyer said.
"Do you want to know how I found out you came to school today?" Mr. Davies asked him. He didn't wait for any sort of answer, it was clear it wasn't that type of question. "It wasn't because anyone told me. No, I saw your bike in the parking lot this morning. Gleaming in the sun as if it were brand new." His lips formed a sad line. "Not a scratch in sight."
Silence.
I hadn't thought about this.
Feeling responsible, I said to Sawyer, "Were you driving someone else's motorbike?"
"I, uh." He scratched his head. "Yeah."
I could tell Mr. Davies didn't buy it when he said, "If the owner's insurance doesn't cover you, then you'd be in trouble with the law, you know."
Our jaws hung open.
Mr. Davies pretended to think. "So you're telling me that after every period of absence when you come back bruised and beaten, it's because you've got in an accident driving someone else's vehicle?" He tapped his chin. "Even back when you were under 16?"
Sawyer sank further in his seat. I remained ram rod stiff, with my mouth firmly open.
Mr. Davies released an exasperated breath. "Do you really think I'm stupid?"
Wait, that was definitely anger in his face and not mere frustration.
Our teacher leaned down so he could put a hand on Sawyer's shoulder. "Kid, why do you think I've been on your case for four years?"
I'd never seen Sawyer more stunned. "Uh, I—I don't know."
"You knew all along, Mr. Davies?" I asked him with a thread of voice. "All these years?"
He finally looked my way and sighed. "Yes. But I needed some hard proof before I could do something. That's what I was really hoping you could help me with." He walked around his desk and picked up his phone. "Now I can."
Lightning fast, Sawyer jumped to his feet and slammed the phone back in place. "No."
Mr. Davies startled. "What do you mean no?"
"You can't." The boy cleared his throat and in a less snappy way said, "Fine, you know now. But I'm not asking you to do anything. I don't need help."
"I can't ignore this," Mr. Davies said, frowning.
"I'm almost an adult," Sawyer said, firm and strong. "And my decision is that I don't want you to call anyone or make a fuss. Is that clear?"
"I don't think that's the right approach," Mr. Davies said with a shake of his head.
I sighed. "I don't, either."
Both men turned to me, one with a pleading expression and the other with a glare.
"But," I added, thinking really hard about how I could word what I was thinking. I looked down at my hands as they twitched on my lap. "Sawyer's right to a normal home was taken from him. I don't want to be the person who takes his right to decide the course of his life from here on out."
Mr. Davies sighed and backed off the phone. "I see."
Meanwhile Sawyer was looking at me like he didn't recognize me and I squirmed under the attention. I tried to deflect it by saying, "I mean, speaking for myself. That's what would frustrate me the most."
That made a little smile bloom on his face. "And God knows you always have to have things your way."
"Hey!" I frowned. "I'm trying to help you here."
"I see the point," our teacher said as he sat down in his chair. "And okay, I agree. But since Sawyer here would never tell me anything himself," this he said with a glare at the boy. "Rory, I need you to keep being my informant in case anything goes wrong."
I felt like a huge weight lifted off of me at this. Where at the start of the school year I'd felt like tutoring Sawyer was a huge burden, I now felt relieved that I had to keep doing it. So I saluted and said, "Sir, yessir."
"And you, Sawyer," he continued. "I really want you to make an effort."
"Okay." He shrugged.
"And to keep in mind I'm here for you." Mr. Davies narrowed his eyes as the boy gave no reaction. "Understood?"
"Fine."
"Off you go, then."
As we stood up, I started to think of ways I could keep Sawyer as busy and away from home as possible, all of them academic and not at all of any other nature, but almost as I was at the door Mr. Davies called my name. Since Sawyer was following behind me, I trapped him still in the room as I turned to the teacher.
"You're starting early college applications, right?"
"Yes," I answered.
"Good." He smiled. "Well, you've done a good job with the tutoring so far. Of course we don't know if Sawyer's off the hook quite yet, seeing as we still have a lot of school year left, but I'd be happy to write you a nice recommendation letter now."
I froze. By the same account, Sawyer looked form Mr. Davies to me and I saw the realization dawn on his face. Mr. Davies didn't see what was wrong with anything he'd said, and he dismissed us from his office like nothing was wrong. It was like I sleepwalked back out into the hallway and I turned to Sawyer.
"It's not what you think," I said, even though it was exactly what he thought.
Sawyer threw his head back and let out an ugly laugh that sounded like nails on chalkboard to my ears.
"So you'll tell me to my face that you weren't helping me for your own benefit?"
"I-" I just couldn't deny it, so I stood like an idiot blinking back tears.
He didn't look angry, though, as I might've expected. It was worse. He was as sad as I suddenly felt.
"Guess it was too much to hope that the great Aurora Martinez actually had an ounce of compassion for me."
"Wait, that's not fair," I whined. "I didn't have any bad intentions."
His face scrunched up. "Yeah, but you didn't have the right intentions either. Can't you see why that matters?" When I couldn't find a way to answer that, Sawyer shook his head and with another look of complete disappointment in me, he said, "Now I know why you were so desperate to help me. It's always about you, princess."
I sucked a deep breath. "No. That's not true. I—I-"
"Save it. I won't believe anything you say, anyway."
I felt as if a hand squeezed my throat and forced my words to stay stuck inside as I watched him turn away from me. This felt way worse than the rumors and I had to dash into a girls' restroom so I could let out the waterworks that had been threatening since earlier. I was so angry at myself and had no way to release it. I didn't want to spend hours or days crying the way I was, and I didn't want to vent my feelings out to people who were just going to tell me I told you so, as would be the case if I told my friends or even Toni. I just didn't know what to do anymore, but I knew I couldn't continue on the way I was.
Then I looked around at all the feelings other girls had plastered all over the walls with uneven handwriting and pens of different colors, and I decided to make a contribution. I bit the cap off of my pen and on the wall I wrote:
Sawyer Logan is not a whore and neither are the girls who have been with him, so piss off and get a life.
That'd be a start.
one step forward and two steps back... there's development but it doesn't mean our petty queen is done screwing up quite yet ✨