Vaish sat cross-legged over the rugged carpet in the dimly lit living room, and fidgeted with a crushed ball of tissue, as she sobbed softly; that was the first thing I laid my eyes on when I snuck inside the apartment in silence at 01.15 a.m. "Vaish...", I called out in a worried hush, but she did not move a muscle; she simply sat still and continued to crush the crushed ball of tissue in her hand. "Hey, why aren't you asleep?", I questioned, gently shutting the door behind me, and she reverted silence back. "Vaish, say something!", I insisted, and dropped my handbag on the couch. "What happened? Where are Nash and Chanch? Did something go wrong with them?", I asked her, and knelt down on the carpet, beside Vaish, who shook her head to the sides. "Then?", I narrowed my eyes and kept my hand over hers. "Nothing", Vaish whispered shakily, and sniffed in. "Vaish!", I exclaimed in disdain, and exhaled loudly. "Now, I understand! Had Nash or Chanch asked you, you would have poured it out to them without hesitating because you know them since...forever. But because I'm the stranger, you don't want to let anything out, right?", it was high time to make good use of my mom's blackmailing techniques. "Fine, don't tell me!", I huffed, disappointedly, and crossed my arms against my chest. "You're assuming things, Dityaa!", Vaish hoarsely said, and I didn't say anything back. "Why are you crying?", I repeated. "Just like that", Vaish shrugged, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "It's almost 2 a.m. and you're crying in the living room, instead of sleeping. Do I look stupid to you?", I questioned. "No...I am stupid", Vaish answered back. "Fine, don't say anything to me. Wait until your best friends wake up", I snapped in annoyance, and almost stood up from the floor. "You'll think I'm stupid...if I admit the truth...", hesitantly, Vaish said, and I froze, midair. "All of us are...stupid, who am I to judge you?", I comforted, and knelt back down on the carpet.
Her back rose, as she took a deep breath in, and she swallowed hard before picking up her iPhone from the couch. Silently, I watched her unlock her iPhone, tap on the Facebook icon and scroll through her page for a long, long while with full focus. Moments later, she held out her iPhone towards me and without uttering a word, I took it from her hand, looking down at the bright screen, curiously. It was a digital poster of Darshan Raval live in Mumbai, where Darshan lazily slumped back on a couch, holding his guitar, and I couldn't help but gaze at him for a while. He glaringly contradicted the Darshan Raval I worked and hung-out with, who was always well-groomed and was the Epitome of Decency; immaculately ironed formal suits, serious expression, decent smile and perfectly gelled hair, where even one strand was not out of place. But he was a completely different person on the poster; he wore a plain white shirt, which was ironed to perfection, but the top three buttons were left open, exposing his bare chest, and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled all the way up. His hair closely resembled a bird's nest, I swear; it was ruffled all over his head and fell over and concealed his eyes. He looked hot...and I couldn't take my eyes off him, until Vaish's voice reemerged, breaking the trance I was held up in.
"The show is on Tuesday...day after tomorrow, and I have been trying to book the tickets since last week, but I don't know what bad luck this is, nothing's working out. I tried contacting the event organizers, and today was when they answered the call...", Vaish paused, and I turned my head in her direction, looking away from the pretty hot distraction. "And what did they say?", I interrogated. "The show is almost sold-out", Vaish revealed. "Almost?", I echoed. "Well, they have the last eight tickets with them, but they're selling it at an extremely high-rate. I'll have to sell my goddamn kidneys to buy it, now that I'm completely broke", Vaish said. "How much does it cost?", I raised another question. "Fucking eight-thousand rupees!", Vaish stated, angrily, and my jaw dropped. "EIGHT THOUSAND?!", I screamed right on the top of my lungs. "The prices have been higher than this, and this honestly is not that big of a deal. But the thing is, I cannot afford eight-thousand rupees at this point of time, and I cannot even let go of the chance. The last time I attended his live concert was eight months ago, and I missed his most recent one because I was performing at Hilton, myself, and I needed the money. This Tuesday, I have all the time in the world to hear him live, but I do not have the money I need; my life sucks!", Vaish nagged, throwing her head back. "And I honestly don't want to miss this concert because I miss him...ugh, to whom am I even complaining? You won't even understand how helpless a fan feels", Vaish huffed and ran her fingers through her hair.
Honest confession – I had absolutely no idea and understanding about the feelings Vaish's heart bore for Darshan...who wasn't exactly a happening part of her life. How did she feel something so strongly for someone, when an unmovable distance always existed between them? How did she 'miss' him and how come she never ran out of love, despite the distance and differences? I had questions, but I was aware that Vaish wasn't in that state of mind to lend me an answer and I decided to let go. Eventually, no matter how weird and out-of-the-box it was; it was her love for him and I had absolutely no rights to question, judge or doubt it for it definitely was one of the purest and most genuine form of love. It was a tree only she watered, and kept alive; one-sided love had its own beauty. Mom once said that, 'God loves His children the same. Fair-skinned or dark-skinned; heterosexual or homosexual; rich or poor – it does not matter to Him. Differences in class, standards and gender does not exist for Him; He loves all of us the same. When God does not discriminate and judge in love, who are we to question and judge one's love for someone? The world has complicated everything, but love is simple, let's keep it that way; love is love, that's it'. As I recalled her words, my heart began aching for the warmth in her hug; it had been exactly two days since I last talked to my mom, because she was caught up in a family function and I terribly missed her that night!
"I cannot change my fucked up destiny, chuck that!", Vaish said in a lighter tone, and breathed out loudly. "I should go and sleep; I have an early day tomorrow", she rose to her feet and tied her hair into a top-knot bun. "Good night", I smiled at her, still sitting on the rugged carpet, and she walked back into the bedroom, stranding me all alone in the empty living room. I reached out for my handbag, fished my iPhone out of my handbag and dialed my mom's number; I was beyond sure that she would yell at me for calling her up at some 2 a.m. at night, but I couldn't handle the feeling that consumed my insides. I listened to the silence that echoed on line, once she answered the call.
"What happened, Dityaa? What happened to you?", as expected from her, she blurted out in an extremely panicky tone, and dramatically gasped for breath. "Wh—where, where are you? You're at home, right? You're safe, right? Where are you, Dityaa! Say something?", my mom scolded. "Maa", I called out, calmly, and smiled, tilting my head to the side. "I'm at home. Nothing happened. I was missing you, and I thought of calling you up, that's all", I answered all her questions at once. "Stupid girl", mom breathed out in relief, and I giggled. "Is this the time to call someone? You know my blood pressure shoots when I'm stressed; my veins would have burst and I would have died in a few minutes!", she scolded. No DNA tests were required to prove that I was her kid; the way we dramatized every little thing was enough proof! "Who told you to take stress?", I questioned, studying my nails. "You're in Mumbai. What if something happened to you? It is an extremely unsafe city, and you're calling at 2 a.m.; I thought something extremely bad happened to you. Why do you want to live there? What's there in Mumbai, that's not in Surat? I've been losing my sleep every other night, worrying about you and your safety in that unknown city. God knows how I'm still alive. Just come back, Dityaa", mom started off, again. "Maa!", I whined, shaking my head to the sides. "We had this conversation long back, didn't we? I am sick of living in Surat; waking up in the same room, visiting the same place and meeting the same old people...God, that's so boring. Everyone needs a change!", I repeated. "One day, you'll grow tired of Mumbai, too; then, what will you do?", she questioned. "I'll leave India!", I casually answered, and shrugged my shoulders. "I'll throw my broomstick at you!", mom warned and I giggled. "You can throw whatever you want at me, but I made up my mind – I want to work in a foreign country, after some time, And then I'll come back to India to build my foundation! And, and...and if you don't let me go, I'll run away from India. Think about it", I said. "Run away and don't come back home. My daughter will be dead for me the day you run away, and I'll die because of a heart attack. What will people say! Shame!", my mom spat. "What will people say?", I tried to take a dig. "They're already saying so much. All the girls in our society, who are of your age, are getting married and they're having babies. Yesterday, Vanita Ji visited our house, with a wedding card; her daughter is getting married to a big businessman in Delhi. Her daughter hasn't studied too much, and in her destiny, a businessman's written. You are way smarter than her and you have achieved ten times more than...no, no, fifty times more than that girl – a multi-millionaire company's owner will marry you. Just give a word of approval for your marriage, and look what happens!", mom blabbered the dialogue, which belonged to every other Indian mother. "Exactly, I am way smarter than that girl, so...I'll be a businesswoman. Thank you for the compensation offer, but no thanks, mom", I rolled my eyes. "What rubbish", my mom muttered under her breath. "Oh, I'm speaking rubbish?! Are you serious, Maa?! I schooled for fourteen mad-long years, sacrificed everything for the sake of my studies, and somehow managed to complete a Management Course, despite the financial struggles we were going through; and you're going to use all my achievements to buy a groom for me? Had I known that this was written in my destiny, I wouldn't have worked hard at all; I would have simply sat at home and waited until I was old enough to get married. It may be cool to be a businessman's wife, but I want to hold pride in being a businesswoman, myself, and I am not going to settle down for anything less, that's all", I lectured my mom. "Come and say this to the people in our society. All the ladies are laughing at me and they're talking about me behind my back. They think there's some problem with you, and that's why you're unmarried yet", like a little kid, my mom complained. "Please tell them to shut up and fuck off!", I snapped. "I have told you not to swear!", my mom scolded. "You're putting the words in my mouth!", I scolded back and we fell silent.
My mom and I were the best of best friend...who argued quite frequently, sometimes without an actual reason. There was nothing surprising or new about it that night, but I still felt bad for snapping at her; probably because we were miles away, and I didn't want to hurt her. "Mommy!", I sighed, buried my face on my palm. "See; let the society say whatever they want to. You and I know that I do not have a 'problem'. You and I know that I'm unmarried, not because no one likes me but because it is my personal choice. I'm unmarried because I want to build a career and live my life. Today, they'll laugh at you but tomorrow, when I'll be successful, they'll be the first to congratulate you. Calm down now", I explained, in a much calmer manner, hoping she'd understand. "Leave all that now", she mumbled under her breath and I smiled. "Now, tell me – how are you?", I cheerfully questioned, leaning back on the couch. "What to tell you? Your dad's at the Glacier, you're in Mumbai and I'm all alone; how can I be good? The house is empty, and there's no one to talk to. When will you visit me?", mom asked. "I literally just entered Mumbai, Maa; allow me to settle down here first, and then I'll visit you. When is Pops coming back? Has he called? He hasn't called me ever since I moved to Mumbai. Is he okay?", I shot question after question.
Pops – my dad – guarded the Siachen Glacier and was posted right at the icy peaks, where the temperature drops were as drastic as minus seventy-degrees Centigrade. Before that, he guarded the India-Pakistan Border for many years straight, which was ten folds more terrifying than guarding the Glacier. Mom and I held our breath and clung onto our lives, when Pops worked at the Border, where terror attacks were an extremely happening event. When Pops said that he was being transferred to the Siachen Glacier, mom and I were the happiest human beings on Earth...until we figured out that Pops would be right on top of the world, accompanied with horrendous weather changes and poor signal. He would visit us once in six months and spend no more than three weeks with us, before returning to his duty. Whenever he was with us, he would worry about his camp, and he wouldn't quit talking about the events that occur. 'He's panicking as if the country would burn down into ashes if he doesn't do his duty', I heard my mom mutter under my breath once, when Pops called up an Officer to question about the situation. Pops loved his job and he was a fiercely dedicated servant to the nation; his country was his first love, and mom had made peace with it. There've been times when I'd look at mom and feel a pang of sadness hit me hard, because despite being married to Pops for thirty years, she never truly lived and explored her life with him, which was exactly why I was that ambitious. I wanted to take a stand, run the show and be the family's breadwinner, so that Pops could retire and spend time with mom; she deserved it. My marriage could wait, but my mom had spent thirty long years longing for Pops' love and presence; she was growing old and it was high time for them to be together!
"He's okay. The connection is poorer than usual, he said. He said he'll call me back last week, but you know your dad's not a man of his words, when it comes to timings. He hasn't called back yet", mom answered back, uninterestedly, as though she didn't want to talk about Pops at all. "Why haven't you slept yet?", mom changed the topic, smoothly. "Because...", I paused and thought of a lie, because there was no way I'd admit the truth that I was hanging out with Darshan; not because I feared my mom would lecture or yell at me, but because I was certain that she would be convinced that Darshan and I were in a secret relationship, or something! "...because my roomie, Vaish, was crying and I was consoling her", I admitted half-a-truth. "Why?", my mom nosily questioned. "Apparently, Darshan is performing in Mumbai on Tuesday and Vaish is a big fan of Darshan. But then, she cannot attend the concert because the ticket prices are extremely high. She's sad about it and she was crying", I explained. "She's crying for a concert? Tell her not to cry, Darshan will keep performing in Mumbai", mom advised. "Hmm...but, Darshan rarely performs in Mumbai. The last time he performed was eight months ago", I said. "She has already attended a concert before, and she's still crying for this?! Kids these days! One concert is enough. What will be the difference if she goes again and again? The same person is singing with the same voice, after all. Tell her to stay at home", mom told. "You're extremely old-fashioned and typical, you won't understand. Darshan is Vaish's inspiration, and she's already struggling...", I began my narrations, where I told mom about Vaish struggles in Mumbai and what Darshan meant to her. "When she listens to him, or talks about him, is probably the only time when she forgets about her problems and sorrows", I concluded. "Then, why don't you ask Darshan for a ticket or special permit, or something? You work with him, right?", mom suggested and I wrinkled my nose. "No, I cannot do that!", I exclaimed. "I mean, I can...but I do not want to do that because it's wrong", I explained. "How much does the ticket cost?", mom interrogated. "Eight thousand rupees, and I wish I could buy it for her, but I don't even have half the money I need right now", I said, disappointedly. "Eight thousand is too much, right? They should lower the prices", my mom said, sounding thoughtful. "Hmm...but he's a big-shot in India, so obviously, his shows would be costly", I blabbered, cracking my knuckles.
"Fine, chuck that. Did you eat dinner? What did you eat for dinner?", I questioned. "Listen...", my mom said, slowly, and the sudden drop in her voice evoked the fear in me. "What happened?", I questioned, in a grave tone. "I'll deposit ten-thousand rupees in your bank account. Collect it from the bank tomorrow; take two-thousand for your own expense and from the remaining eight-thousand buy that ticket for your friend", my mom instructed. "Wait—what did you say?", blankly, I questioned, convinced that I misheard things. "I'll deposit ten-thousand rupees in your bank account. Collect it from the bank tomorrow; take two-thousand for your own expense and from the remaining eight-thousand buy that ticket for your friend. Also, once you get your first salary, channel an ENT and check your ears", mom said in one breath, and for the second time that night, my jaw dropped in complete shock; I couldn't believe what my ears heard. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?", I screamed right on the top of my lungs, excitedly. "What happened to you all of a sudden? Like, are you my mom?", I questioned, shockingly. "You're making me look like an extremely stingy and rude woman", mom said, flatly, and I laughed. "Of course you're not one! But that's so sweet of you, Maa", my voice melted. "She's facing enough and more struggles in life, and if that concert makes her happy, then let her attend it", mom said and I smiled, proudly. "You're the best. I love you. Vaish is going to be extremely happy tomorrow", I squeaked. "Buy the ticket for Vaish; don't spend the money on anything else, understand? God is watching", mom warned. "I swear, tomorrow, I'll buy the ticket and gift it to Vaish on your behalf", I swore. "Not on my behalf; gift it from your side, you're her friend", mom argued. "We'll gift it to her on our behalf. We're a team!", I stated. "Once you have given her the ticket, call me up and tell me, okay? I'll be waiting. Now, cut the call, I'm sleepy", mom said in one stretch. "I promise I will. Thank you for this, Maa. I love you for this...and many more things", I smiled.
"And listen, you're in Mumbai and...", mom started off and I cut her off in between. "...I know what you're going to say. 'You're on your own. Do not do anything wrong. God is watching you. Be sincere', this and that and the same old crap that I have learnt by heart", I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Listen to me!", mom demanded, and I fell silent. "Situations and circumstances will not be straightforward. You'll win one day, you'll lose on another day; one day, you'll be on top of the world, the other you'll be at the bottom – take it as it comes, because it is part of a process called growth. You have just started; nothing's going to change overnight, but never lose hope because where there's a start, there's going to be growth and where there's growth, there will be a change. You're not going to be a businesswoman in one shot; it's going to take time and tries, keep going. You'll fall and fail, and count every failure as a blessing because one who has never faltered in life has never seen life. Importantly, be like your Pops – be practical in life. Whenever you feel that you're clinging onto something, let go. Do not cling onto things; it's painful. Things that you have to cling onto are the things that are not meant to be in your life. Enjoy whatever comes your way. Take every bit of the goodness and celebrate happiness. But when it's time to leave, get up gracefully and go. There's going to be much more to explore and see. I know I keep taunting you, and I take the society too seriously at times. But I'm extremely proud of you and I love you", mom's voice softened into a hush towards the end, and my eyes turned moist; that was unexpected of her, at 2 a.m. I was emotionally choked, I couldn't utter a word back; I simply dragged a sharp breath in, loudly. "I love you more and I miss you", I whispered, shakily. "Don't cry, my boss-baby. Go sleep", mom comfortingly said, and I wiped the tears off the corners of my eyes with a small smile.
Once I hung up, I sat down in complete silence and sobbed in silence for a wipe, before picking myself up.
That night was exactly when my mom figured out that my dreams weren't simply visions, and my plans weren't just rough sketches. When she realized about the seriousness of my dreams, the game changed.
Behind every fierce, strong, determined and driven woman is another woman...and to me, it was my mother. When one woman empowers another and it leads to great things in life, which is why I believe that women should be madly rooted for and ferociously supported for it strengthens them not only to move out of cities, but also build cities. A woman who burns with passion is one who can ignite a spark for a change and turn it into a blazing fire. A woman with a vision is the woman on whom the betterment of tomorrow depends on!