"𝙇𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙜𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮. 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙮𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨." - 𝘼
"𝓐𝓵𝓵𝓪𝓱 𝓭𝓸𝓮𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓫𝓾𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓷 𝓪 𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓵 𝓫𝓮𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓲𝓽 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓫𝓮𝓪𝓻..." (𝓠𝓾𝓻'𝓪𝓷, 𝓐𝓵-𝓑𝓪𝓺𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓱 2:286).
𝕱𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖘 𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖗
𝒟𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓇𝓎,
𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓁𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉𝓈 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝓃𝓉𝒽𝓈, 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝒶 𝒷𝓁𝓊𝓇, 𝐼'𝓂 𝓁𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒. 𝐼 𝓉𝓇𝓎 𝒻𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹, 𝓉𝓇𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝓎 𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑒 𝓈𝑜 𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓈𝓅𝒾𝒸𝒾𝑜𝓃. 𝐼'𝓂 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑒𝒹 𝒷𝓎 𝓅𝑒𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝓎𝑒𝓉 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝓈𝑜 𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈.
𝐼 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓇𝑒𝒽𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒽𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝒶𝓇𝑒. 𝐼 𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒽𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝒿𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓃𝑒𝓎 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝒾𝓇 𝑜𝓌𝓃, 𝒹𝒾𝒻𝒻𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓅𝒶𝓉𝒽𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒, 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒹𝒾𝒻𝒻𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓊𝓁𝓉𝓈.
𝐼'𝓂 𝓉𝒾𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓁𝑒𝑒𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝓈 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝒸𝓇𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝓎 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝑜𝓊𝓉. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝓎 𝒸𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹𝓈 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓅𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓈 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓊𝓃𝓈𝓅𝑜𝓀𝑒𝓃 𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈. 𝐼 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒽𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓊𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎.
𝒜 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝒶𝓅𝓅𝑜𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓂𝓎𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓁𝑒𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓉 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒻𝒶𝓇. 𝐼 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃 𝓃𝑜 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑔𝓊𝒶𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓉𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝑔𝑒𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝒾𝓃𝓋𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹𝓈. 𝒩𝑜𝓌 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝒾𝓉𝓊𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝐼 𝑔𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝓎𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜. 𝐼 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝓁𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝑒. 𝐼 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝑜𝓃.
☆꧁𝓐𝓺𝓲𝓵𝓪𝓱꧂☆
When I was younger I use to dream, daydreaming even. It was an escape mechanism, a chance for me to stop living in reality and just go off into my own fantasy world. Where things were always going right, the way I wanted. If a situation didn't flow right, I would switch the characters, the scenery, the date, like a jigsaw puzzle. Putting the correct pieces together one by one until it all fit perfectly.
The sad true is life is a puzzle, expect unlike fantasy things don't go the way you want. You can't just construct a new idea, hoping the one before disappears. Life is a jigsaw and you don't always have the correct pieces. I once thought that happy endings were true. Not in the sense of fairytales, i never really understood them. I mean what hero just happens to be lurking around waiting for their golden moment to help the damsel in distress. Why can't she help herself.
Well, helping yourself should be on the top priority on everyone's list. Not that it should lead to one becoming arrogant or selfish but understanding that at times you got to have your own back first. We often don't scrutinise our own lives much, too busy looking at others to see what we are lacking. As I ponder over my daily habits, I've come to realise certain things need to change.
That gym membership that's been collecting dust somewhere but burning a hole in my bank account needs to be put into use immediately. I mean what's the point in signing up. Maybe I hope that I'll build enough strength to go or as an encouragement, when in reality I say I go to the gym, meaning once every month, twice if I'm feeling spontaneous.
So it's been decided, I'm officially going to get in shape. Part of me is going to miss my sneaking trips to Starbucks before university. I have to sneak around because Shamsa and Habiba always want me to buy
them a drink as well. But do you know how expensive that is, one Starbucks is okay, three is an expensive crowd. I can't be spending that much money anymore, I need to start budgeting.
I want to start eating more healthy but even that is expensive in its own right. A simple salad meal cost double the amount of a fast food meal. Why are junk foods so cheap and more affordable? Yet nutrition food and medicine are so expensive. The system is flawed, or rigid so that people consume more so that the economy and businesses such as medical research facilities can keep their pockets full.
Anyways enough about that I always go off on a little tangent. Just then my phone starts buzzing indicating a text message has come through. I look and it's Naseeba, I've just been avoid anything to brings up that part of world. Unfortunately that includes her, don't get me wrong I love her but I know I'll just end up breaking down. Ruining whatever resolve I built up.
As I read her message I quickly reply back with some mundane answer. Even when you're not alright we say we are to avoid delving to deep. Plus we get scared we'll be judge or that what we reveal the person won't be able to handle it.
If we told the truth every time someone asked us if we are alright, the streets will be washed with tears. I don't think society would be able to function, so instead we shut ourselves away and put up this front to ward others off. So as not to seem different for fear of being branded or labelled.
Oops I almost forgot to mention, Hussein got a promotion at his job. However, he has to be relocated to Qatar because they're opening a new office which he'll be managing in'sha'allah. I couldn't be more proud of him, Manshallah. Naseeba said he seemed excited to go off and build this new company up, even though it had huge responsibility this was him accomplishing his dream. Having your new wife going with him, means they could settle in one location and start a family in'sha'allah.
It's great to start afresh, new beginnings can be scary, but sometimes it's what the soul craves, yet the heart clings on to familiarity. I want to cleanse myself, both spiritually and intellectually. Time to start the journey of self-motivation, do things out of my comfort zone.
For the longest time, technology has fascinated me how it has expand tremendously over the years. In college there is a course Computer Science, that will be starting in a couple weeks. I signed myself up and got accepted onto the course. Soon in'sha'allah I will enrolling and hopefully see if there is a tech-genius hidden inside.
I have seen some of Muslimah's in the course from the over years, not many sign up because they feel intimated as it is male dominated. Yeah it might be awkward, especially since the college is all females, but on Mondays and Wednesdays on a late session the course runs and its open to both males and females. In Dubai it's less segregated and free-mixing does take place. Although alhamdulilah this is majority females, it's only on those days that some males will be around the campus.
I have done my research, asked around previous girls whether the course was beneficial to them and tips on doing the assessments. May Allah bless those girls that helped me and my friend Fahima to get a better understanding and encouraged us even more to sign up. It's good to ask and interact, even though I'm shy myself, yet in comparison to Fahima I seen like the crazy loud lady.
That girl does not speak in front of people she doesn't know, she can it 's just that she is very selective on who she talks too. Like she won't talk at all, I always ask her what would she do if I don't know her future husband was to speak to her. But I a way I kind of admire her, I wish at times I could just switch of certain people or even have that much self-control not respond.
I'm so excited, can't wait to start the course and put all my energy into something useful. This couldn't have come at a better time, distractions is good at tricking the mind to focus on something. It is a lie, a big manipulation to convince ourselves we are doing alright. We may get there eventually but we humans have strange ways to cope.
The heart that's something that can't be fooled, even though it breaks a millions times throughout our lives. We somehow find the glue to patch it back together again. Subhanallah we humans are strong and that is thanks to Allah (swt), he does not burden a soul more than it can take. So stay strong, hold on to the rope of islam, and always be humble in hardships or through blessings.
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I'm so sorry for the late update guys, I really wanted to sit down and just write. But this chapter has been really difficult to write with just being so busy and everything.
I wanted to capture the hurt and the struggle in moving on as much as possible. I hope I done it justice and you're able to relate to some of the emotions expressed.
Please don't forget to comment, vote and share means a lot to me. Thank you 😘☺️☺️💕💕