لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا
"𝘼𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙝 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙗𝙪𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙣 𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙡 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙧"𝘼𝙡 𝘽𝙖𝙦𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙝 (2:286).
Aqilah's [P.O.V]
The barbecue preparation is under way and everyone is running around to make sure everything is prepared before people arrive. The food is all ready, the meat has already been marinated and in the fridge. Uncle Ismaeel is getting the barbecue grill ready. The salad is prepared so all that's left to do is get ready. Once I finish getting ready I remember that the new headscarf we brought the other day is still in it's bag in the living room.
So I head downstairs knowing that Hussein and Uncle are outside to retrieve the scarf. As I make my way I grab my phone and I begin replying back to text a message Amal sent me. I'm so distracted that I don't even notice there is someone blocking my way. The deep male cough makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand still. I look up and green eyes are looking back at me. Oh no, this can't be happing. Those green eyes like emeralds have hypnotised me. I just stare back frozen with disbelief and also embarrassment.
My short sleeves shows my arms, whilst the low cut v top reveals far more than I'm comfortable with right now. Not to mention my hair is out. I quickly look away and we both move at the same time doing an awkward dance. I'm blushing so badly right now I probably look like a tomato and I can tell he's embarrassed too as he rubs the back of his head trying to look anywhere else but at me. "Asalamaulikum Aqilah," Yahya quietly says whilst passing by. "Waalaikumsalam", I say softly not recognising my own voice.
I quickly rush upstairs and try my best to forget what just happened. The rest of the barbecue was awkward as we both try to avoid each other's way but somehow I always sense him looking at me. On a few times we both make eye contact but I'm always the first one to look away. "Aqilah can you go to the kitchen and get some more plates," asks Aunty Amina. A welcome distraction anything to get away for second.
As I head towards the kitchen, Naseeba tags along. " Are you okay, you seem a little off?", she ask genuinely concerned. "I'm fine just been a long day" "You sure". "Of course I'm sure just save me some samosas". As she goes back outside, I head towards the kitchen. Once I got all the plates stacked up, I hear footsteps approaching behind me.
"Would you like me to take those", Yahya says. "Stop sneaking up on me like that I almost dropped these plates. Aunty Amina will kill me if they are so much as scratched," I whine. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you and about earlier I'm sorry about that as well". "It's okay it's my fault anyways".
We remain in silence and I can't help it but I just keep looking at him. I hastily move to get the plates but he also reaches out and our hands touch each other. There is tingling sensation where his palm touches my hand. His hand just continues to stay there and so I pull away making him jump back.
"Umm I'm sorry about that as well," he clears his throat nervously. "We just seem to keep ending up in embarrassing situations," I say moving towards the door. "Aqilah wait, I was wondering if you, umm if you and Naseeba and the rest of the girls could possibly spend sometime with Laila. It would mean a lot if she had amazing Muslim sisters like yourselves as companions", he asks. "Well umm, umm I'll see what I can do." And with that I quickly leave the kitchen and leave behind something I know can never happen.
I put the plates down and sit by Naseeba as I mask the feelings bubbling up inside me. "Naseeba can I talk to you," I say feeling like I was going to crack. "Sure habibti, let's go to my room". I recount everything that has happened. She just stares at me with a smirk on her face. "What, why are you looking at me like that", I say. "I knew it, you are always acting weird when he's around or when his name is mentioned," she exclaims.
"Shh shh Naseeba keep it down, you have to promise that you will not breathe a word of this to anyone. I just feel so stupid, he's already getting to know someone." "No your not Aqilah but you have to keep it halal, if you are serious and not just infatuated. But whatever you do I'm here for you". She hugs and I'm comforted by her understanding.
"By the way who is Laila?", I ask. "She's the girl that went over and Yahya's getting to know. How do you know about her ?", she gives me a quizzical look. "I don't he asked me to make her feel welcomed and to involve her in our activities", I say sadly finally putting the pieces together. "I obviously don't mean much when I'm being asked to become buddies with his future wife," I sniffle whilst a tear trickles down my face.
God what is with me, how can I let this affect me like this, he's not mine."Aqilah don't cry. You don't have to, it's okay I'll do it.", Naseeba reassures me. "Too late I said I'll do what I can, we'll just invite her to our picnic at the beach. Anyways Sofia is coming so I'll just have to suck it up." "Okay", she says with a worried expression on her face.
I know I can do this, I shouldn't even be feeling like this. I'm not a fragile egg, I just need to face it. But it hurts and it feels like my heart is breaking in two. One side filled with disappointment and the other filled with hurt. Just because he looks or smiles at you Aqilah, doesn't mean nothing my inner reason screams. My creator will help through this pain. I just cry on Naseeba's shoulder for what seems like a lifetime.
Yahya's [P.O.V]
She's here, Aqilah is here. Oh, how stupid can I be, asking her to become best friends with Laila. That is a complication I don't need but I just wanted to keep talking to her. Stop this madness, just because she's back doesn't she likes you and now it's too late. I sigh with frustration and cannot get the image of her, how her soft curls have doubled in length, her brown honey eyes, now have green flecks in it. She is a true beauty Manshallah. Yahya snap out of it, this can never be.
Oh why must things be this way, it just seems that I gravitate towards her and even though I know it's haram I somehow catch myself looking at her. The way she smiles and her two dimples show, the way she scrunches up her nose when she is thinking. She is a weakness of mine, I have known this for sometime now. Subhanallah may Allah give me the strength to refrain from committing something haram.
Hussein is her cousin that is my best friend, she is similar age to my youngest sister. I wouldn't want anyone hurting my little sister so I need to rein in these feelings and focus on what's right. Maybe Laila could be the answer to my prayers. She is a lovely girl and comes from a respectable family. Oh who am I kidding, one girl has captured my heart and I'm too much of a coward to do anything about it.
Therefore only one thing is left to do, fear Allah and keep my distance. This love is not haram but acting on it without going through her mahram will make it. I can't ask Uncle who has been like a second farther to me after my dad passed away two years, may Allah have mercy on him. Helped me mature into the man I am today. How can I ask for her hand in marriage, when I haven't discovered myself yet? Truth is I just don't think I'm worthy of her and if I get rejected that's something I cannot even begin to imagine.