Chapter 20
<Jasper Coven>
It's 6 A.M. and Isaac, Alex and I are dragging my luggage through LAX to the check-in area. The attendant behind the desk asks for my name and flight number. I give her the information and she prints off my boarding passes before allowing me to set my luggage on the scale. Once each bag has been weighed and paid for, she hands me my boarding passes and tells me to have a good flight. I nod and pull my backpack strap higher up on my shoulder. Isaac and Alex lead the way towards the security line, which has too many people considering the early hour. I turn to Isaac and try to contain my tears.
"This is the right thing, Jasper, I promise you'll be better off not being in L.A. for a little while." Isaac says with a soft sigh. "I'm just a phone call away."
"Speed dial 1," I smile and pull Isaac into a tight hug as I try to fight back the tears in the corners of my eyes.
"Call me when you land. A car will meet you on the ground and take you to your house." Isaac says as I let go of him.
"Thank you for everything." I say, my voice choking up.
"Hey, man, no tears, you're gonna be just fine." Alex chuckles and pulls me into a hug. I give him a tight squeeze and then step into the line.
"I love you guys, I'll see you soon." I wave to them as I snake my way through the maze that makes up the waiting space. I step into line behind a family where the mom is trying to wrangle her rowdy kids. I pull out my phone and scroll through my Instagram as I wait to be called to go through security.
~~~~~~
"This is the final boarding call for flight 2235 to the Everington Regional Airport. All groups may now board." The gate attendant says over the intercom as I rush back to the gate, lunch and boarding pass in hand.
I give her the boarding pass and she scans it before allowing me to board. I rush to my seat, the last one to be filled on the plane. I sit down and slip my backpack under the seat in front of me before I start eating my turkey sandwich. It's the first real food I've had since I got out of the hospital. I chew quietly as the flight attendant gives the safety demonstration and tells us all to prepare for take-off.
Once the sandwich is gone, I begin to eat my chips and take sips of my soda in between as the plane lifts off the ground. When my lunch is gone, and the seatbelt sign has gone off, I pull out my phone and am about to put in my earbuds when I hear a small voice call my name. I turn and see a girl of about thirteen holding out her phone.
"You're Jasper Coven," The girl says, her hands shaking.
"Yeah, that's me." I reply with a smile. "What can I do for you?"
"Could I get a picture? No one will believe that you were on my flight." She returns my smile and hands the phone to her mom. She puts her arm around my shoulders and grins widely. I give my best smile and once her mom nods that they got a good picture, the girl gives me a tight squeeze before the pair of them go back to their seats. I slip in my earbuds and put my music on shuffle as I close my eyes.
~~~~~
My flight has landed and I'm following people off the jet bridge into the small space of the Everington Regional Airport. There's a group of people waiting to pick up their families, many of them holding signs and flowers. I look around for someone holding a sign for me and I find him standing in the back corner of the crowd with a cup of coffee and a sign with my name. I walk towards him, fiddling with the frayed strap on the end of my backpack.
"Hello, Mr. Coven. Mr. Silverman sent me to take you back to your house. My name is Tom." The man holds out his free hand and I shake it.
"Thank you for coming, Mr. Tom. I have some bags to pick up and then we can be on our way." I say and walk over to baggage claim where the alarm has started going off, signaling that the luggage carousel is going to start. I spot my bags quickly and grab the three of them off the moving belt of the luggage carousel. Tom takes one from me and leads the way out into the Texas heat. We walk towards a black Range Rover and he pops the trunk. I lift my suitcases into it and then take a seat in the backseat of the car. Tom slips into the driver's seat and pulls out of his parking space.
"So, are you excited to be home? I heard you hadn't been back to Everington in almost five years." Tom says, looking at me through the rearview mirror.
"Excited isn't necessarily the word I'd use." I say with a chuckle. "It's gonna be weird for sure. But I guess things probably haven't changed."
"Yeah, you're not wrong there. I think we got a new Starbucks and that's about it." Tom chuckles as he turns the radio on. One of my songs comes on and I cringe as I stare out the window at the passing trees and dry grass.
The trees soon turn into the buildings of town. The street on either side is lined with people sipping on drinks and window shopping in the charming, family-owned stores that make up Everington. In between the shops that have been characteristic of the town for generations, there are a couple of newer developments. I spot a Harris Teeter and a Starbucks and a Target. These new additions give the false impression the Everington has changed, has somehow entered the twenty-first century, but under the new glitz and glam, Everington is still the same old small town.
Tom keeps driving, the concrete main street becoming the dirt road that leads to the house I grew up in. The trees are thick and the grass is overgrown in a way that makes me think it hasn't been taken care of in a while. When he pulls up in front of the house, I find it in shambles. The red paint on the door is peelings, wood shingles have fallen off the roof and plants have started growing up under the front porch steps. Tom pulls to a stop in front of the front door and kills the ignition.
"Welcome home, Mr. Coven. Shall I help you get out your luggage?"
"Thanks, Mr. Tom, that'd be great." I smile and slip out of the backseat. The pair of us walk to the back and I pull down two suitcases, while he grabs the last one.
I thank him and he slips back into the driver's seat. The car tires stir up a little dust as I watch Tom drive off onto the main road and disappear. I feel a knot of anxiety churning in my stomach as I turn back to face my house, the place I've been trying to escape for the last twelve years. It looks much the same as when I left it: lonely and falling apart.
Dust and dried grass crunch under my feet as I walk up the steps and towards the front door. My thin arms drag my suitcases up the stairs as best they can and by the time I make it up the steps, I'm wheezing a little. I sit down on the top step and stare out at the mixture of trees and open land that make up what's left of my family farm. Once my breath comes back to me, I stand up and search the front porch for the spare key my mom always left out for me. I find it under the planter next to a broken rocking chair Charlie had built for her for Mother's Day one year. Some things never change. I unlock the door and push it open, the same eerie silence still emanating from the hallway that leads to the living room.
"Hello?" I call out as I drag my suitcases inside, setting them next to the hall closet. I continue walking deeper into the house, my footsteps echoing on the floorboards. I hear the faint sound of someone else in the house, but the footsteps sound hesitant and distant.
"It's me, mama, it's Jasper." I call out as I reach the living room.
The room has been deep-cleaned. Everything seems to glisten. The carpets and the shades have been replaced. All of the old furniture has been trashed except for an old chair that belonged to my grandmother, and, in fact, that's the only furniture in the room. I look around the room in awe. It's like my dad never lived here. I hear the hesitant footsteps and I stand up straighter, waiting for my mom to finally make her entrance. The footsteps continue for a few more seconds until I see a flash of faded terrycloth robe and a mess of brunette hair. My mom finally comes into the living room and her eyes go wide.
"Hey, mama." I say sheepishly, tucking my hands behind me.
"Well, I'll be damned." My mom says, tying her robe a little tighter.
"Not exactly the welcome I was expecting." I reply, the anxiety moving from my stomach to my chest.
"What exactly were you expecting?" My mom narrows her eyes, her tone clipped, but quiet.
"Something different," I mumble.
"Well, we all expected different things, but life doesn't always live up to our expectations."
I look up at my mom, surprised by the bitterness of her voice.
"Are you mad that I'm home?" I ask, raising my voice, the hurt evident in the cracks.
"You didn't even have the decency to call, Jasper, you just showed up as if the last five years didn't happen." My mom turns on her heel and walks to the kitchen.
I follow her and watch as she pours herself a cup of coffee. She leans against the counter and blows softly on the steaming liquid. She locks eyes with me, but doesn't say anything.
"Mama, I can't make up for the last five years, but I'm home now. I want to fix it."
"That's not why you're home," My mom snaps and takes a sip of her coffee. "If that were the case then you would've come home a lot sooner. Something must've gone wrong in Rockstar land and now you're back cause you got nowhere else to go."
"I wanted to come home, I really did. Things just got busy, it got harder to leave L.A." I say, ashamed at my own selfishness.
"That I can understand, but you didn't even call, Jasper. It was a miracle when I could get you on the phone for five minutes." My mom's voice cracks as she sets down her coffee. She exhales deeply and wipes some tears from her eyes. "Letting you go to L.A. was the dumbest thing I ever did."
"No, the dumbest thing you ever did was marry dad." I snap, my fists clenched. I instantly regret the words as I watch her face contort, more tears pouring over her cheeks.
"What the hell did you just say to me?" She shouts, her voice cracking with each word. "If I didn't marry him, you wouldn't be here, and I would be without the most precious thing in my life."
I'm stunned into silence, my mouth unable to form words.
"No, letting you go to L.A. was the dumbest thing I ever did because now my precious son, my angel is a complete asshole." My mom says, trying to keep her voice from wavering. "I let myself believe that it was the right thing, that getting you away from Everington would give you a fresh start, but it ruined you."
I bite my lip, fighting back tears.
"It was like everyday for five years I saw a new story about you getting in drunken fights or being found passed out on the sidewalk or being shipped to rehab facilities all over California. And then I got that call from your manager where he told me you signed some legal document that stated he could make any and all decisions about you on your behalf if you couldn't. You kicked me out of being your mother, Jasper, that's unforgiveable."
"That's not what I meant by that, mama..." I say, my voice cracking. "Things were getting bad, I needed someone close by to make those decisions."
"You couldn't even call me to tell me you were struggling. Why couldn't you even turn to your own mom?"
"I was ashamed, mama, I didn't want you to know that I was letting myself turn into dad."
"There are more alcoholics in the world than your father, Jasper, being an alcoholic doesn't make you like him. Resorting to anger or avoidance to solve your problems makes you like him."
"You sound like a therapist." I reply sarcastically.
"Well, good. Glad to know the thousands of dollars I spend to go to one each week is paying off." My mom picks up her coffee and takes a long swig.
"I had no idea..." My voice trails off as I stare at the floor in front of my mom's slipper-clad feet.
"Yeah, a lot has changed around here. You're going to have to learn how to live in this new world cause things aren't going back to the way they were for your sake." My mom glares at me, her tone harsh.
"Why are you treating me like this? Like I'm a stranger or a self-absorbed asshole."
"I'm treating you like a stranger because you are one. I don't know this Jasper. This isn't the same son of mine that got on that flight to L.A. five years ago. You're someone I don't even recognize and," My mom turns away, tears pouring down her cheeks. "Gosh, I can't even look at you right now."
She draws in a deep breath before turning back to me, her eyes red and puffy.
"And I'm treating you like a self-absorbed asshole because that's how you're acting. These last five years, your world has revolved around you. It's been about your music and you fixing your problems and your life in L.A. To you, nothing about these last five years has been about the problems and the hurt you were causing others along the way. Your world started and ended with you and I'm not going to sit by and let you keep thinking that." My mom screams, slamming her coffee cup on the counter, breaking off the handle in the process.
"Damn it," She mumbles as she tosses the broken handle into the nearby trashcan.
"My life has been a living hell these past five years. You don't even know half the shit I've had to put up with from everyone in L.A." I scream back, my fists clenching by my sides.
"I would've if you'd had the decency to call." My mom yells, her words ringing in the silence of the house. "But you didn't because it was all about you. You had to solve your own problems, you were too good to turn to anyone. You had to keep everything bottled up until it was time for you to make the cover of another tabloid."
There's a knock at the door and my mom goes to get it without giving me a second glance. I hear someone step inside and then two pairs of footsteps are coming back down the hallway. The pair enter the kitchen and I turn around to find my mom and a man I don't know staring back at me.
"This isn't how I wanted you two to meet, but it's unavoidable now." My mom says, wiping her cheeks and grabbing the hand of the man. "Jasper, this is Ashley Barrett, we've been dating for almost three years. Ashley, this is my son Jasper. He just moved back from L.A., got in this afternoon actually."
"It's very nice to meet you, Jasper." Ashley holds out his hand and I shake it gingerly.
"Nice to meet you, sir." I say, my mind still trying to process what my mom just revealed.
"Well, we're all going to go out to dinner." My mom says, tucking her hands into the pockets of her terrycloth robe. "I should go get ready. Would you like to freshen up, Jasper?"
My mom gives me a harsh look that tells me I don't have a choice. I nod and go to grab the suitcase that has my toiletries in it. I follow my mom up the back staircase, but before I can go to my old room, she pulls me into hers.
"We're putting a pin in our fight. You are going to go to dinner and be polite and we'll deal with our problems in the morning. Do I make myself clear?" My mom hisses and I nod, unable to form a verbal reply.
"Okay, then go get freshened up." My mom says, shooing me from her room. I hear the door slam behind me and I continue my trek down the hallway to my old room.
It's the same room I left behind five years ago, but it's clean from lack of an occupant. The floor is shades lighter than when I left and the curtains seem to have been replaced. I guess my mom deep-cleaned the whole house. I sit down on the fresh sheets and look around the room, my chest tightening with sadness. This doesn't feel like home.
I bite my lip and stand up suddenly as if something had stung me. I grab my suitcase and go into the bathroom, which is just as sparkling clean as the rest of the house. I unpack my face wash, moisturizer and deodorant. I turn the faucet on hot and wait for the water to warm up. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, all sharp lines and dark circles. I look like I haven't slept in five years, like I haven't smiled either. Letting out a deep sigh, I check the water and begin to scrub all the dirt and grime from Arlo's place, the hospital and the plane from every pore of my face.
After scrubbing my face at least three times, I grab a wash rag and dry myself off. The same gaunt, sad face still stares back at me in the mirror, but it looks a little less dark, a little less dirty. I smooth some moisturizer over my face and neck and exhale a deep breath. This is as good as I'm gonna get.
I step back out into my bedroom and slip out of my t-shirt. I put on some more deodorant and grab a fresh black t-shirt from my open suitcase. I brush my hair and try to make myself look as presentable as possible. I debate taking out my lip ring and my earrings, but I decide that if Ashley wants to get to know me, he should get to know me the way I am now and not the way my mom wishes I still was. I tuck a piece of chemically blackened hair behind my ear and then walk out into the hallway. As I pass my mom's room, I hear the hairdryer and immediately know it'll be another ten minutes before she's ready to go. I head downstairs, the knot of anxiety tightening in my stomach as Ashley comes back into view, leaning against the fireplace that used to be filled with cigarettes and broken liquor bottles.
"Hey, Jasper," Ashley smiles, slipping his phone back into his pocket.
"Hey, Ashley, my mom is still drying her hair, so it'll be another ten minutes at least."
"No worries," Ashley chuckles. "We just have to make sure to leave plenty of time to pick up Sophie before our reservations."
"Who's Sophie?" I ask, the cluelessness making me feel a little lonely.
"That's my daughter. She's over at a friend's right now and I told her we'd pick her up for dinner." Ashley smiles as he takes out his phone. "Here she is."
He hands the phone to me where a smiling little girl with blue eyes and blonde curls is hugging a happy looking cat.
"She's about five and that's her cat mittens. She's had him for a year." Ashley is beaming as he looks down at his daughter.
"She's adorable." I say as I hand him his phone.
"Thank you," Ashley slips his phone into his pocket and then goes back to leaning against the mantle above the fireplace. "So, your mom told me you were out in music for L.A. I guess I never made the connection that the Jasper she was talking about was the Jasper Coven."
"Did she not tell you her last name was Coven?" I ask with a small laugh.
"She told me her name was Delilah Gray."
"Oh, that's her maiden name. I guess she didn't want all the baggage that came with the Coven name anymore." I say with a sigh. "I wouldn't either, but unfortunately I'm stuck with it."
"I want you to know that your mom did tell me about your father. I'm not going to bring it up and I don't expect you to bring it up with me, but she didn't hide it from me and you don't have to either."
"Well, I'm glad she feels close enough to you to be open and honest." I reply quietly, tucking my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
"Me too," Ashley says, silence falling between us. I hear footsteps and then my mom enters the living room. She's wearing a sundress and heels. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail and her face is shining.
"You look beautiful," Ashley exhales as he grabs her hand, twirling her a little. She smiles softly as he pulls her to his side. I haven't seen her this happy in years.
"Shall we head out?" My mom asks.
"Yep, we've gotta get Sophie and then we'll head over to Smokie's," Ashley smiles as he leads my mom down the hallway and out to his car.
I lock the door behind them and slip into the backseat next to Sophie's booster seat. He begins to drive down the dirt road and then hangs a left onto the main street that will lead us back towards town. We drive through town and to the housing on its outskirts. It's the area where Callie lived, an area I'm all too familiar with. Ashley turns down a street that I recognize as Callie's and he, ironically, stops in front of her house.
"I'll go get her. Jasper, would you like to come and meet her?" Ashley turns back to me and I nod before my brain has time to process the decision. I step out of the car and follow Ashley up the front steps of Callie's house. He rings the doorbell and I hear some shuffling around before Callie's mom pulls the door open.
"Hey, Ashley, Sophie is just grabbing her jacket." Mrs. Stevens says, her voice trailing off when she sees me. Her eyes go wide and her mouth moves a few times as if she's trying to form the right reply.
"I'd introduce you guys, but you already seem to know each other." Ashley laughs awkwardly, sensing the familiarity between the two of us. "This is my girlfriend's son..."
"Jasper Coven," Mrs. Stevens says in a tone of wonder. "I never thought I'd see you back in Everington."
"The world works out in funny ways, I guess." I reply, my eyes still locked with hers.
"That it does." Mrs. Stevens exhales as Henry comes to tug on her skirt.
"Can't Sophie stay just a little bit longer?" Henry sticks out his bottom lip, but his mom shakes her head as she ruffles his hair.
"No, her daddy is already here." Mrs. Stevens says, pointing at Ashley. Henry turns and a huge smile spreads across his face when he sees me. At least someone is happy I'm back.
"Jasper," He squeals and runs towards me. I kneel down and pull him into a tight hug.
"Hey, buddy, how've you been?" I ask, a smile spreading across my lips.
"Amazing, I got more trains for my birthday and Sophie brought her dolls over and we got to play rescue." Henry says as he lets go of me. "Do you wanna play rescue?"
"Maybe some other time, I gotta go out to dinner right now."
"Okay," Henry sighs. "You're not going to go away again, are you?"
"No," I smile at him. "I'm home for a while."
"Good, I miss you." Henry says as he pulls me into another hug. "And Callie's going to be excited you're home too."
"Is she now?" I chuckle as I let go of Henry.
"She has an Andrew now, but no one can replace you." Henry nods and smiles.
"Okay, Henry, that's enough of that. I'm sure Callie would like to share news with Jasper on her own terms." Mrs. Stevens says as she picks up Henry. "Sophie, sweetie, what are you up to? Your daddy says you guys have reservations for dinner."
A small girl in a purple dress comes bounding down the hallway, two dolls clutched in her fists.
"Susan was still tied to the tracks and the knots were really tight." Sophie says, holding up one of her dolls. "Sorry, daddy."
"No worries, pumpkin, you ready for dinner?" Ashley asks as he picks up Sophie. She nods and then turns to me, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
"Who's that?" She asks, pointing at me.
"That's Delilah's son. His name is Jasper." Ashley says with a smile.
"Hi, Jasper, my name is Sophie."
"Hi, Sophie, it's very nice to meet you."
"Thank you for having Sophie over. Henry can come over to our place next time."
"It's no trouble, we love having Sophie over."
"Say bye to Henry and tell his mommy thank you," Ashley says as he gives Sophie a kiss on the cheek.
"Bye Henry and thank you, Mrs. Stevens."
"Anytime, Sophie, have a good dinner." Mrs. Stevens waves to all of us as we walk back to the car.
Ashley buckles Sophie into her booster seat and then slips into the driver's seat. My mom smiles at Sophie and squeezes one of her hands, asking her how her playdate was. I bite my lip and look between my mom, Ashley and Sophie, a warm feeling spreading my chest. They're like a family.