"Why are you defending her?!"
"I'm not defending anyone! I'm talking about you! What you did to Melissa is wrong-"
"And what she did to Rosé is right?!"
"I didn't say that! Don't twist my words"
"That's how it sounds like!"
"They are fifteen, San! They don't know what they are doing!"
"Fifteen and already indulged in adult things! What kind of influence Melissa brought to her?! Rosé didn't know those things before!"
"And how long you plan to keep her that way? She's growing up, San! We can't control her much longer"
"So you are just going to let her without doing anything?!"
"I'm just going to let her explore! We have done our best! You did your best! The rest are up to Rosé to choose!"
"You are talking like I should take these things easy-"
"I'm not because it's not easy! I'm just asking you to be realistic! We can't give Rosé a fairytale world!"
I shifted my position, lying on my stomach and pressing the pillow on the back of my head to suppress the noises they were making. I didn't know how to respond or handle this kind of situation, because it never happened before.
I never heard dad yell at my mum, not even once. I never heard they argued before. Well, I was sure they did but maybe not in this manner, maybe not when I was around. They were both shouting to make a point and none of them were listening to each other. Only I did.
It was a lot to take. My peaceful family was now shaking; parents were fighting, mum was disappointed, and I hated on her. The place I spent most of my time at had become the place I wanted to avoid the most. Also, the person who gave me a different kind of love and affection was emotionally damaged.
And it was all because of me.
As hard as I didn't want to hear the fight, I wanted to silent my own sobs too. My face was wet by tears. My chest was so heavy by the broken feelings that were glooming in my heart. For the first time in my life, I felt so helpless, almost like I had lost everything in just one night. It hurt like I had lost my parents, the love of my life, and my own self.
I didn't realise how long I had been crying, drowning myself into a new kind of darkness that was offering help in disguise until I wasn't aware that the fight had stopped. Only the knocks on my door startled me back into my real darkness and yet, I chose to ignore them.
Someone just opened my bedroom door when the knocking was ignored for quite a while.
"Rosé?" Dad's voice echoed, calling for my soul. I let out a heavy sigh as I loosened my grip on the pillow and he came towards me with his loud footsteps.
"Rosé..." He called again, putting pressure on my bed as I could feel the mattress got pressed down. He was sitting beside me now as his musk cologne lingered around. "My little pumpkin?" His hand started to stroke my back softly, stopping for a few times to give taps on my shoulder.
My pain healed a little when I heard him. He would only call me by that nickname whenever I was sulking, and my heart softened instantly. But I wasn't even sulking at that time, there was no reason for him to try hard on me. It was clear that he just wanted my attention, probably wanting to talk to me. So I surrendered as I lifted my head, removing the pillow and rolling my body closer to him to face the ceiling.
I sniffled for a few times, clearing my throat to get myself together before listening to the things dad got to say. They must be very important because dad would never enter my room just for a chit chat. He didn't have time for that.
"How are you holding up, honey?" He asked while his fingers were brushing the tears off my face.
"Not good," I answered him shortly. "What about you dad?"
"Very bad since I have a crying wife in my room"
I sighed again, getting up to sitting position and crossing my legs on the bed. "I hurt her didn't I?"
"You want to hear the truth or a cheesy K-drama father and daughter dialogue?"
I almost chuckled when I heard dad's response. "The truth dad, of course" I answered him as my mouth was about to form a small smile, but it didn't when the thought of Melissa crossed by. She was the one who would always give me this kind of gesture, teasing me when the atmosphere turned serious.
She was so good in switching my mood. I could tell that my emotions were in her hands for her to control as she pleased. But when my dad did it, my heart sank as it reminded me about how I missed Melissa. I missed her as much as I wanted her to be here by my side, on this bed, inviting more tears in my eyes.
"You told her you hate her, Rosé" Dad let out a heavy breath. "Every mother would get hurt by it"
"Dad?" I called out for him, stuttering as I tried to hold myself from crying.
"Yes honey?"
"I- I'm so sorry," Sobs finally escaped my mouth. "You and mum got into fight"
I felt his hand grasping my arm, pulling me towards him. "Come here..." He asked and I leaned over to him without hesitation, hugging as I rested my head against his broad chest.
"That's okay, she's my wife. We are supposed to fight"
"Are you mad at me, dad?"
"I am," He caressed my back as he put his chin on my head. "But it happened, Rosé. My anger won't turn back time"
I tightened my arms around him, pushing my face onto his uniform while my sobs were getting heavier. I never cried like this before since I had no reason to anyway. Back then I used to cry when I lost my eyesight, and also when I came back from school thinking about the bullying I had to endure. I used to cry because of the bad things that had happened to me. But now I was crying because of the best thing that ever happened to me by far; something I called love.
Dad probably could feel how sad I was at that time as I was in his arms, so he decided to talk more.
"But Rosé, to be honest," He said with a pause, pulling my attention to what he was going to say next. "I'm glad it's Melissa"
I finally opened my eyes as soon as I heard him, pushing out the remaining tears that were once hanging in.
"I'm not supporting what you have done though, it's still wrong," Dad sighed before continuing. "But I prefer Melissa a thousand times more than any boys in your school"
I chuckled a little, which followed by a small grin.
Me too, dad. I prefer Lisa more than anyone in this world.
"Melissa is such a good girl. Her heart doesn't even sync with her age at all. She thinks like a decent lady. In fact, she does act like she's the lady of the house" Dad continued to talk about someone who owned my little heart, making it fluttered while it mourned at the same time. "Even though I'm so worried that you have become very, very personal with her," He moved his hands to take my head, pushing me off his chest probably to take a look at my face. "But do you trust her, Rosé?"
I took seconds to understand the question and I nodded to answer it.
"Then I have no doubt on you or Melissa. I know you are in good hands" He finished and he gave few kisses on my forehead.
I shut my eyes back, pressing my eyelids against each other as my mouth was trembling. The heaviness came to strike my chest out of nowhere when I felt dad's lips on my skin.
It was so painful for me to handle, inviting guilt that had grew bigger and heavier than before. It was so painful not being able to share what I had inside my chest, keeping it down only for me to know. It was so painful to hold a big secret that I couldn't tell anyone, causing me to walk alone in the darkness of my days.
But being in my dad's arms right now felt right, almost the same as being in Melissa's. I felt safe in his words and assurance. Because of that, I knew I could trust him. I knew I could tell him my secret that I would never tell mum.
I wiped my own tears when dad parted the kiss, taking my own time for few more seconds and gathering all my strength to set the weight I had been carrying alone free.
"Dad?"
"Yes honey?"
"I really love her," I finally let my feelings out. "I never had someone like her before, she's my only friend" I cupped my mouth to stop myself from sobbing, and released it back when I could talk again. "She's so kind to me dad. She is nothing like mum said she is" I continued to tell him how I felt towards Melissa without stop. "I just love her so much"
That was when my tongue locked as sadness had won against me. It was so overwhelming and hard to talk about my feelings for Melissa to someone who might or not understand what I was talking about. I let the sorrow took over me since sobs had restrained me from talking again. I didn't want this heaviness anymore, I couldn't take it off my chest even though I had told dad about it. But it was still there, destroying me in a way that I couldn't understand at all.
"I- I love her so much, dad" I only managed to whisper no matter how hard I wanted that sentence to sink into dad's mind. But my voice didn't go out like I expected it to.
Besides, I was so afraid of what his response would be. I was worried if he would he get mad like mum. But later I got my answer when I heard his laughter.
"Who doesn't?!" Dad chuckled as he pulled me into a hug. "Even I love her, Rosé" He squeezed me a little, causing me to smile. "She has her own charm, doesn't she?"
"Yes!" I responded with a small giggle when dad suddenly mentioned about his opinion on how charming Melissa was. And just like that, half of the guilt in me had gone away.
"I'm not your mother, Rosé. I didn't carry you for 9 months," Dad spoke softly. "But please trust me. I do understand your feelings towards Melissa even though I'm just a dad" He started to brush my hair. "Because I love her too, as much as I love you"
My smile grew wider when I heard him. I felt so thankful that I trusted the right person and I was so glad that I asked him for help. I knew he would understand me because unlike my mum, dad took care of the girl I loved more than he ever took care of me. His emotional attachment to Melissa so was strong, and I was glad I got someone who loved her too.
Giggling, dad continued. "I feel like after I'm done comforting you, I'll go back to the big house and cook her favourite instant noodles to comfort her as well"
"You comfort her with food?"
"Absolutely, how do you think I bribe her all this while?"
Dad and I shared the same laugh as I began to feel better. I really loved this kind of conversation with him, where I could talk about Melissa casually, listening to different views of that girl in my dad's perspective. I had always wanted to know what was happening at the big house or how was her life in it since I only knew her in school. I was aware that it was impossible because dad was so picky in what to tell and what not to tell because of the rules, but I took whatever I could take. Even the smallest detail count.
"But, is what mum said true?"
"Which one?"
"That Melissa's mother doesn't care about her?"
Dad sighed before answering. "Yeah, sort of, but it's not really Mrs. Maas's choice"
I got confused by his answer and I knew I shouldn't ask for details either. But I began to feel sorry for Melissa when dad just confirmed what mum said was true.
"Lisa must be really hurt, dad. What mum did to her is-"
"Don't you worry about that, honey" Dad cut my sentence off immediately. "She is hurt but she understands why your mum did that"
"How do you know?"
"Because a mother will always be a mother"
"Dad, Lisa said the same thing about this mother thing when I tried to stop her for coming here and apologise"
"Ohh so that was her idea?"
"Yes, I didn't agree with it"
"I knew it. That sounds like something Melissa would do"
"But what's with Lisa and this mother thing? She seems like she's very sensitive about it"
"Ohh boy" Dad expressed with a giggle. "You have no idea" He parted the hug, holding me by my arms. "Have I said enough what a good girl Melissa is?"
"No," I answered playfully, giggling along as I loved to hear praises about her. I could listen for hours without getting bored.
"Let me tell you something you don't know about her,"
I scooted closer to dad, straightening my body posture and sitting upright to give him my full attention.
"Her mother, Mrs. Maas, is everything to her" Dad said with a serious tone in his voice. "Even though her mother is like that, Melissa is always sweet and kind to her. She is such a sweet girl to even begin with"
I smiled because dad was right. She was really a kind person with great personalities. I knew her personally and nobody could convince me otherwise.
"She loves her mother so much that she understands why her mother doesn't care about her, she would never get mad or get offended about it. She still loves and gives her attention anyway"
Dad's words shot me in the heart since I didn't understand my own mother or why she acted that way. He made me feel embarrassed about my action towards mum and what I had said to her didn't sound like what Melissa would say to hers. It was me who didn't understand my own mother and overreact. So a new guilt started to build up in me along with regrets as dad continued talking.
"So don't worry about Melissa, she understands" He pushed away the hair that was hanging on my face. "You need to understand your mum too, honey. You are so special to her that I believe even if you had siblings, you would still be her top priority. No doubt" Dad cupped my face with his hands softly. "You were born with a disability, Rosé, and that makes your mum so sensitive when it comes to you. She gets overprotective towards you until she doesn't even like the idea of putting you in a normal school. She even called me so many times when you had your first walk to school alone. She was so worried because you hadn't called her yet"
I was silent the whole time, reconsidering dad's words with new tears kept tickling my eyes.
"She is scared because she loves you, Rosé. She is scared about how other people are going to treat you. She is scared if people are going to hurt you. And it is understandable if she is scared of Melissa because she doesn't know her like we do" Dad paused and I sniffled when my nose began to get runny. "She doesn't know the Melissa we know. So it's not completely her fault, don't you think?"
I nodded weakly in defeat.
"She's a mother to a blind girl. It's her nature to get scared and be tough at the same time to protect her daughter. And you, it's your job to understand and convince her that everything is fine" Dad lifted my head by the chin. "How you convinced her and made her believe that you could walk alone to school, that is how you must convince her about Melissa. It's you who must make her believe that Melissa is a kind person and not a threat"
Tears finally went down to my cheeks when my regret had terrorised my whole heart. I regretted everything I said to my mum at that time. If only I could, I would do anything to take it back.
"What saddened me is, Melissa saw it first than my own daughter"
I opened my eyes immediately when another sentence from dad stabbed my heart like a dagger.
"Melissa was smiling the whole time in front of your mum"
Dad's thumbs took my tears away softly.
"Melissa already showed the best examples and I believe even though your mother is mad, she is actually affected by Melissa's kind gestures. She will have a lot to think especially about what she said to Melissa tonight, and you have to make it easier for her, and for you too"
I nodded again, showing no objection to dad's words.
"Whenever you are ready, please apologise to your mum. No matter what you have said to her, she will forgive you"
"You think so, dad?"
"Of course, honey. She's a mother"
I chuckled as those words entered my ears. Melissa had the same stand too, or maybe it was dad who learned from her.
For that reason, I agreed on everything dad told me without any objection or argument. I took my own time, washing all those tears with cold water at the sink before I went to mum's room and confronted her. I told her how sorry I was. I let her know how I regretted what I had said to her. I didn't mean it. I spoke with anger and frustration ruled my sanity, and when they were gone and I felt better, only then I realised it wasn't like that at all. I didn't mean it that way and dad was right, again. Mum crashed down to me, crying her eyes out and telling me how much she loved me.
I was glad that I found truce with my mum. I ended up sleeping in her arms that night, lying in between her and dad on the bed. I started to feel peace in my own house again but not with Melissa since I didn't get to talk to her yet.
So in the morning I waited for her to come to my locker, as usual but she hadn't arrived yet. It was strange because Melissa always early. Sighing, I locked my locker and rested my back against it. I had ten minutes left before my last paper started, and I decided to stay there just in case she was running late today.
I lowered my head with eyes closed, listening to the footsteps around me. They were getting less noisy since all students were rushing to the examination hall. Time was running out for Melissa, so I began to worry. Was she absent today? She couldn't be because she wouldn't want to miss a paper. Or perhaps she wasn't feeling well so she didn't come to school?
Lots of thoughts rushed into my mind, assuming what could happen to Melissa. But my reasoning got disturbed by a familiar voice that I hadn't listen for a long time.
"Hey look! She is waiting for her girlfriend!"
That voice was close to me, probably just a few steps away, followed by other voices behind.
"She's not here yet? Awww pity you"
I felt a brush against my neck, and I flinched instantly from that sudden contact.
"Get away from me" I warned with gritted teeth, grasping my bag straps with both of my hands.
"Wow! Did you guys hear that?!" She continued to mock me as the laughter became louder. "She's already brave enough to fight us"
I kept my mouth shut, holding myself together as I was giving full attention to my surrounding. I had been silent all this while when they used to take my lunch, bullying me at the cafeteria. But this time I wouldn't be weak anymore.
I stood firm as my other senses worked so hard to pick up any clue they could get in telling me what was happening until I felt a hand on my chest this time, and I pushed it away with a strong force.
"Why? I thought you liked girls?"
She continued to mock me, laughing with no fear in her voice at all. That was because I was the one who started to get scared. That sudden touch reminded me that I couldn't see what was coming at me, and I wasn't able to protect myself. That reality scared me the most.
"Come on, let's have fun for a while"
The last thing I heard was a loud bang when my back was slammed against the metal compartment, receiving a strong push coming from in front of me that I didn't expect at all.
"Don't!" I shouted as she pinned me, and I used all the strength I had to push her away.
I began to cry when other hands were holding mine, putting pressure around my shoulders to keep me in place. I tried to scream, asking for help but I was muffled by one of them. That was the time I felt so helpless, I was all alone against probably four or five of them in total.
"Uuwww someone is crying,"
I fought to free myself using my legs, pushing my body to uncertain direction, hoping to loosen myself from their grips. But I was taken aback when I felt something like lips kind of textures landed on my neck.
My heart was racing along with heavy breath escaped from my nostrils. I had never felt so scared in my whole life, but now I finally was since I felt unfamiliar hands roaming on my body without my consent.
I had nothing else in my mind right now except for these two things only; this was what my mum had been worrying about and protecting me from, people doing bad things to me, and also how much more I began to appreciate Melissa's kind touches. Her touches never felt this vulgar and disgusting. Melissa's were always passionate and full of love even if they were coated with slight aggression.
Tears continued to stain my face while my muscles started to get sore from fighting the forces they were giving me, but they only lasted for seconds more when I heard different pattern of footsteps coming towards me.
And all the footsteps around me started to change their patterns too along with the pressures that were previously on me, got pulled away one by one.
I exhaled in relief when my hands were finally freed, and there was no one pinning me against the locker anymore. But I heard something even more scarier; a heavy sound that went so quick and a thud shortly after as if someone just fell on the floor by force.
I stood there with my clueless mind, unknowingly with what was happening around me. A piercing cry started to echo in the hallway, inviting more footsteps coming.
"Get up!" I heard a loud yell that sounded so bold and filled with anger. "Get up and touch her again I dare you!"
My heart thumped as I gasped in surprise.
"Lisa?" I called to be sure. I wasn't certain if that voice belonged to her as I never heard her yell before. "Lisa..." I called again when I didn't receive any response, hoping that the girl who just talked, was really my Melissa.
That yell sounded so unfamiliar but the tone in it and the raspiness were definitely sounded like hers.
"Lisa?" I whimpered this time while sobs escaped my mouth, listening to the people around us whispering.
"Roseanne..."
I broke down crying as soon as I heard that response. It was almost felt like a heavy block of stone was lifted off my chest, only to be replaced with another fear.
"Lisa come here," I begged while my hands were reaching out for her, taking a few steps to my left where the thud sound came from earlier.
I stopped when I could feel a figure with a thick fabric on my fingers, and I could tell straight away it was Melissa's sweater that she loved to lend to me whenever I sat beside her in class. I grasped her by her arm, trying to pull her to face me since her body was looking at a different direction.
"Lisa, what have you done?" I cried with my trembling hands trying to reach her shoulders. "Talk to me..."
"I broke her fucking nose, that's what I did" She answered me harshly and I was hurt again by the way she talked. She sounded so mad with the same tone she used to talk to Jennie Kaltz before.
I wrapped my arms around her neck, trying to process the fact that Melissa just hurt someone. She just confirmed to me that she punched another student, making me sob at her since my worries had became more serious.
This was SPES. No violence and disciplinary acts were allowed, or you would get expelled without any consideration. That was what roamed in my head right now. Lisa just committed one and I was so scared thinking about what was going to happen to her after this.
Then I felt a soft trail against my back, sliding down to my waist and it was locked by two arms around, securing me in an embrace that I had been longing for.
Will you keep me in your arms forever, Lisa?
Please don't go.
Don't.
Have you seen her IG update in Berlin today??? I died because she is so fckkgggskkkkk pretyyyyyyyy like howwww?????
Let me bless you with another one
She's a babyyyyyyyyyy I CAN'T 😭😭😭😭