A/N: listen to Honeymoon by our lord and saviour Lana Del Rey.
There are violets in your eyes
There are guns that blaze around you
There are roses in between my thighs
And a fire that surrounds you.
________
"we should get married."
his voice rang through my head. i wasn't expecting it. it came so suddenly. i couldn't say i was disappointed, but i wasn't sure if i was happy. i mean, of course i was happy. so happy. but there was just something that felt off.
"Roger... that's- i-" i couldn't get a word out of my mouth.
"i'm sorry. just forget it." Roger shook his head and looked down, avoiding my eyes.
we stayed silent for a moment. even though my mouth didn't say a word, my thoughts were loud. my head was full of things. i stood there quietly, before my mouth corners curled up to the a really small, barely visible, smile.
i put my index finger under Roger's chin, and lifted it up, so that he was facing me.
"we should." i whispered.
"what?" his eyes widened.
"we should get married." i said just a slightly louder.
Roger's eyes started to get slightly watery, and his mouth had now a big smile on it. how adorable!
"wait Jill... Jill. are you- are you sure?" he stuttered.
"i'm sure, Rogie. i love you." i smiled warmly.
we were still standing on the balcony, and this could have not been any more romantic. the city lights decorating the night sky amongst the shining stars. maybe it was a bit cliché, but it was so romantic. Roger's face was so gorgeous under the moonlight. it was like straight out of a movie.
"i love you." he whispered, a tear rolling down his flushed cheek.
"aww look at you getting soft! i wish i had a camera with me." i giggled, kissing his cheek that tasted salty from the tear.
as my lips left his cheek, Roger turned his head slightly and attached his soft lips onto mine.
the kiss wasn't really passionate, it wasn't rushed or hard, it was gentle but deep. it was safe. i felt safe, for now at least. the kiss was long, but it had to end at some point, i was already out of breath. as we pulled apart i looked at him in the eyes. his ocean eyes. they were so beautiful, even in the dim moonlight. the only thing deeper than his ocean eyes was his mind, it held so many things.
"when we get back to London, we can start planning. i-i'll buy you a ring too! we can also-"
Roger started.
"babe. babe.." i grabbed his hand, feeling his bicep under my palm. the feeling gave me a weird sensation all around my body. a good sensation. before i started thinking too much of that, i shook my head and kept talking. "there's no need to rush. when we get back to London we can just relax and rest, you need it after this tour! we can just go there slowly. i also don't need a ring, seriously. i don't care about all that. just get me a flower and i'll be happy." i laughed a little.
"yeah.. of course." Roger chuckled a little. "i just umm..." he mumbled, not finishing the sentence.
"what Rog?"
"i just want to prove my love for you. i want you to know that i do love you. i've done so much shit, i want to make it better."
did he want to marry me because he felt like that's what he needed to do to make up for his mistakes? "Roger your mistakes and the shit you have done won't change, wether we're married or not."
"i know, i know.." he said nodding a little and looking down.
"shall we go inside? i really feel like being in bed right now." i smirked. he knew what i meant.
"can't say no to that!" Roger laughed. just as we were about to leave the balcony, Roger stopped on his tracks. he turned around back to the night city.
"Roger what are you doing?"
"i forgot one thing." he mumbled as he walked back to the spot we were standing on earlier. "remember how i told you i'd yell that i love you from a balcony and let everyone in LA know that i love you? well guess what... I LOVE JILL DAVIS!" he yelled on top of his lungs, making me burst into laughter.
"Roger!" i exclaimed, giggling.
as he walked back to me, back to where i was standing in front of the glass door, i playfully hit his chest. "i said i'd do it!"
***
the morning after came sooner than i wanted it to. i wanted to sleep, but the bright sun wouldn't let me. another thing that woke me up, besides the sun, was Roger's warm hand around my torso. my back was tight against his almost naked body, and his face was buried in my neck. i could feel his hot breath on my skin.
it was really hot. Roger holding me close didn't help at all. not that i didn't want him close, the temperature just didn't feel comfortable. i grabbed his hand and kissed each of his fingers, before i heard a chuckle right behind my ear. it scared me for a second, i didn't know Roger was awake.
"good morning." said the raspy voice from behind me.
"morning baby." i smiled, bringing my hand up to rub the sleepiness out of my eyes. "how long have you been awake?" i asked.
"i don't know, about fifteen minutes. you look so beautiful when you sleep. it's like i woke up in an art museum." Roger smiles as i turn around to face him.
blushing at his words, i nuzzle my petite nose in the crook of his neck, smelling the cigarette and liqour mix from last night, still on his warm skin. his fingers trace patterns on my bare back, where the goosebumps are growing.
i bring my lips close to his, eyes closed, and it takes a few seconds before our lips actually touch. the kiss is warm and tired.
"we get to spend this whole day here in Los Angeles, we're leaving back home tomorrow." Roger informs after the kiss. his voice is low and smooth.
"that's nice. i really love it here." i smile lazily.
"i can see that. i'm starting to think you belong here and not in England if i'm honest." he let out a breathy laugh. "we have been in America for too long, your accent is already disappearing!"
"it's not even! i've just never had a heavy accent!" i snort. Roger smiles as a response.
"what would you like to do today though?" he asks after a moment of comfortable silence.
"whatever you want."
"no. i asked you."
"i don't know." i shrug. if you're in Los Angeles and someone asks you what you want to do in there, it's a pretty hard desicion, you could do almost anything.
"are you okay?" Roger asks, eyebrows furrowed slightly.
"i'm great Rog." i smiled, and i meant it. "but-"
"so you're not?" he looked concerned.
"i am!" i laughed and rolled my eyes. "just listen to me."
"i'm listening." Roger grinned.
"about last night-"
"is this about before we got back to our room or after?" Roger smirked, knowing exactly what he was doing.
"oh my god you're unbeliavable." i sighed. "it's about before we got back to this room - not that i would mind talking about the things after." i laughed, so did Roger, before his face went serious again.
"so, what about it? you don't wanna marry me?"
"i do! i do. i just- you know how we like... fight a lot? i just don't want to be that married couple who forget what happiness is. and and.. i don't want you to marry me just because you feel like that's what i want or that it's the only thing that could make you look more like you love me. i'm stressed." i let the thoughts out, i hadn't even noticed some of those thoughts.
"i wanna marry you. not because i feel guilty, not because i feel like that what i have to do, because i love you. we've been doing so good these pasts few months, i want our future to be like this. and to make sure that i have a future with you, i wanna marry you." he said in an assuring tone. "and as you said, there's no rush. we can sort everything out, we can move in together in London... we can forget all the wedding things for a moment now. we can forget all the dresses, cakes, rings, guests- everything that belongs to weddings. there's nothing or no one rushing us. the most important thing is that we're together, okay doll?"
the warm fire of Roger comforted my heart once again. the good kind of warm.
***
Roger and i were walking down the street. the air was hot and i was already tired of walking, even though it had been about ten minutes since we stepped out. my eyes were following the rythm of my platform covered feet as i walked hand in hand with Roger. the Hollywood stars under every step.
i felt free. Roger's company was the best, and what made this all even better was the place, the views, the air... everything. there's nothing to be stressed about anymore.
"ironic." Roger mumbled and i shot my head up to see what he was talking about, there were two wedding dress shops ahead of us, that we were about to pass. i giggled.
not even a minute went by when a car passed us, the car had decoratings on the back and a sign that said 'jus married'. "you're joking." Roger rolled his eyes.
minutes went by and a bakery came up. of course there was a sign outside it saying how they make wedding cakes. really? only this was missing. i bursted out laughing. it was really amusing, but Roger didnt agree.
"this is so funny. you should see your face." i cackled.
"shut up Jill."
"make me."
"i would if we weren't in public."
______
Our honeymoon
Say you want me too.