I counted on my fingers almost one hundred. Nine months. I even looked in a dictionary just to be sure. It'd been just a little over nine months since summer camp. Darry sent me off to a camp over in Bixby for a week and a half. I met this really great girl there, Christie. We were each other's first everythings.
After we 'made love' (as she liked to put it), for the first time, she decided she never wanted to see me again. I don't usually rush things, but there was something about Christie that made me do everything for and with her. Turns out I just wasted my time. After I got back home, I really wanted to go talk to Johnny and Dal about what happened, but then that real awful reality check had to nip me in the ass again. They ain't there to tell me what I did wrong, especially Dally. I was just left keeping that secret to myself for months on end.
And that was until today, when Darry was readin' the paper, there was an announcement about a Christie Ludwig givin' birth to a boy. I recognized the name immediately and now I'm in class, in a complete daze as I think about the fact that I'm a dad and I never knew it 'til now. Christie was a Soc and I knew it by the way she dressed at camp, but Socs have gotten a whole lot tamer ever since Bob, Johnny, and Dallas got killed. Christie's father never liked me though and I guess that had some influence as to why she dumped me in the first place.
"Mr. Curtis." I jolted up and looked at my teacher, Mrs. Jones, "Tell me what I just asked you."
I stuttered, trying to think of what she could have been saying the whole time while I wasn't paying her the slightest bit of attention. I drew a blank just when the bell rang. I gathered everything I needed, but I was stuck in my chair, listening to announcements. As soon as the announcements were finished, I raced out of that classroom, not even stopping by my locker or to say goodbye to any of my friends.
I don't really know what I was running from in the first place, especially since I had work afterwards. I worked as a busboy in Jay's diner, since the Dingo got blown to bits not too long ago. Curly came in about halfway through my shift, sitting at his usual corner table. "How're you doing, Curtis?"
"I been worse." I told him honestly, cleaning a table beside it
"Yeah? Heard you was a scatterbrains at school today."
"I think I've always been one o' those." I told him sarcastically, hoping he'd find his way out. Curly was a good guy, at least to me, but I was looking forward to work as a way to give me time to think about Christie and her baby. She told me I was her first and I was the only guy she ever spent time with at camp. There was no way it wasn't mine. I slaved away the rest of my shift, praying that the clock would strike six and I could get the hell out.
When six rolled around, I ran faster than I had earlier, thanks to track, to the bus stop. I hopped on, paying my fare, and instead of telling the driver to drive to North St. Louis Avenue, the street where I grew up, I told him to drive to Tulsa General. And that's exactly where the bus route took me. Filled with more energy than before, I ran inside the hospital, looking for the maternity wing. My mind was too filled with searching for Christie, or even the nursery, that I never took a moment to remember that this was the place where my best friend died.
I walked up and down the hallway, eventually catching sight of glass walls with grandparents and fathers staring through. It reminded me of the zoo, with the babies being the captive animals. I hurried over and looked in, staring at all the sleeping kids. They all looked the same. I strained my eyes trying to read the cards on the plastic cribs.
A nurse in the care unit noticed me searching for Christie and I's son, asking me "What's the mother's name?"
"Ludwig." I told her
She walked over to a cradle and showed me the baby using a certain technique to move the base of the cradle forward. I looked at the boy moving his fingers and licking his lips. I never saw something so innocent in my whole life. I looked at the clock and realized that visiting hours were almost over. I decided to go and find Christie, asking for another nurse's help along the way.
I opened the door and she looked at me in complete horror.
"I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again, Ponyboy."
"I know, I know... but Darry read your announcement in the paper and brought it up to Soda and me."
"I only put the announcement in to piss my daddy off, not to bring you around."
"C'mon, don't be like that now. Why didn't you tell me you was having a baby?"
"Because I was already kicked out for a week and a half for being pregnant and I didn't want you to get attached to him. Especially with your family saving up money to put you through college."
"Have you seen him? How could I not get attached? He's the smallest thing I ever saw, prolly' the cutest." I told her, thinking about the boy in the plastic cradle. All his fingers, his little eyes, his perfect self.
"Don't bring him up to me, Ponyboy. Don't make this harder than it has to be." Christie cried out, a burning look growing in her eyes. She then takes a moment, sighing as she closed her eyes. "They don't let mothers putting their baby up for adoption see the kid."
"You don't have to give him up, Christie. We can take him, right? We could be a family."
She shook her head, her eyes still closed. She looked pained by all I was saying. It looked as though my suggestion of us being a family was a knife in her body. "I wanna finish school and your brothers are puttin' in too much effort to put you in college. I went to school pregnant this past year just to make sure I didn't fall behind. And you got off scot free. You didn't have to live with the shame of being a young parent."
"I woulda helped you, Christie. You know I woulda." I argued with her, feeling my blood begin to boil. I would have done anything I could have to help her out. I guess she just expected me to run out on her. Sure, I didn't have much money, but it don't mean that I couldn't have helped out any.
"Are you bothering one of my patients?" An elderly nurse asked me, looking appalled I was still around.
"Yes, yes he is." Christie interjected before I even had a chance to speak up
"Out, c'mon now, out." The nurse urged, grabbing my shirt and giving it a tug or two. I looked at Christie one last time, wishing I had something to say to her. Something that summed up how mad I was at her. I wish she woulda run off to Florida like Sandy did. That way I'd never know, especially since Christie never wanted to speak to me again. I sighed and walked out with the nurse, feeling frustration course through my veins. I slammed the door behind me, walking over to the nursery one last time.
I looked at my little boy one last time. I still couldn't believe I was a dad. Looking at my son, I couldn't let social services take him away. There had to be a way that I could keep him.
"Pardon me, young man, but what is your name?" A woman that was nearing fifty asked me. She looked a pretty official, very no non-sense. I figured that since she wasn't wearing nurse's garb, she had to be a social worker or a grandma.
"Ponyboy Curtis." I replied coolly, trying to act as though there was a good reason for me to be at that hospital, staring through that glass.
"Christie told me that was your first name, I thought it sounded familiar." The woman said with a little laugh. I knew immediately she was a social worker because she was one of them people that came around to make sure Darry was treatin' Soda and me alright.
"Yeah, yeah, how you doin'?"
"I'm quite well, Mr. Curtis. I'm sure you know by now that you're the father of Miss Christie Ludwig's child."
"I thought you had to do a blood test-"
"She told us you were the father, are you not?"
"No, no, I am. How-How can I help you?"
"I'm sure you also know that Miss Ludwig is putting the boy up for adoption. I have some papers, we can go to the dining room and you can sign this and we can have all this taken care of."
"I won't sign." I said without even thinking about it. My mouth was usually quicker than my brain was, it always was.
"I beg your pardon?" She asked, flabbergasted by the idea that a young guy like me wouldn't put the kid up for adoption
"I ain't signin'." I said, standing up straighter to look more... aw hell, I don't even know how to describe it. I just knew I wanted to make sure that this social lady knew that I wasn't about to just sign away my rights to havin' a son.
"Mr. Curtis, I'm afraid you don't have much of a-"
"No, miss. I'm afraid I do have a choice. I won't let you take him away from me. I don't want you t' take away my kid."
The woman bit her lip and sighed. "Come back tomorrow and we'll discuss this with Christie. You go on home now." She told me. And that's what I did. I went home and had ants in my pants all the live long day while I waited for the chance to go to the hospital, see my boy, and show that lady and Christie I wasn't their doormat and I wasn't about to let them take something away I never had the chance to know about 'til now.
Christie couldn't have been in a worse mood. She almost cussed me out then and there. But she told me to knock myself out with raisin' 'the brat'.
"Well, that went well." The social worker sighed, flipping through her documents. "You're not givin' up easy, are you?"
I shook my head, almost having to tell myself I couldn't give up too easily.
"Mr. Curtis, if it'll make you feel better, the family your son will go with will love and cherish him. They can take care of a baby, they're in a better position to do so."
I sat there, catatonic as I thought about my baby. I couldn't give up on him. Darry never gave up on me or Soda so easily so his life could be a breeze as a college football star. It was sure to be my way of givin' back.
"I'm not givin' up. I know you'd like me to. But I did what I did. If Christie won't pay her dues, I will."
The woman sighed and rubbed her forehead. I was sure I was givin' her a big headache with my stubbornness, but I wouldn't let up so easily.
"If you want this child so badly, Ponyboy, why don't you go home and have a talk about it with your parents."
"They're dead."
Her lips went white and she pursed them, making them as straight as a ruler. "Then go home and have a talk with your guardian. Come back to my office in two days from now to let me know what the choice is, okay?" She slid me a business card. Mrs. Ford was her name.
I thanked the Mrs. Ford for her time and I walked outta the hospital. I knew how bad this would be, tellin' Darry I knocked a girl up. Soda'd be a little more understanding, but Darry was certain to pop a vein.