Unintentionally, I'm a few minutes late to lunch. As I wander in, I see Ed awkwardly standing off to the side, his eyes roaming the room for me.
"Sorry," I say as I walk up to him. I see him physically sigh with relief, thinking I had stood him up. "Got held up. Where do you want to sit?"
He shrugs. "Anywhere."
"Over there looks good," I point out an unused table off in the corner. "When I'm not sitting with the guys, Kat usually joins me."
"That's cool," he says and I hope it is and that he doesn't think this is some date-thing. I haven't come out to him or anything. I'm not sure if he suspects or whether he thinks I'm just nice. Or both.
Grant gives me a WTF look as I walk past and I mouth 'later' to him. Jake stares at me. If looks could kill, I'd collapse on this floor. I glare back at him just as hard as I pass.
I drop my lunch onto the table and sit across from Ed, who looks flustered.
"I do really appreciate what you did for me this morning," he says.
"No trouble at all."
"What if they come for you?"
I shrug. "Let them."
"Wish I had your confidence."
I give him a brief smile before taking a bite of my salad roll.
"I'm over it, if I'm honest," I exhale. "You hear about it all the time. People bullying other people. People becoming depressed, anxious, suicidal. We don't have to live like this. It's just not right."
Ed's eyes are on mine as he nods. "Yeah. I agree. I wish people wouldn't put others down. And I wish more people had the courage to stand up to people."
"It took me a good while to get the courage and it's still hard. I used to be picked on. I think everyone does at some point." I chew for a few moments. "Sometimes it makes you stronger. Sometimes it just breaks you."
I can see it in his eyes. He's almost broken.
"There's always people around, Ed," I continue, my voice lowering. "You're never as alone as you think. Okay?"
He chews his lip. "Yeah. Okay."
I can see the gratefulness on his face. I smile at him.
We're not alone long, before Katryn makes her way over. She collapses heavily beside me, sending half her books flying across the table, knocking of Ed's water which luckily has a lid on it.
"Oops," she grins sheepishly as she rights it. "My bad."
"Always know how to make an entrance, don't you?" I roll my eyes.
"I like to go for the dramatics. Hi Ed," she smiles.
"Hey," he smiles shyly.
"Jack and Guy are pricks," Kat says with a shake of her head. I haven't even told her about earlier today, but she must have heard from the gossip grapevine.
"Yup," agrees Ed. "I thought Jake was really going to go for me but I was surprised that he didn't. I remember him from a few years ago. He was such an ass." I feel Kat's eyes on the side of my head as I nod and eat silently. "I think he only didn't because of you, Cal."
I stop chewing.
"You know, because your sister is with his brother and all."
I clear my throat and see Kat smile out of the corner of my eye. "Yeah. Probably."
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I quirk an eyebrow when I see Jake's name across the screen. I saved his number after he texted me the other night.
Jake: Seriously?
I don't bother to reply or even look up at him. He can't dictate who I sit with at lunch. He wouldn't be able to decide that even if he was my boyfriend.
The longer I don't reply, the angrier I get.
Ignoring Katryn's questioning stare, I insert myself into the conversation and try to forget about Jake and the fact that I can feel his eyes on me.
If he wants my attention, he has to earn it.
***
I walk home alone this afternoon which is rare. I have my headphones in, my hands deep in my pockets and my eyes half closed. I'm done with today. Nothing particularly went wrong, if you don't include the gay-shaming scene and the fact that Jake is trying to play me hot and cold. I'm tired of it all and he's only been back two weeks.
I'm walking up my driveway when I get a message. I almost don't want to check, thinking it's from Jake, when I realise it's even worse.
Alice: Hey... have I done something to upset you?
Rubbing my hand roughly across my face, I let out a groan. I open the door and the first thing I smell is banana bread, the one that Ellie used to make. I hurry into the kitchen, to see her there, smiling at me.
"Surprise," she smiles.
I was so occupied with my own thoughts; I didn't notice her car. I run to her and hug her. I spin her around and she laughs.
"I literally can't get used to the idea of my little brother being able to pick me up," she grins. "I swear you were only 12 yesterday."
"12 and a half," I grin. "How's things?"
"Good," she answers, leaning onto the kitchen bench. "Really busy and my exams are tough. But nothing I can't manage. How about you?"
"Good," I say back. I'll tell her everything, but later. I don't want to bombard her. "Where's Haze?"
"Just in town grabbing things for dinner."
The car wasn't there then. That makes me feel better.
"Mum?"
"With Haze."
I nod, going around to the seat near the kitchen island and falling onto it. I prop my chin in my palm.
"Go on," she says, not even looking up at me. "What's going on?"
"How'd you know something is going on?"
"I can just tell," she shrugs. "Is it Jake's return?"
She knows me so well.
"Yep."
"He's still got a connection to you but doesn't want to own up to it and doesn't want anyone else to know about it?"
She's good.
"Wow."
"Typical Haze family," she sighs. "I was so determined to be Haze's friend. I tried so hard. Honestly, it wasn't the best approach. He just lashed out at me all the time. It was only when I gave up and walked away that he realised what he wanted."
"Yeah I'm trying that approach."
"You're smart, Cal. You'll figure it out," she smiles. "How's everything else?"
We chat and eat half the loaf of banana bread before the others return.
"Gee, thanks for saving us some," Haze rolls his eyes. He sends a light punch into my arm. "Hey."
"Heyo," I reply and send a fake punch into his stomach.
Haze blocks my next light punches with a laugh.
"You've been practising."
"Oh yeah," I grin.
Mum and Ellie dominate most of the conversation. Mum asks Ellie about 1000 questions about university life. I hang with Haze, who gives me pointers on fighting (when mum isn't paying attention).
A text drags my attention from Haze for a moment.
Jake: Meet me tonight.
Callum: Get your shit together.
Jake: ???
Callum: Don't ignore me and act like a dick at school and then expect me to hang out with you when no one's around. I'm not your little secret.
Jake: ...
Callum: Man up.
"Is that Jake?" Haze asks casually and I hope my cheeks aren't as red as they feel. "What's he doing tonight?"
I shrug. "Not sure."
"I tried to ring him earlier but he didn't answer," Haze checks his phone, before putting it back down.
To get my mind off it, I help mum prepare dinner. Ellie says it's nice not to have to cook for once. Haze scoffs and claims he's the cook of the two. I watch them in envy. The way he stares at her is how every person wants to be stared at. He would do anything for her.
I'm setting the table, when there's a knock at the door. Ellie offers to get it, before trotting out of the kitchen. When she returns, I drop one of the knives, it clattering loudly on the table.
"Hey," Jake greets everyone quietly.
Mum makes a fuss over him, taking his jacket, asking him a bunch of questions. Haze shakes his hand and does the hug thing. I stand there, feeling breathless. I just basically yelled at him over text and now he's here. He's here.
Ellie's eyes switches between us both, before she busies herself in the kitchen. Haze wanders over to the stereo to turn the music down.
I can't breathe.
Jake's eyes are on me as he walks closer. "You got something to say, Callum?"
I shake my head. "I've said all I need to say."
"I haven't. Meet me upstairs."
He excuses himself to go to the bathroom and I'm silently screaming when he walks out, looking over his shoulder at me.
"Is your phone charger down here, Ma?" I ask, my voice coming out weird.
"No, sorry, in my ensuite."
I knew it was because I saw it there earlier. I casually head up the stairs, hoping that excuse was convincing enough. I wander into the guest bathroom, shutting the door behind me. At first I can't see him and then he's there, shoving me against the door, his arms a barricade around me.
"You want me to man up?" he questions, his warm breath on my lips.
"Yes," I say back.
He slams his lips against mine so aggressively my head hits the door.
"Why did you sit with that guy at lunch today?" he growls.
"Because he asked me to."
"Did you enjoy it?" he demands, his lips still on mine as he talks. He steps back and glares at me.
I half-shrug, unsure as to how I'm acting so nonchalant right now. "I guess."
"Fuck you," he says but he has a wild grin on his face. "You knew that would drive me crazy."
"I did not," I say quietly.
Me sitting with another boy made him crazy?
"Sure," he rolls his eyes.
He cups my face with his warm, rough hands and kisses me. I kiss him just as intensely back, sliding my fingers through his hair.
Well. There goes my self-control.
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