“So, you think you can leave me now the you have those boys, huh?” John spat in my face. My heart was slamming against my chest as he was creeping closer and closer to me.
“Lets make a deal then, give me what I want for one night then I’ll let you leave as you please.”
I was backed into a corner now with no chance of escape. A deal? He wanted to make a deal? “Never.” I said.
“Fine then.” He said in a dark tone, “I’ll just take it.” He lunged at me knocking me into the wall behind me. I tried to scratch and claw my way away from him but nothing was working. My hair was being pulled and before I knew it he slammed my head into the wall rendering me unconscious for a few moments that he took to his advantage.
When my vision started clearing up I was on a bed with my hands restrained above my head. That’s when the panic set it. “When are you going to learn that I get what I want?” John whispered into my ear while he ran his hand over my breast, stopping to pinch my nipple.
Tears pooled in my eyes as I begged him to stop. “Please, don’t do this. Please, please, please” I just kept repeating myself even though in the back of my head it was going to happen. He was going to rape me.
He wrapped his long fingers around my throat and looked me straight in the eyes. “You know you want it. You can put out for those boys but not for me? You made me do this, we could have done this the easy way but you just wouldn’t give it up.” He said as his other hand slipped lower and lower until it reached my shorts.
I was already struggling to obtain air but his grip was so tight and I was starting to see little black dots when I felt my shorts being dragged down my thighs. I thrashed all around trying anything to get away but I was fighting a battle I had already lost.
He was touching me and I was fading away, becoming lost in my mind as I desperately tried to block out the feeling of his hands all over my body. I heard the feint sound of a zipper and a grunt. “No, please!” I tried to beg one last time but I was a goner. He rubbed himself over my entrance and-
“Funny how everytime you push me away…” Issues blared from my phone.
My eyes opened wide looking around my room, not believing what I just dreamed? It was so real. My eyes were wet from crying and I was on the verge of hyperventilating. His hands are still on my body, I can feel them but he isn’t physically here. I stumbled into my bathroom looking for the one thing I knew would clear my head.
Once I found it I turned the shower on hot and stripped my clothes as fast as I could because he touched me and I didn’t do anything about it. I set the razor down on the side of the bathtub and closed the shower curtain. I went to reach down for the blade but a thought stopped me.
What would Jordan and Douglas think if they found out?
The urge to cut no longer filled my entire being. I had to wait until I knew I wouldn’t see them for at least 2 days. I stood under the water, letting it sooth me taking John down the drain with it.
I dried off and picked up everything, putting the piece of metal back under the sink. I’m in the mood for some sweats today. My favorite pair was black and tight around the ankles. I fished it out of my dresser along with my real friends band tee.
The plan for today was to ditch after I turned the test thing so I could go buy a new outfit. I made sure to put the money I had into my school bag before I walked out of my room then out my house.
***
When I had gotten to school I was almost the last one in the classroom, I guess my shower took longer than expected. I had let my hair dry naturally so I’m sure the looks were because I had a fro on my head. Or maybe I was just imagining it.
I sat in the back as usual just staring off into space when I heard Douglas talk. Am I allowed to call him that?
“Alright guys, just finish these problems on the board and y’all are free to go for the weekend.”
Seriously, that’s lucky. I watched as he wrote the problems on the white board, his muscles flexing against his black shirt. Why does he have to be so hot?
I began solving them one by one taking a couple minutes for each one. They weren’t difficult and I finished in 20 minutes. I threw my things into my school bag eager to leave and go shop because that would mean it would be closer and closer to my date.
To my surprise I was the first one finished, and when I got to his desk butterflies erupted into my stomach.
“Here is the test and problems.” I murmured while shyly looking away.
“Thank you Katie.” He went to grab the papers from me and instead of grabbing the papers he held my hand for a second and then grabbed the papers. OMG.
“I have to go!” I whispered with a laugh and he just smiled back and released my hand.
I walked out of that classroom praying to god that no one noticed our encounter. For the first time in a while I felt free. I was ditching school. To go shopping. For a date. With Two boys. This is like some blessing from the gods themselves!
I made my way out of the building known as Peltier hall and past the coffee shop to catch the bus into the city where the mall was located. I sat down on a bench and just took in the fact that I’m going on a date, it still doesn’t seem real. The palm tree behing the bench is giving a suitable amount of shade and I almost want to sit here forever.
A few minutes later the bus stopped right in front of me. I paid the man a dollar and sat in the first seat I saw even though it was nearly empty. Ever since the accident with my mom I’m still not sure how I feel about riding in moving objects so I close my eyes for a little while trying to calm my racing heart.
Opening my eyes I look out the window and watch the trees pass in a blur of colors. That’s what I almost feel like most of the time. Like I’m just going through life without getting to see the whole picture, like I’m just going through the motions, like I’m not actually living.. Everything is just a blur.
That thought makes me sad and angry. If I hadn’t caused the accident then my mom would still be here and I wouldn’t be miserable and I know that’s selfish but I don’t care. I want a normal life.
So often I think of how things would be if she was still here. Would she be the one who gets hit? Maybe she already was and now that she’s gone I’m the next best target.
I think about it for a little while.
When I come to my conclusion the bus is pulling up to the stop right in front of the mall. The depressing thoughts were replaced with excitement I think? I haven’t felt this way in a long time; it’s kind of nice looking forward to something.
The bus stop was right in front of Dillard’s so I began in that direction. The parking lot wasn’t too full and if I’m not mistaken the mall should have just opened so there shouldn’t be many people.
Every time I walk through Dillard’s I feel like I’m going to have an asthma attack and because you have to walk through the perfume section to actually get into the mall and I don’t even have asthma!
The only two stores I was interested in finding was forever 21 and urban outfitters. Even though forever 21 was more in my price range I make my way to urban outfitters first. If I remember correctly its on the other side of the food court. Mmm, food. I don’t really remember the last time I had a full meal so I definitely planned on stopping after I was finished shopping.
The smell of pizza filled my nose and my mouth was beyond watering. I haven’t had it in so long and I think that’s what I’m going to eat. It was actually kind of perfect because after the pizza place is the end of the food court and urban outfitters right next to it.
Entering the store I took a look around. I knew it was going to be expensive but that didn’t matter. Today I’m going to treat myself.
There is so much stuff that I see that I like its so overwhelming, so I just walk to the first rack of clothing I see. A little crop top automatically catches my eye. It’s a dark color with little flowers scattered all over it and wide shoulder straps on. I’m not sure if I could wear it though, my bruises would show.
I pick it up anyway and move on to some other racks.
“Can I help you find anything?” I turn around to find a girl a little bit taller than me and she looks nice enough so I nod my head.
“Um, yeah I’m going on a date a-and I need something to match this top.” I hold it out so she can see and she shows me a wide smile.
“Oh! I know the perfect thing! Follow me.” She took a hold of my arm and pulled me to the back of the store. “My name is Crystal by the way.”
She led me to a wall with a bunch of flowy skirts and flower crowns on it. I watched as she looked back at the shirt in my hand and back to the wall, scratching at her chin trying to think of which one would look best. After a few minutes of me standing there awkwardly she finally handed me a high weisted maroon skirt that came with a little brown braided belt. I actually really liked it.
“Thanks, I really like it.” I smile at her.
“No problem, its my job. Now lets see what it looks like. Before we try it on did you want anything else to go with it?”
“Yeah, I was thinking a cardigan and maybe like some thigh highs?” I ask her with an unsure look on my face.
“That could be really cute, lets see what we can find!” She grabs my arm yet again and pulls me through the entire girls side of the store grabbing different things at my approval.
“I think this is enough.” When both of out hands were pretty much full we walked back to the dressing room and she all but pushed me inside. I grit my teeth as she hits a bruise on my back, I know it’s not her fault but I can’t help get a little annoyed.
Once I was inside I took off my shirt and sweats off facing away from the mirror until I managed to get the other clothes on.
Wow. I think I look really good. The thigh highs make my legs look great and the shoes she picked out for me were really cute.
“Well come on pokey, lets see it!” I hear her call out from the other side of the door.
“O-okay.” I stutter, nerves, my nerves always get to me. I walk out the door.
“Holy shit you look so good! And your legs! I would kill for them!” She fawns over me. Which is a little bit creepy for me cause I’m not used to attention or compliments. “You have one lucky guy waiting for you babe.”
“There’s actually two.” I blurt out and slap my hand over mouth. Shit did I really just say that? She looks amused.
“Well damn, I can’t even find one guy to take me out what is your secret?”
I just laugh. “When I figure it out I’ll let you know.”
“Let’s get you check out then yeah?” She goes to put away the other stuff while I change back into my clothes.
By the time I make my way to the front counter she’s already there. I place the outfit on the counter dreading to hear the price because I didn’t even look at the tags.
“Thanks for your help, I don’t really think I could have picked something myself.” I make small talk while she rings up the stuff.
“Your very welcome, I had fun.” She smiles back at me. “Alright, are you ready for the damage?”
“I guess.” I say even though I’m not ready at all.
“It’s going to be $164.54.” That’s not all that bad, I mean I got five new things. I reach behind to take my schoolbag off my shoulder so I could get my money. I handed her a couple bills and waited for my change.
“Please come back soon to visit me and tell me about your date!”
“Alright!” I call behind me as I make my way back to the pizza place.
All in all I had a really good afternoon and the pizza was delicious, but it was time for me to go home and do some homework. By the time I got home it was 1:30 in afternoon. I knew john wouldn’t be home, it was too early in the day.
I unlocked the door and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water then went straight to my room. I dropped my school bag on my bed and put my shopping bag on top my dresser.
I had a paper to write for my English class, a personal narrative. I don’t really need to brainstorm because my mom comes straight to my head. I work on it for a couple hours while I munch on a slice of pizza that I had gotten to go from the mall. I’m pretty much desperate to do anything to pass the time.
It’s so close to Saturday and it’s the only thing I can think of. I hear a ding come from the front pouch of my school bag. Douglas and Jordan. Please for the love of god let it be a message from them.
Douglas: Hello, beautiful.
Katie: Hi, Douglas.
Douglas: You know you shouldn’t skip class. I don’t want you to fall behind.
How the heck does he know this???
Katie: Are you keeping tabs on me?
Douglas: No, I needed to give you something for Mondays lecture and both of your teachers said you were absent.
Katie: That’s a lie and you know it. It’s alright if you are keeping tabs. I’m not really used to much attention.
Douglas: I find that hard to believe.
Okay, so I guess that’s kind of a lie. I’m used to the attention I get from John. But that’s nothing that I want so does that make the lie okay?
The conversation from that point out was light and easy. He wanted to know things about me, things that other people never cared to know about. Sometimes I had to lie though and I felt so guilty every time. I don’t want to lie to them.
Overall it had been a decent day. I hadn’t even seen John, thank god, and by 10:30 that night I was ready to go to bead. For the second night in a row I imagined that they were here with me. Jordan rubbing my head, playing with my hair and Douglas running his hands over my back, soothing me to sleep.
It was so much easier to fall asleep thinking about them. This was the happiest I had been in months and even if I can’t be with them, I’ll always be thankful that I got to feel this way because of them.
A/N: I suck. Mostly becuase this took forever to write and i promised it would be out sooner, please forgive me. There is a pic on the side of her outfit and in dedicating this chapter to TheAngleCas who left me a really nice comment. Thanks! Let me know what you guys think. Also please vote! :) xx