Soldiers
There was a pounding, inescapable headache hammering away at Harry's patience. It had been there pretty much since he had made the rash decision of punching his big brother in the face. He was still very firm on his rejection of the very idea of the Accords, but now that he had calmed down, he realized that punching his brother and showing off his powers in front of a Muggle Government official MIGHT not have been the best idea of his life. Or the most level headed. Restraint had never been his strongest suit though. And now he was sitting in Grimmauld Place with half of the Avengers. All of which not looking too happy at the moment. He had just managed to send a message to Luna, who was currently travelling the US. She had promised to head toward the Barton Family Farm immediately. The government might not know about them right now, but Tony certainly did and Harry wasn't sure what exactly his brother might do to find Clint. He hated to even think that but Tony had become less and less... stable. Harry had hoped he might try and get help, but instead his big brother had found refuge in work and alcohol. Pepper leaving had been the final straw, Harry knew. Tony hoped the Accord would take some of the blame he had taken to heart so much... and that Pepper might return, if he could promise not to be absent so much. Harry had wanted to shake Tony and tell him that was never, ever going to happen. He had liked Pepper well enough, he had accepted her as Tony's girlfriend... had treated her as part of the family... but he had never thought they would last and he couldn't figure out how Tony might have thought otherwise. Maybe he himself had just been really lucky with the two women he had had the chance to love in his life. Supportive, understanding... and still very much capable and willing to take someone's head off.
Pepper, at least as far as Harry could see, had always tried to...change Tony and Harry would never understand how that was supposed to be helpful. Judging by Tony's recent behaviour, he'd say it wasn't.
He looked over at Steve, Clint, Sam and Wanda, who were playing exploding snap at the kitchen table. Scott had, after Harry had cleaned the bedrooms, claimed one of them and decided to nurse his jet lag and Bucky had... wandered off. Harry probably should have stopped him and checked ALL the rooms first, but despite the tough front he put on, he was just as tired and unsure as the rest of them. He assumed he had just learned to hide it better over the years of war and... well, five children. Sam threw his cards up in the air in shock, when Hermione's head appeared in the fireplace Harry had been staring at.
"Hello, Hermione.", Harry smiled in relief.
"Hi Harry, nice to meet everyone.", she told the gaping people. The look she gave Harry, though, was quite telling. Had he been by himself, she would have a lot of things to say right then. Instead she chose to go into business mode: "I talked to Kingsley. He says it's no problem."
"Seriously?", Harry felt the relief flooding through him.
"Yes. But he expects you to come and give some talks to the Auror recruits.", Hermione grinned and Harry groaned. He had been so... separate from the wizarding world for so long and now he had given Kingsley at least some leverage. 'Don't be so dramatic' he could almost hear his father tell him sternly and smiled at the thought. What would they say now, his parents? With him and Tony being... not on speaking terms. Harry would call it that now.
"He will have the spell prepared in two weeks. Until then you are probably safest here."
"Great. I love this place."
"I have shipped your kids off to the burrow. They'll be safe there and it's simply the biggest place. I hear they'll be joined soon by your friend's kids? You don't really think Tony would try to go after the kids, do you?"
"No. Of course not. But I like being on the safe side."
"I know.", she gave him a tired smile, "Kingsley also cleared everything with St. Mungo's. You have an appointment tomorrow at 9am."
Harry felt like kissing her then and there, calling Hermione in moments like this was always the best idea. That woman still got everything done.
"Oh. Ron will be by in a bit. He had a shipment right now, but will be by immediately after."
"Ron is coming by?", Harry actually laughed happily. Seeing Ron sounded honestly heavenly, that man knew him longer than almost anyone.
"He says all ex-aurors should stick together. And he wants to help you make the house safe. I assume he is bringing food, too."
"We got some from Sirius, but more food can never be a bad thing.", Harry smiled. After all those years, those two were still right by his side when he needed them, even when he tended to pull away, when he got stressed and had way too little time for them these days.
"I better get back to work now. But we'll talk soon.", Hermione smiled and her head vanished.
"What exactly is the Burrow and why is my family going there?", Clint asked carefully.
"You agreed to send them to safety for now.", Harry frowned.
"I did. But where exactly are they going?"
"Oh. Yes. The Burrow. It's where my in-laws life. Ginny's parents. Their house is not only safe, but also big enough. Once we get Scotland set up, they can come there, too, if..."
"If we haven't resolved it until then.", Steve said.
"Exactly."
"Where do you have an appointment tomorrow?", Sam asked him, still looking at the fireplace suspiciously.
"St. Mungo's. It's a magical hospital. It's not for me. It's for Bucky."
Harry could feel the room's temperature around him drop and smiled sadly, he really, really needed a bed, maybe a good, strong firewhiskey. This day was way too long for his liking. But he wouldn't budge now. Wouldn't break down now. He had brought them here, to his world. It was his job now to be strong. Or at least appear to be.
"I'll tell him.", Harry declared and got up, "If a tall ginger bloke walks in here, tell him he is too late, I have already run off to South America."
Harry found Bucky a couple of minutes later, staring at the Black Family Tapestry.
"Fascinating, isn't it?", Harry asked casually and stepped inside. Bucky turned around to look at him and Harry... felt nothing. He should be angry, right? He had just seen this man brutally murder his parents, but honestly, he just felt tired. Could you become tired of loss? Tired of grief? Harry suspected you might.
"Is this the family that used to live here?", Bucky asked, his voice hoarse.
"Yes. There is only one Black left now. And he isn't even on this thing anymore."
"Why not?"
"His mother blasted him off it, when he ran away. See that hole over there? That used to be him.", Carefully, Harry traced the name of Sirius' little brother, "Regulus here, he sacrificed his life for a tiny chance to bring down one of the most powerful wizards that ever lived. He was only 17. This hole over there used to be Andromeda Tonks. She is my kids' grandmother. Well... sort of."
"Why only sort of?"
"Ginny and I adopted our oldest son when we got married. That did not mean he stopped being her grandson now, did it? So instead she just got more grandkids. Win win."
"Why did she got blasted of?"
"That, I fear, is a very long story.", Harry started, then he looked at Bucky's curious face and made a choice. He dropped down on the old and worn couch in front of the tapestry and gestured for Bucky to do the same, who sat down much slower and more careful than Harry had. He really should have checked if something was alive inside this couch. Since nothing was attacking them or seemed to be moving, he hoped they were safe, "The Black Family had traditionally been... more inclined towards the dark arts. And some of the old families were and... still are... very proud of their long magical line."
"Looking down on those without it."; Bucky guessed when Harry stopped to collect his thoughts.
"Exactly.", he looked over at the man and wondered. He looked younger than Harry. Probably was, when it came to time spend conscious. What a truly horrifying thought. And yet of course he understood. He had been a soldier in World War II. He had seen humanity at its worst.
"Andromeda loved a man not good enough for her family. Someone born to non-magical parents. She chose him, married him... so she got erased from the family history."
"So people are the same everywhere. Magical or not. "
"Yes. People always need someone to look down on. To blame." , Harry sighed.
Bucky gave him a strange look and only then did Harry realize what he had just said.
"I don't blame you, if you think that. "
"Why not?"
"Lots of reasons." , Harry shrugged, "I wouldn't even know where to start."
"If I was controlled or not, it doesn't matter. I did it. These hands... this ARM... ", Bucky looked down at his metal hand. "Someone just has to say the words and I will use them again to hurt someone else."
"I worked as an auror for a while, I was even head of that office... I dealt with a lot of people claiming to be mind controlled and some that really were... I am not a stranger to the whole thing. And... okay... I am going to tell you something I don't normally tell people. I never even told Tony. The man who killed my biological parents, he was one of the most powerful dark wizards that ever lived. Voldemort. He tried to kill me, too, as a baby. I am the first and still only known person to have survived the Killing Curse. It's where I got this scar. ", he rubbed at it for good measure, "What most don't know is that I got something else, too. A part of Voldemort's soul latched onto me. I can't explain the whole thing to you, but there was a time in my life, where I could feel it. Where it changed the way I thought sometimes. Where it took control. Voldemort used it to manipulate me and I wasn't safe. Never safe. I was scared to sleep. Scared of my of mind. Scared of what I might do to my friends. I don't want to compare it with what has been done to you. I know it doesn't even come close, but I have looked into the eyes of the man that killed my biological parents. I looked into his eyes and there was nothing but hate. No remorse. No... Nothing. I looked into your eyes, too. "
"I am sorry." , Bucky told him quietly, still looking at his hands, "I remember them. I remember killing them. And I remember not... not understanding why your Dad called me by a name that wasn't mine. I didn't have a name. I was a soldier. I didn't need a name. "
Bucky looked up at Harry, his eyes wide and guarded at the same time, "I liked your father. He was a friend. I will regret his death for the rest of my life."
"Don't." , Harry disagreed, "It won't change anything. Only make you and everyone else miserable. There comes a point where you can only accept and move on."
"I have accepted. Who I am and who I was. Now I don't know where to go from here. "
"Help. I called in some favours. We can go to the magical hospital here tomorrow. If you like. "
Bucky just looked at him.
"Can they help me?"
"They will try. That's more than giving up will get you. "
Bucky nodded and Harry wished more than anything that Tony would reach this point soon. Accept. And find help.
A couple of hours later most of the people inside Grimmauld Place No 12 had gone to bed. All except Harry and Ron, who were sitting on the bed in Sirius' old bedroom, like they had so often as teenagers. Except this time they had WAY more firewhiskey, although that was dwindling rather rapidly.
"That's one... well. It's a mess."
"As eloquent as ever, Ron."
"You can only spend so much time with Hermione, before it just starts to rub off on you."
Harry just laughed. Ron and Hermione. The biggest stabilizing influence in his life.
"That bottle is empty.", Ron groaned, then reached down into his bag and pulled out another one. Harry started to laugh whole-heartedly.
"Look at us. Two old, drunk dads."
"Excuse me? I, personally, am a businessman in a meeting with another businessman", Ron told him.
"Urgh. The business.", Harry groaned, letting his head fall back onto the bed rest.
"Will SI be okay?"
"Sure. Johanna can keep the whole thing running. She has covered for me before."
"And... they are not going to come after the business now that their CEO is a fugitive?"
Harry laughed a little, "No. Of course not. My siding against the Accords is a publicity nightmare for them. I don't think they'll make that public."
"A publicity nightmare? Sorry, but I am still not good with your Muggle life. Sorry, man."
"I am the CEO of SI. And one of the two majority shareholders. We are the leading name in clean energy. They can talk politics as much as they like, but in the end this could become a costly business for them. And money still rules, no matter which community. And... well, the Avengers being divided over signing the Accords is bad enough, but they can explain that away and spin it to fit their narrative. Cap? Survivor' guilt. Trying to help his friend. Wanda? Hates Tony for Sokovia. Is dangerous anyway. Sam? A soldier following his Captain's orders. Scott? A criminal. Protegee of Hank Pym. Who never got along with my Dad. Clint? Resigned and wants to protect his privacy. With all of them they can easily explain it away with friendships and personal vendettas. I am much more of a problem. If it's just about personal loyalty, I should have sided with Tony. With Rhodey... if they make my involvement known, they'd have to admit that I have a MORALE problem with the Accords. And I might not be an Avenger, but I am a very public figure. I am the guy that famously lost his wife in the New York Attack, is now a single dad, spends a lot of money on philanthropic causes and posts cute cat pictures on his twitter account. Or at least his assistant does for him."
Ron filled both their glasses to the brim and they emptied them immediately after.
"This still sucks.", Ron declared and Harry looked at him sadly.
"I don't even know how it happened, really... looking back I think there were many signs, but... how did it come to this, Ron?"
"As someone with a LOT of brothers I am gonna say it: just because you always love each other, doesn't mean you always LIKE each other."
"Tony is my only brother, though. All we have is each other.", Harry sighed.
"No.", Ron told him sharply, "You are all HE has. I am sorry, Harry, I am. I like Tony. But he had it easy for a very long time... and now he can't cope."
"That's not fair.", Harry tried to defend his big brother, "He didn't exactly have it easy with looking after me and... well, the last years were tough on him."
"It's not the same though, is it? You were fighting for your life as a teenager. You trained to become an auror. You have seen some bloody horrible things and had to live with the consequences. Tony was partying while you were at school. He was enjoying the easy life, while you were a teenage dad."
Harry wanted to interrupt him there, but Ron wouldn't let him, "I know you had help. I know Tony helped. That's not the point. You are a fighter. He doesn't understand what life is like for people like us."
"People like us.", Harry groaned, deciding on another drink, "You really think we are that different?"
"I think you have completely different stakes in this. He wants to shift blame, you want everyone to be responsible for their own shit. Makes sense, really."
Harry closed his eyes, letting the woozy feeling of too much alcohol wash over him.
"So what you are saying is that Tony thinks he can be safed by more rules, whereas I sit here and remember rules being abused."
"Dude. Have you looked at your hand lately?"
"This SUCKS. I want my brother back. Mainly I want to drag him to a psychiatrist and hope someone can help him. He's hurting, Ron, he is hurting and there is nothing I can do. And then they go and play RIGHT into his fears. Tell him something he hopes will help and he runs towards it like a starving man. And I... I should have tried to reason with him. I should have tried to explain. But I read those Accords. Registration, Ron, REGISTRATION! After all we have been through, after all the things he KNOWS I have been through. And he goes and says Lily, well... it doesn't matter. I shouldn't have lost my temper."
"Lily? What about Lily?", Ron asked darkly.
"He said one day she would be just as dangerous as I am now. And I just... lost it. I had to become this, Ron, I HAD to. People were depending on me. I didn't want this. Any of this."
Harry could see Ron chewing at his words. He didn't want to say anything bad about Tony, but Harry also knew that Ron had always thought Tony had gotten off easy in life.
"Tony lashes out, when he is hurt.", Ron said instead, "I know. I do the same."
Harry grinned, "Who? You? Never."
"You on the other hand bury your pain until you can't hide it anymore and then you go up in a big ball of fire."
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"Sure."
"I thought", Harry started, "meeting Bucky. I thought I'd be... angry. Like I was when I met Sirius for the first time, back in that shack. I thought, I'd hate him. But I just... I look at him and all I see is... me? You? Neville? What could have become of all of us. What if I hadn't come for Tony? If they had tortured and manipulated him until he had forgotten who he was. What if Sirius had gone mad in Azkaban? I see Ginny manipulated by Riddle. I see... I can't explain it, Ron. What would have happened to me, had Voldemort not tried to close that connection?"
"Not a scenario I like to dwell on.", Ron told him drily.
"He confined Wanda to the compound. Wanda. Who was locked in a lab for years. And Tony went and locked her up again. I just got so angry. I wanted to shake him and make him see reason. Make him see that he was ready to prejudge people based on their birth, not their decisions... "
"You have always been crap at communicating."
"What do we do now?"
"Hide? For now? You are good at that. Go underground, wait for things to calm down. Try and talk to Tony then. If it gets really bad: we have the resources to hide a lot of people. You still have a lot of pull within the magical community. Maybe it's time for them to care."
.