I walked to school alone that morning. When I was about to leave, mum was there in the kitchen, preparing breakfast but she didn't say anything and neither did I. There was no invitation for breakfast, no lunch box. There was nothing familiar with the morning routine I usually got. She even let me went to school by myself. There wasn't even a single word came out from her mouth when I opened the front door.
Did I hurt you that much?
So I just left my house with a weight in my chest. It was almost similar to the one I felt whenever I was upset with Melissa, but the uneasiness was way different. Every time I had a hard time with Melissa, I knew it would be over soon and no scar left, yet. But the one I was feeling with mum, I felt like it would stay between us forever, and it scarred both of us especially mum. It wouldn't matter if I apologised to her and she forgave me because things wouldn't be the same anymore. That was how it felt and I hated it.
The worst part was, I had examination on that day and I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened between mum and I. If only I didn't open the door, mum wouldn't have seen anything on me like she claimed. The things she saw upset her and I didn't even know what they were.
All I knew was they gave away about me and Melissa.
I arrived at my locker to take a few things for my papers later, opening the door and touching my stuff. I still had 20 minutes before the examination started since I left home early because I didn't have my breakfast. Did mum really let me go to school without breakfast? I began to think if she would ignore me for days because now she already capabled of doing it. She never got mad at me like that. Unlike dad, he wouldn't hesitate to just yell at me.
But mum didn't do yelling or ignoring. We would always settle things down. She did wait for the right time to sit together and discuss but she never ignored in a meantime. I was so disturbed by these thoughts until I forgot why I was at my locker at the first place. I even forgot what I wanted to take with me to the examination room.
It was until I felt a soft touch came from behind, wrapping itself around my neck so swiftly as my favourite scent started to enter my nose.
"Baby...?" Melissa whispered, giving me goosebumps by her warm breath against my right ear.
"Hi Lisa" I greeted her with a weak smile that she couldn't even see from that position.
"I didn't expect to see you this early"
"Is it a bad thing?"
"No! No no of course not," She replied and I let out small chuckles. She would repeat that 'no' word so many times whenever she felt like she had offended me or something. That was just how Melissa's mind worked in a form of speech each time she got a minor panic attack. "I was thinking about you and suddenly I saw you here" She continued to explain herself, which I found cute. "Just a shot into my heart at the right time, that's all"
I grinned from her reaction and I remembered back what I was looking for in the locker. But Melissa tightened her arm around my neck, slightly pulling me away from the metal compartment and kissing my ear softly down to my cheek.
"Lisa, is anybody looking at us?"
"No, they already gotten used of seeing us hugging at the locker"
"But you are kissing me,"
"Nobody is looking at us, Roseanne"
"Lisa, you are not even looking" I said as I nudged her playfully.
"Why do I need to look at other people when I can look at you?"
"Lisa!" I nudged her for real this time and she groaned when my elbow reached her stomach. "Stop teasing me would you?"
She let go of me and I heard she moved to my left, probably leaning against my locker.
"I won't stop teasing you, Roseanne"
"And why is that?"
"Because you love it," She deepened her voice, eyes probably staring at me as how I imagined she would be doing. "It's all worth it when you smile"
My mouth arched up automatically when I heard that, hurting my cheeks all along and getting shy.
"Silly girl" I mumbled while shaking my head to brush off the grin on my face.
"We all do silly things when we are in love, Roseanne"
"You know what Lisa," I stopped my hands for a while, giving my full attention to speak to her. "I will definitely put that line of yours in my novel"
"You will?" She asked me back as if she wasn't satisfied with it. "But I prefer if you put it in your heart" She began to show her objection. "So you will always remember me as your silly girl who will do silly things for you," She took a second to breathe in before continuing. "...because I am so madly in love"
I didn't want to respond to her because I knew the more I talked the more she would tease me. Also because I didn't have anything to reply. She had turned me speechless. She made my chest hurt and flattered. I started to think that Sir Maas made a mistake by sending his daughter to the wrong teacher. He could have sent Melissa to me instead since it seemed like she had improved her speech a lot.
She finally did the talking since we got close. I guessed she should come to my house every afternoon for her speech class with free of charge.
Giggling, I lifted my right shoulder to release my bag strap as I already gathered my things and only needed to put them in the bag.
Melissa, as gentle as she was, moved immediately from her position, putting pressure on the locker first before getting off. "Let me help you, baby" She said while her fingers were unzipping my bag so I didn't have to take it off me.
"Lisa, you-"
"Are these all?" She cut my objection off as I was about to stop her from taking all the things into my bag. She already knew what I was going to say to her anyway because I would say the same thing each time she wanted to help me with something.
I hummed to response since there was nothing I could do about it no matter how hard I tried to stop her. "You can't do things for me always, Lisa" I began to nag at her. "I'm scared I will get spoiled"
"You should!" She replied with a higher tone this time and sounded excited. "When you are with Melissa Maas you should expect to be spoiled"
"Are you giving away your maids to me now?" I joked around.
"I'm giving away myself to you, Roseanne"
This girl, I couldn't say anything to her without getting cheesy replies!
"But I don't want to trouble you"
"You never trouble me, baby" She said as she zipped my bag. "I just want to do things for you"
"Actually, there's something you can do for me" I said to her, closing my locker door and locking it.
"I'm ready..."
She sounded playful now and I turned around, leaning my back against the locker so my body would face her.
I lowered my head, taking a deep breath before I could talk.
"Maybe you can let me know first when you are about to leave," I finally told her one of the things that disturbed my head at the moment. "I woke up this morning and you weren't there"
Melissa spread the air with silence until I heard her sigh.
"I didn't want to disturb your sleep, baby" She brushed my hand with her fingers. "You looked like you were in a deep sleep, how could I wake you up?"
"That was because you were hugging me" I said as I grasped her hand, locking our fingers together. "Don't leave me like that again, okay?"
"Is that mean we-" She stopped her sentence with that mischievous tone. "...we will do it again?"
"Lisa!" I whined loudly, rolling my eyes in annoyance. "I'm not even joking right now, I'm upset with you"
"Okay, okay I'm sorry" She changed her voice immediately when she realised I was being serious. "I'm so sorry for leaving you last night without telling you first, and I'm deeply sorry for making you upset" She finally let out her sincere apology. "I promise it won't happen again"
I sighed as I pulled her closer to me, wrapping one arm around her neck and resting my head on her shoulder. She reciprocated by hugging my waist and her other hand didn't leave my fingers, keeping them together as they were previously.
At that time I just wanted to hug her. There were so many things happening at once; missing Melissa, arguing with mum, examination, and I couldn't find somewhere more peaceful to go to than Melissa's arms. In her comfort and embrace I found serenity, and I didn't want to open my eyes anymore. I just wanted to be carried away in this darkness with her touches and her scent.
"Roseanne?"
"Hmmmm?"
"People are looking at us,"
"Lisa!" I pushed her instantly, pulling away from the hug. "Ugh! I hate you sometimes!"
She started to laugh, enjoying her moment of success in teasing me and I couldn't help to laugh along.
"You love me, is that what you meant?" She joked again, trying to hug me back but I kept on rejecting her soft force.
"Why are you like this, Lisa? I was feeling the hug" I continued to whine, pouting a little.
She stopped her laugh in seconds as I could feel her leaning towards me as her body met my hand. "Because no matter how hard I try, you are still sad" She said softly, changing the atmosphere between us. "I can feel how sad you are since I hugged you," She tucked some hair behind my ear with her other hand. "You don't even have your lunch box in your bag"
Her thumb was stroking my skin and at that time my eyes already watered. I felt so touched that she noticed what was going on with me. Most of the people who could see perfectly with their eyes always overlooked small details or failed to read gestures and expressions, making them so oblivious of what was happening to their loved ones. But not Melissa.
I somehow felt like we were connected by hearts, and not just by lips and hands. And because of that, at this young age, I believed that she was my soulmate.
"Please tell me what happened at home" She requested as her hand moved to my arm, caressing there.
Trembling, I spoke to her about the things she needed to know. "My mum found out about us"
That was when she stopped her hand, holding my flesh with a force that was getting stronger like she was processing what I just said in surprise. I knew her heart must had started to beat fast now but then she resumed her strokes again, probably signaling that I should continue talking.
"She said there are something on my neck," I lifted my head after blinking for a few times to push back the tears in my eyes. "Could you please take a look at them, Lisa? I don't know what they are"
Melissa didn't respond to me by voice, but instead she let her hands off me and started to loosen the red tie around my neck. Then she pushed out the side of my collar by her fingers and I tilted my head to give her more access.
I never heard her sigh that loud before. It sounded like she breathed out every single guilt that started to grow inside her.
"They are bite marks," Melissa broke the silence between us with a tone that I didn't like to hear. She would only have that kind of voice when she was mad. "My bite marks to be exact" She ended her answer as her hands were fixing and tightening my tie back.
"Lisa-"
"I'll go to your house and apologise to Mrs. Pearce"
"Why? You didn't do anything wrong"
"I did, Roseanne and I'm sor-"
I brought both of my hands up, cupping her head gently and stopping her from finishing her sentence.
"Don't!" I warned her with gritted teeth. "Don't tell me you are sorry" I tightening my grip around her jaw and I could feel it trembling. "Because I'm not sorry, do you understand?"
She lowered her head, taking my hands along but I pushed it back up immediately as her breathing got heavy.
"Lisa..." I called out for her because I really needed her to pay attention to what I was going to say to her. "Lisa, look at me" I shook her head slightly. "Are you looking at me?"
"Yes Roseanne, I am looking at you. You look so beautiful even when you are mad,"
"Good," I responded in relief because I knew she was slowly recovering from her frustration at the moment she started to tease again. "This isn't your fault. It's not my fault either. Nobody is at fault if we both wanted to do it" I explained my thoughts about the matter. "I don't regret a single thing we did last night because I wanted to do it with you" I brushed her cheeks with my thumbs. "You would only be sorry for the things you regret of doing"
Her breathing was gradually back to its normal pace and I felt her arms around my waist.
"Now tell me, Lisa. Do you regret doing it with me?"
"No! I will never!"
"Then there's no reason for you to be sorry about"
"I understand your point," Her hand stroked my back. "But I'll still go to see your mum and apologise"
"What for, Lisa?" I sighed because she was still defending her decision.
Dad was right again. Melissa was really stubborn.
"Because we both have hurt Mrs. Pearce" She stated.
"That's not neces-"
"It is necessary, Roseanne" She interrupted me with a strict tone this time. "I know it is because she's a mother"
I turned speechless after that. I actually didn't have anything else to object her because deep down I knew she was talking the truth.
"Let me do this, baby. I really feel bad towards your mother"
I took my time to think. I understood what Melissa was feeling because I felt the same way too. I felt bad towards my mum as well but the difference was I didn't have the guts to apologise yet. I just left the house with my ego, hoping mum would stop me but she didn't. Leaving the house without talking to her first could have hurt her even more. It was like I ignored her existence in my life.
"Okay," I finally agreed with her. "But now you need to push that aside first and get your mind ready for the papers"
"I just need to push my lips to yours now"
"Lisa!" I exclaimed as I slapped her cheek softly. How did she do it? She was dead serious literally a second ago and now she was back with her tease.
She giggled by my gesture, pulling me closer and I started to feel anxious. Was she really serious?!
"Lisa..." I warned her since we were at the hallway with other students.
"I miss you"
"I know," I sighed while my hands moved to her shoulders, pushing her slightly. "You can kiss me during recess Lisa" I whispered to her, hoping that she would accept my offer.
"Is that a promise?"
"Yes, Lisa! Yes! I promise!" I laughed in instant and it wasn't because something was funny, but because she was poking my waist.
"Fair enough"
▪️▪️▪️
I sat on my bed with my books, doing revision for tomorrow's examination. It was around ten at night already and I still couldn't sleep. So I decided to study to kill the time while other teens at my age would probably be texting their girlfriends or boyfriends.
Unfortunately, I was blind. I didn't even have a cellphone. I started to think that it would be nice to be able to message Melissa after school, to know where she was and what she was doing. It would be nice to always be informed about her day, or what her next schedule was. But I didn't have that chance so there I was, studying because I got nothing better to do than locking myself in my room and spending time with books.
I didn't go out ever since I came back from school though. I didn't even have my dinner at home either. Luckily Melissa treated me lunch at the cafeteria, so I wasn't that hungry after school. But now I was since it was already passed ten.
I wasn't being rebellious. I just wanted to avoid my mum. I didn't want her to see my face and the bite marks since I knew that would upset her. The more she looked at me, the more angry she would be. Well, at least that was what I thought.
I never studied in my room before. I would always be in the kitchen and only leave when I was going to sleep. But I had to admit that it was calming when I spent time in this room. It was so quiet except for the traffic noises. There was no distraction from mum or the TV. It was just me all alone and the memories of Melissa lying beside me on the bed. I smiled each time she crossed my mind.
I really missed her a lot.
I stopped my revision when I heard a car outside of the house. I thought it was my dad at first because he would usually come home at this hour. But the engine sounded differently. It was less noisy than dad's and when I heard multiple doors were opened and closed, that was when I was so certain that it wasn't dad's car.
I closed the book and threw it aside before getting on my feet. My hand roamed on the bedside table, looking for my hair band and starting to tie my hair neatly once I found it.
When I opened my bedroom door, I heard voices downstairs. So I sped up my steps, walking down the stairs until I almost reached the front door, where the words spoken were audible.
"Mum?" I called to signal them about my presence there.
"Hah! Finally someone is out from her room!" Mum started to allude me.
I ignored her completely because I didn't want to talk back and ignite her anger much more. So I just continued walking until I could feel the door frame with my hand.
"Roseanne..." Melissa's soft voice greeted me.
"Lisa..." I gave a half bow. "Please come in"
"That's not necessary, Rosé. She can talk right here"
I almost gasped. Was that my mother? She never disrespected guests before!
"Mum, what are you doing? Let Lisa in, she's our guest"
I tried to argue but only met a disappointment when Melissa stopped me.
"Hey, that's okay" She spoke and I could tell she was smiling right now since her voice proved for itself. "I can't stay long anyway, I need to go home soon"
Tears started to form in my eyes, feeling all the heaviness across my chest. My mum was obviously disrespecting her, yet she was still standing there and smiling. I had never felt so bad towards her before. Besides, I didn't know she would come that night. She did tell me that she would but not exactly when. I thought it might be tomorrow or the day after, just not on the same day. But I was wrong.
"So..." Melissa talked again. "I'm so sorry for everything Mrs. Pearce"
Mum didn't say anything back. She could be staring at the girl right now, probably thinking of how to react to her apology.
"I appreciate your effort, Melissa" Mum finally spoke after seconds of silence. "I believe my daughter has told you what happened this morning. That's what brought you here" She pressed her voice. "And I admire your bravery for still coming here and showing your face in front of me-"
"Mum!" I warned her with a higher tone this time because I couldn't believe what she just said to Melissa.
But to add to my existing misery, mum just ignored my voice as if I wasn't even there.
"But are you really sorry?" She continued to talk to Melissa with a suppressed anger in her tone. "Because you seem like you really enjoyed with what you are doing to my daughter, Ms. Maas"
I wanted to yell at her so she would stop her words. Melissa came with such sincerity and manners, but mum replied her with such a disgrace like she didn't deserve any respect at all. And just when I thought the night couldn't get any worse than that, dad's car pulled in before Melissa could speak.
Great. Just great.
"Ma'am?" I heard dad's voice after he got out from the car, sounding all confused. "Jongnam? What's happening?"
His footsteps made noises towards us all when neither Melissa or Jongnam answered him.
"San? What's going on?" Dad asked mum this time, and he surely would get the answer he was seeking for.
"As you already know," Mum began to talk. "Look at your daughter's neck right there. That's the answer when you asked me what Melissa did at our house last night"
Dad was silent. He didn't say a word about it as he probably stared at me now. That could be there reason why he gone speechless. He might be surprised by what he was looking at.
"And Melissa thinks by coming here and apologise, she will solve everything" Mum added.
"What else you want her to do, mum?" I interrupted because I was getting sick of hearing mum putting the blame on Melissa alone. She sounded like the girl could have done something better than just apologising to fix things up. There wasn't anything else that could be done and mum actually knew that apologising was the right thing to do. But she just wanted to drag things out.
She was obviously lashing out her anger to Melissa alone and that wasn't fair at all.
"Thank you ma'am," I heard dad's voice speaking to the girl he worked for. It was so surprising to me when dad sounded almost as calm as Melissa at that time. "I'll discuss about this matter with my family later. Please go home, it's late already" He finished his sentence in a way he should be.
"That's it?!" Mum exclaimed in dissatisfaction. "That's all you've got to say to her?!"
"San, go inside and take Rosé with you" Dad gave out orders to mum.
"You are so unbelievable! Are you scared of Melissa?!"
"I am asking you to take Rosé inside-"
"Just because you work for her father?!" Mum cut his sentence off. "You are just going to let her take advantage on our blind daughter for her own interest?!"
"What are you talking about, San?"
"She's clearly using Rosé for her sexual needs! How can you not notice it?!"
Melissa had been silent for a while since dad arrived. She just let mum talked and I could tell that she was trying so hard not to get mad. But after what mum said about her, she decided not to shut her mouth anymore.
"Mrs. Pearce?" She finally let out her voice. "You have all the rights to get mad at me, but with all due respect-" Melissa's speech was interrupted when her voice began to get shaky. "I never use Roseanne the way you accused me for"
"Accuse?!" Mum's voice gone higher, probably feeling intimidated by what Melissa replied to her. "I'm her mother! I'll think of the worst thing that could happened to her. Your mum would do the same if she was in my shoes!"
"Ma'am? Let's go" I heard Jongnam's voice, persuading Melissa to get out from this situation that she didn't deserve to be in at the first place. But she didn't move at all. She stayed there and let me wonder.
What are you waiting for, Lisa? How much more could you take?
Even I couldn't stand hearing to my own mother, how could she still be here?
As I thought mum already finished with her wrath, she continued to talk again. "Oh, my bad" She wrapped her voice with sarcasm. "Your mother won't do that since she doesn't care about you"
There was a thump against my chest, tearing my heart piece by piece when I heard the sentence that came out from mum's mouth.
"Just because you are a neglected child, you can't just come around and ruin other people's daughter, Melissa"
"San!" Dad finally yelled at mum, coming close to where mum and I were standing. "What's wrong with you?!"
But not even a yell from her husband could stop her from freeing her rage.
"You know how hard I take care of Rosé?" Mum ignored dad just like she ignored me as she continued talking to Melissa. "I take care of her harder than these people your father pays to take care of you"
Nobody talked again after that. My dad was speechless, just like me. I never heard my mum talking like this in my fifteen years of existence since she was the softest human being ever. But I guessed everyone had their own switch and they changed when the switch was flicked. In my mother's case, I was her switch.
"You are right, Mrs. Pearce" Melissa's voice cracked the heavy silence between us all. "I'm not as lucky as Roseanne"
My heart finally shattered when I heard the way she spoke. She sounded so sad and broken but still forcing herself to talk calmly.
"These are your clothes, Roseanne" She talked to me, probably reaching for my hand since I could hear her footsteps and also the sound of a plastic bag getting squeezed. "My maids already washed them"
But her hand never met mine when I felt mum's instead, pushing me to the back.
"Let me take that, Melissa. You don't have to touch her anymore"
"Mum!"
She ignored me as I heard the sounds of the plastic again and it reached my chest when mum gave it to me to hold.
"Good night Mr. and Mrs. Pearce" Melissa bid her goodbye in hurry. "Good night Roseanne..."
She just left before I could reply to her. The footsteps she made were fast, sounding like she was running away.
"Lisa!" I called for her with a hope that she would stop, but she didn't. "Dad, please go after her!"
I asked for dad's help instead because I couldn't see which way I should go. I asked for his help because I knew he cared about Melissa. And I was right as I heard dad began to run.
"Mel!"
That was the first time I heard dad called her by her name without any salutation at front. I guessed that was how dad addressed her whenever they had conversation in the kitchen at the big house like dad told me back then about how close he was to her. But nothing could stop Melissa at that time. Not even dad. I heard the tyres squealing as they were spinning so fast and the tears I had been holding, dropped as I could feel the pain Melissa must have felt.
Why must mum said such cruel things to her? Was it necessary to hurt her that way? Melissa was kind enough to come and apologise but that was what she got in return.
I told you not to do this Lisa. You get hurt because of me.
I hugged the plastic bag against my chest as sobs started to escape from my mouth. I turned around immediately, climbing the stairs to return to my room but I felt a grasp around my arm right after.
"What? Are you mad at me now?" Mum's voice entered my ears. She still had the cockiness in her tone that really sparked my anger in instant.
Why was it still not enough for her? She already talked that way to Melissa and now she wanted to do the same to me?
I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes, and exhaled all my devastation out.
"I hate you, mum"
OMFFFFGGGMDCKKKKKKK
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