At this point you've probably realized that some things in life don't come easy, like inspiration. We need someone to be our inspiration in life, someone we can write and sing about. A person who makes you want to scream but also fills you with lust. This chapter will be about inspiration, my inspiration in life.
This month was where I became somewhat of a loner, it all started with my friends Emily and Airalyn. Airalyn and I have been friends since sixth grade, to be honest our friendship was never stable. As seventh graders we had a friend group. Me, her, him, a boy named Alex, and a girl named Jennifer. We thought we were going to be friends forever; then something went wrong.
Let me give some background on the friendship: Airalyn and Jennifer had been dating for five months up to this point and had just broken up.
It all happened so fast, we came back to the friendship as soon as we split up. The only person who hadn't returned was Airalyn.
Fast forward to this year, Airalyn and I reunited and Him, Jennifer, Alex and I were no longer associated with one another. Emily is someone who I had met through extra curricular activities and we became really close. Emily, Airalyn and I were the new group; we had everything you would want in a friendship, or at least that's what I thought. Most everything was there other than loyalty and honesty. I hadn't learned this until this month, it all started with Him.
Airalyn and Him had always been friends, especially after our split he proceeded to get closer to her. For the most part, I wasn't bothered by their friendship as long as it didn't involve me. Everything was fine until the flashbacks, I began to remember everything so vividly. It was like it was replaying right in front of me, like I was reliving what I had already lived once.
As I began to open up about what I was going through Emily had gotten very territorial over him and would make violent advances towards me. It was unlike her to be like this, it was the same things I had talked about before; why all of a sudden is a problem?
Mistake number four, the final mistake: your friends aren't you therapist, talk about your problems and you won't get the response you want.
Things began to spread and as quick as they came into my life they were gone. There was a new friend group, Emily, Airalyn, and Him. Not me. Though, I had Taylor.
This month is the same month where my life began to really crumble and it was my fault. My mother went out one night and refused to tell us where she was. She then proceed to lie about when she was going to be home and declined my and my sisters phone calls, I began to see the pattern, I began to see my father in my mother's eyes.
My mother returned home about two hours after originally claimed and my older sister confronted her about it. It began again, the loud noises rattling in my brain and my inability to move. "Maybe I wouldn't be like this if you didn't spend all your time on April." SLAM! There it was, thats was my que to make a terrible decision. I grabbed my phone and called my father to ask if I could stay with him for a few days.
I constantly felt like I wasn't wanted in the house and I wasn't worth the time. I was a nuisance to my family and I wanted to be excluded from my situation. After I got off the phone the banging stated and only got louder. The stairs sounded like they could snap under the pressure, my heart began to violently race,
"You really want to live with your dad? You think it's going to be better in his ghetto ass apartment? You can go to him right now!"
"No I can't!"
"WHY?"
"Because he's not home!"
"Exactly! And he had been for the past fourteen years of your life so why do you think it's going to change now?"
She didn't get it, I didn't want to leave because of her I wanted to leave for Katherine. I didn't want to be the burden I had always been, I just wanted some space. There it was, I lost my mother and my sister.
The continuance of the argument was on my way to school. My mother continued to bash my decision and I profusely apologized and tried to make her understand why I was leaving, but there was nothing. That day I had to leave school early because I couldn't pull myself together.
So, I lost Him, Jennifer , Alex, Emily, Airalyn, my dad, my sister and my mom, give or take a few a long the way. I lost my family and I lost my social life, what more is there to loose?