---------------Summary------------
Whenever Tweek talks about his boyfriend, none believes he is talking about the same Craig everybody knows.
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It was a cold morning in South Park, the wind blew, a freezing breeze danced along a messy gold mane. Tweek was sitting on the playground. As usual, nothing but his dress up green shirt, his nose and cheeks red for the cold but he seemed unbothered at all, the warm coffee on his hands seemed to be enough heath for him.
"Dude! What the fuck!?" A familiar voice exclaimed. "It's freezing and you are wearing nothing but... THAT!?" Clyde pointed out Tweek's outfit. He just smiled at the group approaching.
"Seriously tho, you could get very sick. You should cover a little more, Tweek." Said Token.
"Y-yeah! M-Maybe you could ask your ro-ro... your Romeo to heat you up a bit?" Jimmy winked, a fist hitting his shoulder almost made him lost balance.
"Shut up. He's seen worst, leave him alone." Craig protested.
"But it's soooo cold, Craig!" Clyde complained. "I'm cold too! Warm me up with a hug~"
"Fuck off, hugs are disgusting. Besides, if you are THAT cold, buy a second jacket then. It's not like it's gonna make you look fat, you already are."
"So mean!" the brunette wined again. "Do you kiss Tweek with such dirty mouth? I would never allow you to kiss me with that mouth!"
"And you have a normal one yet nobody wants to kiss you. So no need to worry."
"Hey! I've kissed Bebe many times!"
"Poor girl doesn't know better."
"Token!! Craig is being mean to me!"
The blonde smiled standing up. Indeed, he has been "wearing" his barbarian outfit even on the snow, so this was actually nothing for him, but still appreciated Clyde's worry.
"Come on, guys! We agreed to meet Tweek here to show him the new Taco shop!" The brunette wined. "You are gonna love it! It has all kind of tacos, enchiladas and burritos! And their guacamole is the best around!"
"I know, you have been talking about it the whole week." The blonde said.
"Yeah, but that's because you've been working instead of hanging out with us! It's your own fault this extended for so long."
"Fair enough..."
"Let's go already! All you can eat! Token invites anyways!"
"HEY! I never said I'll pay! Clyde! come back here!"
Token went running after the brunette, with Jimmy following close behind to see the commotion on first line. Tweek drank the last sip of his coffee and disposed the cup on the trash, he had to go today or Clyde would keep crying for the next week about the Taco Shop again.
The blonde began to walk when he felt someone pulling on his hand. It was Craig, a jacket-less Craig placing the blue cloth on the blonde's shoulders.
"I don't need it, you know?"
"I didn't asked you, you know?" The noirette continued to dress up the other one. "Even if you don't feel the cold that doesn't mean you won't get sick. I'm wearing long sleeves anyways, don't worry about me." Tweek gave a shy smile, Craig didn't like long sleeves.
"It's not warm enough then."
"Want me to hug you?"
"What about the 'hugs are disgusting' part? huh?"
"They are." Tweek frowned. "But not when it's you."
Craig proceeded to embrace the blonde, a caressing and soft hug followed by butterfly kisses all over Tweek's face. The blonde giggled allowing the raven to squeeze him tight for a good minute before pulling apart and following the rest hand by hand.
Once at the taco shop, they ordered almost everything. Clyde somehow managed to convince Token to pay for lunch for this one's dismay. A table served with a lot of dishes, sure everyone was excited! Except maybe Tweek... He wasn't that used to that kind of food.
"Come on, Tweek! You have to try a little of everything, that's why we brought you here!" Clyde insisted.
"Oh jesus! W-What if it makes me sick? Too much spices, man! W-WHAT IF IT GETS REALLY BAD!? W-WHAT IF I ACTUALLY GET FOOD POISONED AND DIE!! THIS FOOD CAN KILL ME, MAN!"
"Hey, relax." Craig intervened. "It won't, besides you don't need to eat the whole thing."
"J-Ju-Just the tip is enough, huh C-Craig?" Jimmy joked. Craig flipped him off with a disapproval look.
"You don't need to eat everything, Tweek." Token said trying his best to cut the tension. "Just what you can handle. Obviously nobody is going to eat everything alone, not even Clyde."
"Doubt" Said Craig while picking on some food.
"Stop! This is bullying!" Clyde cried out. "First you want me to freeze to death and now you make fun of my appearance!"
"Yes. Pretty much." Said Craig not even bothering to look at him. "If you don't want to freeze buy another jacket, if you don't want people to make fun of you... well, that's impossible, there's always something to make fun of you."
"Why are you so meeeean!?"
"What are friends for?"
The noirette finished by finally gazing at his direction and flipping him off. Clyde gave up and sat back to eat too.
"W-Wha-What a honest answer. S-Sss-su-suu-sure as expected from a f-f-fr-friend, right?"
"Not fair." Clyde pounded.
"That's somehow true" Token intervened in the conversation. "Friends and people in general will always look for something to make fun of you. Remember when the guys made fun of me because I was rich and ended up hanging out with a bunch of rich pussies? Everyone would just look for something else to point out. That's how people interact, I guess?"
"Yeah" Said the twitchy blonde. "But the good thing about friends saying that it's that it doesn't feel as painful as when random people say it."
"Y-yo-you sure might know a lot about it, huh? Tweek."
"I guess..." The blonde shrink on his seat feeling somehow awkward.
Indeed, his hair was as terrible as his fashion sense, he couldn't even put on a shirt with all the buttons right. He was twitchy, jumpy and tend to scream a lot. He was a mine of things to point out and let the jokes tell themselves just by watching him. He was a freak.
"There's always something to make fun of anyone, and I have a lot..."
"No. You don't." The stoic kid interrupted.
"But you just said it one second ago!" Clyde complained. "Is it ok to make fun of me and how do I look but not Tweek?"
"Yes." Craig said taking a bite of something. "Your fat, ugly and a fucking crybaby."
"You are cruel!" Clyde cried out loud. "Why always me!? I mean Tweek looks like a fuc-"
SLAM!
"LIKE A WHAT!?" Craig interrogated after letting his fist made contact with the table making the plates shake in place and a few salsas splashing around. "Come on. Say it.... I DARE you to finish that."
The tension was real and everyone felt it. The dead silence was dense and seemed like a fight could start any second.
"Craig. Chill, bro." Token finally spoke. "We are supposed to be here for a good time."
The raven relaxed on his seat again and back to pick on his food. He didn't seem mad at all, but still not totally on his 'usual neutral state' so it was better not to bother him at all.
After lunch, the whole gang decided to hang up for a while at the mall.
Thing turned out to calm down quick and Craig's gang walked in and out stores looking for nothing at all and buying some useless shit as usual. From departmental stores, furniture, electronics, everything. Just hanging around and spending time together.
"Oh, wait you guys!" Said the little blonde "I need to make a stop in the candle store."
Tweek, moved his tiny legs on a rush inside the shop but always careful enough not to drop anything, being charged for it, not having the money, calling his parents, whose might be forced to sell the house and sell Tweek to slavery and forced to live on unsanitary condition for sure! Or at least on his mind.
The rest followed behind with not much enthusiasm. The store was pretty, candles of many colors, some pretty rocks, books, leaves, flowers, perfumes, and ALL kinds of smelly stuff. The smells weren't bad at all, who doesn't love the smell of lavender or roses? But mixed all together was hard to tolerate.
"Dude, this store stink."
"Yeah, dude! I feel like trowing up..." Clyde covered his mouth and Token took him outside Jimmy wasn't much of a fan either and after telling Craig they'll better wait outside he left.
Tweek on the other hand seemed pretty happy, he was used to strong smells mixed from working at the coffee shop and pretty smell of the candles always relaxed him so he frequented the place quite often.
"Look, Craig! They have cotton candles today! It's hard to find these around, most smell terrible but this store has just the best ones!"
"Yeah, those smell nice. You should take a few more just in case."
"Yeah! I'll go ring up for this, don't move!"
"Ok, babe."
Craig just stayed there... standing his ground surrounded by all those beautiful smells that combined into something nauseous from time to time.
"How does he do that?...." Asked Token at the distance.
"I-I be-believed he got rea-really annoyed by t-tho-th-tho-that stuff."
"He does, or at least he did." Commented Clyde looking at Craig's figure with all seriousness. "It's like he is not Craig at all... like a super soldier or something. He might be a clone!"
"You sound kinda like Tweek now, man."
"That's it Token! Maybe it was Tweek!"
"Oh for God's sake..."
"No! I'm telling you, dude! Tweek should be behind it! There's no other reason all of this could happen otherwise!"
"... Clyde... you are f-fu-f-fucking nuts. Or r-re-retard!... or maybe both."
"YOU SAW IT! DIDN'T YOU!? The jacket! THE HUG! The non-mockery FROM CRAIG! And now those candles!" He... kinda had a point... or at least to Token and Jimmy who changed their expression from annoyed to worried as Clyde spoke. "You guys know no actual human can be that unbothered by that stinky store. Specially Craig who complains and shit on everything it bothers him."
"I mean... true. But..."
"But what, Token? He might be a clon! Or maybe a mutant Craig! There are rumors about this 'super substance' on the Tweak's coffee shop that makes their coffee that good. What if they are experimenting on Craig and turning him into a human weapon or something?"
"Dear Jesus! I've he-hea-heard th-ehose rumors too!"
"See? Even Jimmy agrees. This has to be it, Token. This Craig acts weird, we need to do something!"
"Hey guys, sorry for the delay!" Tweek cheered up interrupting the conspiracy theory. All eyes were on Craig at first and then they coordinated switch to Tweek with a mix of suspicion and fear. "W-what?..."
Silence.
An awkward silence, with glares switching between the two with no word at al-
"Tweek. Did you brain washed, cloned or drugged Craig somehow in order to obey you?" Token dropped it.
"What?... Token what are you-"
"Yeah, he did." Craig answered out of nowhere.
"WHAT!?" Screamed the other four at unison while Craig remained unbothered.
"I KNEW IT! TWEEK! HOW DARE YOU!" Clyde acussed.
"W-WAIT! NO! I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH THING!"
"Yeah, you did. Not the clone part tho."
"CRAIG! WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT!? I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT!"
"Yeah you have. I dunno how, but somehow I feel like you are changing me. Like those DNA implants of super heroes movies. Even tho I dunno how they feel... it's kinda how I think it would feel at least."
"I AIN'T DO ANYTHING!!"
Calling the attention of the whole mall, the kids were escorted out after a while, talking on the way they finally agreed that there was something happening but Tweek might be innocent. Even tho Tweek confessed the existence of a secret ingredient he didn't even know whta it was, but he promised to ask his parents if it was some nuclear or radioactive substance.
They each walked to their respective home, Craig took longer since he walked Tweek home first. His mom was cooking dinner while Trisha and Thomas were on their phones on the couch.
Craig walked to the stairs, but stopped for a second. After a few seconds he changed his target and walked into the kitchen with his mom and just stood there for a moment unsure of his decision.
"What is it, honey?" Asked Laura once she felt Craig for too long.
"Mom... how being drugged feels like?"
"What?..." The blonde woman dropped the bowl on her hands and turned around to see her son. "Why are you asking such thing, Craig?..."
"I know this is no news for you mom, but... Clyde is a fucking idiot."
"Yeah. What does that had to do with drugs?"
"Well, he somehow believes Tweek drugged me or something because I act... non-Craig at all with him and indeed I feel kinda weird sometimes. But I believe Tweek is innocent."
"Mhmmm... I see. Well, bad news. This seems to be Tweek's doing."
"What!?"
"Yeah, you act weird because of a drug he gives you every day. I've seen it."
"WHAT!? AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME!?"
"I thought you knew! You also see it everyday."
"I ain't see shit!"
"Of course you've done! It's called 'love' baby." Craig's mouth dropped and his face went all red.
"That's fucking gay! Are you serious!?"
"Just as gay as you. Now go wash your hands and get the family's asses on the dinner table. Dinner is ready!"
Next day after that cheesy night. Tweak's coffee was brewing with people. The rumor of getting Captain America's abilities for drinking coffee spreed like wildfire. It was later discovered to be fake, but the sales were great that day and the next three days on a row.
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Sorry I ain't be active. I've been so lazy lately and I have so many drafts I ain't finish but I wanted to distract myself today, so here I finally finished one!