Author's Note:
According to most of your comments, you guys much preferred the first person format, so this chapter is back to that :) Hope the transition wasn't too weird. I might eventually go back to the previous two chapters and change that, but I barely have time to write these days at all, so we'll see! Hope you enjoy this chapter!
Q.
Devon:
I've got a secret.
Thankfully, after years in the entertainment industry, I've gotten pretty good at keeping secrets, but I still have that little shifty feeling inside me, tempting me to reveal it to someone.
But I won't. Not yet. Not until I have some concrete answers.
I've got enough on my place with my album release date approaching. There's only seven months to go, which means J-Pow's already demanding to listen to some of the tracks I've been working on with Freddie Junior, so we can start deciding which songs will make it onto the album tracklist.
I want to get Kyle's opinion too, but for some reason, I'm apprehensive about asking him. It makes no sense, really, since once it's released, the whole world will be able to hear it, but I still feel like the songs are too personal, too close to me, and I know I would feel so vulnerable playing them for Kyle.
That's the nature of my work, though, and I have to admit I'm proud that despite all my years in the business, I still write all my own music and still have an emotional connection to the songs I put out.
Kyle and I haven't been able to hang out as much recently, since I've been at the studio with Freddie Junior practically every day. J-Pow's also sent Kyle on a short radio tour to push his new album and promote his new sneaker line.
It's weird.
Kyle and I have an interesting friendship. We don't usually talk about serious or personal issues, which I've realized Kyle prefers, but we still somehow know more about each other than anyone else. At this point, Kyle knows more about me than even Hazel does. That being said, for the most part we just play video games and talk about music.
Which is why it's weird that I feel like I miss having him around. I'm so busy that even if he were in town, I wouldn't have the time to just hang out at home and play Atomic Warfare III for hours, but still, I feel his absence more strongly than I thought I would.
I mention it to Hazel over coffee, and she merely shrugs.
"Of course you miss him. He's, like, your best friend. It's normal," she says.
I consider this. I've never really had a best friend. After all, I started working as a musician full time when I was only fifteen. I lost touch with all of my childhood friends, not having enough time to properly keep up with them.
I have friends in the industry, sure, but they're more like acquaintances, really. I never had a real, genuine connection with someone until Hazel. And now, Kyle. I suppose Hazel might be right. I don't exactly have enough experience to know what best friends are like. Until now, maybe.
"Have you been following his radio tour?" Hazel asks.
"Uhm, no," I admit, suddenly feeling like a bad friend. I've been so busy lately that I didn't even think about it, but now I wish I had.
"They keep asking him about you," says Hazel, with a grin. "It must be driving him crazy."
I find a grin growing on my face as well.
"Yeah," I say, "He hates when they ask him about anything not related to the music."
"Ugh, he should try a day in my shoes," Hazel groans, and I feel a rush of sympathy for her. Hazel gets the worst questions by far, with reporters showing more interest in who she may be dating or what she's wearing than anything else. What with J-Pow also encouraging her to maintain a party-girl image, Hazel has a hard time getting people to take her and her music seriously.
"You should listen to his next radio interview," Hazel says, bringing my attention back to the conversation at hand.
"Well, if they're asking about me, of course I have to," I joke. "I bet he's talking mad shit about me."
Hazel rolls her eyes. "Please. You know how interviewers always struggle to get a word out of him? When they bring you up, he's suddenly got a lot to say."
"Really?"
Hazel nods, smiling.
"It's like he's gone from your mortal enemy to your biggest fan."
Kyle
You'll never catch me complaining about staying in five-star hotels. I've done radio tours with Blue Banana before, of course, but they kept me moving, sort of like during a real tour, driving from city to city and sleeping in a tour bus that stank of sweat and gas.
This is definitely different. I'm only doing one or two radio stations per day, and my flights are in the morning, with the interviews in the afternoon, and plenty of time in the evening to chill out in whatever hotel I'm in for the night.
I have to say, as unpleasant as Powell may seem as a person, he's definitely an organized and efficient manager. I've never had a radio tour this relaxed. The purpose of the tour is to promote On The Edge and my new Edgersline of sneakers, but so far, there have been far more questions regarding Devon. At first I thought it was annoying, but I found that I actually don't mind that much
"So tell us, Kyle," says the host, a loud and smiley woman named Lorna, in a gossipy tone. "Is Devon really the Southern sweetheart he presents himself as or is that all an act?"
It's funny, I had always thought it was an act, it was one of the many things I 'hated' about him, back before we actually met.
"It's definitely authentic," I say, "which surprised me, too. I didn't think he could be quite that nice, but he is."
Lorna looks utterly enthralled, even though I haven't said much.
"Fascinating," she says, "And what would you say to all the fans who still have you pitted against each other, who argue that your music is better than his or vice versa?"
I pause, considering how to put this. Razor is much more concerned with what I put out into the media than Blue Banana was. I know it's technically a good thing, because they're looking out for my image, but it makes me question everything I want to say.
"Well, everyone has different taste in music, there's nothing wrong with that," I say, slowly. "But I have a lot of respect for Devon, because he's a real musician. He writes all of his own songs and takes his craft very seriously. It's always inspiring to be around another artist who puts so much work into what they do."
I'm only realizing what I'm saying as it's coming out of my mouth, and only realizing how true it is once I've said it.
It's public knowledge that Devon writes his own songs, but in this industry, that doesn't always mean what it sounds like. Often there's a whole team of writers working with the singer, six or seven people who all write the song together. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but since I've always written my own songs, since being a songwriter was one of the first ways I was able to identify myself, I have a lot of respect for other artists who do the same.
Devon pours his heart and soul into his work, and you can really how emotionally invested he is in his career. It means a lot more to him than the money or the fame, it's so personal with him, sometimes so serious, too. It's like he'd die if he wasn't able to do this, if he wasn't able to do what he loves. It reminds me of why I started writing in the first place, when I was in foster care. It was a form of escapism, something to distract me from all the shittiness, but it was also cathartic in that it let me get my emotions out in some way, since there wasn't anyone I could really talk to about how I was feeling. Songwriting was my lifeline, oftentimes the only thing that kept me going, and when I started getting encouragement—even small comments from the music teacher who would overhear me practicing—it was like my whole world had changed. When I got my deal at Blue Banana, it gave me the most incredible feeling of freedom, like there was nothing holding me back, nothing tying me to the earth, no more chains around my body, chains that I had felt my whole life. That's what being around Devon is like.
My heart starts to sink as I realize that I'm in way too deep.