Zayn opened the passenger door for me and I slid in. I watched him make his way to the driver's side and seat himself next to me, sending me a wide smile before starting the engine and driving off. He placed his free hand on my knee— sensually carressing it as he drove. The amount of pleasure that shot through me from his innocent touch was insane.
I threw my head back, savouring the moment. Without thinking I reached for his hand and dragged it higher up my thigh as I opened my legs to accommodate him.
I heard him chuckle but was far too aroused to retort. Slowly he trailed his hand further between my legs— barely touching me.
Soft moans left my lips and I opened my eyes to watch him and fuck I got wetter just by the sight of him.
I felt him pull my panty to the side, all the while driving like nothing was going on.
He began to rub me slowly which forced several moans out of my lips. I had been starved of his touch for five days and almost forgot how good he is at pleasing me. As I've said countless times before— Zayn knows how to fuck. He could take away my mobility for a week from just fingering me if he wanted to.
He sensually inserted a finger into me and the rest was a blur. At some point he had parked the car and you can only imagine the things we did to each other. Things our bodies were dying for.
I lost track of time and we finally pulled away from each other. Zayn continued our drive home with his hand on my knee. He never drives without touching me whenever I'm next to him and to an extent it's very intimate when he does it.
"Can I call Cheryl on your phone?"
I turned to Zayn and he handed me his phone without a slight hesitation. It was my first time ever touching his phone, literally. I've never touched it ever. I swiped to unlock but there was a passcode which willed me attempt to hand him back his phone to unlock it.
"Unlock it please!"
"It's my birth year."
I frowned. It was until then that it hit me that I didn't know what his birth date was. Shit I don't even how old he is and yet here I am fucking dying for him. I would've known this the very moment I met him if he wasn't soo closed-off to begin with.
It registered in his mind that I didn't know and he chuckled.
"It's 1993."
I typed it in and gasped at his wallpaper which completely caught me off guard. It's was my butt, I knew for a fact because my tattoo was on display.
"Really?"
I mocked with sass and he chuckled yet again.
"It's one hella fine butt, can you blame me?"
"Well, it does look really different in this picture. I only know it's me cause of my tattoo."
I agreed. I mean you should see the picture.
"—Nothing compared to the real thing."
I giggled and rolled my eyes. Ignoring him I dialled Cheryl's number
"Hello?"
She used her sweet voice and I chuckled.
"Oh please, if I didn't know you I would've fallen for that."
I just had to— I was almost fooled.
"Where the fuck are you? I almost called the damn cops because I saw your keys on the counter and have been calling you for ages. You have no idea how fucking scared I was. I thought someone kidnapped your ass. You must be crazy scaring me like that."
Her voice was stern, leaving no room for jokes as I listened to her and by how loudly she was talking— Zayn could definitely hear her.
I opened my mouth to speak but she beat me to it.
"Muna you better answer my damn question before I lose my shit! I'm still panicking."
I opened my mouth yet again to speak but the stupid bitch wouldn't let me and she's wondering why I wasn't replying.
"—Are you with someone? Oh please tell me you aren't with that Nicholas dude!"
My eyes widened and Zayn's head instantly snapped in my direction.
"Would you let me fucking talk already?"
I snapped at her and she scoffed.
"Good. . . I'm fine and yes I'm with someone but not with Nicholas. Why would you even think I'm with him?"
I quickly stole a glance at Zayn who's face had gone sour. He wore his signature death glare accompanied with a tight clenching of his jaw. His knuckles turned white before my eyes at how hard he was suddenly holding on to the steering wheel.
Thank you Cher, really.
"Well you did say he wanted to meet up. For the record, I can't stand that egotistical asshole but you should already know by now."
She was salty and I just chuckled.
"Whose number are you calling me on? Wait who are you with?"
"Can you please ask one question at a time? And to answer your questions even though it's none of your business, I'm with Zayn."
There was silence on the other end as I waited for her to speak. Zayn noticed her hesitation as well as he finally turned to looked at me.
"Did you go back?"
I wanted to tell her I couldn't and didn't intend to for a while but he was seated right next to me.
"You're asking too many questions Cher, jeez."
I answered in utter frustration and I trusted her to know from my reply that he was the one who sought me out.
"Stop being foolish babes! Even if it's going to end tomorrow, be happy!"
"I love you Cher. I gotta go now—"
"I love you more, wayy more. Stay safe and please make it up to that hunk with great sex. You can use the cake frosting thing I told you about. Go down on the man. It really does work mirac—"
I had had enough at that point.
"—Cher enough please. Bye!"
With that I quickly hung up before she could try to convince me.
Zayn didn't utter a word to me as I sunk into my seat. I couldn't ignore the staleness of the air. I did owe him an apology after all. This isn't my first time switching up and running out on him.
We drove in the direction of his penthouse instead of the mansion. He threw the keys to the valet when we arrived, ending his sudden anger on the poor gentleman as he lead the way up and I followed.
One minute it's cloudy and the next it's sunny when he's involved.
His penthouse looked the exact same way it did when I was last in it, spotless. He left me standing in the sitting room and walked away which made me frown.
I walked in on him taking off his shirt and stood at the door. It occurred to me that I hadn't slept on this bed before. My scent wasn't scattered all over it and a small part of me already knew why he left the mansion.
"I'm sorry."
I barely spoke but he heard me. However, he ignored me and sat at the edge of the bed, burying his face in his palm.
"That's all we ever are babe, sorry."
His eyes never met mine. I needn't be a magician to know that something was bothering him and it killed me knowing I'm the cause. Looking at him now I could only imagine how much I must be hurting him.
I made my way closer, kneeling before him and he still wouldn't look at me.
"Hey," I whispered, reaching for his face to will him on.
"—Why did it hurt so fucking much?"
His voice was strained as he finally looked at me. His eyes were void of any emotion. He pulled me closer by the neck, nuzzling his nose into my jaw— inhaling my scent deeply.
My breath instantly became shaky as I held onto his hands.
He pulled away suddenly and shook his head.
"I don't know what's going on between us. As much as I want to be buried inside of you every time we fight, I hate the fact that we can't talk it out. Talk to me!"
I stare at him blankly in his state of frustration and hurt which is yet still surprising to me even though I've gotten a glimpse of it lately. I shook my head 'no', denying him his request and he literally growled
"Do we always have to just fuck and leave it at that? Is that it?"
He looked on the verge of poisoning us and I on the verge of tears.
"No."
I barely whisper and he ran his fingers through his messy hair.
"I want you. I want to make this work. In my fucking weak ways I've tried but ever since you came back to me you've only ever pushed me away. I just want you to fucking want me, as bad as I want you. . ."
"As bad as you want me?"
I glared at him and he watched me silently.
"How bad do you want me Zayn?"
I scoffed in annoyance and he gave me his signature death glare.
"Exactly. To you this is a testing phase. I on the other hand, I fucking love you, my heart is on the fucking line because I fucking love you."
I yell in his face.
That's all we ever do these days— yell
"What a fucking good way of showing it then—"
He shook his head, turning his back to me.
"Because I've never fallen in love before. This is all new to me and I'm trying but it's so scary even more so that you make me think you feel the same way and then it hurts because in reality I know you don't."
He slowly turned to look at me and sighed.
"—It really fucking hurts to have the person you love not feel the same way."
My words broke him down instantly and I knew immediately he thought about her. At that point I couldn't hold back my tears— not being able to bear the pain of him thinking about her while I pour out my heart to him. I've always thought I feared being loved but now— really I feel like I fear not being loved the way I deserve to be loved.
"You know—"
I sigh knowing I was probably about to add to his pain right now.
"—It meant nothing, not while I looked at you. In that moment I felt nothing for you."
Fear and confusion were evident in his eyes. A second went by as realisation hit him as to what I was talking about.
"It scared me, after, that is. I hated the fact that I questioned my love for you because God am I sure how much I love you and it almost doesn't seem fair to whoever I might end up with in the future because I could never love them as much as I love you."
He is back to sitting on the edge at the bed and I stand between his parted legs.
"My point is I'm scared of loving you more than I already do but I'm more scared of growing out of my love for you. I'm scared that I'd always choose you. I don't ever mean to make you feel like I don't love you Zayn but this is all new to me and scary because while I'd always choose you, you'd always want her."
He shook his head to object but I couldn't bring myself to want to hear it.
"—No, don't speak"
I straddled him and he pulled me closer instantly, resting his hands on my waist.
My forehead is leaned against his as our breaths hit each other' faces.
"I fucking hate myself but I'm fine with that, as long as I have you. You're here with me, me."
He nodded his head and smashed his lips against mine, kissing my doubts away but I know that's what I want to believe. I kissed back, wrapping my arms around his neck and deepening our kiss which never escalated beyond that.
"Movies?"
I smiled and he nodded, pecking my lips several more times before he released me. There is soo much I know he wanted to say, I saw the look of desperation to speak in his eyes but I couldn't let him. As much as he knows all the right things to say sometimes— there are times when he doesn't. I wouldn't risk it because I didn't need to hear anything else. I didn't need convincing, he did. I didn't need him to tell me just how much he wants me when that sentence doesn't contain the word love in it. I love him— mine contains love and he can hear it.
The rest of our night was spent watching movies comfortably on his bed, cuddled up against each other and once again he's with me, me.
Not Kimberly, not Lilja, not any other woman he has ever had sexual relations with but me, me.
✯
Hello Lovelies,
Since I started this book, I haven't really kept track of the stats and stuff or the amount of reads really but I just want to thank everyone because hell all I imagined was probably less than a thousand reads but 40 chapters later and we're almost about to reach eight thousand read... 🤯
Wouldn't be possible without everyone that's reading this book right now. Honestly, thank you for finding this work of mine interesting enough to read it. I appreciate everyone of you, even the absolute ghost readers 😉
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•Princess T•