Alice Cooper filled your ears as you sat on the couch at Carol's party, you swigged a room temperature beer and tried to focus on what the girl next to you was saying, alcohol and a lack of care fogging up your brain. She was droning on about college, half to you, half to the guy stood in front of you in a drunken attempt to seduce him. You heaved up from your seat and wandered towards the kitchen, nodding a greeting to Carol.
"Have you seen Billy?" you called loudly over the music and shouting.
"Yeah, he went upstairs about 30 minutes ago, with um... With..." she clicked her fingers as she tried to recall the name.
"He's in one of the bedrooms anyway, you want another beer?" she asked, offered you a cold bottle.
"Yes I do" you answered in a sing-song tone, taking the beer and pulling off the cap.
"He shouldn't be long" she laughed.
You nodded and sipped your beer, looking around the party.
"I don't get it with you and Hargrove" You heard Tommy say behind you, you turned to face him, the bottle hovering around your lips.
"What is there to get?" you said with a shrug.
"So, you hang out, you chill at parties and you always go home together, even if he's banged some rando, but yet, you never do anything together like that?" his face was screwed up with confusion, trying to figure out the logic in your methods.
"And that's it, it's called friendship, Tommy." you said with a small laugh
"Billy does not have female friends, come on!" he observed
You shrugged, yours and Billy's friendship was a strange arrangement to some, but it was simple to the pair of you. It had started a few months back, when you attended a New Year's Eve party, Billy had nailed a girl and then had been desperate to get away from her as she hung off his arm, clinging and demanding his attention, you lived a few houses up the street from him and had staged an intervention because he looked so willing to get away it was almost painful, you were having a shitty time anyway so you asked him if he had wanted to walk home, he was delighted at the lifeline and you had walked home in the night. When you had reached his house he had seemed hesitant, the light on in the living room, his dad's car in the driveway, the silhouette of Neil pacing past the curtains. Sensing the tone you had asked him if he wanted to crash at yours, knowing full well nothing would happen as he'd just satisfied his hunger with some girl from school. And so, the routine began.
In the four walls of your room, the pair of you would talk for hours, watch dumb late night TV shows and listening to vinyl in the dark until you fell asleep.
"So you're telling me you've never thought once about it?" Carol asked with a grin.
"Of course, who hasn't? But it's just...not...that" you answered and took a sip of your beer.
"I think he likes you" Tommy's words caused you to almost spit out your beer
"Fuck off" you scoffed with a laugh.
You felt a hand touch the small of your back softly and you glanced over your shoulder, Billy reached over and grabbed your beer, taking a long drink. His blonde curls lightly stuck to his head with sweat, his face flushed slightly, his breathing heavy. He smiled at you, his lips glistening from the beer he had just chugged.
"Hey man, ready to go?" you asked as you pulled a cigarette from your pack, Billy flicked his Zippo open and lit it for you, his eyes traveled to the stairs as he saw his latest victim descending, smiling and waving manically at him.
"Mhm" he grunted in agreement, he picked up 2 bottles and shoved them into his denim jacket pockets, he then stole the cigarette from your fingers and balanced it between his lips, turning towards the door. You waved goodbye at Tommy and Carol and the pair of you left the party behind.
The night was mild with a small breeze as the pair of you walked
"You meet anyone in there?" Billy asked, as he always did.
"Nah" you answered, as you usually did.
"Saving yourself for me?" he replied with a charming grin, blowing smoke from his nose.
"Am I that transparent?" you said sarcastically, laughing.
"Hey, wait, one second" you stopped walking and he looked at you, confused, you stepped up close to him and examined his face, Billy licked his lips as he focused his blue eyes on you.
"W-what..?" he said softly.
You sucked on the sleeve of your hoodie and started rubbing the light pink lipstick mark off his cheek gently and you watched him sigh.
"Clean yourself up, buster" you laughed and caught his eye as you finished scrubbing the smudge from his face, Billy swayed forward towards you, his face almost colliding with yours and you pressed a hand on his chest, steadying him.
"Careful" you hummed as you checked his skin for any more remnants of makeup, then stroked his cheek lightly with your thumb and nodded.
"There, we go. All gone" Billy swayed forward again towards you and you raised your eyebrows.
"Come on, let's get to mine, you need to sleep this off, you're having trouble even standing big guy" You giggled as you stepped away from him and started walking home, over your shoulder you heard Billy sigh deeply before turning to follow you.
*
You stirred slowly in bed, running your tongue around your dry mouth and squinting up at the clock, 11.45am. Billy was asleep and snoring lightly into the nape of your neck, his arm lightly draped over your waist, his knees bent into yours tightly, his other arm hidden under the pillow. Slowly you ran your fingertips up his forearm gently, you had to admit you did like these soft mornings, the closeness between you two was enticing and sometimes you thought about what would happen if you rolled over and gave yourself to him. But your head knew better, you didn't judge Billy for the way he treated girls but you knew he wasn't one for attachment, plus, you were friends, in his eyes and your eyes, you were almost sure of that.
"Mmm" Billy hummed at your touch, tightening his grip around your waist and pulling you into him, you stiffened up as you felt him press his morning wood into the small of your back.
"Billy..." you said with a small laugh.
He snorted a giggle and released his grip on you.
"Sorry." he shifted on the sheets and rolled over with his back to you, huffing as he did so. You glanced over your shoulder at him, watching the way the muscles contracted in his back as he settled down, your eyes then fell upon the red nail marks etched into his skin from the night before.
"You want coffee?" you asked him softly.
"You know I don't drink that shit, why do you ask me every time I stay?" he grumbled back, huskily.
"Just being polite, jerk" you said back playfully and you saw his shoulders shake as he laughed silently.
Groaning as you got up, you headed to the kitchen and switched on the coffee machine, tapping your foot on the cold, tile floor. After a while you saw Billy appear in your bedroom doorway, he had gotten fully dressed and he was looking at you, but his expression was odd, his eyebrows were furrowed and he was fiddling with his hands.
"You okay?" you asked him as you poured yourself a mug of black coffee, you picked it up and cradled it, facing him with your back resting on the countertop. You looked him up and down, he had even put his boots on.
"You leaving early? Wheel of fortune is just abou–"
"I tried to kiss you last night." he blurted out.
His words hit you like a wall and you thought back, he wasn't swaying when you had stopped in the street and you became visibly confused.
"Wait wh–"
"Twice." he continued, he looked away from you and sighed.
"Okay, well" you flustered trying to find the words to say.
"You were drunk, Billy. You don't have to explain" you said to him, looking down into your coffee.
"No, I do. But I don't know how." he licked his lips nervously as he looked back at you, your look of confusion seemed to irritate him.
"It wasn't because I was drunk. I wanted to do it." he walked across the room to you and you could see him searching for the right words.
"10 minutes after you'd had sex with someone else?" you asked him, narrowing your eyes.
He shifted uncomfortably.
"Those girls don't mean anything, I'd much rather...The best part of my night is walking home with you" he mumbled as he looked at you, his blue eyes focused on your face, trying to read you.
You smiled softly at his comment, it made your stomach do a little flip, but still, you had no idea where this was coming from, every time you and Billy went out, he would sleep with someone else, you knew he had issues with closeness and at times could be extremely closed off but this was strange and out of character for him, you could tell by the way he was tugging at his shirt hem, the way his eyes darted around the room and he licked his lips before he spoke.
"I fell for you without even knowing it and, Jesus, does it hurt that you can't see it." he revealed, his voice cracking slightly as the words fell from his mouth and then instantly he shot towards your front door for an escape.
"Billy!" you called after him, trying to match his pace. But he was out the door and climbing into his car.
"Billy, don't go!" you called out but your words were drowned out by the sound of his engine roaring to life, the car squealed out of the driveway and was gone. You stopped in the doorway, the shock of what had happened running through your body.
*
7pm rolled around, the usual time you would hear Billy's car pull up to your house and the pair of you would prepare for the next drunken gathering, but you heard nothing, your driveway was morosely empty. After he had left you had sat and thought about everything, were you really so ignorant to his feelings? Or was he just so good at hiding them, you'd hadn't even realized?
Every soft hand on your back or shoulder, every ride home in his car singing to the radio, every cigarette shared, each time you had caught each other's gaze, or how he held you close in bed, the one time you'd had a bad dream and he'd kissed your forehead and stroked your back to lull you back to sleep.
"Oh my god" you'd whispered to yourself the realization sinking in.
He liked you. He liked you. Billy Hargrove liked you and as more than a friend. Tommy had been right.
"Fuck it" you said to the room and shoved on your shoes, you flung open your front door and saw that it was raining hard. You set off running into the night towards the party, Billy's routine in your head, you knew it like clockwork.
First off, keg stand.
You breathed hard as the rain beat down on you and you reached the bottom of your street.
Next, shotgun beers and killer shots.
The rain soaked through your shirt as you reached the main street of Hawkins, you skidded on the pavement and turned down a side road.
Then, find a girl who was drunk and willing.
You reached the street of the party, your legs ached and your skin was like ice.
Charm the girl and take her to bed.
You burst through Tina's front door, causing people to look in your direction, your hair was plastered to your head with rain and you were panting hard. You must have looked insane as you stalked through the house looking for the signature blonde curls, dripping rainwater onto the floor as you went, you spotted Carol and stormed up to her.
"Jesus, what happened?" she looked at you with shock.
"Have you seen Billy?" you asked, breathlessly.
Carol sighed at you and nodded.
"He, um, he's..." she trailed off and you nodded back.
"Okay, thanks." you felt your heart fall into your stomach
"He's outside" Tommy chimed.
"You might catch him." he looked at you with a smile and winked, knowingly.
You looked over his shoulder and patted him on the back gratefully as you rushed passed him to the garden, you reached the outside and looked around, finally you spotted Billy, stood under a canopy some girl was talking to him but instead of his usual charming demeanor he was musing over his beer, running his finger around the lip of the can slowly, disinterested in what she was saying.
"Billy!" you yelled across the garden, causing him to snap out of his daze and look at you, his eyebrows raised as he watched you stride over to him, everyone's eyes were on you, but you didn't care, you needed to know. His eyes ran over you as you stood in front of him, chewing his bottom lip and sighed.
"Did you mean it?" you asked him urgently.
"Excuse me?" the girl intruded.
"Fuck off" you snapped at her, causing Billy to smile.
"Did you mean it?" you asked again, the desperation in your voice bleeding through. You had witnessed Billy's charming words and easy compliments so many times you wanted to know if what he said was real or whether it was just a line. He looked down at the ground, tapping the rim of his beer can. Sighing defeatedly, your posture dropped and a wave of disappointment washed over you.
"Please" you whispered weakly. He carried on looking away and you flapped your arms in failure as you turned around to leave. You took a few steps before you felt a rough hand grab your wrist and spin you around, Billy leaned forward and kissed you hard, wrapping his arms around you, you inhaled sharply, breathing him in and returned the kiss, he tightened his grip and lifted you off the ground, deepening the kiss as he did so. You could feel the longing in his lips and you returned it, whimpering into his mouth softly. He broke the kiss and slowly lowered you back to the ground, smiling at you.
"I meant it." he confirmed to you as he wrapped his fingers around yours.
"I promise." he whispered with a nod.
A grin burst across your face and you bit your bottom lip, you then started to drag him back into the house.
"Well, let's go buster." you said with a devilish grin.
"Finally." he purred at you as you took him inside and lead him up those all too familiar stairs.