𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 · 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘥 ⁴

𝟒.𝟏𝟏

──── 「HEALING」 ────

     I waited for Bellamy to shower after I did and to get ready, both of which he did with the bathroom's door deliberately open. I enjoyed the show, that much was clear for both of us; I didn't try to hide it, lying on the bed as I finished dressing and shamelessly drinking in the view as I held my head with my hands.

- "You could have joined me..." –he got out of the bathroom; his hair still damp, trousers lying low on his hips as he looked for a t-shirt- "You know? Instead of preying upon me like a hungry panther."

- "We aren't quite there yet." –I spoke as seriously as I could as I threw him a t-shirt.

- "But that's where I'm trying to get us." –he caught it in the air, facing me completely- "Are you sure we aren't there yet?" –he raised a flirty eyebrow as he walked up to me- "I don't think that message got to your eyes." –he stood in front of me, taking my chin on his hand- "Or face."

- "In my defense," –I pushed him away, raising from the bed; him immediately standing in front of me again, close, very close- "just because we aren't where we should be, doesn't mean I'm not attracted to you. I can't turn that off."

- "I'm so glad you can't." –he moved his hands to my hips- "I can't either."

- "Oh, I've noticed." –I laughed, taking the t-shirt from him and pulling it over his head and, once it covered his face, I pulled him down to me and lightly pecked his lips over the material- "Now, come on; I'm sure it's going to be a busy day."

- "Couldn't you just have done that without the fabric between us?" –he annoyedly pulled down on his shirt- "A kiss is not that advanced..." –he took his jacket from the chair but paused his speaking for a second as he put it on- "Hold up, we kissed when you came back; we're already past the kissing step." -he smirked at me as he got closer- "Sam, come here."

- "Listen, it's not that I don't want to get my hands all over you, trust me, but we just spoke about our issues... my issues more precisely; I really don't wanna fuck this up. What if we move forward and..."

- "I know, I know." –he sighed- "You're right, we're just starting this over. Let's go."

I knew how he felt, but to me, physical contact with him had a meaning; a deeper meaning than just lust or attraction, it had feelings attached to it, a lot of them... What the hell am I doing? I eyed Bellamy as he closed the door. Am I going to deny myself, and him, what we both crave so much? He'll surely survive Praimfaya that's for sure, but maybe I won't. Could I live with myself if I died as we are now? You know what? No. We've had a conversation, we're fixing our wrongs...

- "Alright, I'm sure the..." –he started as he turned to face me, eying me up and down as I closed the space between us, trapping him against the door- "What are you up to now?"

- "I'm doing us both a favor so stop talking."

I grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him down, finally crashing my lips with his. Fuck, it felt so good... it felt right. He didn't waste a second to respond, his lips moving against mine with such hunger I thought we might end up in bed again; his hands slid inside the back pockets of my pants, pulling me closer as he deepened the kiss, his tongue inside my mouth as I rested my whole body against his. It was intoxicating. I couldn't even remember why I avoided it in the first place. We were right. We belong together.

- "If all the favors you do to me are like this," –he took my chin in his hand, a proud smile on his lips- "keep them coming, love."

- "You got it, boss."

- "Bellamy, come in." –Monty's voice came through the radio, interrupting the moment Bellamy and I were having.

- "And here I was thinking I could get you into bed now." –he smirked down at me, taking the walkie from his pants, but not letting go of me- "Come in, Monty."

- "We're having a meeting at the Chancellor's office, you should join us."

- "We're on our way." –he put the walkie away and pecked my lips before speaking again- "This will have to continue later."

- "Yeah." –I chuckled pulling away- "Saving the human race comes first now."

- "Saving my family comes first... my girls."

I didn't want to say anything that could potentially have ruined his mood, so I nodded at him with a smile as we both walked together to the Chancellor's office. Roan, Kane, Monty, and Clarke were already there as we entered the room; the tension could have been cut with my blade.

- "So..." –Bellamy started- "What do we got?"

- "Sectors 3, 4, and 5 sustained the worst damage; we lost the server room, all of our processors and life support systems, and half of our living quarters." –Monty quickly went over everything- "Now, backup power will keep the lights on at night in the rooms that survived but we'll have no heat or running water from today onwards..." –well, then it's a good thing I got one final shower in- "... and no way to restore it or reseal the ship before the radiation gets here."

- "Is there any good news?"

- "Well, no one died." –Kane sighed before answering Bellamy.

- "Yet." –I couldn't help but scoff- "Whatever neurons we all have left in our brains, I suggest we put them to good use."

- "We need to focus all our resources into the nightblood solution." –Clarke moved next to me as she spoke- "Fuel loaded?"

- "It's in process."

- "But it's not going to be an easy ride." –Kane pointed out after Monty answered Clarke.

- "Care to elaborate?" –I crossed my arms over my chest.

- "With the secret of Praimfaya out, I sent Echo and my army back to polis to keep the peace." –Roan's eyes had been on me since I entered the room; I wasn't sure how to feel about it.

- "That's good, we need the peace to distribute the cure." –Clarke spoke before I did.

- "What's the problem then?"

- "More than half of them deserted on the way." –Roan didn't move his eyes from me, and I couldn't help but get the feeling there was something else he was not saying.

- "Spit it out, Roan." –I challenged him- "You think they ran away because I killed your war chief?"

- "That couldn't have helped."

- "Not talking to you, Kane." –I scoffed; I didn't care what he thought but the idea that he felt entitled to hold anything against me was almost dreadful- "I may have cut Ulger's head off, but I didn't make them run away like scared deer, now did I?"

- "No." –Roan was quick to intervene- "If anything, you showed me which part of the army is loyal to me." –he shook his head, eyeing Kane- "With the end near, they want to be with their families; I don't blame them."

- "Do you blame them for burning Trikru villages as they go?" –Bellamy asked as my head shot in his direction at the surprise of the statement before I turned to Roan again.

- "That's funny..." –Roan stood tall, looking at Bellamy- "...coming from you."

- "Which part of the army left?" –I gained his attention back- "And where are they now?"

- "Most had pleaded loyalty to Ulger."

- "Oh, then I can easily fix this."

- "Enough." –Kane cut me off before I could even explain my train of thought- "We know the woods are a war zone."

- "Does that excuse the murder of innocent people?"

- "Murder is the last thing you should be talking about, Samantha."

- "That's funny coming from 'Mr. Chancellor let's float everyone we can't control'..." –I scoffed- "If they were burning Skaikru territory..."

- "Sam, let it go."

- "Fine." –I moved the hand Bellamy had placed on my shoulder away- "I'm focused on saving people." –then, I mumbled- "I can always kill someone later."

- "So, back to our trip..." –Clarke refocused the conversation.

- "I can't spare many of the guards to protect you."

- "My security detail can protect us." –Roan spoke and Kane thanked him, I couldn't help but chuckle unamused again- "We are all in this together now."

- "Your security will protect you, not us, but sure." -I glanced at everyone in the room before making my way to the door- "Let's get it moving, time's the last thing we have to waste from now on."

- "Jusheda..." –Roan turned around, coming after me.

- "Yeah, Bellamy told me you wished to speak with me." –I made eye contact with him for a second- "I'm going to get my stuff; come with me, we can talk on the way."

- "Alright." –two Grounders were waiting for him in the hallway, he addressed them- "Get ready to leave."

They nodded at him, eyeing me before they left in the opposite direction we took. Roan was silent as we made our way to my room, walking by a couple of guards and civilians. I couldn't put my finger on what he wanted to tell me but I knew he wasn't a threat. "You'll be lethal in no time." Sheda's words burning through my brain; a painful reminder of what I had lost before I could even call it mine. Thinking of Sheda made me want to tear up and break a wall, so I shook my head getting rid of him, for now.

- "So..." –I entered Bellamy and I's room to take my bow, quiver, and all my clean shorter blades; thankful to have someone there to keep my mind occupied as the memories threatened to spill from the darkest parts of my mind- "What is it now, Roan."

- "I owe you an apology."

- "An apology?" –I couldn't help but scoff as I turned around to look at him- "For what?"

- "And a debt of gratitude."

- "You're talking nonsense."

- "I should apologize for not seeing what Ulger intended to do with you."

- "That sounds darker than it was."

- "He'd have executed you after marrying you; he only needed the army to see him do it."

- "Now that I did not see coming." –I shrugged my shoulders- "Even if I had accepted his proposal, I would have killed him; I like to be in charge alone, I most certainly would not have needed a King. It's fine."

- "I knew he was never loyal to me; he was to my mother, he appreciated her..."

- "Brutal force and ruthlessness?" –I ended for him.

- "You could say that."

- "Roan, it's fine. He's dead and we have one less problem to worry about."

- "I'm in debt with you." –he stopped me from exiting the room- "If you hadn't challenged him, I might have never discovered his true intentions." -he sighed- "He was a despicable man, capable of the most unspeakable acts."

- "I'd rather not talk about what could have happened. I'm just glad I avoided it." -Roan nodded to my words- "Do you think he could have won you on a fight?" –I crossed my arms over my chest, but he failed to respond- "I'm glad we don't have to figure that one out."

- "Thank you, Jusheda."

- "Call me Samantha." –I pushed him aside, making my way to Medbay to see Octavia- "Use that name while she's still around. Now, get out of the ship."

- "I could do with someone like you on my guard."

- "Slow down, sir King." –I chuckled- "I just murdered the last man who tried that, which reminds me..." –I faced him- "...you never told me why you didn't kill me that day. And I want an honest answer this time."

- "You didn't look like much of a threat to me." –he simply mused, now walking past me.

- "I don't believe you." –I forced him to stop- "Answer me."

- "Killing a potential future ally is not an intelligent battle strategy, Samantha."

- "That's even more stupid than the first thing you said."

- "My deal with Lexa was to bring her Clarke so that she'd lift my banishment." –I raised an unimpressed eyebrow as he spoke- "When the myths of both Wanheda and Jusheda got to my people, I knew Lexa was interested in Wanheda and that Jusheda was the one to disobey her direct order not to enter the Mountain. I thought if you dared to act like that against Heda you'd make a fine ally, with probably nothing to stop you."

- "Against whom?"

- "Whoever got in my way."

- "I got a reputation for not being able to follow orders, but I'm also told I'm good at getting people out of the way." –I smirked at him- "For the right reasons you might have just gotten my help."

- "You already did."

- "Ulger, yeah. You're welcome." –I waved him to move- "Get out of the ship, I'll meet you there."

Was that the conversation I was expecting to have with Roan? No. Had it been life-changing? No. But it did show that, even if I thought my actions were unimportant or unnoticeable, they weren't. But I'm guessing being considered a potential ally is better than being an enemy, right? I'll check on O before I go. After the explosion, Clarke had decided to move her again to MedBay because her wound had slightly reopened and she didn't want to risk it getting infected.

- "Wao, hey there, boss." –I bumped into Bellamy as I got to MedBay's door; I smiled up at him, only to be met with a clenched jaw and eyes everywhere but mine- "What happened?"

- "Nothing."

- "Are you going to make me ask again?" –I took his chin on my hand, forcing him to look at me.

- "We have to go. Say goodbye to Octavia and let's get moving." –he took my hand in his and pushed me towards the door- "I'll wait for you here."

I looked hesitantly at him but he didn't say another word, only opening the door and motioning me to get inside. And so I did but planning on asking again because I couldn't figure out what could have happened during the 5 minutes I left with Roan.

- "Hey, O." –I spoke softly as I got to her bed- "How are you?"

- "I'm fine."

- "That harsh tone is not what I use when I'm fine." –I even air-quoted it as she turned to look at me when something came to mind- "What did Bellamy say?"

- "Nothing."

- "That's not what I got from his face a second ago." –I kneeled next to her- "I leave you both alone for 5 minutes to talk with Roan and you Blakes..."

- "Wait." –her eyes widened as she cut me off- "What did Roan want from you."

- "Oh, nothing... he thanked me for getting rid of Ulger and uncovering his dirty secrets; he's also convinced he owes me a debt, so that should be fun. I think I could ask for just about anything and he'd grant me the wish." -I took a deep breath- "So many possibilities..."

- "You're leaving?" –she asked falteringly as she landed eyes on my bow on my back.

- "Yeah. We're going to get Raven the fuel for the rocket and, apparently, it's not safe out there." –I kissed her forehead before standing up- "You know they need my help before they get themselves killed." –I smiled- "I'll come straight to find you once I'm back, alright?"

- "Be careful." –she pleaded after nodding at my words.

- "And you rest and stay put, huh? No fun activities until I'm back."

O chuckled softly and turned to lie on her side again, closing her eyes; I left, knowing I had a conversation due with her even if she thought she had avoided it. Waiting for me in the hallway, I saw a distressed older Blake.

- "Spit it out, now."

- "It's the same thing as all the other times, Sam." –he sighed as he started walking with me- "She keeps blaming me for Lincoln..."

- "You know Octavia, she needs to blame someone. She did the same with Atom but she came around, didn't she? Atom was a cute guy and she was still butterfly O but Lincoln..." -I sighed- "Lincoln was family; this wound will take longer to heal, but it will." –he looked at me and the sadness in his eyes tore my heart apart a little- "I'm not saying that's the right thing to do, but that's how she copes with pain; trust me, I'd much rather she blamed me. She wouldn't be that much wrong."

- "She told me the only reason I'm still alive is that I'm blood."

- "What!?" –I almost choked on my saliva, I couldn't believe my ears.

- "Maybe she would have killed me that night at the cave... if we had been alone..."

- "She didn't kill you then and she would never, Bellamy; you're going through a rough patch, sure, but nothing you Blakes can't come back from. I'm convinced."

- "Sam..."

- "Besides, what makes you think I'd have just sat there and watched, huh?" –I smiled- "Do you even know me?"

- "I do." –a small smile on his lips as he turned his face to look at me- "Thank..."

- "Shh." –I put a hand over his mouth- "We have a deal still standing, my friend."

- "It's still standing if you never again call me your 'friend'." –he moved my hand away slowly as if he weren't willing to let go.

- "But we are!" –I protested; I really meant it, first and foremost, Bellamy had become my closest friend before I even as so much thought of him in a romantic way.

- "Friends don't do the things we do... love."

- "Oh." –I understood what he meant, a smirk immediately finding its way to my features- "No offense, Blake, but before any of that, you and I were friends."

- "Were. Past." –he pointed out, my eyes almost unconsciously rolled- "I don't make the rules."

- "Oh, things have changed a lot, haven't they?" -I playfully nudged his side with my elbow- "What happened with 'whatever the hell we want', Blake?"

- "Those were easier times." –his voice was almost nostalgic as we made it out of the ship.

- "Would you go back?" –I glanced at him- "If you could, and just stay there."

- "No." –he didn't even take a second to think it through- "I'd go back to after Mount Weather and stay stuck there. The first time, I mean."

I couldn't help but smile, looking down and caressing my scar as I thought about those three months of peace we had; I thought we'd stay like that forever... but even forever had an end. I don't wanna say that Sam didn't know what she had, but she would have never guessed what we'd become. I let my hand fall back to the side of my body. Or what she'd lose.

- "And you?" -he glanced at me as we were about to reach Roan, Clarke, and Monty next to the Rover- "Would you go back to when we first kissed?"

- "Yeah." -I smiled, my words tasted bittersweet as I let them out- "I could do with that."