Six Years Ago
There were a lot of really shitty things about being an orphan. The way that people in town stared at her now, whispering behind her back when they thought she wouldn't notice. According to Lexi Bronson's grandma, there hadn't been a kid orphaned in Freighton since the early seventies. Holly couldn't figure out why people in this town remembered stuff like that.
The admissions pamphlets for her dad's California Alma Maters flashed through her mind. She knew both USC and UCI were longshots. Her grades weren't great, and she didn't have much time to get them back on track with only one semester left of her junior year. Then she'd be applying in the fall and it'd be too late.
But God, did she want to get out of this small town where everyone knew her and her whole sad story. She'd give anything to be able to start over in a place where no one knew her so that she could have some anonymity for once in her life. Being seen and ignored by the majority of her classmates wasn't the same thing as being able to walk unseen through a crowd.
Even in a small town, she'd never been what anyone would consider popular—nor did she want to be—but in the two months since her dad had died, everyone but Peter and Tameka avoided her like the plague. They wouldn't admit it, but she noticed the way that her classmates even avoided looking at her during class, like her orphanism was contagious.
Holly leaned her head against the cold glass passenger window of Tameka's bright red VW Bug. Her friend was easily the most fashionable person at Freighton High, but it came with the high price of running late every single morning. Three minutes before the late bell would ring, Tameka finally came running out of the house, using her hurdle training to fly over the porch steps without touching them.
"We're never going to make it," Holly muttered, watching as Tameka turned the car on and buckled herself in.
She raised one perfect eyebrow, her blue eyes gleaming. "Is that a challenge?"
Holly groaned, "No. I'd rather be late than dead."
By some miraculous twist of fate, she made it to the school parking lot without being either late or dead—a new record for Tameka. But making it to class on time meant that Holly had to sprint to her English class from the parking lot. She crashed directly into Derek James as she passed his locker right next to hers.
"Whoa there, Barnes! Slow down a little, will ya?"
"Can't! Late!"
"You care too much!" He called after her. "It's just high school."
***
"And then I bumped right into him," Holly groaned, resting her head down on the table later that day in the cafeteria. "I don't even think I stopped to apologize."
"Well, at least he talked to you. All this time you've been crushing on him and he's never so much as said 'hi' to you before. Maybe you should bump into him more often." Tameka replied, inspecting the bruise on her green apple.
"Yeah but this isn't the good kind of talking to me. Nobody asks you to go out with them after you nearly maim them in the hallway."
Peter picked some lint off of his T-shirt. "Can we change the subject? Not that the hunky Derek James isn't my favorite topic of conversation."
Tameka tilted her head to the side and rolled her eyes. Peter always bristled when they talked boys.
"Oh my God, Holly, don't act like a spaz, but he's heading over here."
"Don't joke like that, T."
"Hey, Holly," she felt a hand on her shoulder as Derek slid into the seat next to her.
"Hey, Derek," she said, popping up and running a nervous hand through her curly hair. "Sorry about this morning. I—"
"No explanation needed. My sister was a beauty queen too."
Holly hazarded a look at Tameka and couldn't tell by her expression whether she was offended or flattered by the comparison. "Being late makes me anxious," she said, feeling stupid, "and being anxious makes me not pay attention to where I'm going."
"Well," he said, smiling at her and reaching a hand out to place it on top of hers. "I get here a little early most days. I could give you a ride tomorrow if you want. For my own safety, of course."
She blushed but managed to pull herself together enough to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I'd like that."
"Great. How about I come by at six-forty-five?"
"Perfect."
He got up and went back to his table to sit with the other senior boys.
"Was that real? Or am I still asleep?"
Peter rolled his eyes—the same blue ones as his cousin's. "I'm warning you right now not to date that guy. I want it on the record."
Holly and Tameka shared a look, shaking their heads.
***
Derek showed up promptly at six forty-five the next morning, his beat-up old pickup truck rattling in the gravel driveway. She sprang up off her seat on the porch swing and hurried out to propel herself into the passenger seat. "Thanks for the ride today."
"No problem," he said with a smile. He looked like a catalog model between the beige sweater, tanned skin, and his perfectly gelled dark hair. They spent the entire drive in an awkward silence. Holly didn't know what to say and didn't want to risk saying the wrong thing.
Derek pulled into the school lot and parked. He hopped down out of the cab and grabbed his jacket and scarf out of the backseat, throwing them on before slamming his door closed and meeting Holly on the other side of the truck. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and started to walk into the school, the blush creeping over her cheeks.
He stopped her with a soft brush of his fingers with hers. "Could I ask you something first?"
"Sure, Derek." She swallowed down the nervous feeling in her stomach, hoping he couldn't tell.
"I've noticed you haven't been very social lately, and I totally get that."
"I didn't think you noticed me at all."
He tilted his head, "It's a small town, Holly. Anyway, if I'm totally out of line, just tell me, but I think you need some more fun in your life and I am just the guy to show you a good time. What do you think? Friday night, seven o'clock? I'd tell you where we're going, but I think it'll be more fun as a surprise."
Holly felt all the air rush out of her lungs and she struggled to breathe back in, feeling light-headed. "Um, yeah. I'd like that. I'd like that a lot, actually."
"Great," he smiled. "Do you want me to carry that for you?" he asked even as he slipped her backpack off her shoulders in one smooth motion.
***
"You will have her back by eleven," Mr. Lewis said in his sternest tone of voice, the one she'd only ever heard him use on Tameka's dates. Something about it made her eyes tear up, she was so touched to know that he cared so much.
"Thanks, Walt," she said, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. "I'll be fine."
With another stern look at Derek, he nodded and let the two of them slip out the front door. She skipped down the front steps, the thick soles of the cute gray boots she'd borrowed from Tameka slapping on the old wood. He opened the passenger door for her before going around to the driver's seat. Derek pulled out of the driveway and Holly waved at Mr. Lewis where he still watched from the front door.
She was surprised when Derek drove to his house and turned off the engine. "What are we doing here?"
"Just a quick pitstop. Follow me. I thought our big night out warranted a more fun mode of transportation." She followed him out of the truck and into the garage, where he was pulling a cover off a shiny motorcycle. He handed her a helmet before putting his own on.
"Is this...safe?"
"Totally."
Holly took a deep breath, telling herself not to be a bummer. She'd been wanting to go out with Derek James ever since she started having crushes on boys. The motorcycle may have intimidated her a little, but she didn't want him to think she was lame. With a nervous smile, she put the helmet on and crawled onto the back of the bike, wrapping her arms around Derek's middle.
At least that was an upside. She'd never have been able to get so close to him in the truck. She pressed her face into his back as the bike roared to life and they rode out into the night. The wind whipped her hair into her face and the biting cold stung her eyes whenever she opened them to try and gauge where they were going. They'd been driving far too long to still be in Freighton.
When they came to one final stop, she opened her to eyes to find that they were parked in front of a Richmond night club. "I don't have a fake I.D.," she whispered over Derek's shoulder as he started taking off his helmet.
"Don't worry. My brother's the bouncer."
Holly followed him with a smile toward the pulsing noise of the nightclub. They were let right in, and Derek towed her into the center of the dance floor. Looking directly into his eyes was easier in the dim lights of the club. There was a light in them as he looked back at her that she hoped meant that he felt the same way she did. He pulled her close and she could feel his breath on her cheek.
A few hours later, they left the club and got back on the motorcycle to drive back to Freighton. As they neared the gates of town, Holly leaned and told Derek, "Is there anywhere we can go? I'm not ready to go home yet."
They stopped at the kiddie park down the street from the elementary school. It was well after midnight and the place was deserted. Derek raced her up the jungle gym to the little crow's nest behind the entrance of the slide.
"Well?" he asked as he sat down cross-legged, leaning against the thick plastic wall. "Did I deliver or what?"
She sat down next to him so that the side of her leg was flush against his. "You did. I had a lot of fun."
He lifted a hand up to caress her cheek with the side of his forefinger. "Awesome." Before she could catch her breath, he closed the space between them and pressed his warm lips to hers. She sighed into the kiss, excitement coursing through her veins. He pulled back too soon, and it took several moments before she was able to force herself to open her eyes.
"Don't ruin the kiss by stopping," she whispered.
He smiled and kissed her again, pulling closer against her, his warm hands finding their way under her shirt and then to the button of her jeans. She let him press her back into the rubber floor of the jungle gym as he tugged down his own jeans. "This might hurt."
He was right; it did.
***
Holly had gotten grounded for coming home after curfew and wasn't able to speak to Derek all weekend. Tameka had figured it out as soon as she'd walked into their room. She'd gotten a judgmental look and a warning to be careful before her friend had harrumphed and gone back to sleep.
She had laid in bed looking at the ceiling for some time, the smell of Derek still on her skin. She felt different; she hadn't expected that. Making a mental note to ask Derek if that was normal when she saw him at school, she let herself fall asleep.
They were running too late for school Monday morning for her to see Derek before she hurried off to class. In between third and fourth period, she saw him in the hall and got only a curt hello. Her face flushed. Had she been bad at it? How could she have known? It had been her first time. She could learn how to be better at it, surely. He had said he'd had a good time and wanted to see her again when he dropped her off. Had he changed his mind so soon? All the uncertainty made her nervous. She just needed to get Derek alone and clear it up.
It turned out that she didn't need to bother. As soon as she walked into the cafeteria for lunch, she heard Derek and his friends at the senior table roaring with laughter. She took a deep breath and lifted her head high to go talk to them.
"Derek?" she asked, trying not to sound too timid.
"Yeah?" he asked without looking at her.
"Can we go somewhere and talk?"
"Why do you virgins always have to talk about it after? Why can't it just be what it is?"
Her face flushed. "Derek, I... Please, I don't want to talk about this here."
He rolled his eyes at her. "Look, Holly, you didn't really think I wanted to date you? These guys put me up to it. We all took bets on how long it'd take. Insecure girls are always the easiest. Even with the daddy issues, you caved faster than we all thought."
Holly turned and ran, dropping her lunch bag as she bolted out of the cafeteria. She didn't stop running until she was outside the school and threw herself down under the big oak tree where she let the tears loose. As if what he'd said hadn't been humiliating enough, it'd had to happen in front of the whole school, which would inevitably spread through the entire town.
She wrapped her sweater tighter around herself. How had she fallen for such a transparent act? Was it his good looks? His dark eyes? The answer made her feel even worse: she'd fallen for it because she'd wanted to. She drew in a shaky, unsteady breath. Was she really that lonely?
Yes, she was.
Though she had her two best friends and her foster parents, that didn't keep her from feeling misunderstood and alone most of the time. For the briefest of instants, she thought Derek could really see her—and liked what he saw. Clearly, she'd been wrong.
Holly was disrupted from her thoughts when the front door of the school swung open and Peter came over to where she sat. She wiped the tears away like she'd been caught doing something naughty. "I don't want to hear 'I told you so,' Peter."
"I didn't come out here to rub it in, I came to make sure you're okay."
"Do I look okay, Peter? That was the most embarrassing moment of my entire life."
"People will forget eventually."
She tilted her head to the side and forced herself to catch his blue eyes. "This is a small town. No one forgets anything."
Peter laughed and sat down next to her. "Well, maybe that's true. But better gossip will come along. It always does."
"That's going to take forever. Everyone here is boring as hell." She picked at the dead grass. "I really thought he liked me. Isn't that stupid?"
"It's not. There's a lot to like about you, Holly. He didn't appreciate how lucky he was. Someday, someone will."
Holly rolled her eyes. "You're my friend, you have to say that."
Peter shook his head, his hair ruffling in the breeze. "It's the truth. I don't lie."
She looked up into his eyes again, feeling slightly calmer realizing that, at least, was true—Peter never lied. He always meant what he said. At least one person thought she was special.
"Are you ready to go inside?"
When she just shook her head no, he held an arm out and she scooted closer to hug him. Hugging Peter's muscled frame was always a little awkward, like they were pieces from two different puzzles that were never meant to fit together. But she appreciated his warmth and the way he let her cry into his shoulder—not even caring that she smudged mascara into his white t-shirt.