I sighed, quickly rummaging through the drawer. I was already late to work, but I'd just noticed I'd finished the little notebook I always kept in the pocket of my coat, and there was no way I was leaving the house without it. I knew by then that inspiration often strikes at the oddest times, and I had no intention of keeping it at the back of my mind for it to just become a shadow of what it could've been later on.
I went through the multitude of notepads, furrowing my eyebrows when I kept stumbling over too big or already finished ones, not having expected to buy new ones that soon - and not looking forward to, either. I'd taken to only buying ones I considered pretty - the fact that it took months to finish one allowing me to, and I hadn't found any that had caught my attention lately.
I stopped in my tracks when something at the very back of the drawer caught my attention, and I slowly pulled it out. It was a small notepad, with a black leather cover, that was a bit dusty from having been forgotten at the back of the drawer. I didn't remember when I'd bought it, but after all most of the time I had no idea of where almost half of my notepads were from, so I quickly decided it wasn't a big deal and shoved it in the pocket of my black coat, shutting the drawer quickly and leaving the room.
For some reason the drive to the museum was way shorter than I'd expected it to be, and I found myself stepping inside the building not too long later - and surely on time, which was quite surprising considering that I'd definitely left the house way later than usual.
"Heya" Louis said as soon as I walked through the door and I jumped, not having expected him to already be there.
"Hey" I said, turning to glance at him, putting up my most unimpressed look to make up for my previous reaction, but the smirk that found its way on his face told me that he certainly didn't miss it. "I thought you were supposed to come here later?"
He shrugged, following me as we made the way towards the private cloak room of the museum. "I was, but I'm bringing some news" he announced, and I gave him a little questioning glance as I opened the door, stepping inside. "You know I went out with Liam yesterday, right?"
I nodded, taking off my coat and hanging it. "Sure, why?" I asked him, not really sure where he was going with that. It wasn't unusual for him and Liam to hang out together, we were all friends, after all.
"Well I met a guy. A quite good looking one" he said, the tone of his voice suggestive.
I sent him a confused look. "I didn't know you liked men?" I asked. I didn't have any issues with it, obviously, it had just come as quite a surprise.
He rolled his eyes at my question, as if he knew of a secret irony in my reply that I wasn't aware of. "I don't. I meant, for you."
"You know I have a boyfriend, right?" I asked him, a frown on my face. I knew he wasn't exactly a fan of Nicholas, but that seemed a bit too far even for him, considering we'd been dating for two years. Trying to set me up with someone else at that point was just wrong.
He sighed at my words. "Sierra, wake up. I just told you I met a possible model."
I turned to look at him, suddenly interested. My luck with finding a new model lately had been close to nonexistent, which was a pretty big issue, considering I only drew people. "Really?"
"Trust me, I'm sure he has potential!" He exclaimed, closing the door of the cloak room to make sure nobody would've come in and interrupted the conversation. "Besides, it's like a fate kinda thing! He happened to be there, I happened to be there and you happen to need a model."
"I don't know, I'm not really into offering jobs to people you met in a pub" I replied, suddenly feeling a bit sceptical about the whole thing. Sure, anybody could be a model, but something told me that asking someone that spends Wednesday nights in a pub to stay completely still for hours wouldn't have exactly been a good idea.
He rolled his eyes again. "I might've been a bit drunk, but trust me he was hot" he said, nodding slightly as if to prove his point.
"You know my model doesn't need to be hot right? I'm past drawing only pretty people" I told him, at that point trying my best not to have to meet this supposedly good looking man. I didn't know why, maybe it was because I was already worrying about eventually losing him and having to go back to the point I was currently at, or maybe it truly was that I didn't want my model to be particularly hot - I wasn't exactly sure.
He sighed at my reply. "Yeah, you're all about depth and feeling and emotion now, but let me present you with a brand new idea: what if you did that same thing, with the addition of a hot model?" He said, acting as if he'd just got the best idea ever, and it was obvious that he really did think that person was worth at least meeting - he wouldn't have gone through all that trouble if he didn't think so, at least.
"I don't know" I said, shaking my head. I wasn't exactly comfortable with that thing - especially because I usually chose people that had at least some kind of modelling experience, and then again, Louis had met the guy in a rather unconventional manner - when it comes to searching for a model, that is.
"Should I remind you that the drawing you made of Liam last year was one of the chosen ones for the exhibition?" Louis said, proving his point. "Besides, I don't wanna tell you but this obsession of yours with choosing only models that aren't particularly attractive should end. You're basically saying that good looking people can't deliver anything but beauty, that's kind of disregarding you know?"
I rolled my eyes at his words, because I was sure that he was doing it on purpose to get me to agree with him, and I'd never been a fan of that kind of manipulation. "You know that isn't what I'm saying. I'm saying that if I choose a beautiful person all the majority of people will see is the fact that they're beautiful, and not all the rest."
Louis shook his head, as if he simply couldn't understand why I was making it so complicated. "How were the three paintings chosen?" He asked all of sudden, quickly changing topic. "For the exhibition."
I sent him a weird glance, not understand what had happened that had made the conversation shift so quickly, but I decided to go along with it anyway. "Mr Carter said they're my best ones."
He gave me a nod. "The exhibition is tomorrow. What if people want to buy them?" He asked, turning his head quickly when he heard someone knock on the door, that he was leaning against. "Come back later, we're having an important conversation!" He exclaimed when they knocked again, and I widened my eyes.
"Louis!" I hissed at him, trying my best to make sure the person on the other side wouldn't have heard me, sighing when I caught the gaze he sent me. "Then I'll sell them."
He hummed, ignoring the mysterious knocker as they mumbled something and went away. "So there's a chance that after tomorrow you won't have your three best paintings anymore?"
"I suppose?" I replied, giving him a suspicious glance, not entirely sure of where he wanted to go with that, but knowing I probably wouldn't have liked it.
He gave me an unreadable look. "What if someone wants to show more of your art after seeing the exhibition?" He asked, and I pursed my lips, starting to get a hint of what he was trying to do.
"I suppose I'd have to make some more considering the ones I have aren't good enough" I replied slowly, giving him a little glare as I did, because I was certain he was trying to find a way to show me how useful the model he'd found would've been.
"Have you found a model?" He asked, even though he perfectly knew the answer.
"No."
"Are you about to find a model?" He asked again, a winning smile already finding its way on his face.
"Probably not" I replied with a sigh, knowing that he indeed had a point after all. "But I could ask Liam I suppose" I added quickly, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of having found a solution to the issue.
He made an unimpressed sound. "You know his girlfriend doesn't like that, since you have a history of getting it on with your models" he told me, acting as if he hadn't said something shocking at all.
I widened my eyes, and I found myself hoping that the person on the other side of the door truly had left, because that surely wasn't something I wanted people to know. But then again, I should've known Louis would've brought it up all the time, he'd never been that good at keeping secrets. "It only happened once!" I exclaimed, starting to get tired of saying it. What had happened with him surely was one of the topics I was least interested in discussing with him, or anyone else for the matter.
"Still, that's enough for her and it's an avoidable issue for them, you know" he replied, and I nodded, knowing that he was right even though I didn't exactly enjoy it.
"Yeah, that's true" I said with a sigh, knowing that he'd won even before he said it.
He nodded at my words. "Well, it looks to me like you desperately need a model, and I just so happen to possibly have found you one" he said, and I found myself thinking that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea.
Sure, maybe he wouldn't have been the best model, but it would've certainly been enough to cover the gap until I finally found someone I worked with well. Besides, it wasn't like I had another option, was it? What Louis had said was true, I didn't know what the future would've brought, but I surely would've needed someone to work with in the best - or worst, depending on the point of view - scenario.
He sighed, catching my attention quickly. "Look, let's do it like this, I'm taking him to the exhibition tomorrow, so that he can get an idea of what you do and you can decide whether you want to see him naked or not."
"Louis, I've drawn people naked twice in my whole life" I replied, letting out a little shocked laugh at his words, not understanding why he was so adamant in talking about such things.
"Well, it wouldn't surprise me if you specialised in it after seeing him" he said, shrugging, acting as if what he'd said was alright, even though it really wasn't. I didn't care if he was hot, I wouldn't have resorted to drawing him naked all the time so that I could see him naked. That was weird.
I gave him a serious glance. "Louis."
"What? I know he's not really your type but it could work out" he replied, completely avoiding the bigger issue, and I just sighed, because I knew that there was no point in having a conversation about it with him.
I sighed, perfectly knowing that he wouldn't have dropped it until I would've agreed. It wasn't necessary a bad idea after all, if it had worked out I would've been fine, and if it hadn't I would've proved him that I was right - and that he was wrong. "Does he have a job?" I asked, finally giving in.
"Why are you asking?" He asked me, giving me a suspicious look, and I rolled my eyes at his question. He was the one trying to set me up business-wise with someone he didn't even know, I was pretty sure I should've been the one that didn't trust the other, and not the other way around.
"I want to know if he can work the hours. I can't work with someone that would only be free after eight in the evening or something" I simply explained, and he smiled at the acceptance in my voice.
He nodded. "He does have a job."
"Well-" I started to say, wanting to tell him that working with someone that already had a job wasn't nearly as easy, but he quickly interrupted me before I could say anything else.
"Shut up. From what he told me, I think he has flexible hours. He also works from home at times, so it could work in my opinion" he said fast, and I raised my eyebrows as I realised that he really had made sure he was a possible candidate.
I sighed again, knowing that there was nothing else I could complain about while I still hadn't met him. "I guess we could try" I said, and Louis smiled.
"Perfect!" He replied, before finally opening the door again. "I'm late now, dammit" he hissed, and I rolled my eyes, walking past him and ignoring the shocked gaze the blonde woman sitting at the desk sent me as I made my way towards the door on the side.
"You can go in now, Beatrice" I heard Louis say loudly behind me, and I couldn't help but shake my head as I let the door close after me.
• • •
Later that day, I found myself sitting at the kitchen table with a paper sheet and a pencil, trying to sketch a bit, but with not much success, considering that it was always a struggle for me to draw or paint something with no reference. I knew I probably should've started mastering that art as well, but it definitely wasn't an easy task for me, and I always ended up getting frustrated.
I barely glanced up from what I was doing when I heard Nicholas walk inside the room, and I kept drawing even though I could feel his gaze on me.
"Can we talk about something?" Nicholas asked after a few seconds, and I finally gave him a confused glance, feeling worry already starting to bubble up in my chest. I absolutely hated when people said things like that, it always made me feel as if I'd done something wrong and it made an endless streak of worst case scenario pop up in my mind.
I slowly put the pencil down on the paper sheet so that it would cover the worst part of my drawing, not wanting him to see it. "Sure, what is it?" I replied, keeping the tone of my voice calm, wanting to sound like I wasn't affected in the slightest bit by what he'd just asked.
He nodded slowly, an insecure look quickly appearing on his face right before he spoke. "I heard you and Louis talk about... your first model" he asked faintly, and for some seconds I just sat there, refusing to believe he'd really just said that.
"And?" I asked quickly, wanting to find out exactly what he was referring to. It really wasn't worth mentioning as he had, so there had to be something more that he was yet to tell me.
"Did you really have sex with him?" He asked, and I furrowed my eyebrows even though I should've expected that question, suddenly standing up.
"Why's it important? It happened over five years ago" I replied, slightly annoyed by what he'd asked, knowing that if it'd been someone else I would've surely already left the conversation - and possibly the room too. I couldn't understand why he was asking about it, considering that it had happened so many years before, to the point that I was sure it didn't truly matter anymore.
He gave me a little shrug at my question. "I'm just curious because... you never told me. I didn't know you saw your models in that way" he said, and I raised an eyebrow, giving him a little glare.
He certainly meant a lot to me, but I really did hate it when he acted like that. "Nicholas, it happened years ago. And I don't, he was just... different. We were much closer than how I usually am with my models" I replied quickly, trying my best to keep my cool not to make it into a much bigger deal than it already was.
"How?" He asked quickly, surprising me.
I stared at him for a couple of seconds, trying to decide if I had the right to be pissed about it or not. "How what?" I asked, my reply coming out a bit drier than I'd expected it to be, but I somehow didn't mind it. I hated to talk about him - he should've understood it, considering I almost never addressed that topic.
"How much closer were you?" He continued, surprising me again. I couldn't understand why he seemed to be so worried about it, considering he was asking about a person I hadn't seen in years. The whole thing had started becoming way more ridiculous than it already was, and I didn't like it.
"We dated, okay? He was my first boyfriend and I didn't end well so I really don't want to talk about it" I replied fast, sending him a little glare, hoping that it would've been enough to make him understand that I was done talking about it.
He gave me a little nod. "Oh alright, sorry" he added, not sounding sorry at all, and I just shook my head.
"It's fine, I guess. I'm going out" I said, leaving the little sketch there and walking past him, grabbing the coat right before making my way out of the door and closing it behind myself.
I walked down the stairs quickly, not wanting to give him a chance to come after me, and I exited the main door just as fast, being glad I'd put on my coat when I came in contact with the cold air of February all around me. It was getting late, but the sun still hadn't set, so I decided to have a walk around while I calmed myself down - and hopefully found some inspiration, too, because I definitely needed that.
It was in moments like those that I missed my hometown, where I had my usual hiding spots and the places I went to when I needed to find myself again. I'd been in London for a few years already, but everything there was so chaotic that I still hadn't managed to find my place in it all. I tried my best not to mind though, because I knew that a change of scenery isn't always a negative thing, and that I just needed a little time to pick up my pace to match the one of the new town.
I glanced up, seeing a woman with a little dog. She was waiting to cross the street, the dog standing next to her on the pavement on shivery legs, looking more like a miniature fawn than an actual dog. The woman was standing with her nose buried in a book, and it wasn't something I saw often on the streets. It seemed kind of dangerous to cross a street while reading a book, after all. The little dog turned its head, his big dark eyes staring at me for a couple of seconds before it was pulled forward by the woman crossing the street just as the light turned green.
Without thinking about it twice I stopped on the side of the road, searching my pockets quickly before taking out the new notebook and a pencil, with every intention of making a little sketch of the unusual scene I'd just witnessed.
I opened it to the first page and made sure i was standing in a somewhat comfortable position before starting, but stopped in the second the tip of the pencil touched the page as a sudden memory struck me, my eyes wide as I stared at the asphalt of the road in front of me, almost not believing what I remembered.
I was wrong. I hadn't bought it, it'd been gifted to me.
It was Harry's notebook.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. x
Miki