"Wait a minute...."
Jaime's eyes narrowed accusingly.
"You told me you weren't going to marry her."
"We're not getting married, Jaime. We're just...well..."
The boys stared at him across the table in rapt silence, their oatmeal untouched and cold.
"...together? Dating? I...I don't really know what we are, exactly. Just that we had a conversation last night, and we're going to try things out. Together."
Again, there was total silence around the table.
"That literally makes NO sense," Sam finally said.
"Shut up, Sam! It does, too!" Drew glared.
"Jo! He said "shut up" again."
"Boys."
They quieted.
"I just wanted to give you guys a heads up, that's all. And to make sure there weren't any objections...?"
There were none.
Jo thought back to the night before, but still didn't know what had come over him. Months of reminding himself that he wasn't good enough had flown out the window in the span of a few minutes. Now in the clear light of day, he was already filled with regret. What had he been thinking?
A knock sounded at the door, pulling him from his doubts. He stood to answer it, Johnny balanced on his hip. Sofia stood on the other side, a sheepish smile on her face.
"Sorry to bother you, Jo, but the faucet is leaking again."
"No worries," he said, passing off the baby to Drew and grabbing the few tools he owned.
He followed Sofia up the flight of stairs to her apartment, noticing that the handle of her door was hanging awry. That would also need fixing.
"Thank you so much, Jo. I don't mean to be a pest, it just makes the water bill so high when it drips all day like that."
"It's no problem," he smiled, and got to work.
"How are the boys?"
"They're good. Getting a little anxious for summer."
Sofia laughed.
"Aren't we all. I think Antonio is going to go crazy if he has to stay inside much longer."
At the sound of his name, Sofia's 4-year-old son bounced out of the bedroom and careened into her with a hug, then took off running back to his hiding spot.
"You see what I mean," she laughed. "He'll do better when we move somewhere warmer."
Jo removed his head from under the sink.
"You're moving?"
Sofia's smile slipped from her face and she hesitated.
"Nevada. My brother lives there."
She paused.
"I can't keep living like this."
Her eyes rested on the hole in the plaster wall, left there after the last scuffle. Jo needed to fix that as well.
"When?"
Her eyes found his and filled with fear.
"As soon as I can save enough for bus tickets."
She looked down at her hands.
"He keeps such a close eye on our money..."
"Why didn't you ask?"
She raised her head.
"No. Jo, you've done too much already. Really, I couldn't-"
"Sofia. The longer you wait, the harder it is to leave."
She said nothing to that, and he went back to the pipes, tapping and tightening. After a bit, he turned the faucet on and off, satisfied that the problem was fixed. For now.
"I'll be right back."
It took him less than two minutes to return with nearly the entire contents of the peanut butter jar, meant to last another week at least. Sofia was already shaking her head when she saw the money in his hand.
"Jo, I can't. You have kids to feed."
He took her small hand in his and gently placed the crumpled bills in her palm.
"And you have a kid who doesn't deserve to grow up in fear. You don't deserve that, either."
Tears slipped down her face as she held the money to her chest.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"When is he back?"
"He gets off work at 3."
"Then you should leave now."
"Now?! But...but-"
"Now. Just pack a bag and leave. I'll go with you to the station. You can call your brother from there."
Her bottom lip trembled and he saw the fear in her eyes. That same, familiar fear that had held him captive for so long. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of hope.
"This might be your only chance. Take it. While you still can."
______
Jo returned home from the bus station to find Rachel in his kitchen, washing the breakfast dishes he'd left behind in his haste.
"You don't have to do those..." he said quietly.
She smiled up at him warmly.
"I know. I wanted to."
Her response was so simple, so sweet, but it took his breath away. This girl was his? She couldn't be. He had no clue what he was doing. Was he supposed to take her out to dinner or buy her flowers? Hold her hand? Would she want him to kiss her? He suddenly felt very hot and his heart began to race. These were things he'd never done, experiences he'd never had, never expected.
"Jo?"
Had she said something?
"Sorry?"
"Are you okay? You look...odd."
She searched his face quizzically.
"I'm fine," he managed to get out.
Taking a deep breath, he diverted.
"We should leave. I don't want anyone here when Sofia's husband finds her missing."
He assumed correctly that his brothers had filled her in, for she simply nodded and helped him gather the boys to leave.
"Where are we going?" asked Mikey.
Jo paused for a moment, not knowing the answer.
"What about my place?" Rachel offered. "We could have dinner there and the boys could stay while you're at work tonight...?
The boys cheered their approval, but Jo found himself heating under his collar once more. Staying overnight could mean a lot of things and he wasn't sure he was prepared for any of them.
"I don't work tomorrow, so I'd be happy to watch Johnny. It would save you the daycare costs."
She had an enticing point. With the amount of money he'd just given away, they needed to cut as many costs as possible in the next few weeks.
"If you're sure we wouldn't be a bother."
Rachel smiled.
"Hey, what are girlfriends for?"
"I told you they were getting married!" shouted Jaime.
Rachel laughed as Jo blushed furiously and the boys ran off to the bedroom, arguing over relationship status as they packed their backpacks for the overnight stay. As it turned out, Rachel's car only had room for 4, so Jo took the bus with Johnny and Adam. They had to do a bit of walking from their last stop to the address Rachel had given him, and when they arrived, Jo was sure he'd taken a wrong turn somewhere. He was about to turn from the massive, column-laden flat when the door opened and Mikey came running down the front steps.
"Jo! You'll never believe this! Rachel lives in a castle!"
With that, he ran back up the steps, leaving Jo to follow with a small measure of trepidation.
The kid wasn't lying. Through the gilded doorway, the flat was open and spacious, with gleaming hardwood floors, pristine paint, and intricate crown molding adorning the 12-foot-tall ceilings. Next to the ornate fireplace sat a baby grand piano where Rachel was surrounded by children, her fingers caressing the keys.
Jo found himself in a trance watching her respond to the music, almost as if the piece was playing her and not the other way around. When she finished, her hand hovered above the ivory and the lingering notes hung in the air, achingly sweet.
The spell was broken by Johnny's hungry cries and Rachel's eyes found his, the faintest smile gracing her lips. She left the piano to help Jo fix a bottle and then showed the boys to the "guest" bedroom (Jo had never heard of such a thing). The queen sized bed would fit most of his brothers and the blow-up mattress on the floor would hold the rest. Johnny had a pack-n-play set up for him (which the boys informed him they had picked up on their way at a magical place called Target).
Jo offered to sleep on the floor of the guest room, but Rachel insisted he take the couch. One look at the couch told Jo he would absolutely not be sleeping on it; it was flawlessly white and probably cost more than he made in a month. But he nodded and set his things down next to it.
"Jo, Rachel has a TV and she said we could watch it."
Sammy had appeared at Jo's side, staring up at him with pleading eyes.
"Only if it's alright with you," Rachel corrected.
"I think everyone needs to get some homework finished up before anything else," Jo said.
The boys finished their homework in record time and Jo finally gave his consent for a single film. After much debate over Rachel's slim selection of Disney movies, they finally agreed on The Lion King. Jo laid Johnny down for a nap, and when he returned to the living room, the boys were neatly tucked under blankets on the couch, eyes glued to the TV, stuffing fistfuls of popcorn in their mouths.
Rachel chuckled at the sight of them.
"I don't think we'll fit," she said to Jo, only to be shushed by an enraptured Mikey.
Jo was about to scold him, when he felt Rachel's hand on his arm. He flinched away on instinct, then ran his hand through his hair in embarrassment. Rachel just smiled though, sadly this time, and leant forward to whisper in his ear.
"Want to go for a walk?"
He nodded and they informed the boys they were stepping out for a bit, though none of them seemed to care or even hear, being so engrossed in the rare experience of pictures in motion.
Outside the flat, Rachel and Jo began their walk side-by-side down the tree-lined sidewalk. She commented on the weather and he replied in kind and they fell into a heavy silence. Familiar doubts and that persistent voice inside his head filled his mind telling him to end things now, to get out while he still could, to leave before he hurt her. But a small, unfamiliar voice on the edge of his brain fought back against those thoughts. His advice to Sofia only hours before came to back to him.
This might be your only chance. Take it.
"Can I hold your hand?"
The words startled him. It took him a second to realize it was his own voice that had said them.
The smile on Rachel's face was enough to confirm her answer; she was positively glowing. Tentatively, he reached for her outstretched hand, cautiously intertwining his fingers with hers. She ran her thumb over his in reassurance and then squeezed his hand gently, sending shivers down his spine. He'd held his brothers hands countless times, but this was totally, shockingly different.
For the first time in his life, he felt wanted.
For some reason, that thought made him want to cry and he quickly turned his mind to something else. Anything else.
Hand in hand, they walked down the sunny path. Alone. Content.
Together.
*Rachel's piano piece - Chopin's Etude in E major Op.10 No. 3*