Days passed on, and it didn't honestly matter to me because I was able to convince my mom that I was sick, so that I could just lay in bed and lament. My phone kept blasting with notifications from my friends and some from my classmates teasing me with Jason, who clearly blocked me on social media, even when he never followed me to begin with.
Seriously?
Humiliation got the best of me, and thank you Jason for making such fun of me in front of, oh wait, what's that?
The whole school.
It was easy to blame my friends for this fiasco, but I could've just waved awkwardly to Jason and his possé, retraced my steps back to my table, and smacked Beth and Jess on their heads.
After all, they were the ones so adamant for it.
What was the point of that whole pep talk I mentally went through, when I stood there limply in front of those light brown piercing eyes.
Why did I feel like smiling to myself when I saw Jason holding onto my words that day in the cafeteria, like that ray of hope expanding inside me, only to be crushed and stepped upon by Rebecca who interrupted.
And then I recalled the day in the infirmary when I caught him staring at me.
A knock interrupted my wrecking train of thoughts and I tried to sit up on my bed, but my sore body prevented me from doing it.
"Come in." I said weakly but that low decibel voice managed to penetrate through the door and the next thing, my mom was standing on the threshold with a broad smile on her face.
"How are you feeling?" I felt a surge of guilt seep through me yet again, when I saw my mother look at me with concern.
She had signed in for a weeks leave in her office, so she could look after me.
And I wasn't completely lying when I called in sick at school; me crying everyday resulted in a runny nose, a headache and swollen eyes, and also the agony in my heart travelled to every limb and bone in my body, giving me a bodyache as well.
And the PMSing as well.
Of course, she knew I had been weeping and rolling like a lost cause since the past five days. She always gave me time and we both knew that I'd tell her how unusually bad my period was when the sadness toned down.
"I'm fine mom." I nodded and smiled reassuringly at her.
She did the same in response and muttered an "okay" and "I'm just downstairs, call me if you need anything" before shutting the door slowly and descending down to the ground floor.
It's silly I know.
That a guy could have such a crazy effect on you.
He treated me like a nobody to begin with.
And I was acting like he'd just abandoned me with his baby and left me alone to deal with the labour.
He was going about his daily routine, like nothing ever happened and just rolled his eyes, probably when someone hollered out my name in the school hallways.
And here I was, drowning myself in psychosomatic illness while he played fireworks with Rebecca and 'dodge Eleanor whenever she was nearby.'
It wouldn't have been easy for anyone to talk themselves out of not feeling heartbroken anymore, but that was because they were in a freaking relationship.
I feel stupid now.
Have to blame the stupid Rom-Coms and smitten love novels I kept reading all summer.
Why do guys have to be so perfect in fiction alone?
I groaned and flapped the blanket with my hands like a seal, and jerked them on my head, to get away from the pain stricken reality.
But just then my phone rang for the thousandth time, and I covered my ears with my pillow to drown out Ariana Grande singing to me.
It seemed like never ending, so I dropped my blanket and the make-shift ear muff, grabbed my phone and was about to switch it off when I froze.
Rebecca was calling me for some obvious Jason reason and all I could feel was anger bubbling inside me.
I hated when she stopped me mid way that day, and had the audacity to speak on my behalf.
"The brunette here is in love with you."
The phone became silent and I unlocked it to check the call logs and then switch it off for good when it rang again.
I swiped down the caller ID and placed it on my ear.
"About time you answered." Rebecca's voice drawled in my ears which made me shudder in disgust.
Before I could reply, she butted in as usual and I rolled my eyes.
"That was really, really cruel of you, Eleanor." She paused and I imagined her examining her manicured nails before she continued, "What are you playing now, Alex 2.0?"
Now when she brought the topic, I remembered it all well, when some of us in Freshmen Year, came to know about Alex having an unhealthy crush on Jason, and how he'd run away whenever she was around.
Here was the thing about Jason.
He had a very limited number of female friends. To the point where he'd be dead sure that he would call them his sister in public and they wouldn't mind.
But I never knew what was the idea with Rebecca.
Although, he never had a girlfriend before, he sure couldn't handle a girl crushing over him.
So when he learnt about Alex, he would insult and mock her in front of his friends and other classmates, till he made it sure that she hated him.
He did that only because Alex wouldn't understand when he told her that he didn't feel the same way, and she kept sticking to him, to the point where he found it suffocating.
There were even rumours, one being that she got drunk in a party and announced how she and Jason were 'official' and got off stage to kiss him.
It wasn't hard to believe that they started dating as Alex was a really beautiful girl, hands down. She shared the same height with Jason -- who was 6'1 -- had pink extensions on her black hair and light blue ocean like eyes.
I mean sure he could've just caved in and dated her for a few months, no strings attached, but he didn't, which we later learned after he adopted every way to mock and get away from her, but she shamelessly continued to find excuses to peck him on his cheek in Biology even after her drunk stunt went spiralling down.
Even though the kind of solution he used to get rid of her, was not acceptable, we all gradually accepted the fact that, that was the way he was.
Rebecca was probably bursting with anger and jealousy towards Alex, but she never did anything to get back to her. She just stood a few feet away and let Jason do the dirty work, but that's a story for another day.
And it kind of explained the reason why he downright insulted me in the cafeteria, instead of explaining it kindly to me. He thought I'd stick around him like a lovesick dog, like Alex did.
I crushed over him for a good 7 years and he crushed on me.
Literally.
I didn't want to cry again.
"Hello?" Rebecca's voice sounded embarrassed when I didn't mutter a single word and zoned out and I let it be that way when I disconnected the call.
I was about to switch on Airplane Mode which I should have done a long time ago, but I stopped myself.
For how long would this keep on going?
It wasn't the end of the world.
So what if Jason didn't like me. Why should I let my social life get affected by it.
Ugh.
As much as I wanted this self motivation talk, I grumbled and slammed myself on the bed, phone in hand.
I still needed some time to clear the fog in my mind.
And I definitely didn't cry for the rest of the day, when I replayed Jason stomping on my heart like nothing, over and over again.