A/n: First off I want to apologize for not updating y'all 🤧 a lot was going on and I spent a while not writing, but I am back
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Dinah
'She's not here, she's never coming back.'
Preslee whimpered and continued keeping guard by the door. What right did I have to get angry at her for missing Normani when I spent the last few days sleeping on her side of the bed until it no longer smelt like her. Preslee gave up after a while and she came to sit beside me in the living room. Her footsteps seemed loud in the quiet house. Everything seemed loud here, including the silence.
She barked at me as I lifted the glass of wine to my lips. If I didn't know better I would swear this dog was human in its past life.
'Don't look at me like this is rock bottom. I am drinking expensive ass wine on a Friday night because I can.'
Zendaya scoffed, 'you're talking to your dog and drinking expensive ass when on a Friday night, that's sad.'
'Well it just so happens that I am sad. About two weeks ago, my girlfriend, whom I was planning to marry left me. So what are you drinking? Wine, tequila, vodka, champagne, Lauren drank champagne when she was here yesterday to celebrate me being rid of my cheating girlfriend.'
'It's okay, I can get my own drink.'
'Bring the whole bottle with you.' She topped my glass up before putting the bottle on the coffee table by the side of the couch. 'You went with the wine. That's a good choice.'
'Yeah... so how was your day today?'
'I didn't cry if that's what you're asking.'
Zendaya rolled her eyes. 'That's good to know. Have you written a super sad Taylor Swift esque break up song yet?'
'I refuse to become a stereotype.'
'So that means yes then?'
I rolled my eyes, 'it's not a breakup song as such. I wrote part of it the morning after the senior lock in when I couldn't sleep.'
'When she left? But that was a different situation entirely.'
'Yeah but it didn't hurt any less that she was gone,' I said quietly. 'You know I'm angry at her, but at the same time I get why she left. It had nothing to do with anything that she said in that video either. I mean that was just pure bullshit.'
Zendaya poured more wine into both our glasses. 'So if she comes back would you take her back?'
'Right now, yes. If however she comes back in a few weeks, maybe even months, I don't know.'
'That's fair.'
That was the last coherent conversation I could remember having that night. I woke up in bed to a missed call from my mother. I was supposed to pick my sisters up from the airport that morning. I quickly showered and changed into something else, but they were already downstairs with Zendaya.
'I am so sorry, we got drunk last night and you know how wine makes me sleep. Anyway I will make it up to you—'
'What are you talking about? There was a car waiting to pick us up and Z was up when we got here—oh wait... she did that.'
'Yeah, I called her last night, it says we talked for two minutes.'
Zendaya shook her head, 'nah I think it was just you talking. You said something about needing to go because you had to get up early. And you told her about Mila and Naki coming over.'
'Well we're here now and none of that matters,' Kamila walked over to me and gave me a hug. 'We're going to get through this together.'
'Yeah, you got over a Normani related heartbreak once, you can do it again.'
'This one isn't the same though. Before things went to hell, I experienced exactly what it would be like to be with her forever. And I'm not talking about the stuff that everyone saw on Instagram. I mean the little moments. Waking up beside her every morning, the weekends that we decided to just stay in together. Moving on means deciding and understanding that I no longer need to feel how I felt about her.'
'I didn't say you have to move on from her, I said we'll help you get over the hurt that you're feeling right now because she cheated and then left. You can decide whether you want to move on from that or from her entirely. Either way, we support your decision, whatever it is.'
Zendaya groaned. 'I agree with everything Mila said. And I'm going back to bed.'
'No we should go out and do something, we just got here. Plus mom is flying down tomorrow and we'll have to behave once she's here.'
'Yes and you're tired from your flight, so am I. So let's all just take 5 hour naps and we can go out in the evening.'
'I am actually kinda tired Mila. Let's go out later.'
'Fine, we should unpack anyway.'
I wasn't planning on going out, but I wanted to delay the conversation that my sisters wanted to have so I took Preslee to the park. I impulsively decided to send a video of Preslee running around to Normani. Three little dots appeared for a second before disappearing. I watched to see if they would reappear but they never did.
:She misses you
No response. I waited half an hour before sending the next one.
:thank you for getting a car for my sisters. I woke up really late and I wouldn't have made it to pick them up. Thank you. And sorry for anything else that I might have said on the phone.
:It's okay, and you're welcome.
:how are you?
I knew she wouldn't respond but seeing that she had read the message hurt. I called, knowing that she wouldn't pick up, but I wanted to listen to her voicemail one last time before being done making a fool of myself for good.
'Hi this is Normani Hamilton. I can't come to the phone right now or I'm in a meeting so leave a message or text me. I'd go with texting because I never listen to my voicemails. Bye.'
I heard the beep and despite only calling to listen to her voice, I couldn't stop myself from speaking once I started. 'Hi. So I promised myself and Z that I wouldn't do this, but here I am, embarrassing myself again...'
Normani
'Uhm I miss you Mani, and after a few days of thinking and sorting through my feelings, I have decided that I'm not mad at you. Not that I had any right to be. But I was. I mean we moved in together and got Preslee and this house is so fucking huge without you in it,' Dinah paused. 'Wherever you are, I hope you're okay and that you're taking care of yourself. Anyway I should end this so I just want you to know that I love you and I miss you. Uh yeah... bye Mani.'
I put the phone aside once the message was over. She left it two weeks ago and I had been hesitant to listen to it for fear of what she would say. After turning my phone off, I walked into my office building for the first time in a month. I originally planned to be gone for longer but I needed to be physically present for certain meetings that were coming up, plus we were finally choosing a logo and the unveiling would hopefully be happening in the coming weeks, another event which required my physical attendance.
Giana handed me a cup of coffee and followed me into my office. 'I never thought I'd be this happy to see my boss. I know you probably didn't have a great time while you were away but did taking a break from everything do you any good?'
–Flashback–
'By the time you watch this I'll be gone so I guess this is goodbye. I love you, I will always love you.
But don't look for me, just focus on moving on and being happy. Pretend that I never existed. Maybe then I can find some happiness in knowing that you're okay.'
I stood up and turned the camera off. After listening to Dinah cry herself to sleep last night, I decided to do the right thing and let her be.
'So two days right? That's when I give it to them? Where will you be?'
'Gone,' I turned to face her. 'Don't worry, I'll be back soon. In the meantime if anyone needs anything work related, they come through you.'
Giana grabbed my hand before I could walk away. 'You don't have to do this. Dinah loves you and she's working on forgiving you.
'That's exactly why I have to leave. She'll forgive me for this, and she'll forgive me the next time I hurt her. And I can't risk being around to fuck up again.'
'I can't stop you from doing this, but at least take the next two days to think about this before you make a decision that you might not be able to come back from.'
'Deal,' I answered quietly.
-
Let her heal and get over this without the pressure of a doomed relationship or a damaged girlfriend to save.
Numb.
'Hey Mani, I'm starting to get worried about you and Ava misses you. Just call me please okay? I'm here if you need anything.'
Apathetic.
'So Daya showed me the video and you're wrong. Second of all come home. We're all worried about you.'
You're an asshole and you don't deserve her.
'Hey Big Head I'm just calling to check in and make sure you're taking care of yourself. I understand why you didn't but I wish you would have just told me where you were going? Anyway I'm not going to bug you for too long. Call me if you need anything. I will jump on a plane if I have to. I love you Mani.'
Alone.
Time doesn't heal, it just teaches you to live with the pain. If you're fortunate, it becomes numb. And although the feeling of the iciness flowing through your veins, the chill slowly bringing your heart and your brain to a stand still in your blood is pain in itself. It is one that I learnt to endure once, one I spent summer nights sleeping through without the false hope of spring eventually thawing me out. The only downside is that once everything stops, you can no longer give pause to the beautiful moments without the darkness painfully wrenching you back into the cold winter and so you simply stop.
You stop fighting against the current and you allow it to carry you. But sometimes, you slip below. One minute you're bobbing and the next you're under. You hold your breath until the urgency for air makes your head feel like it's about to explode and then you take a breath. And it doesn't hurt like you thought breathing in a lungful of water would. It's almost peaceful. And then you're free falling into an abyss and the darkness is threatening to swallow you whole.
Two weeks later...
'She came here and said she needed a place to crash a few days ago. I figured she was trying to get away from something but how bad could it be you know? But she's been crying non stop. She doesn't eat and when she does, it's the bare minimum. I know she probably didn't want you to know where she was going but I've never seen her like this and I'm worried that something's wrong.'
I didn't hear what Choie said to Jackson; she opened the door opened a little wider, and a moment later, I felt the other side of the bed sink ever so slightly as she got into it. She wrapped an arm around my waist and I felt my eyes well up with tears when I heard her whisper that she loved me and she was there for me.
When I woke up a few hours later, Jackson was sitting beside the bed. 'Hey Mani, first of all I want to say I'm sorry. I know you probably—'
'No, no you did the right thing. I shouldn't have even come here.'
'I'm glad you did, you know I've always got you. You saved my ass multiple times in school, I graduated because of you and you made me richer than I ever thought I could be. So mi casa es su casa and all that. But I'm worried about you.'
'I'm fine—'
'–you were muttering her name in your sleep and that you've spent every night since you got here crying yourself to sleep.'
I sat up with a sigh. 'Where's Choie?'
'Making some calls, but I can get her for you.'
'No it's okay,' I answered quietly. 'I'll be okay with time, it's just hitting me harder than I thought it would.'
'You will be okay because you'll have our help. And you're going to start talking to Jesse again. I'm not letting it happen again.'
I got out of bed. 'It's not—'
'–if you continue this way it will, and I'll be damned if I sit by and let it happen a second time.'
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'Boss?' Giana frowned when I looked up at her. 'I was asking if your time away did you any good? Did you get clarity, peace of mind? Or should I just stop asking because you're my boss and it's your personal life.'
'No it's okay. I'll eventually be okay one day. What's my schedule for today?'
'You have a meeting with Janine and the designer at 9am and that's it.'
'Amazing. Please schedule a staff meeting for tomorrow.'
Giana modded, 'sure thing.'
I spent an hour with Janine and Liam who she had hired to design the logo. It felt like a few minutes had passed when Giana came and knocked on my door.
'Hey so your mother is here to see you.'
I looked up from my laptop. 'My mother?'
'Yeah, she told me to cancel anything you have for the rest of the day because and I quote, "this might take a while". Side note, your mother is kind of scary, she looks like she's about that life if need be.'
I let out a sigh as I massaged my temples, 'fuck, what is she doing here?'
'I don't know.'
'Shit... I was hoping to delay this for as long as possible. I'm probably going to be out tomorrow. If there's anything important I'll be here.you How angry does my mother seem?'
'Very. Good luck.'
Mom walked in a minute after Giana left and I stood up to hug her. Her expression completely changed, anger was replaced by worry lines as she embraced me. She took a step back and I stood there awkwardly as she looked me over. In an attempt to distract her from the fact that I had lost a lot weight, I suggested we go out for lunch.
The car ride was completely silent. I had no clue what Mom was thinking, but I spent the whole time wondering how much she knew. Something told me that she had found out about the breakup, and probably not from Dinah. But did she know why? Did she know that it was my fault?
The restaurant wasn't packed despite it being one of the busiest times of the day but I still requested a private table upstairs where we'd be away from the noise. Mom still had yet to actually say anything to me, but I could tell that she was watching my every move, and I knew she didn't miss the fact that I chose to forego the wine with my meal, a light one because I wouldn't be able to finish it anyway.
Once the food came and there was a distraction that would allow me not to have to make eye contact while I spoke, I decided to start the conversation because it would have to happen sooner or later and the silent battle of wills was just draining for me.
'I got drunk and I cheated... and I didn't tell her as soon as I got home. It probably wouldn't have made a difference though. I broke her trust, I became like those other guys that made her wake up every day for years and herself if she was the problem, if there was something wrong with her. And I can't forgive myself because there'll always be a part of her that doesn't trust me and I have to live with that.'
I didn't think it was possible to break my mother's heart anymore than I did when I came out. Her food sat in front of her, completely untouched. She opened her mouth to say something and then she seemed to think better of it. I let out a sigh of relief when she tore her gaze away from me. She stared outside for a few seconds before turning to look at me once more.
'It doesn't seem like you're living with it. It doesn't seem like you're living at all Normani. I'll admit that when we came down here, we were planning on cussing you both out. But neither of you look well, you've lost weight, you have dark circles under your eyes, you look drained.'
'We?' I asked. 'Is Mrs. Hansen also here?'
Mom nodded. 'Yes and she knows. I'm not angry at you for cheating and I understand why you left. I'm disappointed but people make mistakes. What pissed me off however was having to hear it from Kamila and not you. I don't even care that Dinah didn't tell me. I should have heard it from you.'
'I know mom, I'm sorry.'
'Where are you staying?'
'With Choie. She said she needs to be able to "keep an eye on me."'
She nodded. 'I'm coming to stay with you. I need to make sure that you're sleeping and eating when Choie's not there to watch. I hope you've been talking to Dr Moss. If not, you need to start or we need to find you someone to talk to here.'
'Okay, we can go to the house and pick your things up.'
'No need, Choie's going to help me get my things.
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A/n: 😩