That night Jza fought her dreams intensely. She woke thrice in her uncle's abandoned bed and found herself surprised to be all alone each time. She refused to entertain the throught that she knew who she was missing.
"I do not know when I drowned in your brown eyes."
Jza closed her eyes to dispell his voice from her head which was a mistake because now snippets of her dreams tormented her instead. Some started with her father overseeing her execution, some with Tarquin dragging her on the floor with chains binding her hands together, some where she being stoned to death by her own people. Her mind was filled to the brim with death and destruction as if peace had not been achieved.
The Princess was relieved to have been woken at dawn to see her father's departure. She dressed herself in a rush and ran out with her brown hair flowing behind her. Her old governess would have been appalled by her recklessness but those days of brutal criticism were over. The underused herald announced her presence but she was in her father's arms before he could complete her designation.
"I shall miss you," Jza said, containing her emotions. There was much left unsaid.
"As will I," King Samuel replied before climbing atop his heavily decked horse. While it seemed imprudent to show off the King, making him an easy target, the man had elected to use the procession as a means of raising the morale of his people. The word had been spread the war was over but to see him with ones eyes would get people out of hiding faster.
The King had many pending errands to run and could not give the farm more time even if he wished most dearly to stay. While his daughter needed him his country could not survive without his presence. Jza's calm gaze as she had bade farewell gave him a sense of peace he had lost before the war had even begun. His daughter had proven she could take care of herself and she would continue to do so. He had nothing to worry about.
For Jza the sight of her father's horsemen exiting the farm's dirt road was agonising but the absence of the gold chain around her neck made her feel like she was floating above air. Her sisters were now her father's responsibility and he could do whatever he wished with them. She was rid of them and their wretchedness with a profound sense of gratitude.
Instead of taking advantage of her elevated position among the new farm hands left behind by her father the Princess chose to forgoe sleep. She knew she could not escape her nightmares even with the sun rising steadily behind the copse of the orchard. She instead chose to inspect how the work continued which had begun even before dawn had broken through the horizon.
As she exited the barn that needed the most repairs she found herself confronted with the vision of Lord Tarquin sat in the middle of the courtyard next to the well. She watched as he brought a red apple, fresh from their orchard, upto his mouth and took a solid bite.
He was accompanied by Bertram's son who was gesturing wildly as he spoke. It never failed to surprise Jza to see the Lord wearing ordinary garb just like all the other workers. His borrowed clothes fit him remarkably well but they were a far cry from the clothing he used to wear in the castle. Over the months it had become obvious he was particularly fond of bold colour and nothing at the farm could provide the richness of the fabrics that he adorned himself with when he was in power.
"You need to take the string firmly else it falls too fast," The twin informed his captive audience as Jza took a detour to the pair. She never even realised her feet had changed paths until she abruptly paused at her destination.
"I haven't a clue how it should stay up in the first place," Tarquin replied, looking engrossed in the conversation.
"They say it's all the wind but I say it's the twist of the hand. You need to keep tugging because if it falls, it goes to the enemy," James, explained while his twin watched from the kitchen door where Hyacinth was making bread. The young girl had not adapted as well to the new comers as her brother but Jza could see how much the little girl wanted to join them.
"Oh, we would not want that," Jza injected herself in the conversation.
"I'll show you how it's done," The boy nodded with enthusiasm at both of them before he ran off to get his toy, "Do not go anywhere!"
Tarquin raised the apple back to his mouth and Jza was compelled to keep staring while his attention was away from her. She could not break her gaze from his profile. It was not the foreigness of his looks. No, inspite of his assertions about the way Goridians had treated the Barbarian people they were still cities full of people mixed with the former ruling race. It was something else. A quality she could not define.
Tarquin handed the Princess his half eaten apple which she promptly took a bite of unthinkingly. She was in the middle of her second bite when she realised what she had done. Tarquin's eyes twinkled at her from where he was seated. She swallowed the remnents of her body's betrayal quickly.
"Old habits are hard to break," Jza replied with a pinched expression. She handed the apple back with an embarassed air. Tarquin did not hesitate to continue his meal with an intent look in her direction.
"Just like your propensity for missing meals," He stated which she ignored. It was none of his concern what she did with her appetite.
"How was it?" Jza cleared her throat as she clarified, "The inside of that door."
She had asked about his mother as soon as he had reappeared but never thought to query what was inside. How could someone spend hours much less months trapped inside a vessel. Could magic be so profound to create an endless landscape capable of keeping a human being content.
"Ethereal," The man answered, "I would not begrudge anyone who refused to leave. My mother thought she was dead. She thought it a blessed plane our people are destined for after death. I did not have the heart to correct her."
"How poorly must she have been treated to find solace away from the real world," The brown haired girl wondered.
"I am occasionally disappointed Ivan is dead. I feel this frenzy of blood lust where I wish to dismember him all over again," The words were spoken idly but there was a fire in his eyes he could not hide from her. The fury did not intimidate or frighten her. She could in fact feel the same sort of flame burning in her heart. She understood what it meant to feel the need to extinguish a life beneath her hands when it threatened the ones you hold most dear.
"If you had laid a hand on my family you would have had the same fate. I would not have forgiven you much less let you live," Jza replied, firmly.
"I know," Tarquin replied as if she had not needed to vocalise this fact.
"You have blood of innocent on your hands," The Princess exclaimed, redundantly.
"I know," The man's gaze was now at his feet.
"Then why do you think I would have you. Do you think me some weak sort of imbecile to fall for a pretty face. I am not like my sisters. Why do you expect me to-to-" The girl lost the words to vocalise the situation between them. No matter how she tried to separate his presence from the expectations in his eyes she could not. It was as if the world was waiting for an answer. The unfortunate truth was even she did not know how the limbo would end.
"Of which I am glad since you were not rendered silly because of a painting," Tarquin replied, "I wish to repent for my sins. I will make myself worthy. Whatever you want I will place at your feet. If you want my severed head then it shall be yours-"
"No, no! Do not let your... Partiality for me do the talking," The girl could feel the tendrils of embarrassment blossom in her chest, "What material items you could win me over with even I do not know."
"Alas, I would have fallen in love with an unconventional woman.".
"I am not so unconventional," Jza replied primly, "I am like all the other women who loves a ball and a pretty dress. I was just raised so frugally that I do not need more than I deserve."
"You deserve everything on this earthly realm and beyond; the sun that is not brighter then the light in your eyes, the softness of the moonlight that is not as gentle as your nature."
Her ears were so red she felt the burn radiating over her face. The girl could not look at him. She felt like she would ignite and burn down to coal if she did. She hid her trembling fists behind herself, her fingers biting into her skin.
James ran upto them bearing the kite and string, releasing Jza from the promise of a reply, with trail of dust flying all around them. The child handed Tarquin his red kite who examined it carefully.
"Are you trying to teach him how to fly a kite? Surely he does not need it. It's a simple task," The Princess said trying to sound indifferent.
"It's simple because you've flown one many times. I have not had the pleasure," Tarquin replied with smug sort of smile.
"You don't know how to fly a kite at all?" James was now wide eyed and mouthed.
"My father didn't believe in toys."
"It's never too late to learn. After all playing with marbles and sticks is the only other thing I'll allow you to do," Jza said, magnanimously.
"Allow me?" Tarquin's eyebrow raised as if hearing foreign words.
"I'm in charge of this farm and what I say goes. Did you miss what my father announced at dinner?"
"Oh I heard everything your father said especially about me," His voice dipped very low before raising itself to an audible pitch, "Ah, the Princess is showing her true colours. She's very bossy, isn't she?"
"Not as much as Hyacinth," The boy replied back.
"I'll get there the older I get," Jza winked and began walking to her destination, "The dry river bed is the place for this sort of an endeavour. I shall be joining you after I finish my chores."
The Princess was accosted by the stable boy who informed her of a pregnant heifer in their stables. The way the cow was finding places to retire to meant the baby was on its way soon. Jza added the new task to her mental list and found Hyacinth in the kitchen sorting herbs for the bread.
"You may have all of them fooled by your youth but you haven't fooled me," Hyacinth's words were as bitter as she remembered them. Jza leaned against the counter trying to see what she could grab for a quick meal.
"If there's anyone fooled it's me. I didn't realise I was trying to fool anyone," Jza laughed before picking up another fresh apple just for herself. She would not be sharing this one.
"I can see you're behaving like a tart with that Somerlian nobody," The girl was reprimanded with a hiss. Young Rose watched their interaction intently as she separated the mint leaves from the stem.
"Well, I'm certainly not hiding anything. The king knows and approves," The Princess answered smugly. This was the one time she would use her father's words to her advantage. There would be no tattling to the King if he had already given his seal of approval.
"Approves? I suppose he can afford to lose one of his daughters to the enemy," The old woman did not want to show her defeat and went back to her herb picking from the pots.
"I suppose," Jza replied barely containing her laugh. The animosity Hyacinth showed her was nothing unusual and she knew not when she had lost the ability for those words to bite her.
From afar they watched Tarquin listening intently to James before the boy led the man away towards the orchard. Beyond the trees there was an incline that led them down to a river that only flowed during rainstorm.
"I was wrong about one thing. He's not a nobody is he?" Hyacinth said, tearing her eyes away from the Somerlian. She pressed her hand to her forehead as if in pain.
"Why do you say so?"
"He's got an uppity air. Perfectly congenial but too high brow. And look at him; can't even play a game of grunt. I saw him looking baffled by the soldiers," Hyacinth informed the Princess.
"Not everyone has perfect childhoods," Jza replied as she finished her apple. She left the core for the compost pile.
"Even you know how to play it," Acknowledging how Jza's childhood was as poor as she remembered it to be. The old woman turned away from Jza as if losing interest in the conversation.
The Princess asked Rose if she wished to accompany her to the dry river which she after some prodding accepted shyly. Under Hyacinth's beady eyes both girls ran from the kitchen to the orchard in an impromptu race. Jza lost by a margin since the young girl was ready to be let lose upon the world. Trampling over fallen branches they slowed down their pace until they reached the incline that led to the dead river. It was a shallow valley carved by a once roaring river. It was now dry to the bone and in the middle stood Lord Tarquin and James at a distance from one another. The boy was holding the kite while his companion the string reel.
Jza watched the man once again feeling her eyes unable to move from her target. Tarquin waited for James to let go of the kite and taking advantage of the slight breeze he pulled the string with a force the girl disapproved off. The kite floundered pitifully and landed in a dusty shallow hole waiting to be resurrected. Hiding her laugh she slid down the dusty slope and landed near the boys. Rose tumbled down behind her catching everyone's attention.
"I am aghast the great Lord Tarquin is abysmal at something," Jza laughed with a sarcastic clap on his shoulder.
"I will master it before the end of the day," Tarquin's face was grim and resolute as he helped Rose up while Jza dusted the girl's clothes. She had noticed the poor child had very few outfits to call her own. She vowed to start sowing for the children as soon as possible.
"I have no doubt you will. Is that how you handle all challenges; With mulish bullheadedness?" The Princess asked with a gregarious grin as she circled around them.
"Of course," The man gave her a brief smirk.
"Is that how you intend to win me?" She asked, watching the children run to retrieve the kite.
Tarquin paused his motions and the faint baring of teeth transformed into a bright, hypnotic smile. He grabbed her hand firmly and brought it to his soft lips.
"I am in the running then," He murmured into her skin. To his surprise she did not pull her hand away.
"Perhaps."
Jza acknowledged both to him and herself that she was sizing him up as a potential mate. The fact that he had bound himself to her without hope of reciprocation just to save her life talked about the depth of his emotion more than anything but it was also the small things. How he interacted with James when even some of the stable boys in their free time had shrugged the boy's attempts at conversation. He could have dismissed the boy away like everyone else but chose not to. Even if he was bored she knew his actions held merit.
"I'll show you how it's done!" Jza took the string reel from Tarquin's hands and motioned for James to hold the kite so she could let it free. With a bit of struggle against the wind she tugged it higher and higher until it floated above them. She motioned for Tarquin to hold the reel from her and felt glee at the delight on his face.
-------
That night there was no sleep for the industrious Princess. She tossed and turned in her ancient bed and wondered whether she would ever find resolution to her current dilemma. After pushing her stone like pillow into position for what it seemed like forever she got up and dressed herself.
Walking out of the doors she saw the night guard sit up straight at her presence but she gestured for him to remain seated. She required no chaperone for her late night walk.
"My Lady, Your Higheness, it is a wonder that you're up at this time. Luck must be on our side. The heifer is settling down to give birth," The stable boy ran towards her out of breath.
"Is it having trouble?" Jza asked. She had watched many births and while most cows did not require any assistance there were some that could get stuck, "Get Hyacinth here now!"
The stable boy ran off to find the elderly woman who had more experience than the Princess and would help guide the way as she had done Jza's uncle. The Princess ran in the newly painted barn containing the cow. The animal lay in the furthest corner isolated from the rest of the cows.To Jza's utmost surprise Tarquin stood over the cow looking as if he just woke.
"What are you doing here?" Jza asked, unprepared to face him so soon after the thoughts of him had lain her asunder.
"Considering I sleep here I could not leave my roommate in distress," He answered, barely glancing at her. His attention was on the suffering heifer.
"She will be fine. She's stout and is doing a good job. If all goes well we will not need to interfere. The cow will do it's work."
The cow moaned pitifully and Jza patted her head with a pained expression, "There, there, my love, you're doing a marvelous job."
"Thank you," Tarquin gave her a cheeky grin. Jza's eyes trailed down his bare torso and baggy sleep trousers and turned away with a huff. How can a person barely out of his bed look more presentable then her?
"I thought there was a bed available where the men sleep. I made sure of that," Jza said, averting her eyes to the animal.
"I do not wish to expose myself to an entire horde of Goridian men. I wonder what they would do to me in my sleep," Tarquin explained and Jza wondered what she had been thinking making such arrangements. She knew the man well enough by now to know he would never let himself be vulnerable in front of the enemy and yet she expected him to accept the sleeping arrangements.
"They wouldn't dare. I am not like my father when it comes to transgressions. My punishments will not be a slap on the wrist. The price to pay for any harm they try to inflict on you will be brutal," The Princess assured him although she was certain he would never join the common quarters after her assurance.
"Do not let your preference for me do the talking about inflicting pain on your subjects," Tarquin's voice was nearly acidic as he crouched next to the animal mimicking her earlier words. His chain shook with his movements.
"Preference?"
"If you do not have any partiality then do stop staring as if I were a buffet," The man looked at her as if her actions were an affront.
"It's not exactly the first time I'm seeing you undressed. Your accusation is absurd," Jza's indignance was more to do with the fact that he was not oblivious to her actions than his reprimand.
"Exactly! Why you continue to stare is beyond me."
Jza had no answer to his questions. She had not been expecting to be answerable to her actions in the middle of the night when her mind had ceased to work. To her relief the animal suddenly spurt out the water bag with a great gush. The splatter was all over Tarquin, understandably distracting him.
"Where is Hyacinth? What's taking so long? No one will care if she shows up in her knickers," Jza whined as the animal writhed in pain, "It's time!"
The girl positioned herself besides Tarquin who had settled in a heap and watched the cow's hind legs for the calf's arrival.
"We mustn't interfere since it halts the process. If she stalls only then must we forge ahead," Jza explained to the man who was sitting quite still. Perhaps the shock of the birth water running all over him had rendered him speechless.
While the cow moaned and grunted in a prone position Jza could see the feet of the calf appearing. In a timely fashion they began to reveal themselves further slowly and steadily. She gripped Tarquin's bare shoulder in anticipation who barely flinched under her firm touch.
"Shouldn't we do something to help with the pain," The man finally emerged from his stupor.
"This is the reality of childbirth. This is a hurdle women must bear if they wish to have children," The girl answered gravely.
"I have never been more glad to be a man," Tarquin added after a pause. His eyes looked slightly glazed over.
"You let me sew you up without the aid of any pain relief and yet you balk at such a natural process," The girl marveled but the man remained without speech. They were interrupted by a new arrival.
"You've taken your time," The Princess complained as Hyacinth waddled in, looking incredibly put out by the late night meeting.
"I was asleep like a civilised person unlike you lot. Why have you stripped him naked in front of me?" The old woman asked Jza with a rude gesture at the man sitting next to her.
"I-I sleep like this..." Tarquin tried to look small but failed in his quest.
"He does!" The brown haired girl nodded, vigorously.
"Of course, you know the state of his wardrobe during his private time," The old woman sneered.
"His bed roll is right there!" Jza pointed at the mat she had noticed mere moments earlier.
"Humph," Hyacinth was displeased by their existence, "Well, get on it. You, girl, on the front and you, boy, at the back. Not afraid of the blood are we, pretty boy? The stable boy's flat out refused because he faints at the sight of it."
"No, I have no reservations against a spot of blood," Tarquin was stilted in his mannerisms indicating how uncomfortable he was. Jza moved closer to the head of the cow although she kept herself crouched, ready to assist if the man faltered.
"Hmm," Hyacinth made a face at the sight of his bandages, "Bloodletting your thing, eh? Look it's nearly here. Use your muscles, pretty boy and give it a right pull. Ah! There you go."
In a blink of the eye the cow babe sat in Tarquin's arms drenching him completely in the fluids it brought forth with it. Jza quickly helped him bring the calf to the udder to give it the first taste of its mother's milk.
"You can leave now. Not much to be done other than wait for the afterbirth," Hyacinth dismissed them without taking her eyes off the mother and child, "And send the stable boy in if you see him. Time to see how fast he faints now that the crucial bits are done."
"I need to clean up," Tarquin looked like he would lose his lunch soon. He walked into the other half of the barn and closed the large door behind him. There were troughs of water laid out in rows in the feeding area. Jza followed him trying to avoid touching the wet spots on her dress.
The man swiftly poured all the water over his head from the pail in the trough in one go. Water rolled down over his strong shoulder. There was no other way to get rid of the sticky mess accompanying the birth. He fetched more water in a pail and redid the action once again. Jza handed him soap flakes she found in the cupboard. After working the rough soap over his torso not even minding the bandages he once again submerged himself in the pail's contents.
Jza took her time and soaped up to her arms steadily. Her lips quirked at the sight before her. It seemed like he needed another moment to regain his footing before he embraced the water gliding all over again.
"Blegh," Tarquin shivered under the water assault, "I had never thought in my wildest dreams I would help a cow give birth."
"Is it not the best feeling in the world?" Jza asked with a small smile on her face. The exhilarating experience was one that usually stayed with her for many days.
"You and I have a very different definition of best," The amber eyed man shook his head as if embarrassed by her plebeian choices.
"Admit it. Don't you feel the euphoria to bring life to the world? Is it not better than taking it?" Jza asked as she cleaned her hands delicately. She had managed to get away with the minimum amount of blood on her body which was rarely the case in her previous attempts of cow birth watching.
Tarquin squirmed uncomfortably, shifting the weight onto his other foot. It seemed he was sodden down to the core. The man sat on a bench close to the trough but his face did not lose the look of pain.
Jza watched his pensive face looking at the suds floating above water in the trough. The fondness for him burst through her heart. This was a man who had tolerated a cow giving birth on him just for love. The love reserved just for her.
"Yes," he replied gently not meeting her eyes, "It is."
He was hunched over the trough when she placed her damp hand on his shoulders from behind. He dropped the soap flakes on the floor and turned to her.
"I say yes, I will have you," Jza uttered boldly. There was no hesitation in her brown eyes. Her stubborn mind was made up.
Tarquin stood ungracefully and pulled her close, hands still slippery from the soap and planted a lingering kiss on her right cheek mindful that the door behind them could open any time. His eyes blinked as if he was having trouble seeing.
"I am surprised. I did not expect such restraint," Jza said, truthfully.
"Oh, so you know how to truly kiss," Tarquin teased her. His hands quivered with feeling.
"I may have spied on a couple or two. I expected more passion," The Princess said with smirk on her face.
"And what else?"
"More touching and petting," She answered trying to look nonchalant.
"Is this what you want?" Tarquin stalked closer, looming all over her. She took a step back but reminded herself she had no reason to fear him any longer. Her feet dug themselves into the ground.
Tarquin gently pressed his lips against Jza's. His lips were as soft as she had imagined, "Is this better?"
"Yes," She whispered, not realising her brown eyes were revealing the deepest, darkest desires.
"Like this?" He said but her lips met his before he could lean closer. The warmth in her belly was making her act foolish.
"Hmm," She pulled him in again. This time their lips parted slightly. She could taste him. His wet hands held her waist inflaming her further. She could feel the bite of his touch even through many layers of clothing.
"If I continue on this path then I will ruin you," He whispered in her ear before planting tiny kisses down the curve of jaw.
"How so? A kiss cannot possibly do anything serious ruination," Jza tried to breathe like she wasn't out of breath.
"A kiss is only the the beginning and the light petting leads to one thing after another and before you know it I will have you beneath me. Is this your goal?" The man released her from his fingers before she could reply.
Jza shook as the warmth slid up her face. She took a step back finally breaking eye conatct, trying to calm her breathing and her beating heart. What was wrong with her? Was she truly the girl Hyacinth claimed she was.
"That's a dangerous game you're playing Princess," Tarquin said.
"Call me Jza," The girl asked suddenly not caring what anyone thought of her. The reason she had run away from the castle was to avoid all judgement. She had no right to inflict her own when she was doing nothing wrong.
"It's a beautiful name, Jza," The Lord uttered and he was correct. Her name had never sounded so sweet.
"My mother named me after my grandmother," The girl answered. The two stared at each other silently before the man took a step back and began speaking.
"I have pledged myself to you. I have submitted my love, devotion, my entire existence to the worship on your altar. I demand no less in return. Do you agree?" Tarquin asked with unbridled emotions swelling to the surface.
"I do."