the mosaic muse
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Helia
My pace slowed down as I heard those screams of excitement, loud banters, soft giggles, and destructive laughs that makes everyone's ear bleed. But they won't excitements filled their whole being, no. It's the whole university.
"Calm down Helia, alam mo na laging ganito whenever it's the start of the school year" sabi ko sa sarili ko. I know it's quite normal but we can't avoid it do we? I slowed down my pace since I want to avoid the stampede that will occur at any moment. Siguro dahil na rin nakahawak ako sa kanang kamay ko yung binili kong mango shake sa thirsty stall doon sa labas nung campus.
Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit yung bag at shake ko dahil may narinig na akong sigawan sa loob ng campus. All I can share na that screams of excitement and those bands playing are on the field. Coliseum sounds so formal and fancy especially if it's the first day, and guess what? For the whole week, it's all about activities and orientations. Mag aakala siguro yung iba na the university are celebrating intramurals or foundation day.
"Kakaiba din yung pag welcome nila sa students" bulong ko sa sarili ko. I don't have the guts to talk or interact with people na kasabay ko lang mag lakad. For real, the university welcome us warmly, they approach us comfortably with these stalls, activities and events. But it's too fancy for me?
That's what influences you right?
I swallowed the big lump when I remember that line. Is it wrong to dream? Kahit ano pa kasing gawin natin there is always people who will be hurt no matter what you do. For Pete's sake, buhay ko naman ito and I know when and where to back down. Hurting one person won't make you stop achieving your dream right? No one does.
I switched lanes since yung mga kasabay ko dito sa entrance hall gate eh nagsitakbuhan na and I'm not one of them. I'm not that excited kasi since I've been overthinking what will happen to me on this occasion. Also, wala din namang attendance to indicate if you're late or not. But all I know from the email I received a month ago is that there's an attendance slip if I attended or not. It advised and needed daw for the guidance subject.
Unlucky, meron akong guidance subject kasi I'm a freshman. Required daw ito sa clearance sabi nung mga pinsan ko na nakapag-aral dito before. So sa mga seniors pwede na sila hindi pumunta dito.
"Studyload please, since wala pa kayong school ID" bungad sa akin nung head nung guard ata? I mean he's wearing a polo but he looks in a higher position- teka nga why am I even worrying about this.
I handed my study load and smiled habang they check if I were really a student. "Miss, pwede ka na pumasok".
I proceed to the field kasi nanduon yung, let's say main event. Bands are there, there are also dance performances since may nakita akong naka costumes. I know it's quite crowded but I think it's less hassle because there's a lot of people here. Knowing that they can interact with you any time pero hindi eh. You know that feeling na sa dami na nung mga tao, hindi ka na mapapansin but you won't also be branded as weird and a shut off? I love that but also maintaining myself to the community, be elegant in a way of not being too much.
Siguro member sa journalism or photography club yung mga nakikita kong nakadala ng mga camera's or they just love to take pictures. It's expected since this is a big university. The University of Eldham Farnfoss, known as one of the prestigious universities that topped inside the world ranking top 15.
The tarmacadam pavement is occupied by more stalls. Ang daming mga pagkain and even souvenirs are there. Universities are on another level. I saw a lot of elementary kids here. It's not hard to identify though. From the manual that was emailed, elementary should wear neon colors, high school students should wear their PE shirts for new and old students, which is kinda funny. Senior high schools wear primary colors and college students wear pastel colors.
I kind of like the concept, not encouraging the division but the kind of bond you can have? I mean you already have the limitation when creating bond sa mga students to avoid issues. It encourages you to be open-minded and widen the knowledge of the students. Gives you enough rationality.
"Good morning ate, is your throat dry and cold? Our stall provides warm coffee that shimmers like the sunlight. Would you like some? We also offer sandwiches dahil ikaw yan ate we can suggest you to pair the warm coffee with a sandwich that tastes sweet. Since sweet is a good component for our body every morning" napangiti ako sa mga bata habang nagsalita sila they even gave me there pamphlet. Their approach is not too much and they're also cute. But isn't that they are young to drink coffee.
"Hop me in" I said and they gladly guide me towards their stall and honestly stopping myself to combust in their cuteness is really hard.
"What grade are you on by the way?" I ask after ordering. They look professional in their age.
"Grade 6 ate, siguro po nagtataka why we are selling coffee's instead of sweets kasi we're kids diba? The reason is almost 3/4 of the population here in the university are adults hindi lang din po diyan pero madami din may mature taste preferences and selling coffee po ate is quite advantage" I tried to hide my surprised expression. Are they really kids?
"Here's your order ate, balik ka po"
"Ate if you want a peaceful place while eating your breakfast doon ka po sa may chapel. May mga tables and chairs doon. If you want to take a picture with aesthetic feeling may mga table and chairs naman naka attach sa mga puno doon"
"Thank you" dinala ko na yung black coffee at yung sandwhich ko sa lugar kung saan tinuro nung mga bata. Pagkadating ko hindi gaano ka dami yung tao dito. Siguro it's still early and mostly nakatambay around sa field.
I placed my coffee, sandwich, and my bag sa tabi ko and took a picture of the scenery. I started to munch my sandwich when I decided to read a book here kasi ang gandang pampatay ng oras.
Hindi naman ako nag-iisa dito may iba nga dito natulog yung iba nanunuod ng drama. Good thing I brought a book with me. Hearing the wind passing softly as if it whispers a comfort. Those warm sunlight that was less appreciated shine brightly. Falling leaves were dancing as the wind indulge. Sounds crazy but that's what I got to feel.
I was too engrossed in the book I'm reading when I notice someone is standing not too far from me. The fit, you can definitely identify him as a member of a club. Them wearing coats and having pastel as the inner clothing. Those black pants and shoes make him stand out. I suddenly scrunched my nose when I saw him wearing specs. He looks good but doesn't that make it hard to use the camera? Just one look malalaman mo agad na it's only for fashion.
I blinked dahil nakita ko siyang nakitingin sa side ko and smiled. It's awkward kasi alam kong alam niyang kanina pa ako nakatitig sa kanya. Ito nakukuha ko sa pagiging judger. Alam ko masyado akong feeling pero my instincts says na lalapit siya dito and mabuti nga dumating yung bata na nagtitinda nung coffee.
"Ate naiwan mo pala sa stall kanina" nanlaki agad yung mata ko kasi sa lahat pa naman na pwedeng mahulog sa bag ko yung fountain pen pa. Hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit nahulog yun. I didn't put it safely sa bag nakapatong lang sa pitaka ko. Kanina agad agad ko lang hinablot yung wallet. Dumb bitch.
"Thank you?"
"Keana po"
"Thank you Keana, siguro umiyak na ako kung hindi ko agad nalaman at nahanap agad ito" kwento ko kasi ang awkward kasi na paalisin mo agad. Mukhang gusto pa ata makipag usap ni Keana. Umupo ba naman sa tabi ko.
"Importante sayo yan ate noh?" syempre iiyak ba ako kung hindi? Iyon sana sasabihin ko pero naalala ko bata pala kausap ko.
"Oo, napaka importante. Ito yung naging symbolo na tama yung daan tinatahak ko na tama yung pag kamit ko sa pangarap ko" hindi ko alam kung maintindian ba ni Keana yung pinagsasabi ko pero parang ang gaan lang sa pakiramdam na may napag sabihan ako.
"Boyfriend mo ba nagbigay niyan ate? Proud siguro boyfriend mo sayo ate noh, yiee" tukso niya. Mahina akong napatawa sa sinabi niya. Bata pa nga talaga siya.
"Tara hatid na kita doon sa stall niyo baka hinahanap ka na" sabi ko sabay ayos nung mga gamit ko. I'm kind of careless sometimes kaya need ko aalahanin na mag double check sa mga gamit ko bago umalis.
"Ay wag na ate nakaistorbo pa ako"
"Ok lang may bibilhin rin ako eh" paliwanag ko, totoo naman gusto ko bumili nung tocilog nagugutom ako. Hindi sapat yung sandwich lang.
"Ate if bibili ka try mo din dumaan sa may coliseum, doon sa may gazebo sa gilid. Nakapwesto doon mga souvenir, check mo rin baka may pictures ka doon baka gusto mo ma print out" kwento ni Keana habang naglalakad kami- bigla kami napatigil nung hinawakan niya kamay ko.
"Diyan ate oh, daan ka na po diyan. Malapit na rin stall namin po. Salamat" bigla siyang tumakbo papunta sa stall niya and naisip kong nakakatamad na din kung after ko bumili nung tocilog eh babalik pa ako dito.
I went straight to the gazebo and the number of people looking for a souvenir. Lumapit ako and someone immediately caters and guides me where to look for my pictures and for some random university scenery.
I keep on scrolling and wala pa ako ni isang picture na nakita. I tried to fix the face recognition to scan it more properly pero wala. Ano ba yan wala ba ni isang member na naka picture sa akin? Kahit photobomb lang?
"Ay ayaw ko na-" napabalik ako sa laptop ng may biglang lumabas na pictures ko and honestly it's a lot and I'm not kidding. 13 is a lot kasi more than one na yun. Tinignan ko yung mga picture and honestly napamangha ako. Kasi from those picture it actually show what I am. Like a story to tell.
I admit I have this kind of standard na I look more into an aesthetic feeling of a picture that actually describes me. These thirteen pictures are like a timeline? From the time I entered the school, the way I scan the study load, mesmerized as I entered the university until I walked Keana back.
I checked the other picture from the same device baka kasi stalker ko pero hindi. Madami pang mga litrato yung nakuha. It's just purely coincident na my pictures looks like it was placed in a timeline.
"Excuse me, can I have this printed?"
"No problem miss" they are still processing my pictures tinitignan tignan ko pa yung mga picture ko. What catches my attention the most is when I was sitting, a cup of coffee at the table, a book page on my finger, and the fallen leaves kissing the wind goodbye.
That guy must be the one who took this. He can be paid tons of money with this skill.
"Here you go" tinanggap ko na yung small paper bag when I just noticed that my pictures, the file of my pictures are named.
I can feel my stomach grumble kaya mabilis akong tumakbo palabas doon. Madami akong nadaanan na mga stall pero I'm really fixated doon sa tocilog. Gusto ko sana magmura dahil ang daming mga bata sa gitna ng daan.
"Bilis, pwesto na kayo para may picture na kayong mga highlighter" biglang lumaki yung butas ng ilong ko dahil pinigilan kong matawa. Tiniwag ba namang highlighter yung mga elementary students.
"Oh ayan pwede na kayo maging national bookstore" doon na ako mapatingin sa kumukuha nung litrato kasi ang corny na.
And I saw him there, the one named my photos mosaic muse.
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