I forgot to love you, love you, love you
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LANDO
Twelve hours later and I was still sitting in the same spot beside Isabelle's bed, her hand resting between my fingers. Her parents were on the next flight to London and landed around an hour ago, her mother calling to tell me that they'd brought Charles along after reaching out to him. He was at home in Monaco, and I knew that he was very close to Issy especially when she was younger, when she spent her school holidays in France. It would be nice to see a familiar face, but I knew he was going to be distraught, just like I was. Jennifer told me that they would arrive at the hospital just after lunch time, so I expected to see them shortly.
I'd not slept one wink since I arrived here last night. Isabelle's condition remained the same, it did not improve but it also did not worsen, right now she was stable and the doctors were keeping her in a coma whilst they monitored the injury on her brain. They didn't know whether she would survive, but if she did, there was always the chance that she wouldn't be able to remember me, or she would struggle to walk or talk. I didn't like to think about the potential outcomes of this because none of them were all too great. I just didn't want to lose her. Her hand was so light and so cold as it rested in the palm of my own. I was so afraid of hurting her. I knew she couldn't feel any pain right now, but I was still so terrified of causing further damage to her broken body.
I couldn't believe this was happening. From what the doctors told me, it appeared that Isabelle was headed to my apartment to see me and she crossed an empty street, but a drunk driver sped around the corner at speeds well over the limit. The car collided with her body and sent her onto the concrete, her head smacking against the hard ground as she collapsed. The thought of it absolutely traumatised me. All I wanted was for her to pull through this. I just wanted to be able to stay at home with her and cuddle her there.
I broke down into tears when Jennifer, Louis and Charles walked into the private room. Issy's mother burst into tears after just one look, her father holding tightly onto her hand, while Charles watched on in complete horror. He didn't cry. He walked to her side and stood behind me, his eyes staring at the top of her body and moving their way down to the bottom. Jennifer placed her hand on my shoulder and I looked up at her with a trembling lip.
"My parents are on their way too," I whispered, choking on the tears and feeling uncomfortable as a lump grew in my throat. "I hope you don't mind. I just wanted my Mum to be here."
"Of course," she smiled as she stood at the other side of the bed, her hands running softly through her daughter's hair. "Thank you for being here with her, Lando. She would have wanted you to be here."
"I hurt her," I whispered, as Charles wrapped an arm across my shoulder. "I hurt her and she was punished. I should be lying there instead of her."
"Lando," Jennifer shook her head. "This isn't your fault."
Tears spilled from her eyes as I stared at Isabelle's broken body. The cuts and scratches all over her skin looked a little better compared to last night, but the sounds of the monitors and machines keeping her alive made me feel sick to my stomach. The sound of the machine which was literally breathing for her upset me, because I knew that she couldn't breathe for herself. Each tube looked so uncomfortable, each wire so painful as they clung around her body to keep her alive. I stroked the skin on the back of her knuckles, biting down on my trembling lower lip.
The room remained silent, apart from the machines constantly beeping and the sobs which left everybody's lips. Nobody could quite believe what was going on here and I still believed that I'd been thrown into a nightmare, one I was unable to wake up from. I looked at Isabelle and admired her, hoping that she was peaceful as she rested. She still looked so beautiful and I felt privileged to be able to call her mine. I was distraught to see her in a position like this one, unable to stop the guilt which was eating away gradually at my insides.
"Lando mate," I felt Charles' hand slip onto my shoulder and I glanced up at him. We were good friends, always spending time together whenever we were away working, so I was glad he could be here not only for Isabelle and her parents, but for me too. "Shall we go get something to drink? Let Jennifer and Louis have some time with Isabelle?"
Hesitantly, I nodded, before bringing her hand closer to my lips and left a kiss against her skin which was cold to touch. I looked at her parents and they both left me with a reassuring smile, as I looked at Issy's lifeless body. She looked uncomfortable, very much in pain and I wanted to change that for her, but there was nothing I could do to change any of this anymore.
"I can't help but blame myself," I whispered, a soft sob escaping from my open mouth as Charles guided me through the empty corridors by placing a hand on my back. "I should have gone to see her last night after training. I should have known that she wanted to see me. I was so fucking stupid. So selfish. Look what I've done, Charles."
"This isn't your fault. You aren't responsible for any of this, Lando," Charles shook his head as I stepped into the lift, pressing the button to take us to the cafe on the ground floor. "She's going to be alright, you know?"
"I forgot to love her, Charles," I stumbled out of the lift and collapsed into a shaking mess on the floor, my head falling against my kneecaps as I felt the muscles in my arms and hands quivering. "She needed me so many times and I didn't do anything about it. I deserve to be punished, she does not."
"Lando," he placed his hand on my wrist as I felt my whole body turn to jelly, my toes turning numb as I sobbed against the shoulder of someone I was glad I could call my friend. I could feel the anxiety rising from my lower abdomen and completely raging through my chest. I felt nauseous, ready to vomit any time soon. "Mate, it's going to be alright."
"I just fucking proposed to her, Charles," I whispered, feeling my tears catch in the back of my throat as I swallowed hard. "We were so ready to spend the rest of our lives together after these past few months. I don't want to love anybody else but her."
He looked at me, completely silent, with small tears rolling down his cheeks. I shook my head, a loud cry eliciting from my parted mouth as I sobbed against the material of my joggers. My whole body was shaking and I'd never experienced a feeling like this one before. Everywhere felt completely numb, my lips and throat dry as I cried onto my legs. My eyes were clouded by the tears that formed for Isabelle. I was so devastated, voices in my head telling me that she was going to die and we would never be married. I would never be able to call her my wife and she would never take my last name. Isabelle Norris always suited her better.
"I'm going to lose her, aren't I?" I whispered, lifting my head from the dip between my kneecaps and looking straight into Charles' eyes. I saw them filling with sadness and guilt, nothing apart from a tight breath leaving his pursed lips.
"I don't know." He sat beside me on the floor and took my wrist. We were completely in view of everybody who passed, many people glancing down at us with confused looks written on their faces because they recognised us. Nurses offered a help up but we kindly declined as I was offered tissues from the lady who worked behind the reception desk. Charles' uncertainty left me with no hope. I was beginning to realise that maybe Issy's accident was more serious than I first thought. Because she suffered from a brain injury, I knew that anything could happen. She might completely defeat the odds and make a perfect recovery, but other risks ran higher; she might end up with memory loss, or lose the ability to walk and talk, she could be paralysed for the rest of her life and I would never want to see her in pain.
Charles helped me stand and he guided me towards the cafe, where I bought a bottle of water. He instructed me to sit, take a few sips of the cold liquid and then we would head back to Issy's room. I walked slowly behind Charles, a stinging sensation in my eyes due to the amount of tears I'd cried.
When we arrived back in Isabelle's room, my parents were sitting by her side, my Mum clutching onto her hand shaking her head. My family and Isabelle's were very much like an extended family, due to the pair of us being so close since we met when I started at the same school as her. Mum looked at me and I broke down, falling into her arms as she wrapped them securely around me.
"My baby," she whispered, taking my sobbing body out of the door and rubbed her hand up and down my back. "It's going to be alright, Lando. Everything will be okay."
"It's my fault," I shook my head. "I'll never be able to forgive myself, even if she does pull through. I feel like this is a nightmare, but it isn't."
"Lando son, none of this is your fault. Issy is such a strong girl and you know how true that really is," she spoke to me with a soft smile on her lips and I nodded, knowing that she was right. "She's going to be okay. Come on, I think she needs to hear your voice now."
I walked back into the room behind my Mum, sitting in the seat I'd not moved from until Charles arrived. I reached onto the bed to take Issy's hand, immediately beginning to caress her skin in a calming manner. I took hold of her ring finger, playing with the band of the engagement ring I'd only just purchased and placed onto her hand. I'd asked her at the right time. If I'd waited any longer, I may have never been given the opportunity.
"Words can't tell you how sorry I am, Isabelle," I exhaled, closing my eyes and tilting my head backwards, the tears stinging my eyes and dampening my eyelids. "I hope you can hear me. I love you so much. I can't wait for you to be my wife."
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