I tried to maintain my cool kahit gusto ko nang hubaran si Dustin ora-orada at magpakasasa sa katawan nya agad-agad. Kilig na kilig ako sa gago. Ang nakakabwisit kakaiba pala akong kiligin. First time kasi kaya hindi ko alam na yung pempem ko pala ang nagwawala at hindi ang puso ko kapag kinikilig ako. Montemayor, lumayo-layo ka kundi di kita papatulugin at sasakyan kita hanggang mawalan ka ng malay kaya maawa ka sa sarili mo. I thought to myself.
Hindi ko sya tinitingnan kahit umakbay na sya sa akin at kahit gusto ko syang murahin, molestyahin at halikan at the same time ay nagkunyari akong hindi affected.
"I'm her lawyer. If you need to settle something with my fiancée, talk to me." He said. At sa unang pagkakataon ay gusto kong magpapapadyak ng paa sa sobrang kiliti. Paano si pempem ang kinikilig kaya tuloy nakikiliti ako. Jusme, pempem mag-behave ka!
"Wala akong pakialam kung abogado ka ng babaeng yan. Shit! Did you see what she did to me?! Ako na isang model—"
"Model ka?" Dustin asked as he frowned at the guy. I didn't even know the asshole's name.
"Yes! I am Giovanni dela Rosa! Sikat ako!" Putsa, pangalan pa lang ng unggoy na to tunog bakla na.
"I am Atty. Dustin Montemayor and I can put an end to your imagined fame." Dustin threatened coolly. Napakagat ako ng labi. Jusko! Pempem, kalma! Ano ba, Montemayor! Tama na! Maawa ka naman baka bigla na lang akong katasan dito!
"Are you threatening me? I am Giovanni dela—"
"I am stating a fact. My clients are pillars of the industry where you claim to be famous but I don't know you and I haven't heard about you, Mr. Giowhatever."
"Look—"
"You don't get it, do you?" Dustin chuckled. "Anyway, I do not expect you to get it so I'll see you in court." He nodded at the guards curtly before he spoke. "I need a copy of the CCTV feed. Kanino ko ia-address ang formal request ko?" He asked.
"Sir, sa head ng security na lang po namin."
"Okay, what's his name? I'll ask my secretary to contact him immediately. I'd like to personally do it but my fiancée needs my attention after what she went through and she's my priority." Jusko, wala nang ligo-ligo ito, ikakama ko na itong lalaking to agad! Pero teka lang di ba inayawan ko na to?! Pempem, stop influencing my thoughts! Teka lang, may secretary pala to?! Babae?! Aba!
"Look, I don't want trouble." Giovanni-the-model said and Dustin looked calmly at him.
"You don't want trouble pero nambabastos ka ng babae? Do you think you're going to get the public's sympathy just because you're under the delusion that you're famous? You need to go back to your mother and ask her to teach you some manners. I'm not going to let this incident pass."
"But—" Giovanni stammered as one of the guards handed Dustin a piece of paper with the Head of Security's full name and contact number.
"Let's go, babe." Dustin said.
I wanted to object. Gusto kong magpa-demure. Sayang naman kasi yung speech na binitawan ko sa harapan nya kanina noong nandun kami sa bahay nya. Pero ang hot ng loko, imbes na mag-inarte ako parang gusto kong manggahasa.
He guided me to where he parked his car. I knew I needed to say something. I was impressed. Hell, I was aroused kaya lang ayokong ipakita. Takot akong gamitin nya na naman yun bagay na yun sa akin para mapasunod ako at makuha nya ang gusto nya. Na gusto ko rin naman. Na gusto rin naman ni pempem. Na sobrang agree lahat ng parte ng katawan kong gusto ko kung ano man ang gusto nya. Pak ka, Lia. Stop it!
"Dustin..." I stopped walking. Gusto ko sabihing may sarili akong sasakyan kaya hindi na nya ako kailangang ihatid pero iba ang lumabas sa bibig ko. "Gusto kitang sakyan." Ha?! Pempem! Stop it! Jusme! Ano ka ba naman!
"Sakyan mo lang ako anytime." He sounded nonchalant. Huminto din sya sa paglalakad at tumingin sa akin. Uy, pempem wag kang magpyesta dyan! Ang landi mo! I bit my tongue kasi gusto kong ngumisi. Ang sexy kasi nang pagkakasabi nya, parang gusto ko tuloy mag-lambada sa harap nya.
"What I mean is...meron akong sasakyan." I enunciated the words carefully.
"Ahh." He replied. "Kung ganun, sayo na lang ako sasakay." He answered and I was confused kung bastos ba ang ibig nyang sabihin o ako lang talaga ang berde ang utak. Oh well, di mo lang ako pwedeng sakyan, pwede mo pa akong igarahe. I mentally arched my brow at my thoughts. Pempem, ano ka ba! Stop na! Ayoko na! Parati mo na lang akong pinapahamak! Okay, Lia dalagang Pilipina mode on! I told myself kaso hindi effective.
"Ang ibig kong sabihin...um...may sasakyan ako at kaya....ano... kaya...alam mo yun, dun ako sasakay sa sasakyan ko." Ano ba ang meron sa salitang 'sakay' at halos magwala na itong si pempem? I was becoming breathless because he was staring at me with such intensity. Sige, titig lang. Kainin kita dyan, makita mo.
"Kaya nga, sayo ako sasakay." Tangna, ano bang ibig nyang sabihin?! Sasakyan nya ako o yung sasakyan ko?! Puro sakayan lang kasi naiisip mo, pempem! Bad ka!
"You mean—"
"You know what I mean." He gave me a lazy smile.
At si pempem naman kung makangiti rin wagas. Pero, pempem! We can't! I'm sorry pero hindi ko nagustuhan yung ginawa ng boyfriend mo kanina! Kailangan mong manindigan, Lia or else mauulit at mauulit yung ginawa nya at dadaanin ka na lang nya sa ganun!
"Thanks for earlier. I'm going home. Bye." I nearly ran in my haste to escape him.
Siguro hindi lang talaga ako normal na babae kasi sa tingin ko kung ibang babae lang yung pinagtanggol ni Dustin tulad nang pagtanggol nya sa akin ay hindi na magpapakipot. But I wanted him to see me differently. I wanted him to respect what I say. I wanted him to acknowledge me as someone who's more than a piece of flesh.
Pero naisip ko rin kung para saan yung mga ganung kaartehan ko. Hindi ba laro lang naman ang gusto ko? Hindi ba ayaw ko namang magpakasal? Hindi pa gusto ko shembot shembot lang? Bakit may respeto na akong nalalaman? Bakit hindi ko na ma-differentiate kung kaba, kilig o landi ba yung nararamdaman ko para kay Dustin? Ano bang meron, ha, Lia?! I stopped beside my car.
"Lia, stop this madness." I murmured to myself as I took my keyless remote from inside my bag's pocket. "You can't. You can't fall for him. You can't fall for anyone." I told myself as pressed the remote to open my car.
"Lia." I heard Dustin's voice behind me and I was tempted to ignore him.
"Bakit?" I asked without turning to look at him as I opened my car's door.
"Let's talk." He said and I smiled sadly before I turned to face him.
"I'm sorry, Dust. I really am pero tapusin na natin itong kalokohang ito. Alam naman nating laro lang ito, di ba? It was hot while it lasted pero masyado na itong matagal para sa isang laro."
"This isn't just a game for me, Lia." He answered and my heart drummed crazily inside my chest. I felt hopeful and sad at the same time.
"Ano pala ang tawag mo dito?" I asked as I searched his face. Hindi sya sumagot and I laughed dryly when he lowered his gaze. See? Hindi nya rin alam. Wag kang tanga, Lia. Gusto ka lang nyang ikama. "We're compatible in bed, Dust. Hindi ko naman yun ide-deny. Pero ayoko ng long-term bedmate at sawain ako. Habang masarap pa yung samahan nating dalawa, tapusin na natin. Sige, bye."
I slid into the driver's seat, closed the door and turned the engine on. I maneuvered my car out of the parking lot and wondered briefly why my vision became blurry.
"Tanga ka ba?! Bakit ka umiiyak?!" I harshly asked myself. "Laro lang ito, boba! Wag kang tanga! Wag mong panghinayangan ang laki nya!" I added as I wiped my face with my hands. Ayokong isipin kung bakit ako nasasaktan. Ayokong malaman ang rason kung bakit ako umiiyak. Ayokong bigyan nang mas malalim na kahulugan ang mga landian namin. Ayoko. Ayoko. Ayoko!
I reached my condo in less than thirty minutes. Hindi ko na nakuhang batiin yung valet parking attendant na sumalubong sa akin sa harap ng building ko kasi tumakbo na ako papasok. Gusto kong makarating agad sa unit ko para magmukmok. Tsaka ko na lang isipin kung bakit ako nagdadrama.
I immediately took my clothes off after I locked my door. I wanted to take a cold shower kasi hindi ako nakapag-yoga. I wanted to sort out my thoughts. Gusto kong ihiwalay yung opinyon ni pempem sa nararamdaman ko.
"Kaya mo yan, Lia. Kayang-kaya!" I said as I turned the shower on. "Jusme! Pucha ang lamig!" I exclaimed. Hindi kasi talaga ako sanay sa malamig na shower, gusto kong maligamgam parati ang temperature ng tubig kahit summer pa. "Walanghiya ka, pempem! Siguraduhin mo talagang after nitong cold shower na ito ay limot mo na si Montemayor kundi, ay naku!"
Dahil malamig ang tubig ay ang bilis ko lang naligo, wala pa yatang five minutes tapos na ako. Kahit nakapagbihis na ako ay di ako mapakali, gusto kong kumain, gusto uminom at gusto kong magpakasaya. Jusko! Don't tell me depressed ako?! I thought as I dialed for food delivery. I ordered pizza, buffalo wings, onion rings and spaghetti with meatballs. Pero hindi pa ako natuwa, I called my condo's concierge and asked for them to buy me a dozen cans of beer.
"Nakaka-stress! Dapat hindi ako affected! Bukas na bukas din pempem, magba-bar hopping tayo at maghahanap tayo ng bagong playmate mo! May pa-fiancée fiancée ka pang nalalaman, Montemayor! Bwisit! Bakit ba ang tagal nung order ko?! Mga lalaki talaga wala kang maasahan! Peste!"
I tried reading a magazine and watching television pero lahat na lang ng nababasa o napapanuod ko nabibwisit ako. Ang masaklap naala ko na naman kung gaano ka-cool si Dustin kanina habang sinasabon nya yung Giovanni.
"Grabe na ito, ang hot mo kasing gago ka. Ang hot mo na nga ang laki-laki mo pa. Tapos ang galing-galing mo pa tapos—Hay! Nasaan na ba yang beer na yan?!"
I heard my doorbell chime and I ran to open the door. Dumating na ang pinadeliver kong pagkain. Cute at nagpapa-cute yung taga-deliver pero wala ako sa mood kaya kahit tip ay di ako nagbigay. Kumain ako kaagad kahit hindi naman ako gutom. After a few minutes may nag-ring na naman ng doorbell ko at halos natapilok ako sa kakatakbo kasi excited akong uminom ng beer. Ang tagal na kasi since the last time I got so freaking drunk.
"Mabuti naman at nandyan—" I stared at Dustin and the packs of beers in his hands.
"Hi." He was unsmiling. "May kasama ka ba? Nakakainstorbo ba ako sa inyo?" He asked as he used his shoulder to push the door wider and stepped inside. "Sinong kasama mo?" He sounded displeased as he looked around the room.
"Bakit ka ba pumasok?!" I angrily asked. "Akin na nga yan! Bakit ikaw ang may dala nyan?!"
"Nakasabay ko ang magdadala nito and I told him that I'm your friend and you were expecting me."
"What made you think that I was expecting you?!" I followed him around kasi inikot nya ang buong bahay ko. Pati yung banyo ko sa kwarto at ilalim ng sofa ko ay di nya pinalampas. "Ano bang hinahanap mo?!" I shouted and he turned to look at me. His expression was unreadable. He looked at all the food that I laid down on the center table before he frowned at me.
"Were you alone?" He asked.
"What do you care if I'm alone or not?!" I snapped. He put the packs of beer he was holding on top of the side table kasi nag-uumapaw sa pagkain ang center table ko.
"Are you depressed? Bakit ang dami mong pagkain? Bakit ka iinom?"
"Wow. Doktor ka ba? Akala ko ba abogado ka, your honor. Kapag madaming pagkain tapos umiinom dperessed agad? So kailangan kong tiisin ang gutom ko para sa ikakapalagay ng loob mo?"
He tilted his head to the side and smiled at me. I just melted. Nyemas talaga itong lalaking to! I inwardly groaned as I watched him slowly walk towards me.
"Hi ulit." He whispered and I scowled. "Bakit ka nakasimangot?"
"Umalis ka na. Gusto kong mag-isa." I said and he gently touched my cheek. "Ano ba!" I slapped his hand away. "Umalis ka na nga!" I moved past him to open the door but he wrapped his arms around me.
"Lia."
"Pwede ba, Dustin wala ako sa mood makipaglaro sayo ngayon. Mag-set ka ng appointment mamaya kasi sarado na si pempem at lampas playtime nya na!" He laughed softly before he kissed my still damp hair.
"Lia."
"Umalis ka na, utang na loob naman!" I shrieked when he suddenly lifted me off the floor and carried me inside my bedroom.
"Ano ba, Dustin! Gusto mo na naman ng sex?!" I furiously asked as he laid me down on top of my bed. "Yun na lang ba ang tingin mo sa akin?! Isang parausan?!" My lower lip was trembling and I was nearly in tears. He cupped my face with both his hands before he kissed me on the forehead.
"Lia." He murmured.
"What?!" I bit out.
"Make love to me." He whispered against my lips. "I'm yours. Please."