James sat in Billie's driveway, his clothes drenched; his hair dripping water down his ears. Billie sat beside him, her fingers tracing over the palm-shaped bruise on her wrist. She, too, was soaked with water; her shirt bundled in the palm of her hand, her hair in its natural wavy state. The rain was pounding against the roof of the Jeep; slapping noisily against the windshield. Ominously, it roared, sending flashes of lightning and growls of thunder in its wake.
James was feeling so differently about her.
Before this night, he'd always seen her as this unstoppable force; the brave, confident woman who was always certain of every action she took and every word she said. But now, James saw that once upon a time, Billie was a little girl. And somewhere inside her would always be that little girl; the little girl that needed love, and attention, and to be held when she cried.
And James knew that Billie wasn't very fond of that little girl.
But he certainly was.
"Blue?" He turned to her, his frown deep. "I'm sorry about what happened."
She sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Don't be. Tandy and I . . . we've got a hold on what happens whenever Mom pays a visit."
"Still-,"
"James," Billie said, her eyes meeting his. "Please. Don't pity me, okay?"
He shook his head. "I'm not."
Billie scoffed. "Then, what exactly would you call it?"
James blinked. "Caring."
Maybe it was the rain surrounding them, or the fact that she was freezing cold. Maybe it was that look in James's eyes, or the tone of his voice when he muttered that word to her. But at the sound of it, Billie was instantly pulled into a whirlwind of emotions. She was enamored and delighted and nervous and unsure and certain and out of breath and everything she'd never been for him before.
In just that word, Billie fell for James.
And it was crazy how, in less than a second, she lost all control.
Slowly, Billie's lips pulled upward, her teeth slowly revealing themselves. Turning in her seat, she faced him straight on.
James chuckled at her expression. "Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked.
"Like what?" She teased. James chuckled again.
"Don't do this to me again, Blue. You know what I mean."
"You're imagining things," she giggled.
"You're staring right at me!" He grinned. "Come on, tell me. What's going on in that stubborn-ass head of yours?"
For a moment, something in her wanted to fight what she was feeling.
But for the first time since she'd known him, she ignored it.
"I like you, James."
He laughed, rolling his eyes. "Put it in the paper, Billie."
She felt a chill race down her spine when he said her name; her actual first name. "I mean it," she insisted. At James's reaction, she could tell he wasn't sold. "You don't believe me."
"You're damn right," he nodded, that grin never leaving. "I know how much you like fucking with me."
This was true; Billie and James had a history of leading each other on and getting into each other's heads. But it never went anywhere.
Nevertheless, this was the first time Billie had ever told him that she had feelings for him. She wasn't sure why this news wasn't registering differently than anything she might have said in the past.
"James, I'm serious!" She laughed, shoving his shoulder.
He raised his eyebrows sarcastically. "Sure."
Billie narrowed her eyes, tucking her lips into her mouth. Then she turned away to unbuckle her seatbelt; only briefly, as she had decided upon what she'd do.
As James watched her actions, he presumed she was leaving and unlocked the doors. "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"
First she turned at the sound of his voice; smiled at him.
Then, she moved quickly, taking James by complete surprise as she climbed over the gearshifts and onto his lap. In a matter of moments, she was straddling him there in that driver's seat; both her hands placed on his jaw.
She didn't hesitate to kiss him; her lips moving slowly against his, her wet hair curtaining around his face. As her eyes closed, she basked in the sensation, all the while entangling their tongues, reconnecting lips with him time and time again.
James was wrapped up in her; his entire point of focus becoming Billie and only Billie. Not only was he completely unexpecting this kiss, he was entirely taken off guard by the way she kissed him. Nothing about it was simple. It was hot; almost entirely sexual. She bit his lip and tasted his tongue and moved against his groin in ways that threw his mind into an aroused bliss.
His hands met the bare skin of her back, drawing her body nearer.
But before anything else could happen, she pulled away.
"I. Like. You," she repeated. "Get it?"
James's chest was heaving, his eyes locked on hers in surprise. "Got it," he nodded, suddenly paralyzed.
With that, Billie removed herself from his lap, feeling satisfied in a number of ways. She collected her soaked shirt from her seat, grabbed her board, and exited the Jeep. The rain attacked her immediately, so she shut the door and bolted, without even waving goodbye.
And as James sat there watching her run until she disappeared into her house, his mind was overrun with questions; he wasn't sure if what just happened was real.
"Shit," he mumbled, trying to collect himself. Blinking a few times, he finally got his bearings, putting the Jeep in reverse and leaving the driveway.
--
Billie awakened with the sunrise, her Sunday morning routine no different than the week before. She spent the first half hour in bed, her face buried in a book for her English Lit class. Then, she climbed out of her comforter, realigning it to its original neatness. Billie was very meticulous about her belongings; everything had to be where it once was. This was something only Tandy truly knew about her, but Billie was very layered. She liked what she liked.
For instance,
James.
Billie would be lying if she said he wasn't the reason she'd gone to bed smiling that night, or saw him in her dreams, or woke up with him on her mind; the taste of him on her tongue. But she tried not to think of him too much, despite the fact that she really wanted to.
Instead, she focused her attentions on the pace of her morning. As she stood before the mirror, she saw her dark brown roots coming in even more so than the last time she'd checked. Right away, she dealt with this, grabbing her bottle of her signature color and her powder bleach. After combining the bleach with her developer, Billie began brushing on the product, lightening her roots until they were a bright blonde.
Once rinsing it all out, she blow-dried and repeated this process; this time using the bright cyan colored dye. It all took quite some time, but time was all Billie had, and busy hands kept her mind at ease. She didn't want to trouble her mind with the conversation with Tandy that she was certain she'd be having that morning about her mother. She for damn sure wasn't looking forward to the inevitable feat, let alone whatever would come of it.
So again, she rinsed, parts of her wishing she could wash more than just her hair dye down the drain.
As the color swirled and dispensed, Billie thought to the first time she'd done this, and how frequent this routine had become. She was barely eleven years old when she decided to dye her hair, despite her mother's wishes. Frankly, Billie didn't give a damn about her mother's wishes when she was younger either, specifically when everything her mother said was followed by a drunken belch.
She remembered her older cousin Steph, who was fifteen at the time, showing her how to bleach and dye her dark hair on her own, so that she wouldn't have to pay at the salon.
"Why blue?" Steph had asked, mixing the color before Billie's young eyes.
"Because mom hates blue," Billie remembered replying. Only then did Billie realize that much hadn't changed about her personality, and she caught herself smiling at the memory. Her grin grew wider, as she recalled walking into school on the first day of sixth grade and seeing the reactions of her peers; of her teachers. She remembered a group of girls approaching her, teasingly.
"Oh look it's the little blue smurf," one said. All the others around her laughed, but Billie just stared.
"Why is that funny?" She asked. "All of you guys look exactly the same. I wanted to be different."
"By turning blue?" That same girl asked. "That's weird."
Billie remembered smiling confidently at them. "Then I guess I'm weird."
"Whatever, blue," the girl said, pushing past her and brushing shoulders.
And from that moment, the name stuck. All of her teachers, all of her friends, everyone she knew called her Blue.
Billie remembered being proud of her daring move; of that moment that triggered her new identity. 'Blue' would be daring, confident, afraid of no challenge.
And now, years later, as she stood before that bathroom mirror with her brand new locked in color, she remembered exactly why she did this without complaint.
To remember that moment.
That moment when she was certain of exactly who she was.
----------
Billie made her way into the kitchen, putting on a pot of coffee for she and her sister. Just as she did, Tandy exited her bedroom, stumbling upon the sight of with her.
"You . . . ," Tandy began. "You're home."
"Yeah, James brought me home," Billie muttered, pulling out the cream and sugar. As Tandy went to cross her arms, Billie could already feel herself becoming annoyed. Right away, she let out a sigh and rolled her eyes. "Tandy . . . -,"
"You had me worried sick, Blue. Are you fucking kidding?"
"Would you relax?"
"You weren't answering your phone! I thought you were hurt or-,"
"I was just at the skatepark!"
Tandy's face turned red. "You can't fucking do shit like that to me, Blue! You can't just up and ghost whenever you want! Believe it or not, I have emotions too-,"
"You think I don't fucking know that?!" Billie forcefully thew a dish into the sink, the sound clattering loudly against the steel. "Jesus, I didn't sign up for a second mom, Tandy, so hop the hell off my back. The one we had already fucked me over enough!"
As Billie stormed past her sister, she clenched her fists.
"Blue!" Tandy called out, halting her. "You can't blame me for being worried about you!"
Billie huffed, turning back to face her. "What the hell do you want me to say, Tandy? You know how I get when mom comes around-,"
"Of course I know," the brunette, green-eyed girl responded. "You storm off and we fight and everything's fucked up for a couple of days. But Blue, I don't want that for us anymore!" Tandy moved near her, her eyes pleading. "So can we please, for once, just deal with Mom like adults? Without turning on each other and running off? Huh?"
Billie poked her tongue into the side of her cheek, her lips pursed in thought. Then, as Tandy stared at her frustratedly, she rolled her eyes. "Fine. Whatever."
"Blue." Tandy's voice was firm, her eyes locked on her sister.
Finally, Billie let go of her pride. "Okay . . . I'm sorry about last night. I should've at least called." As Tandy's lips pulled upward, Billie cocked her head to the side. "Happy now?"
The doorbell rang. Annoyed, Tandy pushed past her sister, playfully shoving her head with her hand. "You give me such a fucking headache sometimes," Tandy sighed.
As she made her way to the front door, Billie headed back over into the kitchen, pulling the coffee off of the warmer and pouring Tandy a mug. Of course, Billie knew Tandy was in the right. But Billie was hard-headed, like she'd always been. And Tandy could dish it out sometimes, too. But it was never long before they were right back to the way they were.
As Billie began to fill the dark liquid with creamer, she watched as the white swirled in hypnotically, until the drink became a pretty caramel brown.
"Uh . . . Blue?" She heard Tandy call.
"What-," Billie turned around, and at the sight before her, she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "The hell is that?" She inadvertently finished.
Tandy was carrying a bundle of bright blue balloons, all of which were weighed down by a long, rectangular box. She made her way over to Billie, placing the box onto the counter.
"Ooh!" Tandy sang, after closer inspection. "There's a card!"
Billie dismissed it, returning to her mug. "This has to be one of Mom's dumb apologies."
"No . . . ," Tandy said quickly. "This isn't from her."
Billie turned around again, surprised to see that Tandy now had the card in her hand. She presented it to her sister, her finger pointing to its front.
"Billie," it read, the writing a pretty cursive.
"Momma doesn't call you 'Billie,'" Tandy said, a smile on her face. Billie scoffed.
"No one calls me that. Except . . . ," her eyes lightened in realization. "Wait. Hold on."
"What?" Tandy was gleaming with anticipation. "Who's it from?"
Yanking the envelope from her sister's hands, Billie tore into it until she pulled it free. Quickly, she opened the plain white card, and viewed the simplicity of the writing inside.
"I like you, too."
-James
Billie blinked, her lips curling upward all on their own.
"Tell me again," Tandy said, her smile coy. "What exactly happened when James dropped you off last night?"
Ignoring her sister, Billie opened the large rectangular box. And at the sight inside, she lost her breath. "No way," she whispered. And slowly, she pulled out that seven-hundred-dollar board. That board that she thought she'd only ever ride once. That board that was all too familiar. That board that she thought she'd only call her own in her dreams.
Tandy came around Billie's shoulder, patting her sister on the back. "That does it," she sighed, walking away. "You're gonna fall in love with him."