“It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love; there is only an 'on' ramp.” ~Anonymous
“Lyric? Lyric Michaels, is that you?” I heard a man’s voice behind me in the checkout line. Two people back was someone I hadn’t seen since high school graduation.
“Jamal Warner.” I smiled warmly. The lady directly behind me looked like she had a serious attitude, so I waited until we’d both checked out before continuing the conversation. He walked over and hugged me, which took me by surprise I must say, but it was nice.
“You cut off all your hair.” He observed. “It looks good on you though.”
“Thanks. How have you been?” I asked. I wanted to know how he’d become so sexy over the years, but that wasn’t the route I wanted this reunion to take. However, I was glad that I looked decent in my t-shirt and shorts.
“I can’t complain. Seems like it’s been forever since I last saw you. How is Legend?”
“He’s good. In Australia right now, but he’ll be back in the States soon. You still stay around here?” Why did I ask that? That was none of my business and I didn’t even really want to know.
“I stay in North Dallas. What about you?”
“I stay near DFW airport. I’m just out here picking up a few things for my mom.” I answered as he walked me to my car. I just couldn’t get over how much he’d…grown, for lack of better word. Jamal was always cute, but now his tall, lanky form had filled out, and my, did it fill nicely. He was about six feet even, tall dark and handsome. He looked like Jamal, but this was not the same brother from high school.
"Can I convince you to join me for lunch?" He asked as I put the groceries in my trunk. Would it be wrong for me to have lunch with an old friend? What would Ray think? Did I really care what he thought?
"Um, sure. I'd like that, but I need to take this stuff to my mom's first."
"That's wassup. Here, just give me a call once you're available and we can decide where to eat." He responded, giving me a business card.
"You have a business card?" Can't say I knew very many twenty two year olds that had business cards.
"What can I say? I'm a business man." He smiled, showing is his perfect teeth.
"I'll give you a call when I'm finished."
"I look forward to hearing from you." He said as he opened my door for me and waved as I drove off. I couldn’t believe I’d run into him of all people. Jamal had the biggest crush on me in school, but by the time he told me, I’d already met Ray. A few times when I was going through with Ray, I wondered how things could’ve been if I’d chosen, not necessarily Jamal, but someone else instead. Of all the people to bump into at the grocery store.
The first thing I did once I got to my mom’s house was call Renee’ to tell her who I ran into. “You have got to be kidding. How did he look?” She asked.
“Girl, the man is fine! All that tall dark chocolate!” I laughed. “If I was available…”
“Okay, you’ve taken it too far! We both know you wouldn’t do a damn thing!” She cracked up. I was a little offended, but she did have a point. I’ve noticed plenty of sexy brothers over the years, but none of them could make me forget about Ray.
“Anyway, he asked me to go to lunch with him. Do you think it would be wrong if I went?”
“Wrong how?” She asked.
“I’m with Ray.” Duh!
“And Ray’s with everybody!”
“You know you wrong for that, right?” I replied.
“You know it’s true! Word! I ain’t never told no lie!” She laughed.
“And you’re so not funny either!”
“Don’t be mad boo. And to answer your question, I think you should definitely go to lunch with him. He was such a straight arrow in high school, and you need a good boy.” She said. We talked for about another ten minutes before disconnecting the call. I thought about what she said as I called Jamal to see where he wanted to meet. He was a good guy, and really cute, but I wasn’t interested. I had Ray and he was all I wanted. I thought about that song by Mary J. Blige Mr. Wrong.
“Bad boys ain’t no good
Good boys ain’t no fun
Lord knows that I should
Run off with the right one”
We met at Saltgrass in Cedar Hill for lunch. I was a little nervous and I didn't know why. Well actually I did. I was nervous because I was having lunch with a man that wasn't Raymond. I know it was crazy to feel that way, especially after all the things he'd done, but that's how I felt.
"So, are you still singing?" He asked as we waited for the waitress to return with our drinks.
"I can't stop." I smiled.
"I remember the first time I heard you sing." He reminisced. "We were in the fifth grade and you sang the National Negro Anthem for the Black History month assembly."
"I remember that!" I laughed. I was so nervous about singing in front of the whole school. Not much different than I felt at that moment. "Lift Every Voice and Sing."
"So are you pursuing your dream?"
"I guess. I mean I sing at a club every weekend." I answered.
"Oh really? I'd love to come hear you sometime."
"I'd really like that." I smiled. "If I remember correctly, you have a nice voice too."
"I'm nothing compared to the great Lyric Michaels, but I'm alright." He laughed.
"Boy stop! You know you can blow." The waitress came back with our drinks and took our food orders. Neither of us said anything for a few moments. It was an uncomfortable silence, and I couldn't take it. "So what have you been doing with yourself these last four years?"
"A little this, a little that. Got a degree in music production, started a little company. I'm doing okay for myself." He answered.
"I can see that! You're sitting there looking like Big Willie in your power suit." I joked. Not to mention sexy as hell! I was still trying to figure out how that happened. Not that he wasn't cute back in the day, but damn, he'd come a long way.
"Well, I do what I can." He laughed.
"Do you have any kids? Baby mama drama?"
"Naw, not yet. And I want a wife, not a baby mama. Do you have any little ones?"
"No, I don't think I'm ready for kids yet." I answered.
"I won't ask if you're seeing anyone. Excuse me for saying, but you're too fine to be lying down in bed alone." If I were the type to blush, that comment would've done it. I really didn't know how to respond, so I said the only thing I could think of.
"Thank you." The food arrived and saved me from having to talk for a little bit. If I was being truly honest with myself, a part of me was really enjoying his company.
"Are you and Renee' still thicker than thieves?"
"That's one thing that will never change." I laughed. “She actually told me to tell you hi.”
"Really? I swear y'all were the two baddest girls in school."
"You think? I thought all you guys like Chantal Brooks best."
"Naw, she wasn't even in the same league as the two of you. She was just fast food." He replied.
"Fast food?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, quick and easy." He laughed. "I prefer a home cooked meal." Damn, that statement did something to me. I knew for a fact Ray liked fast food, because Chantal was the first girl I caught him with. I bet Jamal wouldn't cheat on his girl. My thoughts must have shown on my face, because he asked if he'd said something wrong.
"No, I was just thinking about the past."
"Not a happy thought?" He inquired.
"Not really." I sighed.
He was quiet for a moment, perhaps lost in his own memories of the past. "There's something that's been bothering me for years, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but wouldn't you ever give me any play when we were in school?"
"Are you serious?"
"Heck yeah. I thought you didn't like black dudes. At least that's what I told myself to soothe my hurt ego." He smiled.
"Um, I'm black! Quite a bit of my family is too." I laughed.
"So, what was the reason then?" He asked again. I took the opportunity to take a sip of my iced tea before replying honestly.
"I don't know. I guess I never realized you liked me. And when I did, well..."
"You were dating Midwest." He finished. That was the name they’d given Ray when he transferred from Michigan. "I can accept that." He said. “So are you still with him?”
“Yeah, four years now.”
“If I’m being completely honest, I’m surprised the two of you lasted this long.” You and everyone else, I thought. Hell, I was surprised some of the time. Ray could be the sweetest man in the world one moment, and a complete ass the next. But even with all that, there still wasn’t anyone else I wanted to be with. Like Mary J. said:
“Me and Mr. Wrong get along so good
Even though he breaks my heart so bad
We got a special thing going on
Me and Mr. Wrong
Even if I try, no, I never could
Give him up cause his loves like that
Ain’t no way that I’m moving on
I love my Mr. Wrong”
I really didn’t know how to respond to what he’d said, so I didn’t. "Did you seriously think I didn't want to talk to you because you were black?" I giggled. "Ray is black."
"Not completely." He had a point there.
"I don't discriminate. I'm too mixed up myself for that." I don't know if he had a response for that because my phone started ringing. I looked at the id and saw that it was Ray. Speak of the devil and he will appear. I had a moment of indecision. Would it be rude to answer? What would Ray think if I didn't? Get a grip, Lyric. It's not like he knows you're out with another man, I thought to myself. And even if he did, it wasn't like I was doing anything wrong. In the end, I decided to answer.
"What the hell took you so long to answer the damn phone?" Ray's voice boomed in my ear. Why was he such an as?
"I'm having lunch. Did you need something?"
"Yeah, I need you to bring your ass home. You been gone all day." He answered.
"I'll be there in a couple of hours."
"That ain't soon enough, bae."
"Usted puede esparar. No me apresure."
"Don't start that Spanish shit, Lyric! No habla espanol."
"I'll see you soon." I sighed.
“And bae…”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.” He said, making me smile.
“You too.” I replied before hanging up.
"Everything okay?" Jamal asked as soon as I hung up.
"Yeah." I sighed again.
"I forgot you were part Puerto Rican." He laughed. "Quite la actitud."
"¿Habla usted español?" I asked, a little surprised that he could speak Spanish.
"Si. I dated a Hispanic chick for about two years." He answered. I was a little embarrassed that he knew what I'd said. "So, do we need to cut this short?"
"Maybe I should be getting back." I replied after a moment. "I do need to prepare for my show tonight." That wasn’t really the reason I was ready to leave, but I couldn’t say that I needed to hurry home because Ray told me to.
“Hung up off your good
You call and I run
My family's screaming at me don’t do it
Don't do it...
I guess they never had none”
"Me gustó mucho pasar tiempo con usted."
"I've enjoyed this too." I smiled as I reached in my purse for some money.
"I've got this. I did invite you to lunch. Thanks again for joining me."
"Thanks for inviting me." He stood as I did and placed five twenties on the table, even though the meal couldn't have been more than fifty dollars. Big tipper, I thought.
"I'll walk you to your car." A gentlemen too. "Maybe we can do this again sometime?" He offered.
"I don't know, Jamal. I'm sure Ray wouldn't like me spending so much time with you."
"Well you have my card and my cell. Call me if you ever want to get together or just talk. No hay presión." He smiled. No pressure, my butt. Ray would flip out.
"I'll keep that in mind. Bye and thanks again." I waved as I drove away.
I thought about Jamal the entire drive home. It was so nice seeing him again, but I couldn't see myself calling him or hanging out. I was in a committed relationship. Scratch that; I was committed to my relationship. Ray didn't seem to know what commitment meant, but he was learning. He'd actually been good lately, which had me a little on edge. How long would it last?
Ray had company when I got home, and I wasn't too happy about that. His boy, Montreal, was there and Ray knew how much I didn't like him being at my house. They were sitting on my sofa, playing Madden, and smoking. I almost caught a contact just from walking into the room.
“Hey baby.” Ray laughed stupidly.
“Wassup L. Boogie?” Montreal said with a huge smile. He knew that I didn’t like him.
“Hey.” I responded, continuing on to the kitchen.
"Bae, can you fix us something to eat? I got the munchies like a mofo!” I heard Ray call out. He must be out of his damn mind, I thought as a poured a glass of water.
“If you were hungry, why didn’t you fix yourself something to eat or order a pizza?” I asked when I walked back into the room.
“Because I don’t have any money for pizza.”
“So you have money for weed but not food?” Seemed to me that their priorities where mixed up.
“Why would I spend money on food when I have a girl who can cook? I’m not just with you for that pretty face. Get on your job!” He laughed. Montreal joined in.
“Kiss my ass, Ray!” I stormed off to the sound of their laughter. Once in my bathroom, I did a few breathing exercises to help calm myself down. How could he just disrespect me like that? And in front of Montreal! What had I done to deserve that?
“Bae, I’m sorry.” He said as he came into the room about thirty minutes later.
“Whatever Ray.” I responded, not bothering to look up at him.
“For real, bae. That was a messed up thing to say to you.”
“Then why did you say it? You know what, it doesn’t matter. Just go back out there and play with your little friend.”
“I told him to leave so I could spend a little time with you.” He said sitting next to me on the bed. “I’m sorry.”
“I know, now apologize.”
“Don’t be like that, Lyric.”
“Don’t be like what, Ray? Hurt that you have no problem disrespecting me in front of your friends? How silly of me to care about something like that?” I got off the bed and began to pace.
“I said I was sorry, bae. Do you forgive me?”
“No, I don’t forgive you! I’m tired of forgiving you all the time.” I answered seriously.
“Don’t be like that. Come here.” He held his hand out to me, but I didn’t budge. “Come here girl.” I reluctantly walked over to him and sat on his lap. “I have something for you.”
As mad I was with him, I was also curious as to what he could have for me. Ray always bought me something when he messed up, which was an awful lot. I couldn’t imagine what he’d gotten in thirty minutes, but I was sure it wasn’t good enough. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small blue box. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest when I thought of all the things it could be. It wasn’t a ring. I don’t know if I was thankful or disappointed about that. It was a beautiful necklace with a microphone pendant. He fastened it around my neck and kissed my cheek.
“Do you like it?”
“It’s beautiful.” I answered.
“Am I forgiven?”
“No!”
He began to kiss down my neck slowly, sending chills down my spine. This man could always get a reaction out of me. He just affected me like no other. No matter how mad I was, he could kiss me and make me forget all about it. I knew that Ray was no good, but at moments like this, I just simply didn’t care. I knew I would pay for it later, but in the moment, being with him just felt so right.
“How about now?” He asked as his lips caressed my collarbone.
“Ray…”
“I’m sorry, bae. I don’t know why I do the fucked up stuff that I do.” Neither did I. “I love you.”
I tried to say it back, but his hand slid under my shirt and I momentarily lost my train of thought. I did love him, but I knew that no matter how much I loved him, he would never do right by me. I should be with someone who treated me right, but I didn’t think there was another man on earth that could make me feel the way he made me feel. As he gently pushed me back on the bed, I thought of the words to Mr. Wrong.
“When he put that loving on me, I can’t think of nothing
That’ll make me walk out
I’m holding on
I love my Mr. Wrong
He be kissing and touching on me
I can’t help but love him
I must be out of my mind
For going so strong
I love my Mr. Wrong”
Ray came to see me perform that night, and I was so happy to have him there to support me. When I finished my first set, I found Renee’ at the bar. She was staring off to the right and whatever she saw, she didn’t like it. I followed her gaze to the corner. Ray was there talking to some big booty chick. I couldn’t see her face, but the way he smiled made me think she was someone he knew. Now the extent of that knowledge, I had no clue. Was she his new fling? I looked at Nee and she was looking back at me with a look that asked what I was going to do. What was I going to do? How could he do this to me at the place where I worked? I was preparing myself to walk over and bring him back when a voice stopped me.
“I see you still have it.” I turned around to see Jamal standing there looking like he’d just stepped off the cover of GQ. As upset as I was, I smiled. I couldn’t believe he’d come to hear me sing. “And is that Renee’ Ross sitting there looking like a supermodel?” He smiled, flashing those gorgeous teeth.
“Jamal? Damn. I don’t remember you being this sexy.” She laughed as she gave him a big hug.
“Well, I remember you being that sexy and I can honestly say nothing has changed.” I stood there looking at them catch up, but my mind was on Ray and the girl he’d been talking to. Jamal brought my attention back to him though. “¿Consigo un abrazo de usted también?”
Should I give him a hug? It wouldn’t be the first of the day, but then again, Ray was in the same room. What if he saw? Not that he cared about me seeing him talk to another female. Besides, Jamal was an old friend, someone we went to school with. Would that matter to Ray? Did I care? I finally walked into his embrace, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted the hug or I wanted to make Ray jealous. Either way, I found myself wrapped in his arms, inhaling his intoxicating cologne. Something must have shown on my face when I pulled back because Renee’ made an awkward remark.
“Smells good, right?” She smiled knowingly.
“Yeah.” I nodded rapidly, causing both of them to laugh.
The three of us started talking and reminiscing, and before long, I didn’t forget all about Ray, but I did stop searching the crowd for his face. I still had one more song to do, so I refused to let him get me upset. We’d discuss the chick he was talking to when we got home.
“Jamal? Is that you?” A woman’s voice asked. The three of us turned around to see Chantal Brooks, and I immediately recognized her as the chick Ray was talking to. She didn’t even acknowledge Nee and me as she moved into Jamal’s personal space. “Still cute as ever, I see.” She purred seductively.
“Well, I try.” He smiled. “And look at you Chantal, you haven’t changed a bit.” To me, that wasn’t a compliment, but she seemed to think so. I looked at her standing there in a skin tight mini skirt and six inch spike heels. She was pretty, but she’d always been that. She looked at Jamal like he was a shiny new toy to play with, and that only upset me more for some reason.
“Renee’? Lyric? Well, isn’t this a nice little reunion? I was actually just talking to Raymond.” She smiled at me. Was she trying to get to me?
“Chantal, it’s so unpleasant to see you here.” Renee’ said with a fake smile of her own. “Didn’t have to work the pole tonight?” Both Jamal and I turned to hide the smirks.
“Well, I have to get ready to go back onstage.” I laughed.
“Good luck.” Nee hugged me.
“Buena suerte.” Jamal repeated in Spanish.
“¿Comida rápida?” I smirked.
“Sí. Fast food.” He laughed. I turned around to walk away and walked directly into Ray.
“Did I miss the joke?” He asked seriously.
“Wassup, Midwest?”
“What it do, Jamal? To what do we owe this pleasure?” Ray asked, wrapping his arms around me. I caught the brief glance at Chantal, but I was more interested in the way he sized Jamal up. Was he jealous?
“I came to hear Lyric sing.” He answered, making me tense briefly in Ray’s arms. All I thought was please don’t tell him we had lunch.
“How did you know Lyric sang here?” Ray asked, looking from me to Jamal.
“I ran into Renee’ earlier and she told me to come through.” He lied smoothly. I felt myself relax at little as I saw the amused look on Nee’s face.
“I gotta go on stage.” I said pulling away.
“Blow em away, Bae.” Ray said before kissing me passionately. I don’t know if it was for me or Jamal, but I didn’t like it one bit. It would be one thing if it was because he meant it, but this was just a show. He was marking his territory. I’m surprised he did piss on my leg. I pulled away and I saw a moment of confusion in his eyes as he saw my aggravated expression. I let it go and walked backstage.
"What was all that, Lyric?" Ray asked as I drove us home.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know good and damn well what I'm talking about!" He shouted. "I'm talking about the way you were all up on homie in the club. You think that shit was cool?"
"I know you just didn't fix your mouth to say that to me." I said in disbelief.
"You were disrespecting me. I'm your man!"
"And I'm your woman, but that didn't stop you from being in Chantal's face! You can miss me with that disrespect shit!" I replied angrily. Was he serious?
"You got me twisted. If anything, she was in my face." He said coolly. His anger seemed to be receding just as mine rapidly approached a boiling point. I guess he didn’t think I’d seen them talking in a dark corner.
"Either way, the shit was wrong!" I yelled. "How the hell you gone talk to that bitch in front of me and then have the nerve to be jealous of Jamal?"
"I ain't jealous! My name all over that thang! I have no reason to be jealous." He said arrogantly. Thankfully, I'd just pulled into my driveway, because I was about to snap. He was such a hypocrite! He followed me into the bedroom, but didn’t say anything. I went into the bathroom, and he grabbed me as soon as I walked out.
“What the…” I didn’t complete the question because his lips met mine and I knew what he wanted. I don’t know if he meant to distract me from Chantal or make me forget about Jamal. Either way, I wasn’t feeling it. I pushed him off me. “I don’t feel like it tonight, Ray.”
“What do you mean you don’t feel like it?”
“Just what I said. I’m tired. I just want to go to sleep.” I yawned for emphasis.
“I’ll put you to bed.” He smirked.
“Have you noticed that all we do is fuck and fight, Ray? What kind of relationship is that?” I asked seriously.
“Whoa, Lyric, where is all of this coming from?”
“I’m just tired of all this.” I sighed.
“Tired of what?”
“Why were you talking to Chantal?” Out of all the women in the club, why her? He knew how much that would hurt me. She was where our problems started. Maybe I should have just left him alone when I found them together.
“The same reason you were talking to Jamal Warner.” He raised his voice a little.
“No, Ray, it’s not the same! I’ve never cheated on you, not once! How many times did I catch you on the phone with her? How much heartbreak do you think I can take, Ray?” I shouted.
“Baby…”
“No, Ray, I don’t want to hear it! I’m just tired.” I didn’t realize I was crying until he wiped away the tears.
“Lyric, I told you I was through with all that.” He said softly.
“How many times have I heard that?”
“Bae, there isn’t anything going on. I love you! I told you, I’m not going to mess this up.” I wanted so much to believe him, but I knew that I couldn’t. How many times will it take until I realized it won’t get any better? “I love you Lyric.” I was beginning to think he didn’t really know what that word meant. I was about to ask him, but he kissed me so passionately that it took my breath away. Somehow I ended up with him above me whispering in my ear. “I do love you. Let me show you how much.”
As mad as I was, I just couldn’t deny the hold he had on my body. It was just as strong as the one he had on my heart. Before I fell asleep from the exhaustive lovemaking, I thought about the words to Mary J’s song.
“Me and Mr. Wrong get along so good
Even though he breaks my heart so bad
We got a special thing going on
Me and Mr. Wrong
Even if I try, no, I never could
Give him up cause his loves like that
Ain’t no way that I’m moving on
I love my Mr. Wrong”