A/N: ok it's like almost 6 am rn so this is not so good lmao. hope you enjoy though.
Jill's pov.
the show in Las Vegas was absolutely amazing! Roger kept stealing glances at me, and giving me quick smirks every now and then, while mercilessly banging his drums. he'd say that i gave him "strength" and "power" everytime he was playing. it made me laugh, since he was a little tipsy when he said that, but it still meant a lot to me. knowing i meant something for him. it was the only thing i was living for.
we're now on our way to California, the last stop. the tour bus was making its way to the city of angels, as we were all almost sound asleep -except Freddie, of course.
i was laying almost on top of Roger, in the small bus bed that was behind a small curtain, so it wasn't really comfortable. thank god i had Roger there who i used as my big pillow or a stuffie. Roger was reading a book while my eyes were closed, the relaxing background noises and Roger's heartbeat next to my ear was making it impossible to stay awake, and before i realised, i was fast asleep.
"listen to me when i speak to you!" Roger yelled through gritted teeth.
"i- i'm sorry-"
"shut up! god will you ever shut that fucking mouth of yours!" he continued. "you're a disappointment, Jill. you're nothing. god... i never even loved you. you're impossible, it's like taking care of a child!"
"Roger you don't mean that!" i cried uncontrollably. it was like a fountain of tears.
"i mean it." he whispered.
"no you-" he cut me off by raising his hand and suddenly all i could hear was a loud and harsh slapping noise.
"NO!" i screamed and quickly sat up, panting, and hitting my head at the low 'ceiling' of the bunk. "fuck!" i cursed under my breath.
"oh my god Jill.." Roger laughed a little but i heard concern in his voice. "a-are you okay? you scared the hell out of me!"
"wh- oh my god." i suddenly felt familiar wetness on my face. tears were falling and i couldn't stop them.
"Jill... baby.. shh. it's okay. did you have a bad dream?" Roger put his book away and sat up -as well as he could in the small space, he had to keep his head down. he put his arms around me as i cried onto his chest.
"y-yeah... yes it was just a bad dream, i'm sorry.." i managed to get out after i had calmed down. there weren't any new tears anymore but my face was still red and eyes puffy.
"c'mere." he whispered and we both laid back down, my arms firmly around him, hugging him like it was the last time i'd touch him.
"wanna talk about it?" he asked.
"it- it was you. you um... you said i was nothing and that you never loved me and then- then you-" i whispered, but couldn't finish the sentence when my voice started cracking.
"aw baby! it's okay. it was just a dream, right? i love you so much, you know that." he whispered before leaving comforting kisses on my temple. "i love you, so so much."
"i love you too, Rog. i'm sorry." i sniffled. "it was just a stupid dream." i was so relieved it was just a dream.
"don't apologise, love." he said with a soft voice.
suddenly the curtain moved a little bit, and there was a head upside down hanging form the bunk above us. it was Deaky, and i couldn't help but laugh at his face and how his hair fell down.
"everything good here?" he asked.
"yes yes!" i said, now laughing uncontrollably. "just had a nightmare, s'all. and then i hit my head, hurts like a bitch by the way."
"yeah i heard, i was just about to fall asleep but then you screamed and i swear my soul left my body." he said, making me giggle and Roger chuckle. then he closed the curtain and picked himself up back to his bunk. but me, i still kept on laughing.
"i don't know what i'd do without you and Deaks." i sighed smiling, before nuzzling my head to Roger's side. Roger hummed and placed a kiss on the top of my head.
"guess what?" i whispered after a moment of silence.
"yeah?"
"i'm very hungry right now." i stated. Roger let out a small laugh.
"well i guess we should get some food. we have a whole mini fridge full of ingridients for a sandwich, so you have a lot of different foods to choose on." Roger said sarcastically, earning a laugh from me.
we got up and walked along the aisle to the little 'kitchen' part of the bus. i made my sandwich before we walked to the back of the bus to the sofa and sat down. i brought my knees up to my chest and started eating.
"how's the sandwich?" asked Roger after sitting down next to me.
"weally goof." i tried to say, but it was hard with a stuffed mouth muffling my words. Roger laughed and threw a hand over my shoulder as i leaned my head on his shoulder.
then i heard familiar footsteps walking down the aisle towards us. i looked up and met a pair of eyes that were grey with a mix of green. he also had a sweet smile on his face. then there came a woman behind him.
"hi John, hi Veronica." i smiled. "sorry if i woke you two." i laughed nervously.
"no you didn't, don't worry!" said Veronica.
"good. come hereee!" i grabbed John's hand and pushed him down next to me. Veronica sat on another seat close to us, looking at me and then at John, then again at me.
"so... opinion's on the tour? how do you feel like going to the last destination?" i asked, trying to make conversation to cut the small tension that had formed around us four.
"i have to admit, i'm really sad at the tour ending, but at the same time i'm happy. it's been really tirint for all of us, and i'm happy to get a small break." Roger answered. "though we probably have to start the new album very soon after this tour."
"yeah i agree. it's been nice but god i miss my bed so much." John said, making us all laugh while i swallowed my last peace of the sandwich.
"honestly same, i should have taken it here with me." i sighed while playing with Roger's fingers that i, for some reason, really loved and i found them really attractive. the way those fingers swirled his drumsticks and the way they touched my skin.
"Jill? Jill! you're drooling." Roger suddenly spoke up, laughing.
i shook my head, realising i had literally zoned out because of Roger's hands. i cleared my throat and looked around with flushed cheeks, still holding onto his fingers. "i'm sorry. what were we talking about?"
***
we had stopped in a small gas station to get some snacks and all that jazz. i was glad we did cause i felt really distressed for some reason.
i walked to the behind of the little convenience store, and pulled out a cigarette and a lighter i had taken from Roger without him noticing. he knew i only smoked by myself when i was anxious or stressed.
i lit up the cigarette and took a long drag before sighing in relievement, letting the smoke come out of my mouth. i really needed that. i had no idea why i was feeling so distressed, i needed to let it out but i didn't want to tell Roger.
then suddenly i heard the same familiar footsteps coming to me. it was John, now alone.
"hey. what are you doing here alone?" he asked with a smile.
"what are you doing here alone?" i asked back. i was actually curious.
"came here for a smoke, needed some alone time i guess, being in the bus for hours is not that great." he laughed and shrugged his shoulders.
"ah i can leave if you... want to. and i'll leave you alone to chill for a bit." i smiled, already starting to walk away when i felt his hand grab my arm gently.
"no no! stay, please. i don't mind." he smiled as i turned around to him.
"okay." i nodded.
"i didn't know you smoke?" he said after a comfortable small silence, while puffing out some smoke of his own.
"i don't. i just needed this right now." i said quietly, looking down at my feet.
"why?"
"i don't know i just felt distressed for some reason."
it had been a while since i had been alone with Deaky, and i really missed it. he was genuinely nice to talk to and he was really sweet. we were nothing more than just friends, well, i could call him a brother even, but that's it. there were times when we were in college and people asked us if we were dating, but we always just laughed it off, cause people never understood the way our minds always think alike. as i started dating Roger, John and i had gotten a little apart from each other, for reasons that i wouldn't admit.
"oh okay. i hope you feel better." he smiled.
"i am already feeling better."
when it was time to leave again, we walked back to the bus together and stepped inside, where everyone else already were sitting in. John had just said something funny, so i came in laughing my arse off - to my surprise - getting a small glare from Veronica.
"Roger?" i said looking around for him.
"here!" i heard a voice from our bunk, behind the curtain.
i went in, and laid next to him groaning. "how many hours anymore?" i asked.
"only about two babe." Roger answered and kissed my cheek, then suddenly stilling his movements. he sniffes my hair a little, then looked at me.
"you smell like cigarettes." he pointed out the unusual smell on me.
"and?"
"you were just smoking?"
"yeah and?"
"baby why were you smoking?" he asked with concern in his voice. he placed the book that he was reading down and propped himself up on his elbow, so he could look me in the eye.
"because i can..." i avoided his gaze.
"Jill. i know you, and i know that you only smoke by yourself when you're not feeling good." told ya, he knew me too well. "what's wrong?"
i sighed. "just stressed, i guess. don't worry babe." i said kissing him deeply on the lips.
"just tell me whenever you're not feeling okay. i don't want my princess- no, my sunflower, to feel unpleasant." he mumbled against my lips, making my heart melt at the sweet words.