What a smug idiot.
Walking back to my truck after dinner, swinging Ronnie's surprise to-go order, I can't help but repeat that thought in my mind.
I knew the breakup with Avery would give him the opportunity to talk about other things, but this is not the conversation I had in mind.
Maybe I liked him better when he was focused on himself.
Mom texts me, keeping me from asking Stella to talk to him. Scarlett's friends don't need to get any ideas.
Birth Giver
Can you swing by the store and pick up toothpaste?
I turn around, the grocery store's only a block away. A small part of me feels happy to remember the layout of town. The stores pretty much deserted for a Wednesday night, making it easy for me to hear a familiar voice.
"Stella, for the last time I'm not upset, I'm trying to pick up food for Saffron to take to school."
I move closer, her voice getting louder and I can't tell if I'm going in the right direction or she's just getting agitated.
"Yeah, well shopping makes me snippy."
Almost there. I round the corner of the cookie isle just as Scarlett loses it.
"For the last time, Stella Grace, I am not bothered by Ashton ignoring me. Just because you now have a relationship doesn't mean you get to mess with my life."
She throws a box of chips ahoy back onto the shelf as she holds the phone slightly away from her ear. God, I'm sorry for whoever buys that box, they're nothing but crumbs now. I can't help but notice how different she looks in leggings and a sweatshirt, looking nothing like she does at school.
It's a cute look though.
"I don't need people in my life, if anything I'm better off. I should be thankful he's no longer pestering me."
Ouch, that hurts more than I'd care to admit.
Even I can tell her anger's beginning to fade. "You're right, that's a lie." She nods her head, the curls bouncing up and down. "Yes, I do feel better now that I've let that out, thank you."
She hangs up, letting out a long sigh as she grabs a container of Oreos.
I know I should move out of sight but I'm too focused on the conversation I just heard. She misses me. Scarlett actually misses me.
Screw it, I don't have to prove anything to James. I've spent years trying to prove myself and I'm over it. Just as I'm about to forfeit the plan and apologize, a woman calls her name.
"Bella!" She cries, throwing her arms around the older woman who smiles fondly.
"Hello, Letty, how are you love?"
Scarlett tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, for once not hiding behind it. Letty. It's a cute nickname, wonder why she doesn't use it more often. "I'm doing okay."
"I miss seeing your beautiful face, my child." Bella coos, flattening Scarlett's wild locks.
She coughs uncomfortably, focusing on the ground. "How's RJ?"
Who the hell is RJ?
Bella laughs, "He's doing great. College life is treating him well."
RJ's a guy. A college aged guy. I've wondered if Scarlett's had a boyfriend before, here's one way to find out.
"Tell him I miss him. He called last week, and I haven't a had chance to return it. School isn't the same without him constantly annoying me." She says wistfully.
There's a small pang in my chest, I annoy Scarlett.
Bella laughs, her hand caressing Scarlett's face in a motherly fashion. "He misses you too, just the other day he told me how dull it is without you bickering with him."
Okay, who the hell is this guy because the Scarlett I know doesn't talk to anyone but Ella, Stella, Sage, and myself. Let alone does she bicker with anyone. Bella catches my eye and I dart from the isle, embarrassed to have been caught. I don't know why, it's not like she knows who I am.
Checking out, I practically run out of the store. Halfway to my truck I pull my phone out, already calling James. I'll have my answer soon enough.
The phone rings and I'm beginning to think he's not gonna answer when his voice echoes in my ear. "Hello?"
"Who the hell is RJ?"
"He graduated last year, if you decide to join the baseball team you'll be replacing him as "He graduated last year. If you decide to join the baseball team, you'll be replacing him as catcher. Why?"
I go on about the conversation I overheard at the store, not feeling guilty for eavesdropping.
Once I finish up, I wait for him to say something, unlocking my truck. "Why do you care?"
"Because I'm jealous!" I yell into the phone, the words jumping from my mouth before I can stop them.
No, that's a lie. I'm just curious. Right?
There's a pause of silence before I hear a high-pitched scream that James definitely can't make. Oh my God, Stella heard everything I just said.
"Don't worry, she won't say anything. The real question is, what are you going to do about it?"
Slamming my head against the steering wheel I let out a frustrated groan, I have no idea.
*****
Jealous. I try the word out, not liking the way it makes me feel.
So pathetic, like a little kid upset that his toys been stolen. I have no reason to feel this way at all, she's my friend. We talk, joke around, and laugh– all normal things.
Sure, I like to keep an arm around her but there's nothing special behind it, I just don't like when she walks ahead. Plus, we share five classes together, it's silly to walk alone. But I also like the way she smells. Something that could be totally platonic, everyone enjoys the smell of lavender.
This is so stupid, she's my pal. Mi amiga. My bud. My best pal.
Not my girlfriend.
Which brings me back to the whole hug situation, it's no big deal. She can hug whoever she wants, she gives nice hugs that deserves to be shared. Zev, though, that was uncalled for. I was just surprised by the fact she laughed; Scarlett barely talks to anyone.
The debate continues for hours. After I've paced a hole into my carpet, mom knocks on my door. "I'm going to bed, Hun, love you."
She goes to close my door when I panic. She's a psychologist, she's good with advice. In the last seventeen years she's never steered me wrong at least. "Mom, wait."
She stops, watching me expectantly, I motion for her to join me on the bed. "How does one handle conflicting feelings?"
Immediately she presses a hand to my forehead. "Are you feeling okay?"
"No, like a new emotion." I explain, afraid for her to pull out a thermometer.
She sighs, a knowing look on her face. "Like jealousy?"
My jaw hangs open, easy there witch doctor. "How did you know?"
Mom laughs, "Ashton, I've spent 17 years studying you. I know all of your emotions." Well that thought backfired.
That makes no sense. "But I've never been jealous before in a way like this."
I may not have a degree, but I know I would act differently.
"No, you haven't but you were jealous over Ronnie in that past. While this is different there's a few similar key actions."
Wow. Just when I think I have life all figured out I learn I don't really know shit.
"How do I get rid of this?" I ask, not a fan of this feeling.
She pats my hand, "There's no erasing emotions, you simply deal with them."
Well, that's some crap advice. I don't know what to do. I don't get crushes over girls and yet the thought of Scarlett makes me smile.
I have a plan to get through life. Exist, survive, rely on no one. "I don't want this, I'm just confused right now and it's kinda throwing off my entire game."
She shakes her head, pecking my forehead before going for the door. "I think you might need to accept that fact that your game has changed." This isn't monopoly. "But, Ash, hopefully I get to meet her soon."
Oh, I'm sure I'll get an I told you so speech.
*****
As I glance around the cafe, I realize apologizing to Scarlett won't be easy considering she's not even here. I've tried talking to her all day, but I'm distracted by how pretty she is.
In Lang it's the scowl she has in place as she writes an essay. In Spanish I'm impressed by how smooth her speaking is, and how adorable she looks blushing as the teacher compliments her. In anatomy I'm convinced I'll say it but once I leaned over all I can focus on is how good she smells.
I'm pathetic. All I need to do is apologize and act like nothing's wrong, by this time tomorrow I'll be back to normal.
"Where's Scarlett?" I ask Stella. Sage and Ella went to the library, leaving me, her and James at the table.
"You'll see her before practice." She replies, smirking at me.
Talking to her is useless, she won't give a thorough answer unless I beg for it and I won't do that. Yet. I try James and he just shakes his head.
What a couple of supportive friends.
The rest of the day I slowly begin to go insane, Scarlett doesn't show up to any of our classes. Deciding to keep what little dignity I have, I don't hunt Stella down. Instead I wait in our usual spot for Scarlett to walk through the doors, but ten more minutes and I'll be late for practice.
A familiar redhead walks up to me, smiling slyly. "Hi, Ashy."
God, what's up with girls thinking that name is cute?
"Hi, Ana." I offer bluntly, not taking my eyes off the door. Afraid to miss her.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go out after the big win tomorrow?" She asks, fluttering her eyelids.
"We haven't won anything yet." I haven't even thought about the championship this week. The biggest game of my life to date and I've been consumed by my own petty actions.
Her hand runs up my arm, "I know you'll pull it off."
A thought hits me, I've been waiting for an opportunity like this. I've wanted nothing more than to mess around with someone as easy as her.
She grins knowingly as I place a hand over hers, "We could go to the party together."
"I'm not a real big party guy." Anymore.
She leans closer, a strong scent of vanilla attacking my nose. "Or we could go back to my place, celebrate alone."
"No thanks." I state, pulling her hand off me, eyes still glued to the door.
She lets out a shocked gasp, but it doesn't last long, Madison storms up the hill. She pauses, taking in the girl who can't take a hint and me, unbothered by her freak out.
"Ana, field now."
"But Scarlett's not out there yet." She pouts.
Good, at least I didn't miss her.
Ana waits for her to leave but Madison watches, looking like she's ready to drag her down to practice.
After a few seconds she caves, reaching up to my ear. "Call me."
I shudder as they walk off, still feeling her lips feather over my skin. Why can no one in this place take a hint?
Just when I'm about to give up she runs through the doors, a smile on her face. She walks by, not even offering me a second glance. I reach for her arm, gently pulling her back to me.
"Where were you?"
She glares at me, "He speaks after all." Oh yeah, I'm in trouble, "I was at my little sisters Thanksgiving party. Happy?"
Very much so, I thought something bad had happened. She shrugs my hand off and begins to walk away. I panic, chasing after her.
"Look, I'm sorry, Sweetheart. Truce?"
That gets her to stop walking, she whirls around, ready for a fight. "Why did you act like that?"
Because I was a jealous asshole, that's why. I scratch my head trying to figure out a way to better word my explanation. She watches me expectantly.
"Because I'm a stupid guy that does stupid things." She rolls her eyes, definitely not my best explanation. "The important thing is that I'm sorry and I want to make it up to you."
She smiles and, in that moment, I think I'll do anything to keep that smile on her face. The smile morphs into a smirk that worries me. "Ok, I want a piggyback ride to the field."
"Done." I say without a second's hesitation.
She jumps on my back, her arms latching around my neck. It takes me a moment to remember what I'm doing, she smells nice. She also feels nice.
Walking. I'm walking us down to the field. God what is wrong with me?
Scarlett rests her head on my shoulder, clearly amused by the looks we're getting as we walk by everyone. I don't mind, this is the best form of punishment she could've given me.
"Hey." I move her legs, swallowing my ego. "I missed you."
It takes a moment, but she sighs, her breath tickling my neck. "I missed you too."
A smile works its way onto my face hearing her admit it, that's a pretty good way to start my afternoon. Once I finally make it to football practice, I shove past Sage and James, both grinning like idiots.
"Shut up." I tell them even though they haven't said a thing.
"She's my friend." James mocks in a high pitched voice
"You guys don't know what you're talking about, I don't need a girlfriend." Sage continues, holding a hand to his chest.
Getting agitated I slap the backs of their heads, "Shut up, I gave her a piggyback ride, we're not engaged."
We're not even dating.
*****
Prom was amazing! I'm going to be real though AP exams are starting next week and I have to focus on them. So I might be staying off the app to keep myself from being distracted. Although I'm happy I updated so regularly the last two weeks to make up for it!
Another little tease. I wrote a scene for Life in Love that absolutely broke my heart. Like I was so emotionally drained I went to sleep it hurt that much.
Love you all
XO-Mo