I released Owen's hand and stood up from the breakfast table. "I'm going to grab some food," I said. I tugged Serena up as I walked past her chair. I trusted her perspective on men. Maybe she would have a theory that would make me feel less like I was going to vomit. If she didn't, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it through this breakfast without confronting him. It was the last thing I wanted – our big meal didn't need to be more of a disaster than it already was.
"I don't know what's happening," I whispered to Serena as we walked toward the buffet.
She threw a glare over her shoulder at Owen and his friends. "I don't know either, but something's definitely going down," she said. "They're all acting suspicious, as if this morning wasn't already weird enough."
I exhaled in a rush. "I hoped I was being paranoid."
"Nope," she said, popping her P. She pulled me off to the side and looked me dead in the eye. "Listen... this is definitely a huge overreaction at this point, but I need to know that you can take care of yourself. Do you know how to break a mate bond?"
I gasped and stared at her in horror. "Serena, I couldn't."
Her stare was unflinching. "Penny, I'm not saying you should. We have no idea what's happening and there are too many possibilities to even try guessing right now. But we don't know this man and I think we have to face the reality that this could be something bad. We might be leaving without you this morning and I'm not leaving you alone with him if you don't at least know how to break the mating bond if you need to."
I shuddered. "I don't know how, Serena, and I really don't want to. It's not something I could ever do. Owen and I are just going to have to get past... whatever this is."
Unless he wanted to break the bond. Maybe he was just trying to spend as little time as possible with me since he was already planning on leaving me. But why would he have forged our mating bond only to turn around and snap it the next morning? It didn't make sense. "It can't be anything that serious, Serena."
She shook her head and her eyes softened with sadness. "Look, where I'm from, this is something we're all taught about, just in case. All it takes is willpower. You can feel the bond already. All you have to is focus on it, and focus on uprooting it. Dig out the ties within yourself. It's supposed to be agonizing, like pulling out your fingernails. You'd lose your ability to shift until you recovered – days or weeks, it's different for everyone. You can pass out from it, so only do it if you're in a safe place away from Owen."
"I can't believe I'm hearing this," I said, feeling dazed.
"It's just a backup plan, and I hope you never have to do it. I just know you werecoyotes like to pretend your bonds are completely unbreakable and that you've probably never heard about this before."
"Well, you're right. I haven't." I stepped back toward the buffet, desperate to carry on like nothing had happened. How had it come to this? Our breakfast was ruined and Serena thought I needed educated on breaking mate bonds, the most sacred thing in any shifter's life.
This was not how my morning was supposed to go.
I glanced back at Jasper, who was listening as Logan spoke. He didn't look happy. What would Char think? She and Simon had been so happy with each other their first morning together. Maybe something had happened since then, something that would show me these issues were just growing pains and nothing to be worried about.
Then I felt bad for hoping Char and Simon had issues.
No, this was my own fault. I had picked Owen and chosen to bind us together. Whatever was happening... well, we'd have to figure it out.
--
Breakfast was agonizingly long and full of stilted conversation. The worst part was that by the end, we still hadn't figured out where Owen and I would go now. We could go home or we could keep traveling with one of our groups, but when I tried bringing it up, Owen just said we would talk about it later.
"Do you mind sticking around for a couple more hours while I talk things over with Owen?" I asked Jasper privately.
"Of course not. I'm here for you always, little sis. I hope you guys can work this out soon."
I glanced over my shoulder at Owen, who was typing on his phone. "Me too."
Serena and Jasper headed back upstairs to their room. I knew they were trying to give me privacy without going too far in case I needed them, and I was so grateful that they were here. I hovered by Owen until he finally slipped his phone back in his pocket and looked up at me. His eyes were soft on mine and he reached out a hand for me. Sighing in relief, I stepped into his arms and he pulled me against him.
His friends were still nearby, but at this point I was certain they knew more than I did about whatever was going on in his head, so I ignored their presence and asked, "What's going on?"
He nuzzled against my neck and pulled me closer against him. "Can I just hold you for a bit?"
I was so stupidly relieved that he even wanted to hold me that I agreed. Besides, his nearness affected me strongly and I couldn't help my next question. "Want to go back upstairs?"
His fingers tightened around my waist for a few seconds before he sighed and pulled away from me. "Yeah, let's go upstairs." He nodded to his friends and said he'd see them later, then took my hand and guided me toward the elevator.
I wish I could say we got back into our room and sat down for a discussion like two rational adults. Instead, the instant the door closed behind us, Owen tugged my top over my head and pushed my bra straps down my shoulders, kissing the skin he'd just laid bare. I lost myself in sensation and threw myself into what followed.
Later, when we finally made it onto the bed with all of our clothing neatly arranged, I fixed the bottom of my braid and studiously avoided eye contact with Owen. I was so tempted to tap into our bond to see if I could pick up anything that would tell me how he was feeling about all of this, but that seemed too close to snooping.
If I was avoiding Owen's gaze, he was avoiding mine more. It had to stop, but chanting come on, say something to myself wasn't getting me anywhere.
Finally, Owen seemed to have enough. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry this hasn't been what it should be for you."
I frowned at him. It was an odd way to start this conversation, and I wondered what he was dancing around. "Why hasn't it?"
"I had some news this morning and it's been hard to process."
"So you called your friends away to talk it out with them instead of talking to me, your mate," I said. There was no accusation in my tone. We were strangers. Why shouldn't he want the comfort of people who had been there for him in the past? Because clearly, whatever news he'd received had upset him deeply.
Why couldn't having a mate be even a little bit like I had imagined? Oh, the pull was there, and an insatiable need to be near him. Even now, my hands were trembling with the effort it took to not reach out for him. There was a wall between us, though. If I touched him, I wasn't convinced he would receive it well.
"Yeah, that's what I did. I'm sorry, Penny. You deserve better than what I'm giving you. What makes it worse is that I know you settled for me, and I have no idea how you're going to feel about any of this."
The knot of tension in me tightened so suddenly I honestly thought I might throw up. What could be so bad it needed all this build-up? Why couldn't he just say it, whatever it was?
He glanced at me and looked away. In the instant of eye contact we shared, I saw a depth of sadness in him. I also saw worry. He was genuinely concerned about telling me.
"Please just say it. I don't think I can take much more of this, Owen."
Tears ran down his cheeks and despite how terrible I felt and despite the wall between us, I couldn't help sliding closer to him and pulling him against my chest, letting him cry against me. I wrapped my arms as tightly around him as I could and soon his shoulders were jerking under me as his body was wracked with terrible sobs. He clutched me to him like I was a lifesaver and he was drowning. It took a long time for his sobs to calm, and even when he pulled back a little, there were tears still streaming down his face.
Owen's eyes were red and his face was blotchy. I hadn't seen anyone have such a thorough cry since the last funeral I attended, and even then, no one there had looked quite as lost as Owen did now. I ran fingers through his hair and watched him, empathetic tears running down my own cheeks. I had never been able to help crying when I saw someone else in deep pain, and it was so much worse when that person was my mate.
"I'm sorry, Penny," Owen said. I didn't know what he was apologizing for, so I just offered him a small smile and kept stroking his hair. He sat up straighter and shifted so that we were facing each other, but his arms were still looped around me. "I've been seeing a human on and off for years. It was just a comfortable relationship, and she's been one of the closest people in my life since I was a teen. She knows what I am and always understood why we had to break up for three months every winter. Every mating season I got through without finding a mate, we'd get back together like nothing happened."
"Did something happen to her?" I asked. I pushed aside the deep hurt I felt at knowing he had a woman he was more intimate with than me -for she surely knew him much more deeply than I possibly could for a long time. I could process all that later. For now, Owen was hurting and he was finally opening up to me.
His tears quickened and I thought he might lose control again, but he sucked in a few breaths and managed to collect himself enough to keep going. "She called me this morning. She was pregnant."
Horror washed through me. "Did she know she couldn't carry your baby?" We're close enough genetically to create embryos with humans, but a human simply can't carry our kind to term. We're not compatible enough and the pregnancy is too hard on a human body. I'd never heard of a human-were pregnancy making it more than a few weeks.
He shook his head and his tears picked up again. I flung myself at him in the tightest hug I'd ever given. "I am so sorry, Owen."
"She was waiting to tell me until I'd gotten back from my trip. She was debating waiting until mating season ended since she knew this would complicate things for me, but she miscarried last night and she said she couldn't keep it in anymore."
"Of course she couldn't! How awful."
"I was always careful, Penny. I never wanted to put her through this, and I never thought there was any point in warning her. She's heartbroken. She's loved me since high school and has known for years we wouldn't be together permanently, but she wanted this. She wanted our baby."
I pushed down a fresh wave of jealousy. It had no place here, when my mate was hurting so deeply. Part of me felt betrayed, but I knew that wasn't fair to him. Anything with this woman was well before he met me, and I was sure nothing would happen now that he was mine.
Or, reasonably sure. It sounded like he had set some firm boundaries, after all.
But... he said she loved him. Did he love her too?
Owen sniffed a few times and continued, "It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't so overwrought. She could hardly talk to me, she was crying so hard. I think she was up crying all night. She had her mom with her – and her mom had gotten invested in this pregnancy too. They were both so excited and if she had just told me sooner, I could have saved her a lot of pain. And... miscarriages hurt, don't they? Are they dangerous? Agh, I don't even know these things, but I still put her through it."
"You can't blame yourself for this, Owen. It's tragic, but nothing you would have ever caused intentionally. If you keep going down that road, you'll just tear yourself up."
He slid his palm against my cheek and wove his fingers into my hair, staring at me with wide eyes. "I was so sure you would want to leave me for this."
Another tear ran down my cheek. No wonder he and his friends had been so quiet at breakfast. No wonder he had needed time alone this morning. "I understand why you needed some distance from me this morning, even though it didn't feel good at the time. And I take mating very seriously, Owen. I'd never break our bond because of something that happened with a woman before we met."
"I'm really glad to hear that, Penny. I don't want to lose you, especially so soon after I found you."
I cradled his face with my hands and wiped his cheeks with my thumbs. "You won't," I promised.