UwU
This chapter was unfortunately another example of "shit i have writer's block and i'm not accomplishing anything so i'm gonna sit down and make myself accomplish something" so it's,, not the best
also heads up prepare urself for a lot of fucking reading, this chapter is so long
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It was on pure instinct that I pulled my diamond sword from my inventory and pointed it at the woman I'd thought was my friend. "Alright, Admin. What the hell are you doing here?"
Lukas had an arrow nocked into his enchanted bow, aiming it at Julia. "How long have you been in her form? The whole time?"
"Wait, wait! I'm not the Admin, I swear it!" she cried, holding her hands up in an 'I surrender' motion.
I gestured to her with my sword. "Right, sure. What are you, then?"
"Julia. It's me, I promise! I'm not an Admin, I'm not dangerous. Please don't hurt me!"
"How do we know?" Lukas demanded, at the same time Radar exclaimed, "Does 'Julia' even exist?! Were you playing with us the whole time?!"
"No!" she yelled. "No, I wasn't! Please, just listen to me!"
She dragged in a deep breath, closing her eyes. When she opened them again, they were back to the calm brown I was used to.
"Please. I'm not Romeo. I really am Julia; I always have been. This is a misunderstanding."
"You having Admin eyes is a misunderstanding?!" Lukas countered.
She shook her head wildly. "Yes, I have Admin eyes, but it's not what you think. Read my lips- I am not Romeo."
I lowered the weapon slightly, watching her carefully. I had no idea what was going on, but I didn't want to attack her if she was telling the truth.
"Come on. Have I acted anything like Romeo at all in the time you've known me? I mean, I know it hasn't been all that long, but..." she shook her head briefly. "It's just a deviation. That's all."
Lukas loosened his grip on the bowstring. "Care to explain?"
She nodded, pulling absent-mindedly on the sleeve of her lavender shirt. "It's a deviation. You know how when Jess hit Romeo with the golden gauntlet for the last time, it took away his powers?"
"Yeah."
"Well, that didn't fully happen with me. At least, it did take his powers...but it transferred them to me. I...I can turn it on and off, but, yeah. I have Admin powers."
The three of us stared at her. She glanced nervously at me for a moment, then returned to looking at the floor. "I'm not a full Admin, and I haven't lied to you about anything else. I don't like these powers at all, but if I go too long without using them, they start to...overwhelm me, I guess? So I've been trying to use them for only a few minutes every day, just...creating or building little things so everything doesn't freak out. But since I've been around you guys so much, I haven't had much chance to release the power, and it finally just...it got too strong."
"Is that why you kept acting like your head hurt?" I asked, stowing my sword in my inventory.
She nodded. "Yeah. Not using it...well, it affects me in a lot of ways. Getting headaches is one of those. And I don't have his full powers. Well, I sort-of do, but they're not nearly as strong as Romeo's. I'm...look, I didn't want to hide this from you guys. I want you to trust me. But there was so much going on, and I just...I didn't get the chance."
Lukas also put his bow away, then crossed his arms. "Is there anything else you haven't told us? I mean it, Julia. No more secrets from you."
"No! No, there's not, I promise. Nothing major, at least." She replied. Lukas's blue glare deepened, and Julia raised her hands again. "I swear. There's nothing else."
"Actually..." Radar started. "I'd say there is something else."
Julia gave him a look that greatly resembled a rabbit when it catches sight of a wolf. "W-what?"
He pointed a finger at her, though he seemed more thoughtful than accusatory. "This isn't just a little deviation. It's a big difference. One that might be big enough to be considered our missing constant. Though I suppose it's less of something being missing, and more of something being there when it's not supposed to be, though I'm pretty sure it amounts to the same thing."
Somehow, her eyes went even wider and more frightened. "Wait, you don't mean...?"
"I think he does." contributed Lukas. "This missing constant we've been looking for may have been right here the whole time, as your Admin powers. Jess doesn't have them, and this Prime certainly doesn't either. Which, I suppose, makes you the variable that needs to be removed."
"No, that can't be right! R-removed, that's-it's not...we can't just..." Julia stammered, white as a sheet.
"Julia, if we're right about this..." Radar said hesitantly.
I shook my head firmly. "No, guys, stop. This isn't the missing constant. Stop threatening her."
"How do you know?" Lukas challenged.
"Because, like you just pointed out, not every timeline has gotten to this point. For all we know, Jacek could end up with Romeo's powers- it's too soon to make assumptions. This one and the other two timelines haven't finished their Admin adventures yet, so I refuse to let anyone get hurt before we figure all this out." I explained. I was feeling a little miffed at Lukas for jumping to conclusions so quickly, considering that he'd been the one to chastise me and Julia for leaping without looking.
Lukas clenched his jaw, and I had a distinct feeling that he was thinking the same as what had just run through my mind. Julia sighed, looking highly relieved. "Thanks, Jess."
Radar was still giving her a scrutinizing look. "Y'know...just because these two timelines don't have this deviation doesn't mean another one won't."
"Yeah, that's what I just said. Basically." I replied, unsure of what he was getting at.
He gestured vaguely between Julia and me. "It's obvious that Julia's dimension has some pretty major differences between this one, or ours. So I think we need to head to the source, and see how whacked it really is."
"Radar, what are you talking about?" Lukas asked, a little impatiently. Radar turned to give him that signature look that managed to be both serious and excited at the same time. "I'm talking about going to the timeline that Julia's stems from. The one that's been around the longest. That one will be easiest to navigate, to step back and really look at how it's different, and how things have changed over time."
Julia was already shaking her head, looking nervous again. "I told you this back in the In-Between. I don't want to go to that timeline, I don't want to see the future. It could be dangerous."
Lukas, on the other hand, was wearing a very contemplative expression. "That might be a good idea, actually. For all we know, the Prime of that dimension might know about the timelines too. They could help us."
"Guys, I'm serious. Seeing what happens several months from now might really mess up my or Jess's timelines. I have a really bad feeling about that particular dimension, and I don't want to make things worse." Julia said adamantly.
I hesitated, feeling stuck. I knew that we were about four seconds away from someone looking to me to make a decision, and I wasn't sure what to think. On one hand, I definitely agreed with Julia- I didn't want to see what could lay in my future. But on the other side, Lukas and Radar were right as well in that this seemed to be the best course of action.
Sure enough, Radar turned his attention to me. "Jess? What do you think?"
I crossed my arms, scowling slightly. "I don't know. You're both right...but, Julia, unless you have an idea of what to do instead, I'd say we should go."
"But-" she started to object.
"Listen, it's not that I absolutely love the idea of going there." I interrupted gently. "It's just that we really don't have a clear plan for this whole thing, and that timeline is most likely to have clues."
She shook her head slowly. "There's something off about that dimension. I don't know what, but this is a bad idea."
Lukas gave her a sharp glare. "Worse than what we've already been doing? How is this any different from all the other timeline jumping we've been doing?"
Julia looked like she was going to yell at him, then closed her mouth again. Her eyes darted over him warily, and I could tell she was trying hard to come up with something he wouldn't be able to out-logic.
She exhaled, then sat back down on the red-carpeted steps. "Fine. Fine. Let's go to the timeline that could fuck everything up the most. Of course. But we should at least wait for Jacek to come back, so we can be sure he's actually on our side."
The wait ended up not being as long as I'd expected. Julia had been showing me the 'exit codes' of the various timelines when we heard the front door of the Hall shut, and Jacek walked in.
He froze when he saw Radar and Lukas, green eyes going wide.
"You...but I was just talking to you. How did...?"
I stood up. "Right, forgot to mention that. This is the Lukas and Radar of my dimension. And, you two, this is Jacek. The Prime."
Radar glanced fascinatedly between Jacek and I. "You don't look anything like each other. How in the Overworld does that even work?"
"I don't know, you'd have to ask Ivor." I said shortly. Jacek raised his eyebrows. "Ivor knows about this?"
I indicated Julia. "Her version of him does, at least. I'm not sure about yours, or even mine." I decided not to add that, even though he knew about the timelines, he wouldn't be able to help.
"Jace, I'm sorry, but we have to leave." Julia said apologetically, standing as well. "I'm sure you have questions, and I wish we could stay to explain things more, but..."
"But we have a lead that we need to follow." Lukas finished decisively. He was giving the Prime a cagey, scrutinizing look, while Jacek assessed him with a curiously stunned sort of expression.
"Oh. Well, that's too bad. Will you be back?" he asked.
I started to nod, then opted for a shrug. "Possibly. It depends on what happens in the timeline we're headed to now."
"If you need help with anything, I'm completely on board." Jacek offered. "I may not understand all this yet, but I'd like to."
It puzzled me how easily both he and I had grasped the whole concept of the timelines, while Lukas had fought the knowledge for longer. I wondered if that was a constant, or something to do with us being Primes, or nothing more than a coincidence.
"How do you guys get from one timeline to another, anyways?" Jacek asked. A sneaky smile flitted across Julia's face, and she retrieved her diamond sword from her inventory.
"Watch and see."
She briefly glanced at the 'exit codes' paper, then slashed the blade elegantly through the air, leaving the glowing white symbols just like before. Jacek gasped in awe as she brought the weapon downward, opening the brilliant white gate.
"That's...that's the portal?" he asked.
"They're called gates, but yeah. This takes us to the In-Between, and we can get to any timeline we want from there." Julia explained.
He turned his wide eyes on her. "How many timelines are there?"
"Five and a half, not counting the invisible ones that Jess and Julia can apparently see." Radar said. That really wasn't the clearest way to say it, but Jacek nodded anyways despite looking a little bemused.
"And don't worry; this'll close behind us." Julia added, as Lukas strode wordlessly forward and disappeared into the white abyss.
Julia and Radar followed him, after quick goodbyes to Jacek. Right before I left, he remarked, "This has been one of the strangest things I've learned in a while."
I pivoted back to face him. "You don't seem too freaked out about it."
He shrugged. "I'm not. As you probably know, I've been through some pretty weird stuff. And at least I'm being told this now, instead of having to learn it while everything's completely going to hell."
I must've made some strange expression, because he amended, "Well, it's not going to hell for me. Though...you guys will come back if anything happens, right? I want to be able to help."
"I'll try my best." I said. "Until then...good luck."
I faced the gate again and stepped through. I wondered momentarily if my wish of good luck would even matter, since I didn't know if he'd encounter Romeo again. This thought quickly vanished once I appeared in the In-Between, though.
It was different. At first, I couldn't tell exactly how it was different, it just was. I had never been inherently aware of this strange dimension, but now I was. It hovered at the back of my mind like a watchful ghost, and I shuddered from the strange feeling of it all.
Then I actually bothered to look around. The gates still looked the same as before, but the sky was significantly darker, the almost-evening colours less saturated. The individual blocks below my feet appeared to have tiny cracks running through them, a strange and confusing sight that I didn't quite know what to make of.
"There you are." Julia said, beckoning me over to where the three of them stood in front of the gate. Radar was looking up at the sky, one hand holding his glasses in place as he scowled thoughtfully up.
"This place feels weird." He observed concisely.
Lukas snorted. "What do you expect, being in a place between dimensions?"
"I mean...weirder than normal." Radar added. "It always felt sort of strange, but now it feels extra strange."
I wondered what he meant by it always feeling sort of strange, but I didn't ask. The In-Between was pretty unusual, but it had never really felt like anything before. Now that I thought about it, that was almost more bizarre than if it had felt strange.
I shook my head absent-mindedly, deciding to stop thinking about that before I confused myself to death. Instead, I asked, "So, are we going?"
"Yeah, we might as well." Julia said resignedly. She'd been examining the sides of the gate with a pensive expression, though I couldn't think of what she might be looking for. "I just...the whole idea of this dimension makes me wildly uncomfortable."
"So you said." Lukas contributed dryly. I shot him a look that he missed. He was acting uncharacteristically bitter, and I wished I knew why. I knew that he was less than thrilled to be on this adventure, but this attitude seemed to go deeper than just that.
"Does that mean one of us needs to go first?" Radar asked.
Julia pushed her shoulders back and straightened her spine. "No, I'm going. I'm just making sure everyone knows that if something goes massively wrong the second we all step into that dimension, I tried to warn you."
With that, she stepped forward and crossed the threshold, the white glow devouring her lean shape.
"Drama, drama. You going?" Lukas asked me. I sighed slightly, and followed Julia.
The pure, perfect white of the gate surrounded me completely for several seconds, until I stepped out into the new reality. I discovered we were now in a tall spruce forest, the thick trunks of the dark trees towering high above us. The ground was mostly soft, mottled podzol, interrupted here and there with those strange mossy-cobblestone formations.
Julia was looking intently around with her hands on her hips, apparently trying to figure out where we were. I didn't immediately recognize it, but that didn't mean she wouldn't.
Lukas appeared a moment later, looking vaguely grumpy. I wondered if Radar had said anything to him before he'd come through, since he hadn't been wearing that expression a few moments before.
With a sigh, Julia produced a paper from her inventory. "I don't know where the hell we are. I only have a few blank locator maps, so I didn't want to use one unless I really had to, but I don't see another option."
I watched, only semi-interested, as colours and shapes began spreading across the parchment, showing where we were. I didn't use locator maps very much, but if the contemplative expression on Julia's face was any indicator, she knew what she was doing.
Finally, Radar appeared with the rest of us, stepping out of nothingness. He gave the forest the same kind of once-over that I had, then immediately asked, "Where are we?"
"Annoyingly far from Beacontown, that's where." Julia replied.
"How far?" he asked.
Scowling down at the map, Julia returned with, "Almost a full day's hike, from the look of it."
"Dammit." Lukas cursed, then seemed to reconsider. "Are we sure we want to go to Beacontown? Maybe there's somewhere closer that would still be helpful."
Julia shook her head. "Doesn't look like it. Plus, Beacontown is the place we're all most familiar with, and where the Prime will probably be. That's our best bet."
She put the map away, looking up at the darkening sky through the high-up layer of spruce leaves. "It might be better to not set out until tomorrow, since it's almost night. Just so we don't have to deal with monsters and sleep deprivation while we're travelling."
It wasn't until she said that that I realized how tired I was. I hadn't slept since before we'd gotten to the Far Lands of Julia's dimension, and even though it hadn't been that long, there had been a lot going on.
"I agree. We could all probably do with the rest." I announced.
Lukas rapped his knuckles gently against one of the giant spruce trees. "We could probably make a pretty good treehouse before it gets too dark."
I was slightly surprised that he wasn't arguing with the decision to wait, then instantaneously felt bad that I'd thought that. Another thought occurred to me, and I glanced significantly at Julia.
"Or, our good friend who happens to have Admin powers could put them to good use and save us the time and effort of building one."
She gave me a halfheartedly reproachful look, but closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were Admin-red again, and with a flick of her fingers, an elegantly simple treehouse had appeared partway up the tree Lukas had indicated. It had a spruce-plank balcony and a ladder reaching down to the ground.
Radar grinned approvingly. "Well, that's certainly handy. Nice one, Julia."
Julia, whose eyes had returned to normal, dismissed his praise with a flippant wave of her hand, but she looked pleased. "We should probably take turns keeping watch, since we never know what might show up in this dimension." She suggested.
Radar, who had already begun climbing the ladder, called down, "Not it!"
"I can take first watch." Lukas volunteered quietly, raising a hand.
"Good, you do that. Don't wake me up until it's absolutely necessary." I ordered, heading up after Radar.
----
Unfortunately for me, it wasn't that simple. Although I fell asleep mere seconds after climbing into bed, I was awake again several hours later.
We've all experienced that at some point or another, waking up for no real reason. And of course, once my eyes had opened, I found it impossible to fall back asleep.
Cursing the bright moon and far-below mob noises and everything else I could think of, I sat up and looked around the dark treehouse. Two of the other beds were occupied, but Lukas wasn't there.
He couldn't still be on watch, could he? It had been several hours since the rest of us had fallen asleep; why wouldn't he have woken Julia or Radar to take over?
I pushed the blankets aside and got up, stepping as softly as I could so the wood wouldn't creak. Julia hadn't bothered to make a real door on the little structure, just a two-block space that led to the small balcony. That was preferable, actually, since it was a fairly warm night and I was trying to be as noiseless as possible.
Lukas was sitting with his back against the wall, gazing out at the still night. The 3rd-quarter moon was bright enough to allow me to see the melancholically contemplative expression on his face, though I couldn't begin to guess what it meant.
He looked mutely up at me as I stepped out onto the balcony. As I sat down, he returned to looking into the distance and retained his silence.
We both were quiet for several long minutes. Questions, both idle and burning, kept forming in my mind and bursting before they reached my mouth. I felt like I'd already asked them, already said too much, though I knew I hadn't really said anything at all.
It felt like an eternity before he finally spoke, in a voice as quiet and soft as the velvet sky above us.
"We're making a mistake."
I turned my head slightly to look at him, though he didn't look back. "A little late for that, don't you think?"
He made no motion, no shake of his head or twitch of his hands, except for the subtle movement of his mouth. "I don't care if it's too late. This is a mistake."
"What mistake are you referring to, exactly?"
As he replied, I was beginning to get the feeling that his uncanny stillness was intentional. "All of this. Leaving Beacontown. Getting involved with the timelines. Everything. Don't you feel it, Jess? We're messing with things we shouldn't be."
I didn't, in fact, feel it. This was just another adventure, one that didn't feel any more right or wrong than anything else that had happened to me. I did not get a chance to say this, though, because he continued.
"I was all for this, at first, but I can't ignore it anymore. There's something seriously messed up going on, and I feel like we're right in the middle of it. This isn't going to end well, and I know you can't see it because you're so wrapped up in the whole 'adventure' thing that you're getting completely lost in it. And I know this is just a you thing and I can't really do anything about it, but I'm telling you right now that we are going to end up neck-deep in danger pretty soon and you're not going to be able to get us out."
I stared at him, dumbfounded. The faintly-aggressive outpouring of words wasn't entirely out of character for him, but the words themselves were. What in the Overworld was he talking about?
"Lukas..." I started hesitantly, unsure of what I was actually going to say.
He shook his head. "No. Jess, don't even start. I know you're gonna tell me that I'm not making sense and that I'm just paranoid, because we've had this fight before. I'm telling you, this is different."
I didn't say anything. He was right in that I didn't understand, and that we had indeed had this argument before, but that didn't help me get what he meant by this adventure being 'different'.
He shook his head, seeming somewhat distracted. "Take a metaphorical step back and really look at where we are, Jess. We're in another dimension, the third we've visited this week. What are we even trying to do? Why are we trusting the person who's 'leading' us? What's really going on here? I don't have answers to any of those questions, and I'm sure you don't either."
Lukas shifted his position on the floor, bringing one of his knees up to his chest and resting his elbow on it. He was still staring resolutely forward. "I just keep thinking back to the Witherstorm, when our world was in danger and we were just a bunch of kids out to stop it. We didn't know what to do, and we were just making things up as we went along. But there was a goal. There were clues, and people to tell us where we were screwing up. There was a villain, and obstacles, and all the things that made it the perfect little story it was. Things made sense, and even when we had no idea what we were doing, we did, in a way."
"And...?" I prompted, still confused.
"And we don't know what the fuck is going on here." He said, tossing one of his hands in the air. His voice was still quiet, but it radiated an intensity and deep-rooted anger that I didn't know what to do with. "We know someone's messing with the timelines, but we don't know who, or why, or how, and we don't know how the hell to figure any of that out. We keep coming across things we don't know, and no ways of finding out. It's a mess. It's a colossal fucking mess, and I'm sick of being the only one that realizes that."
I waited to see if he would say anything more, but he didn't. Lukas reverted back to the perfect chilly silence, glaring into the night and leaving his upset words hanging in the air.
"Why are you being like this?" I whispered. He finally looked at me, blue eyes alight with anger, and I continued speaking before he had a chance to get too mad.
"When did you get so...hopeless? I mean, I know you're not the biggest fan of jumping into things before getting answers, but you usually don't get this desperate. What happened?"
The anger flickered out, and he set his jaw. "Why does something have to happen?" he asked stiffly. "Can't I just...get sick of everything being so difficult?"
"Because I know you, Lukas. You don't get like this just because. What changed?" I snapped. My voice was slightly too loud in contrast to the grave-still night, but I didn't notice.
He looked away again, still tense. I paused for a second, trying to sort out what made this adventure so different than any of our previous ones, searching for a reason why he'd be so upset.
"Is this...because we're alone in this? Because we don't have the rest of the Order to add pessimism, so you feel you have to do it yourself?" I guessed, a little sardonically.
The corner of his mouth twitched downward, but he didn't say anything. This was wildly unusual, for him to switch that rapidly between an angry outburst and the silent treatment.
The uncomfortable quiet stretched on a little too long, and I was beginning to feel like poking him to get him to say something. He finally shifted his position again, then sighed.
"Fine. You wanna know 'what happened'? I'll tell you what fucking happened."
I blinked, somewhat surprised. It was always dubiously productive to pressure Lukas into talking when he didn't want to, and I hadn't expected him to actually open up this time.
"Alright, yeah, that'd be helpful." I replied hesitantly.
Despite both our words, it took another few moments before he simply said, "Petra."
I didn't say a word; hardly breathed, even. The look on his face had transformed into a complicated one, mixed of pain and defeat. I got the feeling that this story wasn't just some simple explanation, it was something that had been weighing on Lukas for a while, something that he needed to share.
"It's Petra. Ever since she left, things have been different. If she can be so completely gone from my life, anything can. I've felt this weird kind of hopelessness ever since she left." He said quietly.
"Ever...since she left Beacontown?" I guessed inaccurately, trying to gently prompt him to say more.
Lukas shook his head. "Left me," he clarified. "Ever since, about six or so months ago, I told her to leave and she did."
"I think you better back up and actually explain yourself." I said, somewhat awkwardly, after another moment of silence.
"Yeah, I know." He dragged a deep breath in, collecting his thoughts or simply preparing to speak- I didn't know which.
"Petra and I actually started dating around three years ago. We didn't tell you or the rest of the Order for various reasons, but we were together." he started.
Three years? That would've been around the time we all stopped going adventuring together as the Order. It wasn't an official split, like after the defeat of the Admin, but that was the beginning of our group's slow separation. I couldn't help but wonder if the timing was coincidental or not.
"Everything was...really good for a while. Looking back, I realize that us spending all our time together probably only helped drive the Order apart, but we didn't know it at the time. We thought we were the ultimate power couple. We had our disagreements, like we always did, but it was okay because we were in love and we worked through it."
He smiled slightly as he said the last few sentences, though it was more of a wistful, left-behind remnant of a smile than a real one.
"There was one argument we had that just kept cropping up. It started after we'd only been together for a few weeks, and it was what ended up driving us apart. It wasn't really...it wasn't that much of an issue, and it didn't usually escalate into fights, but it was an ongoing debate that we just couldn't manage to settle. Anyways, we-"
"Hold on." I interrupted quietly, a slow feeling of foreboding condensing in my chest. He glanced at me again.
"What exactly was that disagreement?" I asked seriously.
He stared at me for a moment more, then let his eyes drop to the wood planks we were sitting on. This only intensified the feeling that he was hiding something.
"What was it, Lukas? You two don't have long-term arguments, at least you didn't when you were just friends. What could've possibly...?"
"How best to leave the Order." Lukas admitted, swift and quiet.
Now it was my turn to stare at him again, my heart a slow, dull, thunderclap in my ears. "What?"
"We...we were thinking about leaving. Going away and not looking back. But we never figured out how. She wanted to...well, kind of do what she did. Pack up our shit, skip town in the night, and never come back. No goodbyes, no letters, no strings. Disappearing into the world with nothing but each other. I told her no, again and again. That to do that would be to worry the others to death and break their hearts."
He sighed again. "I wanted to do it 'right'. I agreed that I wanted to go, to start fresh and make our own life without the whole hero thing weighing us down, but I didn't want to just disappear. I wanted to be able to stay in contact with you, and to still publish my books, and all those other little things. If I'd just ran off with her like she wanted, none of this would've happened."
I was still a little stuck on the very first claim. "You two wanted to just go? Leave us, and everything else behind?"
"...Yeah. We did. Neither of us wanted to stick around and watch our friendships slowly turn to dust; we wanted to be long gone. Instead, we never figured it out, and had to see when it all went down exactly like we didn't want it to."
My heart had suddenly turned to stone, weighing me down and preventing me from feeling anything but heavy sadness. Lukas didn't pause for longer than a breath, as though once the story had started, it wasn't going to stop until it was over.
"Even though we never left Beacontown, we were happy for quite a while. Our lives were good. But...time went on, and little things became larger issues, and our differences started feeling bigger, and everything just got more difficult, somehow. Then about six, seven months ago- which made it around three before the whole Admin mess -we got into a fight. It started out as the same old 'are we ever gonna get out of this tedious life' thing, but we were both being bitchy about it, and some nasty things were said, and I was mad enough that I started being irrational...and I told her that if she was so hellbent on escaping this life, she could leave on her own."
Lukas's voice had been growing heavier and quieter until he finally went silent. I watched his bowed head and tense hands as I said, "And she did."
It could've been a question had I not already known the answer. His blond head bobbed once; a replying nod cut in half. "Yeah. She packed her stuff, and she stomped out, and I didn't see her until that 'night' in Beacontown when the Admin was attacking."
I knew most of what had happened from there, but I didn't stop his continued explanation. "It wasn't long after the fight before I'd calmed down enough to realize how much I'd screwed up. I knew that I'd pushed her too far, and should never have said what I did. But I couldn't bring myself to track her down and apologize, for fear of making things worse. Then the guilt started to set in, and I...I just couldn't bear even thinking of being around her, after what I'd done. I'd driven her away, and I wouldn't deserve her forgiveness even if she chose to give it. I missed her like crazy, but...but I felt too bad to do anything about it."
"That's why you two wouldn't even look at each other back in Romeo's ice challenge thing, and why it seemed like you were avoiding even being in the same room before that." I pieced together. He nodded again.
"Yeah. That's why."
Lukas abruptly sat more upright, straightening his back against the treehouse wall. "But honestly? It doesn't matter anymore. It's been almost seven months, and we're past the point of fixing things. I'm with Aiden now, and I don't care if Petra's still mad at me or not. It doesn't matter."
I raised an eyebrow, caught a little off-guard by this. "Really? You don't think...?"
"Don't think what?"
I cleared my throat meaningfully. "You don't think maybe Aiden's just a replacement for Petra? That she's out of your life for now, so you turn to the next best thing? I'm just saying, if that's not the case, then you just have one hell of a 'type'."
He gave me a well-practiced scowl of warning. "I thought we already talked about this. My relationship with Aiden isn't your business or your problem."
I was too tired to get mad, so my words didn't contain the venom they might've had if I was more rested. "Alright, yeah, it's not. But looking at the two of them and their histories with you, I can't help but think you have a habit of falling for people who are only gonna hurt you, either physically or emotionally."
He looked away briefly, then returned to glaring at me. I sighed. "Like you said earlier, try taking a metaphorical step back. You may be the one realizing we're making a mistake here, but don't start thinking that makes you exempt from faults."
The glower lingered a few seconds longer, then Lukas stood up. His voice was quiet, but it didn't need to be louder than the whisper it was to carry all the menace it did. "You can make all the judgments you want, but that doesn't validate them. I'm done caring about what you think, Jess."
Stepping around me, he went into the little house, leaving me alone again with the sudden night breeze and the swirling, tumultuous cloud of my thoughts.
Goddammit. That did not end the way it was supposed to.
----
holy actual shit that was the longest freaking chapter of this book, what the fuck, me.
anyways so yeah that one was insane, you would not believe how long that took to write and edit. god.
i mean i know i've written longer things in the past, but there's a reason i'm not doing that anymore, holy fuck
that chapter literally ate all my words, so uh,, next chapter in a week.
Word count- 6017
(unintelligible screaming)