𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 · 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘥 ⁴

𝟒.𝟓

─── 「REMEMBER WHO I AM」 ───

     I tried to get rid of the ties around my wrists, but I couldn't. I heard Ulger leaving on his horse, his laughter echoing through my ears as I felt my mind racing. Alright, think, Sam, this is not the time to panic. We don't know where we are but we know it's probably far from Polis; it's also nighttime so chances are nocturnal animals are out on the hunt, especially panthers. Great, as if I weren't in enough trouble as it is. Different type of training? My ass. He's trying to get rid of me; this is payback for this afternoon.

I had the blindfold still covering my eyes, but I closed them anyway to help me focus on my hearing: the rustle of leaves, the chirping of bats around me... I also focused on what I couldn't hear: there were no voices around me –not that I expected them but, at this point, who knew-, there wasn't any water murmur either so that must have meant he left me in the literal middle of the forest... Yeah, but in what direction? Towards Arkadia? No, he wouldn't risk me going back there... would he? I opened my eyes, darkness welcoming me again. I need to locate my position. With the torches in Polis, I didn't even bother checking if there was a moon outside or if there were clouds. Big mistake.

I need to move before something catches my smell... but, first, I need this rope gone. Ulger had made a point to tie it as hard as he could, which was an inconvenience for me, but I knew I could get rid of it with patience and time. Problem is, I'm running out of patience and I don't have the time. I'll be happy just with my hands to the front.

I separated myself from the tree I was resting my back against to make sure I had space to move and I rose; I stood still after doing so for a couple of minutes to make sure there wasn't a potential threat around, at least not one that I could hear... I knew I needed as few things on my way as possible, so I took off my boots and started maneuvering my hands to try to make the rope as loose as possible before attempting what Ion had taught me. I didn't have the patience or will to wait much longer so, as soon as I got my boots off, I slid my hands down my back, squatting down once I got them to my ass. Yes! Thank you, Ion! I fell back on my ass as my hands were now behind my knees. That wasn't so bad... I heard a branch crack behind me. Fuck. I moved my legs slightly up to put them through my tied arms, feeling a sharp pain on my outer right one as I finally got my hands to the front; I immediately pulled my blindfold down. Not tying my feet too was a dumb move, Ulger. Another broken branch. Can I, please, get a second to breathe down here?!

I looked around me as I struggled to put my boots on again. I need this tie, gone. Now. Another broken branch behind me, my heart racing as I felt a shiver running down my spine; I quickly turned my body towards the noise, immediately relaxing as I distinguished the shape of a deer a couple of meters away from me, so I took a deep breath and smiled to myself.

- "You gave me a good scare there, buddy."

The deer rose its head towards me just a second before a shadow lunged towards it, growling before it hit the deer. A panther. Fuck, it's time to go before it decides I'm a much nutritious meal. I started moving away from both animals, not bothering to look back and not really knowing where I was moving towards, which was a dumb move on my part, but my life was far more precious than the time I was wasting running around. Once I was sure I was alone again, I patted myself as best as I could to check if Ulger had taken all my blades. Hold up. I moved my hands to my right lower leg. Yes. The blade I kept hidden in my boot was still there; I had made sure to use something to tie it up every day just in case, but I had totally forgotten about it as I struggled earlier with my ties, hence the sharp pain on my arm as I had cut myself while moving my hands under my legs. Awesome, now, with some luck...

I took the blade slowly from its place and held it up in between my knees as I sat down, its point towards me and the sharp end up while I started running the rope over it to cut it; it took some time, but I finally managed to get my hands free. I laid down on the ground, looking up at the sky and rubbing my pained wrists, not being able to see much of anything for the treetops covered most of my surroundings. I was really deep in the forest.

- "Alright, now what?" –I sat back up, taking my blade and securing it in my vest to have it at hand more easily- "I need shelter for the night. I also need to locate myself." –I looked around me- "Climbing a tree it's what's going to be."

My eyes had gotten used to the dark after all; I hadn't been actually training for that, but with everything that had happened after Mount Weather, I had trained with Sheda and Ion at night, and with Pike in charge, being out in the daylight had been out of the question for some time.

What is Ulger trying to do anyway? Is he really trying to get rid of me? He could have just killed me... He isn't a coward not to do that in the middle of the street but maybe being devoured by a panther is the end he wants for me. Well, not today.

The forest was always calm, but at night, it was like another world; I had loved it since we landed, my mind going back to the night we lost Monty while looking for Clarke and Finn and I asked Bellamy if he didn't feel the darkness calling him. Bellamy! I hope they are coming up with something... I need to go back to find out.

I found a tree that looked easy enough for me to climb and so I did, going as high as I could, trying to discern where I was. I couldn't exactly see much so I thought it'd be best to just stay the night on high ground and look again in the morning; I made myself comfortable on a branch high enough not to be easy prey for the animals but low enough to hear if anyone passed by. It's going to be a long night...

     Clarke and I were talking with Raven about the radiation situation and what to do next when we heard the Rover's engine. Raven was quick to point out that no one was scheduled to take it, which meant someone was up to something. The three of us made our way outside, finding Jaha on the Rover. Of course.

- "I need to make a run."

- "All supply runs go through me." –Raven took a step towards him- "Besides, shouldn't you be working on the patch on Sector 5?"

I motioned for him to get down from the Rover and to stop the engine.

- "A patch?" –he scoffed as he got down- "On a ship that can only save 100 people?" –the three of us looked at each other, having been caught- "Why are you so surprised? I am an engineer. We have no way to generate water. The harder number is 400; can you really sentence 400 more of our own people to death?"

- "We don't have a choice!" –Clarke raised her voice, gaining the attention of everyone around us, which was the last thing we needed.

- "What if you do? What if I told you there might be a fallout shelter less than a day's drive from here, a fallout shelter built to sustain thousands?"

- "We've been through the Chancellor's files." –Raven quickly answered- "All the bunkers you considered for the 100 were listed as compromised or unviable and now Mount Weather is too."

- "Those were government bunkers." -he opened the Rover's car, getting a tablet from inside and handing it to Clarke.

- "A doomsday cult?" –I questioned looking over Clarke's shoulder.

- "That's right, 'The second dawn'."

- "They built a bunker?"

- "Yeah." –Jaha answered Clarke- "Their whole theology was based on riding out the end of the world."

- "And why didn't you consider it?"

- "We couldn't prove it existed."

- "So why are you considering it now?"

- "Because before now, we didn't need it."

- "You found it, didn't you?"

- "We can't be sure unless we check it out."

- "No." –Raven refused as soon as Clarke turned to look at her- "We need that Rover for hauling pieces of a 3-ton patch we're..."

- "Yeah, but if he's right, we don't need a patch!"

- "Can I talk to you guys for a second?" –Raven moved aside from Jaha so that the three of us could speak- "Can you please remind Clarke what happened the last time Jaha went looking for salvation?"

- "Raven, if that bunker is real we can save a lot more than 100 people."

- "If it's not, we've lost another day."

- "Hey, look." –Clarke regained her attention- "If it's not, I'll make the list..."

- "Whatever." –Raven was clearly done with this- "Do what you want, I've got a ship to seal."

Raven started to move away when her walkie turned on, Kane's voice coming through it.

- "Anyone copy?"

- "Kane?" –Raven took it and turned to us- "It's Raven."

- "We have a situation."

- "What is it?" –Clarke and I moved closer to Raven to hear what was happening.

- "It's Samantha, she's..."

- "What?!" –my heart dropped to my stomach as Raven looked at me, handing me the walkie- "What happened, Kane? Is she okay?"

- "She isn't with you?"

- "No, I left her at Polis a week ago when I came back to Arkadia with Clarke! She was with you!"

- "Bellamy..." –Clarke placed a hand on my shoulder as she looked around us, my raised voice had caught the attention of pretty much everyone outside.

- "What happened?"

- "We don't know. She was with Octavia four nights ago and left to train with Ulger and... she never came back. We thought you should know in case she showed up there. I have to go now, but I'll keep in touch."

- "And you've waited almost a week to tell me about this!" –I tried not to yell on the walkie- "I have to go to Polis." –I gave the walkie back to Raven who was looking at me with wide eyes and a worried expression.

- "No, you can't." –Clarke pulled me back- "We need the Rover to check the bunker..."

- "I left Sam and now she's gone missing; I have to go find her, I'll take Selene..."

- "How do you expect to find her like that? Bellamy, it's practically impossible. She's not in Polis or else Kane wouldn't be asking if she was here..."

- "Then something happened to her and I have to go out and find her..."

- "You have to come with me, to look for that bunker with Jaha." –Clarke was insistent- "I need you."

- "Why am I always having to choose between you and Sam?"

- "What?"

I didn't mean to say that out loud, I was just... thinking about it.

- "Nothing."

- "I'm not making you choose." –her voice was harsh but softened as she continued- "What good is it if you find Sam if we can't survive the radiation?"

- "Well, at least I'd die with her."

- "Bellamy..."

- "I'll keep an eye out for Sam." -Raven squeezed my shoulder- "Take a walkie; if anything comes up, you'll be the first to know. But you know Sam as well as I do, she wouldn't disappear without a reason."

I couldn't let my mind wander because I knew it'll go to the worst possible scenario and even If Raven was trying to be reassuring, I could see it in her face that she was worried too. Sam left to train with Ulger and then never came back. What if Ulger killed her? What if that was the deal she made with him? What if...

- "What deal did Sam have with Ulger?" –I faced Clarke.

- "I can't..."

- "Tell me she didn't offer her life for us." –I pleaded; I could feel my heart racing up and the tears beginning to form in my eyes- "Tell me she didn't sacrifice herself and Ulger killed her."

- "No, no... that wasn't the deal."

- "Clarke, I need to know."

- "What is he talking about?" –I could feel Raven's eyes on me.

- "Before Roan decided to maintain Lexa's coalition, Ulger forced Sam to accept a side deal: he's Azgeda's war Chief and the army is loyal to him not to the King, Sam had to stay there with him and obey him or else he'd wipe us out."

- "That doesn't mean he wouldn't kill her." -Raven pointed out, trying to ease me I assumed.

- "I don't think he would." -Clarke nodded at Raven- "He offered to train her and I think he needs her for something."

- "For what?"

- "I don't know but I don't think he killed her. He seemed to have a particular interest in her; I believe Sam's somewhere out there still alive, maybe doing something in secret for him..."

- "Maybe we'll find her on our way to the bunker." –Jaha chimed in from behind us, he had willingly moved towards us to listen and that slightly angered me, this wasn't about him- "I know Samantha, you three know her; she's a survivor." –he eyed us three one at a time- "If we don't find her on our way, I'll go out to look for her myself once we're back." -she looked at Raven- "On foot."

I knew we had to go look for that bunker, the hope of finding her on our way gave me a glimmer of hope. If she isn't in Polis nor here, where could she be? Mount Weather and Luna's are not viable options... maybe she tried to come back on foot and is still in the forest...

- "I'll go find the bunker with you to help save our people, but if Sam doesn't show up..." -I took a deep breath and licked my lips- "The end of the world for me is Sam not being by my side. I'm not going anywhere without her."

     Four days. It's been four days since I last saw Sam, in fact, since anyone in Polis has seen Sam. At first, I thought she had gone back for Selene to Arkadia, but how? On foot? That'd have taken her days and it was reckless, even for her. And she'd never leave without telling me. I had spoken to everyone I knew in Polis and everyone she knew, but no one seemed to know what had happened to her; not even the King.

- "Octavia, focus." –Indra's voice disrupted my thoughts- "This is serious."

- "My sister has been gone for four days and no one seems to give a fuck!"

- "We will all be dead soon if we don't deal with this now." –Roan spoke now; he had lost the Flame and wanted me to go look for it and retrieve it.

- "How could you lose the Flame?" –I looked up at him- "You were supposed to..."

- "We don't have time to discuss this."

- "Fine, I'll deal with it." –I took my blade and jacket- "In exchange, I want to know what Ulger did with my sister."

- "I'll speak with him."

- "If she doesn't come back or anything happened to her..."

- "Octavia." –Indra interrupted me- "This is bigger than us."

- "She's my family." –I faced her- "If she isn't back in one piece before we find a solution to all this mess, radiation will be the least of your problems."

     Murmurs are heard throughout the streets of Polis, heads turn around as a woman walks past them, surprised and concerned expressions can be seen in just about everyone that was out that afternoon. Samantha's back, from the dead some whisper. Standing tall as she walks, head held high, proud, honorable, and what's more important, still on her shoulders. Chin up, chest out and shoulders back; she holds a powerful stand as she stops walking in the middle of the plaza, soon surrounded by curious, impressed, and frightened Grounders.

It's been four days and five nights since she disappeared from Polis, leaving every Grounder and Skaikru wondering where she had gone to. She's covered in mud and blood, both dry and fresh, her arms have open wounds for everyone to see as she isn't wearing a jacket, her hands are dirty and her pants are torn apart in several places, but her eyes don't show tiredness or worry, a defiant look on them meant to scare whoever has anything against her... if anyone had anything against Jusheda at this point. Whatever she had been up to, it couldn't have been easy is the overall consensus between everyone present there.

- "Weron Ulger kom Azgeda kamp raun?" [Where is Ulger kom Azgeda?]

People murmur, looking around for the man whom they know is responsible for her state; they are all eager to know what she's going to do with one of the most hated, feared, and vicious people yet to step foot in the city. As she waits for him to show up, Samantha lets go of the panther's neck, scaring a couple of kids around her who take a step back.

- "Ai frag em up." -she looks at them, eyes softening- "Em na nou bash yu op." [I killed it. It can't hurt you."

The crowd in front of her makes way for someone to walk up to her; Ulger stands there, a self-satisfied smile on his face as he eyes her up and down.

- "I was starting to think you had become beast's food."

His tone is almost mocking; as if he still believed Samantha was nothing more than a mere girl fallen from the Sky, but deep down he knows that is not the case... that couldn't be any further from the truth.

- "It won't be because they didn't try." -Samantha takes a step towards him, head up not to break eye contact; she moves fast now, taking a hidden blade from the back of her pants and stabbing Ulger on the leg, making him fall- "Next time you dare try anything against me, I will kill you."

Her voice is powerful as she looks down at him like it's never been before, even Ulger now wonders if he went too far this time; whether he has awakened a monster or not, only time will tell. Samantha turns around, pulling up the panther by its neck again.

- "Yu na kom op choj op disha." -she addresses the three kids from before and they nod, smiling happily before they disappear into the crowd. [You can come to eat this.]

She watches them go and starts moving away from everyone, dragging her food with her, but before she disappears down the streets, she turns her face to look at the fallen man over her shoulder, a conceited smile on her own face now.

- "You can keep that blade as a reminder of who you're dealing with."

     After retrieving the fake broken Flame to Roan and before I left Polis again to look for Sam, I made my way to Sheda's house to check on Lila, who was playing with the doll Ulger had given her. The irony was no appreciated.

- "Octavia!"

She smiled as she saw me coming inside, looking behind me; I knew she was looking for Sam. When she never came back, Lila had cried and refused to leave my side for a day, she almost lost her appetite and I hadn't seen her smile nor laugh in days. A genuine smile, at least.

- "How's my favorite Trikru?"

- "Okay." -she looked up.

- "You hungry?" -I squatted in front of her and she nodded almost imperceptibly- "I'll go see what I can find, alright?"

As I rose back up, I heard a peculiar scream that caught my attention; it wasn't a cry for help or an expression of pain, rather of surprise as my sister's nickname flew towards my ears.

- "Sam..."

I had left Polis daily looking for her, but as things got worse with Roan's leadership being threatened, him losing the Flame and Indra's daughter showing up and taking the Flame, and also Lila having to be taken care of, I had started to think maybe, this time, I had lost her. I was supposed to meet Roan in the morning so that he could tell me what he had found out, but as I heard her name, I ran to the door, practically throwing it open, almost bumping into someone that was way too close to it.

- "Sam!" –my eyes widened as I recognized her under all the dirt and blood, my eyes flickering from her bloody face to the panther she was carrying- "Are you okay? What happened? What...?"

- "I brought... whatever meal is next." –she looked disoriented but not completely out of it- "How long was I gone?"

- "Four days?!" –I helped her inside, carrying the panther myself- "What the fuck happened? I was so worried! Everyone was so worried, Kane radioed Arkadia to know if you had..."

- "Ulger is what happened." –she murmured, letting go of the panther as she sat down.

- "What...?" –I kneeled in front of her.

- "Sam! Sam!" –Lila appeared on the kitchen's door with the biggest smile I had seen in days on her face- "I knew you'd come back! I knew you wouldn't leave me without saying goodbye." –she ran up to Sam, who immediately picked her up and sat her on her lap- "You're hurt." –Lila's happy voice dropped to only concern as she laid her hands on Sam's face.

- "Of course, I'd never leave you." –she kissed her forehead- "I was on a secret mission for the King!"

I knew she was lying, but I also understood Lila needed something to believe different than the cruel reality; another tail of the King and the warrior.

- "Hey, Lila." –I placed my hand on her arm- "Why don't we let Sam take a shower while we make dinner, huh?"

- "Great! I'll go wash my hands!" –Lila shot running upstairs to the bathroom, probably also to open the shower for Sam.

- "Thank you." –Sam looked up at me through her lashes- "I knew she'd be alright with you."

- "What happened?" -I handed her a glass of water- "You look awful and dehydrated."

- "I thought we were going to do his usual training routine, but instead Ulger blindfolded me and tied me up, taking my blades away." –Sam shook her head, I could hear the anger in her voice before she drank the liquid in one swift sitting- "He pulled me on his horse and left me in the middle of the forest."

- "Just like that?" –she nodded as I filled the glass again- "I'll kill him! I confronted him and you know what he told me? That you were done with us! With Skaikru, with Trikru... with Lila and me!" –I felt the tears in my eyes- "Of course, I knew it wasn't true, but I was so scared, Sam! When you didn't come back the first night... I thought... I thought he..."

- "Hey, O." –she rose from the chair and came to stand in front of me, placing her hand on my face- "It's okay, I'm back and I'm okay."

- "What are you going to do now?"

- "I'm going to kill him." –her voice was a threat, poisonous and terrifying; and I shared her every feeling- "I don't know when, or how, but I will."

I hugged her as she finished speaking, but instead of me comforting her, it was as if she were comforting me: her hand rubbing my back as her other rested on my head, pulling me closer. A force hit me on the legs as Lila joined us in the hug, chuckling. So young and innocent.

- "Are you sure you know how to cook that thing?" –Sam smiled at me as she pointed at the panther.

- "How hard can it be?"

- "That's what I'm saying." –she laughed, patting Lila's head- "You keep an eye on O while I shower, alright? Make sure she doesn't poison us." –Lila nodded and turned to look at me, arms crossed over her chest and a severe but funny look on her face- "Or the couple kids that may show up later."

- "I'll try my best." –I winked at Lila who chuckled softly and then glanced at Sam- "We'll talk later." –she nodded- "Now get out of here and take all the time you need, I'll go up to check on you and your..." –I looked at her arms, knowing she'd understand- "...in a bit."

I read the voiceless 'thank you' on her lips before she moved upstairs; I didn't know what had happened really out there, but I could see the change in her eyes. I wasn't sure I liked it. We had to let Arkadia know Sam was back in one piece, I was sure most Grounders would be talking about her comeback by now and I hoped Kane and Abby would too so that they could let everyone back there know she was alright. Maybe it's time for her to go back... home, I guess.