I love the colloquial language of the narration, it gives the book a very distinctive voice that makes it feel realistic. I'd love to get a better idea on why she calls him Mr. B from the get-go - it's a fairly unusual nickname for a friend (rather than someone like a teacher). The fact that the main character is a security expert appeals to me on so many levels, I can't go on about it (okay that's my nerd showing).
I did notice some formatting issues like a lack of line break between the paragraphs in chapter 2, no biggie, probably a quick fix but would make reading a lot easier. You may also want to consider breaking some of the longer paragraphs that span more than a page on mobile in order to make reading a bit easier as well.
Sometimes Mr. B's forwardness surprises me especially in the very beginning (chapter 2?). For instance, I think if a friend suddenly sticks his tongue on me, no matter how attracted I am to him, I may have turned around and decked him (or maybe that's just me!) Perhaps giving a little background as to why Mr. B can get away with this behaviour or show a bit more build up to it.
I laughed pretty hard at chapter 3's narration. I love a good sassy female MC and her inner monologue definitely shows her to be one! I also enjoyed the 4th chapter in which the food didn't quite meet her expectation. She has spine and spunk, and a good strong female character is definitely needed in this genre.
Overall, I found the first five chapters an easy read and follow and I am definitely looking forward to reading more.
~Pixie
I absolutely love this book. It's funny and sexy at the same time! With some great twist, you really don't see coming!
The flow of the book is great. The characters are all believable and so easy to relate to. The fun and way they joke with one another, makes me wish I could hang out with her group of friends one day!!!
Your steamy scenes are great and full of detail. I really enjoyed the MC showing her Domme side actually!
I can't wait until it's finished! Keep up the amazing work. Hopefully, there will be a book 2 with these characters. I love them that much!!
Great Job!
~Callie
Okay, ignoring the fact that the book still needs editing and has some formatting issues because you are aware of that. I absolutely love this book. It isn't often that I can just pour through a book, but you have made that easy.
Those twists, girl! I just never know what you are going to throw at me. I'm not giving away any of the plot here because I seriously don't want to spoil it. It has truly been a pleasure to follow along as you have been writing. As for engaging more readers, I think we've discussed being involved on the message boards, entering contests, and really, just reading/commenting on other writer's work is often a way to get a new reader.
You have a fun, steamy, and engaging story that I can't wait to see how you wrap it all up. You are on the right track. Keep going!
~T
1. What did you think the book was about?
— At first, I thought it was a typical, cliche erotica about a dominant, and a submissive, playing hard to get. Although the blurb is short and doesn't give much away, you get an idea about both characters in the story.
2. Did you feel the book fulfilled your expectations?
— Actually, yeah it did. This book was fun to read and I wouldn't mind reading more. It's quirky, sexy, and spontaneous. That's a good combination; plus the descriptions of the scenes in the story are vivid and relatable.
3. What about the plot? Did it pull you in; or did you feel you had to force yourself to read the book?
— The plot was well thought out. I didn't feel even the least bit forced to read the story. The best part of this story is the protagonist; she's different and plus size. A woman with curves, not the perfect body. This shows diversity and initiative. Most women can relate because not all women are skinny for the majority have curves in all the right places.
4. Do the characters seem real and believable? (Basically, can you relate to their predicaments? To what extent do they remind you of yourself or someone you know, if they do at all?)
— Oh man, can I relate? Hell yes! I can picture myself in her shoes any day. Been there and done that. These characters, specifically the main protagonist is real and relatable.
5. How was the pacing of the chapters you read? (Consider if the scenes skipped or jumped randomly. Too fast or too slow? Why?)
— The pace of the writing flowed well. Although you have some punctuation errors; from what I saw and understood. The story flowed well and it's understandable. Well done.
6. How was the description of the chapters you read? (Consider if there where any information bumps. Were there a lack of emotions, too little describing, telling rather than showing, etc.)
— This story has a lot more showing, rather than telling; so that's a plus. Each chapter delivered and the plot sequence of events was on point. The amount of emotion in the story was good. You worked hard on describing the settings, the sequence of events, and the flow of the plot; it's very thoughtful. The only problem was the spacing between each paragraph.
7. Describe what you liked or disliked about the writer's style? Why?
— I liked your dialogue and the character's internal thoughts. They were vivid, funny, and relatable. As a reader, I can picture her talking like this.
8. Would you read more of the author's work?
— Yes! I'd love to read more. Your character is fun to read. Well done!
~Jo-Jo
What did you think the book was about?
I thought this would be a BDSM erotica book.
Did you feel that the book fulfilled your expectations
Not within the first three chapters. I, for sure, got that it was erotica, but I had forgotten about it being BDSM until a scene in Chapter 7.
What about the plot? Did it pull you in; or did you feel you had to force yourself to read the book?
Love the plot! Of course, the sexual tension doesn't hurt, either.
Do the characters seem real and believable? (Basically, can you relate to their predicaments? To what extent do they remind you of yourself or someone you know, if they do at all?)
The characters seem very believable. There was one scene that had me LOLing, for real. The only thing I found odd is that the main character didn't turn around when someone grabbed her hips and started dancing with her. I'd totally look. But, maybe that's just me.
How was the pacing of the chapters you read? (Consider if the scenes skipped or jumped randomly. Too fast or too slow? Why?)
I thought the pacing was good. Only, I would like to have the BDSM component thrown in a little earlier.
How was the description of the chapters you read? (Consider if there where any information bumps. Were there a lack of emotions, too little describing, telling rather than showing, etc.)
The way she describes the men in question is really nicely done. Some attention could be paid to the action, meaning making sure it's all in there. Don't skip details just to get to the juicy parts.
Describe what you liked or disliked about the writer's style? Why?
I like the casual voice with the slang. It's unusual. It's a personal preference to not like present tense. I find it hard to read. I noticed that, when the author got serious, she tended to switch back to past tense. Have to watch that! Keeping up with it can be challenging.
Would you read more of the author's work?
Yes, I'd especially like to read the finished book. I'm working my way through the rough draft at the moment.
Comments on the writer's strongest, weakest writing trait, help request and give your overall personal thoughts. To get more reads, I've been entering contests and book clubs, but I've only been around for a few months, so I don't have even 1k read on any of my stuff. For discipline, I've been making sure that I write at least an hour a day. As for ideas, I think that's a matter of working with writing prompts and reading other people's stuff.
~ Yvonne
What did you think the book was about? My understanding of the story is that the protagonist has a bit of a crush on a man she doesn't associate with much besides casual encounters. The protagonist seems to be at the peak of her sexuality and I feel she needs to explore that side of her.
Did you feel that the book filled your expectations? I will say "I don't know" to this one since I only read the first three chapters of the story. To answer this question I would have to read the entire story. The author has great potential in their writing already, especially if this story is one of their first novels. They have a lot of room to grow and expand their writing skills.
What about the plot? The idea of the plot is there, although I could not identify a major catalyst in the writing which is an essential component to the overall book. Within the first three chapters, there needs to be a major shift in the characters life that presents itself, a type of challenge that makes the reader say " Oh wow, this character is about to face a new challenge or a new journey in their life. I have to read this."
Do the characters seem real and relatable? This was another area that I struggled with. I do not know anything about the characters their background, their economic status, where they live, about their family life. Where do your protagonists work, do they go to school, what are their essential flaws, are they insecure, are they confident, are they a cry baby? I was not able to make any true connections with the characters or relate to them. This can also develop with time and editing of the author's works. I would look up " Questions to answers when developing relatable characters" and answering the questions. Then the author can begin to know their characters a bit more and make them more rounded in the story.
How was the pacing of the chapters you read? The chapters were short and sweet. I felt the transitioning from scenes worked well for me. I was able to follow what was happening in the overall story.
How was the description of the chapters? Overall they were good. There was one spot in the story in chapter two when the author described painting with different shapes and angels. I had to re-read the part a couple of times. A suggestion to the segment of the description is to say the artwork in the restaurant was an array of abstract paintings. It would mean the same thing without it being wordy.
Describe what you liked or disliked about the authors writing style?
What I liked was the character's voice from the beginning. That felt as if it was the characters original voice. What I disliked was when her thought process turned into her being in the " hood" saying oh hell no I want to drama from some crazy ex-girlfriend. There was too much of a personality change for me if this makes sense.
What I also liked is the use of transitions and being able to paint an image of the scene the characters are in. Sensory details are on point. Dialogue seems to flow smoothly from what I read and seems realistic. Other positives are if this book is the authors first they are doing a good job at putting all of their thoughts and ideas down well. Everything else comes with editing, adding removing and revising.
Would you read more of the author's work? I know I gave a lot of feedback, but even with all the feedback, I am trying to provide I want to say Yes I would read more of the authors work. There is a lot of potential here.
~Steph
When I came across this book I've realized that it's my first time reading an erotica story where the female character is a plus size woman. The characters are really extraordinary and fun to read. But what comes across my mind was the plot was very confusing to me because I can't tell who's hard to express their love whether it's Mr. B or Syn. But when I read the sexual scenes. I had to fan myself when I read one part where Syn showed her Domme side and I literally fall in love with the book. But whenever I see Mr. B and Syn together. I hardly sense any connection between them except for the fact that they love sex. I don't see much grammar error but that story is really fun to read. Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter.
~Jasz
Tied to Mr. B was an easy to read story about a woman and her heated desire for a man she calls Mr. B. This is a hot story that would leave you wondering just how it would end. I love the cat and mouse game played between the two characters. The chemistry is on point too. There were some parts of this story that could be built better like in chapter seven when He shows up at the wedding with a girlfriend. I gotta say that I'm not a big fan of the main character's name, but it is unique. This is my first time reading the name. I liked the steamy scenes. Those were well written in my opinion. I plan to finish the book to see how it ends, but there are some areas that definitely needs some attention.
~Ellen