"every moment spent,
i wish i was with you,
and every night i slept,
i dreamt i was with you."
{meet you there, 5 seconds of summer}
indigo
the past three years have been an absolute whirlwind for both calum and i. the band just finished touring for their sixth album, and i'm flying home from work today. i've been in uganda with a group that went to try and aid the people there with food and medication. my sole job was creating a portfolio to use to encourage others to take note of what was happening to the people in the country.
it's been an exhausting six months to say the least. it was an eye opening and incredible, although heartbreaking, experience, but i'm beyond ready to see calum again. going five months with out him and only getting to speak to him on the phone every now and then... it's been absolute torture.
there is one thing i do want to talk to him about, it's something we've spoken about before, and feel the same about. while i was working i was constantly surrounded by children, so many children. i'be always known i wanted children, but the time hasn't been right. being around so many, has no doubt made me want one with calum even more.
it's a tricky situation because neither of us want to have a child when he's never home, or when we're never together. i'm nervous about bringing it up while the band is doing as well as they have been, but i do know that calum wants a baby too, as he wasn't afraid to tell me that the first time we had a conversation about it.
-
"indigo?" calum calls my name with a questioning tone, making me turn towards him. we're in bed, him with a book in his lap that he's been reading and me on my computer editing.
"yeah?" i respond, giving him my attention and urging him to continue.
"can i ask you something?" he says nervously, making me very curious as to why he's behaving like he is.
"of course you can, calum," i respond simply, knowing he's just stalling so he can figure out how to word what he wants to ask me.
"do you— uh, do you want kids?" he murmurs the question out, glancing from the sheets of the bed to me. my eyebrows raise distinctively, as i really was not expecting him to ask that.
"what made you think to ask that?" i respond, knowing he wants an answer and not just another question.
"the character in this book is pregnant and i dunno... i just realized we haven't really ever had that conversation, you know?" he meets my eyes now, a sheepish expression on his face. i smile softly, moving my computer onto the bedside table and scooting over to snuggle up against his side.
"i did tell you i wanted everything with you, didn't i?" i say softly. he looks down at me, caramel eyes softening at his words. he nods, and i bite my lip to keep my smile at bay.
"that includes kids," i whisper, leaning up to kiss his scruffy jaw. "if that's what you want too." he smiles widely, his perfect teeth and squishy face on full display.
"of course i want to have babies with you," he responds, one of his hands moving to softly hold the side of my neck before drifting to cup my jaw.
"but—," i begin quietly, not wanting to say my next words in a negative way. he perks up at this, a hint of his earlier nervousness showing again.
"i want it to be when we can both be there to raise them, together," i explain. i don't want to discourage him or upset him, i just know i wouldn't be able to do it on my own, especially right now. we've only been married for a couple months, and it just feels like we still have a lot to do before settling down with kids.
"i know now isn't the best time, and i'm not ready yet either," calum assures me, a thumb running across my cheekbone. "just wanted to see if we're on the same page, flower." i close my eyes at his soft touch and even softer words, leaning against his warm body. he smells like lemon and mint, a combination that never fails to put me at ease.
"let's go to bed, yeah?" calum asks, taking in my sleepy state.
"please," i murmur before stifling a yawn. he chuckles at me, reaching over to turn off the lamp. i scoot down under the covers and lay on my side facing him, calum following in suit. he turns on his side as well so that we're facing each other. i can see his face faintly because of the dim light of the moon from our bedroom skylight. he blinks slowly, his lips quirked up into a smile.
"i love you," i say quietly. calum smiles at me, before reaching an arm out to pull me up against him. he lays onto his back, and i don't hesitate to cuddle up against him. i begin to fall asleep, but not before he responds.
"i love you, flower."
-
i sigh at the memory, wondering how he'd react to me bringing it up today. he's picking me up at the airport despite my assurance that i would be fine taking a cab home. i'm not complaining though, i'm not sure how much longer i can go without seeing him.
once the plane has landed and everyone files out, i make my way quickly to the baggage claim. i'm overjoyed when i see my bag one of the first ones on the belt, completely unhindered from the flight. i grab it quickly, walking to where calum said he'd meet me.
there's several people in the airport today, and they're all blocking my view. i huff out a breath, searching through the masses before finally getting through to the waiting area. my heartbeat speeds up when i see a familiar pair of skinny jeans and heeled black boots facing the other way. it looks like he's holding something, but due to his position i can't make it out. i fast walk as quickly as i can behind him, before not-so-gracefully engulfing him in a hug from behind.
he physically jumps in place in surprise, a low grunt sounding from his mouth. my head is tucked in the crook of his neck and my arms are tight around him, but he manages to pry them from him so he can turn around. once he does so, he pulls me back into a hug, this time with my cheek pressed against his chest.
"fuck, i missed you, baby," he murmurs into my hair, and i nod against him. i lean my head back, smiling up at him with slightly watery eyes.
"i think i missed you more," i respond, pulling my lip between my teeth. his eyebrow raised in a challenging manner, sending me a goofy smirk. he doesn't respond before leaning down to capture my lips in a hurried kiss. neither of us really liked kissing in public, so our actions show just how much we really have missed each other.
"definitely," he breathes between kisses, "not." i pull away from him, cheeks heating up when i see a few obnoxious paps with their cameras pointed at us. i cant stay distracted for long because calum is quickly taking my suitcase from me, and ushers me towards the door.
he hands me what i now recognize as coffee from my favorite shop in his hand, and i take it graciously. the walk to where he's parked isn't far, and it's not long until i see our car. last year he surprised me one day by coming home in my dream car, a mercedes benz g class (which was the car he rented on our first real "date"). i almost made him send it back, insisting he shouldn't have gone out and bought such an expensive car, but he won the argument by pulling me on his lap and distracting me from the argument i was trying to make.
calum sends a small smile my way before pulling out his key and unlocking the car door. i took my eyes playfully when he opens my door chivalrously and helps me climb up the small step. when he climbs into the driver side the car starts up, a familiar playlist sounding from the speakers.
"is this my playlist?" i ask curiously, knowing he doesn't have this song on any of his. he nods sheepishly, shrugging as he pulls out of the airport.
"reminded me of you while you were gone," he says without even hesitating. i smile at his words, the fact that he listened to my music because he missed me makes me undeniably happy. even after three years of marriage, calum still makes me swoon over every little thing he does. even small things like the way he always holds my hand while he drives, or the way he now makes sure the volume on the radio ends with a 0 or a 5 because he knows it bothers me to be on any other number.
it's the strange things, the little quirks he remembers out of habit. being without him reminded me just how much i love his presence, and while we drive on the interstate now, i can't help but revel in the feeling of being with him again.
it's not long till we're pulling in our driveway. i don't wait for calum, already jumping from the car and rushing to the front door. i fumble with my own keys in my purse before finally getting the door open. my face brightens when i see duke bounding towards me, his mouth hanging open excitably.
"hi buddy!" i squeal, dropping to the floor so he can jump up and lick my face. i erupt in giggles and hear calum walk in behind me. i look up at him, still laughing, to see him taking a video or photo of us. i cant even bother to hide my face as i usually do when he tries to take photos of me, but instead bring my attention back to duke.
-
i collapse onto the bed, exhausted from traveling and unpacking. before i can drift off, calum walks inside with two cups of tea. i bite back a grin when he carefully sets them on the table. i watch tentatively as he strips from his shirt so that he's only in sweats, before he climbs into the bed as well.
calum smirks when he sees me practically drooling, crawling over to me and pulling me in for a kiss. i melt into him, looping an arm over his lap while he settles into the sheets beside me.
"i'm so happy to be back home with you," i tell him truthfully, taking not of his tired eyes from the past months of touring that took their toll. he gives me a smile, lifting a hand to push the hair falling over my face behind my ear.
"me too, flower," i grin at the nickname, missing being able to watch it fall from his tongue.
"there's... something i need to talk to you about, though," he says seriously. his change in demeanor makes me suspicious, and i raise a brow before nodding.
"um— so, michael found out something last week, and it's sort of a big deal," he starts, scratching the back of his neck. "crystal is pregnant." my eyes almost pop out of my skull at this news.
"holy shit, seriously?" i ask. calum nods quickly, as if he can hardly believe it as well.
"yeah, i know!" we both laugh out of shock. "and... you know, luke's wedding is just around the corner." i nod, remembering the precious engagement between luke and sierra that occurred right before i left.
"and— well, we all talked it over... and we feel like with everything going on we should take a bit of a break, you know? just so everyone can have space to figure things out," he glances up at me nervously, as if i were going to get upset or something.
"calum, that's totally reasonable, it'll be good for y'all," i reassure him, moving to grip his hand and squeeze it. he smiles a close lip smile, not completely convinced.
"you think? i'm just afraid of what the fans will think," he voices his concerns, making me frown. i know how much he cares about his fans and how they feel, but sometimes i wish he'd think about himself.
"baby, it's your life, okay? you guys have been going non stop for years. you deserve a moment to breathe," i do my best to comfort him. he nods, his eyes brightening at my word.
"i'm so glad to have you back," he says before pressing his lips to the side of my head.
a/n
double update, next chapter picks up right after this one!! :p
kayl xx