❤︎ Chara's List of Emotions ❤︎
Red: Anger
Blue: Sadness
Light Blue: Loneliness
Yellow: Happiness
Green: Envy
Blue-Gray: Guilt
• • •
Chara storms out of her quarter and into the living room abruptly, Sans and Papyrus awaiting her on the couch.
Sans acts as if she hadn't entered, but Chara can see his shifts. The almost unnoticeable flinch, the tightening grip on the remote, even a subtle aura change. It's untrusting and hardly sensible, but Chara can see it and hates how easily she can.
He doesn't matter though, Papyrus is who she came for.
Chara walks up to him with haste. It happened again, the sensation crept up on her without delay. She was simply lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling when it happened. The feeling coiled around her heart, and Chara had to suppress a groan. She was reluctant to leave her room, but she also didn't want to know how the emotion might infect her if it festered.
"GOOD AFTERNOON, CHARA! I'M GLAD YOU COULD JOIN US! DID YOU MISS THE COMPANY OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS?" He asks, thick with pride. Chara can't stand how easily he reads her, but at the same time it's somewhat nice.
She leans in, ignoring Sans' stiffening while she hovers beside his ear.
"Light blue alert, take me somewhere," she silently demands. Papyrus is quiet, staring expectantly at her. It clicks, and Chara sighs.
"Please," she grumbles, glaring when Papyrus beams.
"OF COURSE CHARA! WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO?"
Sans is looking at them now and Chara's glare at Papyrus deepens.
He, for some idiotic reason, doesn't realize that his brother is a massive prick with something verging on a brother complex.
"Just pick, and tell the whole world while you're at it."
"I'M AFRAID IT'D TAKE TOO LONG TO DO THAT, BUT I'LL GLADLY TELL YOU!"
Chara holds to bridge of her nose with furrowed brows, wondering how she even manages friendship with the tall skeleton.
"IN FACT, I ALREADY KNOW THE PERFECT PLACE! LET US BE OFF THEN!"
Someone clears their throat loudly, interrupting their conversation. Chara looks up with shut eyes, enjoying a moment of peace before dealing with the inevitable.
"WHAT SEEMS TO BE RATTLING YOUR BONES, BROTHER?"
"Papyrus, don't ask," Chara mumbles though she knows it's too late.
"Well Paps, I'm having a skeleton of issues with your plans," Sans says casually, winking even.
Chara knows he's afraid of leaving his precious brother with her, but his ability to hide his concerns are almost unreal.
"DO NOT FRET BROTHER! I GUARANTEE CHARA WILL BE SAFE!"
"It's not her safety I'm worried about," he silently grumbles, and Chara doesn't want to admit to herself how surprisingly angry that claim made her.
Her own developed likeliness of injuring Papyrus is so slim, it's near offensive to assume she'd even think of doing so.
She's been trying so desperately to ignore her past, the past that hurt others, but she'd be lying if at times she didn't want to grab Sans by the collar of his hoodie and slam him into a nearby wall. Repeatedly.
That's probably what he wants, isn't it? A reason to label her as a freak, a monster. Everything seems to burn, and she realizes that she's gripping the ends of her shirt. Papyrus gets up and leaves, announcing that he's going to get ready, but Sans stays, and peers down at her shivering hands.
"Bet ya wish you were holding something else," he semi-whispered, then leaned back into the couch.
She is going to burst. Chara spins around and heads into her room, slamming the door much louder than she had intended. The force made her feel better, but only temporarily.
• • •
The air is cool and the wind light. Chara can't help but hug herself, creating faint heat through friction. Despite the brown knit beanie on her head that seldom covered her ears and the thick, wooly socks given to her by Frisk, Chara is cold.
She growls roughly to herself. The worst thing about the inability to understand her emotions is her tendency to overthink.
Cold and empty. That's what she feels, that's what she is. Chara now wants the chill to devour her. She'll go numb, and never experience again. She's forced to consider how cold the lab was when she awoke, or how cold the inside of her felt when undoubtedly alone.
She doesn't want to think of the frost in Sans' stare, and how it engulfs her in flames rather than incasing her in inescapable ice. What's with that? Why does it burn through her as if her body is a mere, weak forest?
Only when fabric is placed upon her does she notice the trembling of her fists.
It's not from the weather.
- - -
Papyrus' scarf is surprisingly soft and warm. It's red, however, perhaps scarlet, and she doesn't know what to think of it.
"Thanks," Chara mumbles, looping it around her once more due to its length.
"NO PROBLEM, CHARA. AS A SKELETON, I AM INVINCIBLE TO THE COLD!"
"I'm well aware."
Papyrus then gazes at her affectionately, an action Chara has yet to prepare herself for. She intends to smile back, but something about the heat invading her skin causes her to shy away from eye contact. Instead, she moves a little closer, brushing his arm. Unfortunately, the fever only increases, as does the beat of her heart. It's uncomfortable, but she doesn't want to move away.
It's different from the heat Sans gives her, but not any less annoying. She doesn't know which one she prefers, but she does prefer Papyrus over Sans, so perhaps his warmth is better.
She ought to tell him of the intensity in these feelings, but the idea of sharing them develops dread in the pit of her stomach. A dread she can't explain, but doesn't want. It's as if not telling him will keep her safe, yet to do so would also set her free. Chara shakes her head, attempting to rid of the thoughts. Confusion had always frustrated her.
"SO, WHERE DO YOU THINK THE LONELINESS CAME FROM THIS TIME?" Papyrus inquires, faking obliviousness to Chara's immediate scowl.
"What have I said about stupid questions? It's none of your business," she snaps, burying her nose into his scarf and looking to the concrete.
"I ONLY WISH TO AID YOU ON YOUR QUEST FOR SELF DISCOVERY!" He declares to Chara's dismay, wanting to flee when few inhabitants of the city look their way.
"THEN AGAIN, YOU DON'T SEEM HAPPY EVEN NOW," Papyrus says like a detective on a case. Chara glances up at him; He's still staring at her.
"That's just it. I don't know what I feel. It's so.. red.. but at the same time it isn't," Chara admits, sighing and allowing the scarf to drape loosely around her neck and shoulders.
"It's worse than red, yet weaker. Like three different feelings mixed together." Her hands make crazy gestures as she speaks, Papyrus watching intently.
"I SEE." Chara awaits for his response eagerly, now realizing her desperation for answers.
"AHA! WE HAVE ARRIVED!" Papyrus announces instead, reaching for the handle of an average sized building. There are few windows so Chara can't see inside, but there's a large poster above the door that reads: 'Mettaton's Yoga and Dance Studio: The Key to Fabulous Legs!'.
Chara suppresses a groan. What drove her to give Papyrus freedom to choose where they were to waste their time? She decides not to increase the red she already feels, Mettaton likely never comes here. He not only spends most of his time on tour, but given he's a robot, the state of his legs have nothing to do with exercise.
"DO NOT WORRY, CHARA! THE GREAT PAPYRUS ALWAYS FINDS IT EASY TO RELAX HERE! IT SHOULD DO YOU SOME GOOD," Papyrus explains, allowing Chara to enter first.
The room is incredibly cold from intense air conditioning, also sporting a very minimalist style. The ceiling is covered in lights, increasing the brightness of the room alongside white walls. Chara tries not to judge too quickly, due to her distaste for the owner.
Papyrus strides up to the front counter, a grinning cat monster ready to check him in. Chara follows him warily, preferring to station behind him as he chats up the monster.
"Papyrus! It's always good to see one of our most valued customers!" She greets peppily, accepting Papyrus' membership card from him.
"THANK YOU! THIS WAY, CHARA."
"Enjoy your stay!"
- - -
Chara peers about the hallways with a growing grimace. There was nothing but golden framed pictures of Mettaton in the most ridiculous and impossible poses she's ever seen. The portraits never ended.
Papyrus pauses at a door, a small symbol of a pink girl beside it.
"GO IN HERE AND CHANGE THEN MEET ME ON THE OTHER SIDE!"
"What?" Chara doesn't enjoy the idea of Papyrus abandoning her, even if it's just for a moment. Wasn't the whole point of this to rid of the light blue?
"YOU CAN'T DO YOGA IN BOOTS!" With that, he turns to the door beside hers, entering and leaving Chara behind. She opens her own door soon after, not wanting to linger in the secluded hallway.
It's a dressing room, complete with showers that has filled the area with steam. Chara much preferred the cold waiting room, and is quick to remove Papyrus' scarf.
Humans and monsters bustle about the room, opening lockers, rushing to their scheduled class, or entering the showers.
Chara was only able to take one step before a hovering machine darts in front of her. She recoils, reaching down to her pocket only for nothing to be there.
"Welcome!" A red light scans her frame. The robot beeps, and its light flashes green. "Ah! A premium visitor!" There's another incomprehensible sound, and a small white slip exits the machine and into Chara's hand.
"You are locker number forty-seven in the VIP section! I shall escort you." She isn't given time to react before a blue light traps her body and lifts her into the air.
"I can handle myself—" she's cut off by the robot's ridiculously fast pace, getting her to her destination before she even knew they'd moved.
"We have arrived! Enjoy your stay!"
Chara reclaims her senses. "Hey—!" The light fades and she falls to the floor with a loud thump. The other visitors pay it no mind, this is apparently a normal occurrence.
The familiarity of being above ground against her will made Chara sick. She remains seated in front of her locker, back up against the hot pink metal. The only time she considers rising is when Papyrus pops into her mind. He is likely waiting for her, maybe getting worried. She stands, and instantly regrets it.
The locker, decorated with a glittering forty-seven, flies open and a robotic arm shoots out. Chara lets out a yelp, but it's silenced when yet another blue light is blasted from the arm, trapping her in its grasp. Instead of watching herself be flung in a random direction, or watch the features of the room blur, Chara glues her eyes shut.
- - -
All is still when Chara comes back to her senses. She would have remained closed off if someone hadn't shaken her to back to life.
When her eyes flicker open she's met with dimmed, color-changing lights, vibrant yoga mats, and new attire.
Stretchy yoga pants now adorn her body, jet black fading into hot pink at her ankles. A white Mettaton brand shirt is fairly loose on her as well, but it does its job.
"ARE YOU ALRIGHT, CHARA?" A voice asks, coming from the same direction as the hand and instantly recognizable. She faces the owner of the question, Papyrus smiling at her in downward dog and wearing matching garments. Any response she may have had is quieted by her confusion.
"I SUPPOSE I SHOULD'VE WARNED YOU ABOUT THEIR WAY OF TRANSPORTATION," he then says, maneuvering from his current pose into push-up position. Chara feels another twinge of anger, ready to shout at him for causing yet another one her post traumas before she's interrupted.
"Inhale, exhale, then move back into lotus position and that'll conclude the warm up." An overly sweet voice instructs. To the front of the room is that yellow cat that Chara remembers serving glam burgers, but can't remember his name.
He looks incredibly out of place despite his polite smile. There's nothing but insanity in his eyes, and Chara feels his desire to scream and burn this building to the ground.
Though this is her first time here, she somewhat shares that hidden wish.
"I HOPED THIS WOULD HELP YOU RELAX AND FORGET ABOUT SANS, I CAN TELL HE UPSETS YOU."
"He more than upsets me," Chara whispers with hate, rubbing her arms. The blue light is gone, so why does she still feel it?
Papyrus moves into lotus position as instructed, motioning for Chara to do the same. She does, having to stare at everyone else in order to do it correctly.
"Now, the lesson will commence," the mouser announces in an attempted calm voice that's anything but. Chara can feel chills creep up her spine as he speaks. Everyone else seems to notice it too, having to glance away from his shaky grin every once in a while. He's not causing any harm, but the distant look in his eyes is unsettling.
They're coached into poses Chara finds to be incredibly strange. There's too much back bending and arm reaching that she has no trouble doing (unlike their instructor), but also can't find the use for.
Once they're about to work their into the Plough Pose, a timer in the form of Mettaton's music goes off and the cat jumps up.
"Alright all of you get the hell out— err— I mean— please return again for another lesson at Mettaton's Yoga and Dance Studio!" He sputters, his practiced voice faltering and near disappearing. He swallows hard. "See you next time... lovelies!" He chokes out, making a face of sheer disgust at the sound of the words leaving his lips before making his escape. It was a weird attempt at trying to seem composed, but also wanting nothing more than to leave.
"WELL, THAT WAS NICE! DID YOU ENJOY YOURSELF, CHARA?" Her first thought is no, but then she stops to think.
There's nothing tugging at her, invading her mind, or altering her emotions before she can even tell what she's feeling. It's all quiet and calm and not.. red.
"Yeah. Thanks, Papyrus."
• • •
The walk back caused Chara to let down her guard, to enjoy the wind and the sun despite the cold. She just felt so light, like nothing could go wrong, like she could learn to understand herself without any suffering.
How wrong was she to assume the world would allow her a break.
The second they enter the house, Chara catches Sans lingering by the door. It doesn't seem suspicious at first glance, but Sans is nothing but laziness and bones.
"Did you two have a good time? I mean, you were gone for hours, or is that a bit of a stretch?" He jokes as per usual, and once again, Chara sees the anxiety and loathing in his eyes and posture.
Papyrus groans. "SANS, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM MAKING PUNS THE SECOND I RETURN."
"Sorry Paps," Sans says apathetically, nonchalantly using that sickening blue magic to check him all over. It raises Papyrus' arms and even creeps under his chin, attempting to locate signs of Chara's violence.
There it is again, that feeling. It's hot and bothersome, taking a seat in her heart. She's ready to snap at him when he finally acknowledges her.
She should've known to take Papyrus' scarf off.
Chara can't describe the spark of anger in his features. His left eye flashes briefly, and Chara has to force herself to not flinch.
He looks at her directly, only for a moment, but that's all she needed. It's accusatory, abhorrent, and so belittling.
Chara hates how he acts like he understands her. They've never even really met before, that was only through Frisk. She's also sick of his behavior towards her, and how he's always assuming she'd hurt Papyrus.
"SANS, THERE'S NO NEED FOR INSPECTION! CHARA AND I ARE FINE!"
"Well—"
"You heard him, we're fine." Chara can't help but retort, but for Papyrus' sake, she refrains from insulting him.
Sans opens his mouth to reply, but he can't even bring himself to pretend any longer. "Alright." He walks over to the couch and sits down, closing his eyes soon after.
- - -
Papyrus closes the door to her room behind them, waiting idly at the entrance while Chara storms to her bed and flops onto it.
There's a diffuser on her bedside table, changing colors leisurely along with the atmosphere of the room. It's yellow now, gradually transforming into a light orange. Chara watches it with a glare.
It changes just as she does, but it's controlled and calm while hers is just an unreadable mess.
"WHAT A NICE ADDITION TO YOUR ROOM!" Papyrus dramatically sniffs the air. "WITH A LOVELY LAVENDER SCENT!" He notes.
"He's so infuriating!" Chara then shouts, covering her eyes with her pillow.
"SANS IS JUST CONCERNED FOR ME, DO NOT MIND HIM." Chara's pillow flies beside his face and he narrowly avoids it.
"He acts like he knows everything about me! How could he assume I would—!?" She pauses, glancing at Papyrus and closing her mouth.
"Because I have before.. continually," she murmurs as Papyrus comes to sit beside her, bringing her pillow. As the bed creaks with his arrival Chara falls onto his lap, resting her head where the pillow lies.
"THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP IS UNHEALTHY. YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER RECONCILIATION, LIKE WITH FRISK!" Papyrus recommends, burying his fingers into her hair, trailing each digit down her scalp.
"How? He doesn't want to talk to me. He's not like Frisk."
"NOBODY IS, THAT'S WHY THERE ARE DIFFERENT METHODS TO EVERYTHING!" Chara lets out a sound of understanding, quietly watching the diffuser slowly turn blue.
- - -
No one is around when Chara peeks out of her room, but he is. Sitting in silence on the couch, free to fidget and sigh without questioning.
She can tell Sans is just using the television as a distraction. He doesn't want to think or try and comprehend any of the turmoil his brain has produced.
Chara understands, and that's why it's so easy to walk up to him and sit down.
The air is quiet, and he's not trying to hide the fact that he sees her. She keeps her gaze fixed on the TV, however, indicating that he's free to speak.
It starts with a glance, then a look to the floor, and another glance. He studies her for a while, confused, likely irritated because her presence automatically bothers him.
There comes a time when he looks ready to open up, but then he ultimately shuts himself down, fixing on the television.
Finally, Sans releases a long breath, slumping into the plush seats of the couch.
"I don't understand them," he begins, "how can they just let you in? It doesn't make sense."
"I know," Chara answers, her voice barely above a whisper, and Sans is silent once more.
It's another while before words escape him. His voice is low when he says: "you're a monster."
"I know," Chara replies.
"You hurt everyone."
"I know."
"You didn't stop."
"I know."
"So, why? Why am I forced to accept this? To accept you?"
"You aren't." Chara was afraid of the response she gave, but it was the truth. Sans had no obligation to allow her to remain here, in fact, she had always assumed it was Frisk who prevented her immediate separation from this world.
Sans is soundless, and Chara is given seldom time to react when he stands and exits the room in a rush. All she can do is watch him go with a frown.
- - -
Maybe one day he'll accept her, she'll take it, even if it's just a little bit. All she asks for is one day. One day without the remarks, the glares, or the chilling eyes. She'll just have to wait until then.
Her hand is taken suddenly. Papyrus, who had been waiting beside her as she internally lamented, is smiling down at her when her thoughts pause.
His fingers are rough, and the gloves rubbery, but it's not entirely unpleasant. The feeling such a gesture creates makes her heart heavy. It's tiresome, but she doesn't want to let go.
"I ACCEPT YOU, CHARA. ONE DAY HE WILL TOO!" Papyrus says, exerting optimism. Chara's grip tightens around him, and she allows the faintest of smiles to shape her face.
"Maybe you're right," she whispers.
• • •
Author's Note
I'm sorry this was so late! I was on vacation during spring break so I skipped a week. (Each chapter is a week apart but obviously this one was two weeks)
Next one should be out next week on Saturday.. I hope.
I know BP would likely still be working in Mettaton's restaurant on the surface, and would have no experience in this field, but I can't help but imagine him teaching yoga as a second job whilst laughing my ass off.
He instructs with an incredibly sweet voice and creepy smile, and underneath it all he's just screaming and hating his life. People notice it, but he's so inflexible that they assume it's the product of his strain, but really he's just dying.
Hope you enjoyed! Byeee~~