Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about un-becoming everything
That isn't really you
So you can be who you were meant to be
in the first place
Chapter Thirty-Five – Addie
After dinner I took Nina outside to talk to her without everyone else around. I didn’t really know where to start so we went outside and lay side by side in the grass in silence for a little bit.
It was weird; I was lying outside by my sister looking up at the stars.
“The sky isn’t as clear here.” She said
“I know, I miss home.” I told her and she nodded
“I miss how easy it is to breathe there and I’ve only been here a few hours.”
“You’ll be home soon enough.” I assured her
“So will you. I didn’t know about you, you know. Neither did mom.” She looked over at me
“Why are you guys really here?” I asked her, I get that I’m her sister but why fly all the way up here
“I haven’t seen Lucas in probably ten years, he would come and spend time with us but I didn’t know until later that he had abused mom and she didn’t know he had been hurting me for years either. When she saw him one day she told him to get out and come back or she would make it all public. She knew how much his reputation meant to him. I guess part of the reason he left is because he didn’t want anyone to know about us.” I looked over at her
“He hurt you guys too?” I asked her and she nodded
“Yeah and that’s why we’re here, we wanted to know if testifying against him would help, show that there are multiple people who he hurt and he had a fling and a secret kid, that has to look bad for him.” I looked over at her and she was looking up at the sky again.
“You would testify?” I asked her and she nodded
“I know we don’t know each other but you’re my sister and what he did was wrong. How he threw you to them was wrong.” She said and reached out for my hand and I let her take it. I didn’t know her but I knew she was a good person.
“Thank you.” I said and we laid there in silence for a little bit.
I never thought this was possibly, lying side by side with my sister, holding hands and looking up at the sky like we’ve been doing this for years.
This morning I didn’t know she existed but it’s like we instantly had that bond, it felt almost natural to be around her, almost. It was still strange but I liked her.
“I’ve always wanted a sister.” She told me and I smiled
“Me too.” I whispered. “And in the last year I’ve gotten three.” Kalila and Faith were family, more than just cousins, I loved them like sisters.
“Do you think they would like me?” she asked
“They love everyone, well the nice ones; they don’t like Lucas so much.” I felt like I owed my parents nothing, not even calling them my parents.
Lisa was never a mother to me, she hated me. She didn’t braid my hair as a child or read me bed time stories. She wasn’t there when I got my period and needed a girl to help me through it. She wasn’t there for me to confide in or to share secrets with. We didn’t laugh or joke or have a nice time with each other. When we were in the same room it was either silence and ridicule when we were alone or fake smiles to keep up appearances in public.
Lucas wasn’t a father. A father protects his daughter; a real father wouldn’t have let him lay a hand on me twice if I had told him what happened. I never dreamed of Lucas walking me down the aisle or dancing with me at my wedding, I so desperately wanted real parents but I never got them. A father takes care of his daughter.
Real parents would love their child and mine hated me.
They didn’t deserve to be called my parents; they were just Lisa and Lucas to me now.
I hated them and I wanted that court room to know what they did to me, I wanted them to pay for what they did, I feared most that Lisa and Lucas would go free. Than, Jason and Lucas may have been the ones to rape me and cut me and steal away any ounce of purity or innocence from me but Lisa and Lucas threw me to them and made me stay and to me that was a bigger betrayal.
They made me, Lisa carried me inside her body and gave birth to me and I am them but they did this.
“They’ll pay for what they did Addison.” Nina squeezed my hand in a way that reminded me of Kalila.
“Thanks Nina.” I looked over at her and she looked over at me and smiled.
“You’re welcome.” She said back.
We didn’t talk anymore just sat in more silence until we decided to go back inside.
“Would you two like to stay with us tonight, you can share my room.” I offered
“Hey there, where are we going to sleep then?” Liam came in and I smacked his arm, that was rude
“With Asher.” I rolled my eyes
“What about you baby?” he wrapped his arms around me and I smirked
“You both can have me too! Kalila, want to come too?” I asked her and she smiled
“Of course.”
“Nina, would you like to stay too?” I asked her and she bit her lip nervously
“I don’t know.” She was shy again
“You’re family too Nina.” Kalila grabbed her hand
“Okay, I think we need a change of scenery then.” Asher said and I shrugged
“Okay boys, I guess two mattresses are coming down. Karen, where would you like to stay?” Ethan asked her
“Any room is fine with me.” she smiled and Lalan brought her to Kalila’s room and the boys all grabbed the mattresses from mine and Asher’s while us girls made room in the living room.
“One of these days we should camp outside.” Kalila said as we moved the couch back.
“Do you need clothes to sleep in, Nina?” I asked her and she shook her head
“My suitcase is in the car.” She went to find Karen and they grabbed their bags and came inside and we all found a spot to change.
“What movie to watch?” Kalila asked and I shot her a look and she smirked, before the boys got out here she put a movie in and then she made Asher make popcorn and Liam grab whatever else we wanted or needed.
They were like her slaves really, it was pretty funny.
We waited on the bed and when they came out Asher cursed which earned him a smack to the back of the head from Kalila.
“Please no.” Liam complained
“Why not? Lots of hot mostly naked girls.” Kalila smirked when Liam turned red.
“There’s only one girl I want to see mostly naked.” He put his arm around me and Kaila and Asher burst into a fit of laughter and I chuckled but turned red, which was nothing compared to poor Liam.
“Nice bro.” Asher couldn’t stop laughing and Liam couldn’t meet my eye, even Nina was laughing
“That didn’t come out right, I don’t want to see you naked. I mean, I do sometime because I love you and you would be beautiful naked, but oh shit, I just, I mean, you, fuck.” He settled for
“Language.” She smacked him on the back of the head too
“I love you.” he kissed my temple and I couldn’t help but laugh too.
“I love you too.” I kissed him
“Awww!” Asher and Kalila teased which earned them both a pillow to the face
“You guys are pretty amusing.” Nina said and we all turned to look at her.
“We try.” Liam said dramatically.
“So Burlesque it is.” Kalila pushed play.
Liam laid on the outside and I of course laid next to him with Nina next to me and Asher jumped between Nina and Kalila and got comfortable there.
I think Nina was expecting us to be mad or throw them out but I guess she doesn’t know yet how different we are to Lucas and Lisa. Lalan and Ethan are welcoming and loving people and she is their Niece and they’ll love her like they love me.