Song for the Chapter: "Don't Go Now" by Philip Selway
**
"No."
"No?"
"That's what I said. No."
"You have the nerve to say no even if you didn't have the heart to even check up on me, if I was well, or even breathing?" I cannot believe Will. He's being as stubborn as I didn't think he would be that stupid and reckless.
He exhales through his teeth and shakes his head. "I don't want to lose you too."
"You already lost me even before you thought of losing me." It broke my heart to say these words but I can only say the sad truth of it all.
"Please. Think about it." He dared to come closer, but I didn't stop him. He was only inches from me now.
"There's nothing to think about." My wide, wet eyes drilled onto his.
He didn't reply. He didn't leave either. Instead, he came closer. Too close, it felt wrong and right at the same time. And once again, William Thompson's lips were on mine.
"I hate you." I mumbled on his lips as I tasted my salty tears.
"I know, baby." he mumbles back but continues.
How I love and hate this man so much. It was fire and ice combined. After an hour under the sheets, I felt disgusting.
I love him. That's the problem.
That is something I thought I would never say.
I do love him.
I love him too much, I'll have to leave his arms.
Carefully looking over my shoulder, I see him dead asleep. I now do my best to get up on my feet and walk away as quietly as I could. Once I was on my feet, I took my chance to get dressed and grab a suitcase and pack all I needed.
As I was packing, my heart was becoming heavier by the second to the point that I know I will cry. But I needed to do this. When I was done, I got a pen and paper and started to write words I promised I wouldn't say to him. It took me a while, but I had to do it quick before he wakes up. Knowing Will, he could be up in five to ten minutes from now.
After writing the letter I knew I will regret, I place it on my nightstand. I wanted to leave my rings behind, but no matter how hard I try, I couldn't. But I had to. I left my wedding ring behind on the stand as well.
Taking one more look at Will, he looked so tired and so sad. It's as if it's his first time to sleep for the past weeks. He looks older than the man I remember I married. The Will I married was very collected, handsome, the most good looking devil he is. This is not my Will.
The moment he flinched was my signal to leave the premise. I know George wouldn't be happy with it, but I need him to take me away from this place.
"I love you. So much. I'm sorry." I said to a very unconscious Will who didn't hear what I just said.
I took my suitcase downstairs and I saw George having a snack. Now I felt worse.
"Madison?" He asks, bewildered by the suitcase I was holding.
I bit my lips to stop the idea of crying and faked a smile. "I need your help to get me out of here."
He drops his sandwich and stood up to where I was, in the foyer. "Ma'am, forgive me, I can't do that to Mr. Thompson." He never called me that ever again after our first meeting.
"I do understand that Will employs you. But it's your job to escort and protect me anywhere." I stifle a tear. "Now, I need you to do your job this instance, please."
It took him a few seconds to think about it, finally he nodded yes and escorted me outside.
"Where to?" He asks me as we got into the car.
"My sister's apartment, please."
"Yes, ma'am." He said and off we were.
I opened my phone to look at the cameras we have in our room (yes, but only the both of us can easily access them), and I could still see Will sleeping. After a few seconds of watching him sleep, I then logged off the system and deleted the app. At the rest of the ride, I found myself staring at my wonderful wallpaper of Will and I. It was the picture we love last Christmas when we were still complete.
I keep reminding myself the reason I am doing this is because I love Will. I never knew love would hurt this bad. Doing my best, I logged off the GPS on my phone as well. To hell with what's going to happen to me. I don't want Will to come after me. Just as I did, I blocked his phone number. We were only a few blocks away when George's device started ringing.
"Don't." I said.
George listened to me thankfully and ignored the call.
Upon arriving the building, I got out and George helped me with my suitcase. Just to think of it, I could go back in the car, but I couldn't. I didn't want to.
"Thank you." I bravely told George. "Thank you for your service." I gave him a smile. "I'll make sure you won't get into trouble."
George smiles back politely. "My boss could be a pain in the ass, ma'am. I've seen every woman he was with since the world started. I thought you wouldn't ask me to take you away from him."
"I thought so too." I said, fighting back tears.
"I'm always a call away if you need me or if you want to come back."
I smiled, not knowing if I'll ever take interest of his offer. "I'll keep that in mind."
"It was a pleasure, ma'am." he nodded at me, making me giggle at my tears.
"I'm still not Margaret, George." I say.
I knew he'd chuckle at least to keep his spirits up too. "Of course, Madison. Take care."
"You too." I said and he slipped into his car and went on his way back.
As for me, it was no turning back. I went inside the building and went on a devastating ride in the elevator, thinking of a way to tell Megan the everything. There was a loud ping that brought me back to reality and the doors open. With my things, I slowly walked towards the slot my sister was in. A few knocks after, Megan was wide-eyed to see me standing with a suitcase and I was thinking whether I looked as if I was hit by a truck.
"I can't stay here for long. Will will find me eventually here." I said. I told her everything that happened, and she is close to murdering him.
"He promised me he'll take care of you." she said and disappointment was in her voice with tears as well. "That son of a bitch said he'll do anything!" she pulls me in the tightest hug ever. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that it's as if life is taking too much of you. I didn't look at it that way."
"Don't apologize. We all have our moments." I rubbed her back but her embrace was still tight.
"It must be so hard for you. Everything's been crazy!"
"I know, I know." tell me something I don't know.
"Will you be okay?" she pulls out with both hands on my shoulders just like how mom does it.
"I'll try with the strength I'm left." I reassured her honestly.
"Good." she says in a tough voice. "You were always ready for anything, Mads."
I smiled. "I wasn't prepared on this one to be honest."
"Call me when you're settled."
"I will, thank you, Megs." I gave her one last hug before I leave. Will might be here any second. "Love you, sis."
"I love you more." and with that, I was off.
----
"OH MY GOD, MADISON!" Gigi practically squeezed my organs out. "Thank God!"
"It's nice to see you too, Gi." I hugged her back, and the tears wanted to come. It's been such a long time since we saw each other.
Gigi and Kian have been inseparable ever since as well, and I couldn't keep Gigi from her happiness when I was busy with mine...what used to be mine.
"You can crash anytime you want." she says as I enter her apartment. Will doesn't know about Gigi's apartment, but I'll assume he will in the near future.
"Are you sure I won't be such trouble for a few days?" I look around their house and it's very warm, cozy, but I felt cold and empty.
"You are never trouble at all, Madison. We practically share everything together." she is the usual cheerful self as she would ever be. The walls were filled with pictures of Gigi and Kian, and I felt happy for a bit for my best friend to have this kind of love. "Plus, you can stay at the attic. It's a fully furnished bedroom he wouldn't find you there. unless he'd climb up."
It's as if I'm a criminal hiding from authorities, but I needed a way to be away from him but not far from losing my senses. Both of them helped me settle in and at the end of the day, we sat down and talked about everything. To see Gigi also cry for me was the worst part. She didn't need to feel sorry for me, really. All of this was because of me, and the chain went on.
We hit the hay early because Gigi had to attend classes tomorrow. She insisted I did too, but going to the campus would be one of his ways to find me. Who knows, maybe even everyone there can contact him once they see me. Who knows?
As I settled in my temporary bedroom, I can't help but look out at the moon. How it gleams even in the dark. I wish I was like it. But I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. It's so hard not to think of Will when I worry about him too. It was a bit insensitive for me to just leave him when he's also unstable, but he needed the time off like I do.
Then I wonder, why would he cheat on me?
The tears tire me to sleep every night since then.
Will never left my mind even if I did my best to dismiss him. It still pains me to admit that he's still the best thing to ever happen to me.
I'm already a few days in Gigi and Kian's home when I decided to make a drastic move I wouldn't expect to do.
"Are you sure, you're gonna be okay by yourself?" she asks me. I swear, Gigi is the female version of George.
"I need this."
"I know you do. And I'm happy you're doing it." she said and gave me a hug before unlocking the car door. I wouldn't worry too much because I know she's nearby.
I went out of the car and got myself inside an infamous cafe when I tried to look for him. I still know every detail he has that even a haircut or a shave wouldn't change.
He was still the same. Handsome, eye-catching. I memorized that strong back anywhere. He was on time, and I was surprised he'd come anyway.
His phone was in front of him, and he didn't see me standing in front of him.
"You might want to set that aside while I'm here." I said in a strong-willed tone I forgot I had.
He looks up, sees me, and quickly puts his phone away, wide-eyed and frantic. "I-I-I didn't see you there."
"You are as bad as William, really. I would have turned all his phones to ash by now." I gestured for the seat in front of me and he held his hand forward, letting me know I could sit.
For a while we looked at each other intently. He looked at me as if he was trying to scan all my features now that I'm older. Since I got older, he did too. He aged quite more than what I would have imagined. Even if mom was the sick one, she was youthful and happy. But with the smile lines, other folds starting to form in other places of his face, I knew he had a hard time as well.
"Thank you for coming. It means a lot." He finally opened the conversation.
I sighed deeply. "Megan was right. I needed time to think."
"I knew you would. Would you like to order anything? My treat." He looks behind to see different pastries as well. "There are muffins, cakes...what do you want?"
"A decaf would be okay, please." I replied.
"Are you sure?" He asks, knowing it wasn't true. "Wouldn't you like a strawberry tart?"
"...and a strawberry tart please."
He smiled when I said I wanted the strawberry tart. It was my favorite ever since. In fact, the place we were in was a café we always went to when I was younger. All four of us were here laughing over a slice of cake when someone is celebrating their birthday.
Once we have our coffee, he opened a packet of brown sugar. "I didn't know you are a decaf person." Oh, yes of course. Small talk first.
"I'm not really. Just the past few days." I take a sip of my bland coffee.
"How are you, by the way? I heard about Will."
I knew he'd ask. I try to keep myself well composed. "...Will and I are cooling off. The past few months have been hell, thank you for asking..."
"I can give him a piece of my mind, you know?" He said and it sounded like how a real father would react when their daughters are in distress with a guy.
"Relax. This is my personal problem. And we aren't okay yet, just to remind you." I tried to make him remember why we were here in the first place as soft-spoken as I can.
He looked defeated and so he just nodded his head. "Right."
"You and Megan can be in perfect terms, but I can't say the same with me. And I'm not here to do small talk. I need to get going or else someone might tell me where I am to my hell of a husband."
"I'm sorry." He just said and my mind races. "It was a tough time for your mom and I years ago."
"So you thought going to the grocery would be a legit way for you to exit our lives?" My brow flew up.
He shook his head. "I never should have done that, believe me. But life really turned around for me that day."
I scoffed. "No shit, Sherlock."
"I bumped into Anthony Thompson at the grocery parking that day." He said and all the blood from my body washed away.
"Say what again?" Did he just say 'Anthony Thompson'? "What does Anthony get to have in your story?"
"He saw me crying in the parking lot. He was with William at that time, he looked as if he was angry with his father. Well, he really was. At that time, Will found out about Caliyah. Basically everything his father did, he loathed to death. Will was in the car, and he didn't want to come down, so he'd scream and yell bloody murder. Anthony's actions were all over the news, so anything that would lure the attention all at him in a public area would do nothing better for them."
I can't believe I am hearing Will's history from a person I didn't like hearing a single word.
"Will finally calmed down, and I knew Anthony was exhausted. He saw the bench I was sitting on, and he knew I was watching him all the time. Instead of reminding him of his actions from different sources, I asked how his day was with Will, and we immediately sparked a conversation. He asked me if I had kids, I told him I had two princesses, and my queen is practically dying.
"I told him I don't know what else to do but leave. It was the only thought that ran into my head. I wanted the best for all of us, but I didn't know how. I promised to give the world to your mother, but then my mind went blank. He offered me a position in his company since the controversy made some of his employees disappear. I said yes, and ever since then I worked hard for him."
"Then why didn't you come back and help us? You worked for him and then you didn't come back to your family and support them? What was that for?" he was offered a better job, and yet at the end of everything else, we're the ones carrying each other up!
"Madison, to tell you honestly, I don't know why I've decided those things."
"That's bullshit, again and again."
"But...I did promise myself that when I have enough to provide all of you the life you deserve plus your mother's health I'll be back." he defended but it was all messed up.
"That's when you're wrong. We needed each other. We don't need the money. I only needed the money to save her life. She was at the brink of death, and all throughout the years, we did all we can to provide while you get more than what we earn in a single hour, and you weren't there. You knew mom was sick, and that she's dying. If she goes through therapies it might shorten her life, that's when she decided not to take any medication at all.
"When Megan and I were being pushed around and cussed at work, you also should've saved us by then. You were capable of so many things, and you neglected us." he needed to hear these words. He knew he messed up big time. I just need it rub it in his face a bit.
"I may be stupid for the decisions I've made, Madison. But the reason why I showed up is not only to apologize to you and your mother, but to help Anthony with the mess he is in right now." so he's pulling out the savior card now?
"What mess?" I asked to amuse myself.
"The company heirloom controversy." he said, and my ears perked up.
I put my fork down and listened intently. "What about that?"
"I told Anthony it was unfair for him to give the company to Caliyah and her son, because first of all, she isn't the first wife and her son is not his biological son. Second, if it weren't for Caliyah stalling everything Anthony promised he'll give me, we wouldn't be having this discussion right now." he said and his voice cracked. A tear fell, and suddenly, my father was crying.
I handed him my handkerchief and he gladly took it to wipe his tears. I don't want to take sides but if it's between my father and Caliyah, I'd pick my father anytime. "What really happened? Please tell me." I said as soft as I can so that he wouldn't be intimidated.
He sniffed as he continued to wipe his tears. "Anthony promised to provide all of you with everything. He promised a new house, payed tuition fees, the bills, your mother's treatments and medicine, everything! I told him to provide everything in exchange for the work I'm willing to do for him just to know everyone is alive and well, until she took in charge with finance. Caliyah put on hold everything and gave me no salary at all. All I had was the free meals.
"I slept in the basement of the building or sometimes in the warehouses they had. I didn't need to buy any necessity at all because a few times, she'd give me clothes while I showered in the office's bathrooms. I had people in the office help me whenever they can. Sometimes during holidays, they'd take me in, and it was hell. I didn't bother to tell Anthony thinking one day Caliyah might give everything that is due to me until I finally had the guts to tell him that his whore did all of this to me. I gathered enough evidences and I let him realize this was the reason his one and only son despises him. It was a slap to his face, but it was all he needed."
"If Anthony knows what Caliyah has done to you, why are they still together in the first place?"
"He knew what Caliyah was capable of. Now, he's plotting a giant bang on her. They can't just simply get separated. He's collecting every piece of evidence to make the contract void."
"What contract?" why do I have so many questions?
"The contract he made that every possession he has will be hers, and nothing for Will. That perspective of his changed when I made him realize how manipulative the whore really is. Now he's trying to be at peace with his son. Madison, the moment he spoke of you, I burst out crying. He knew you right away, and I thank God you're alive and well. He did a background check on you. My Madison, you've been through hell, but you're the strongest, bravest girl I know. I knew you wouldn't let your sister and your mother down.
"I'm a failure, baby girl. I'm the worst father there is. I regret not taking a stand immediately. I regret not spending every waking moment seeing you and Megan grow, and savor each loving second with your mother. I wanted to do everything I could, but I only knew how to fail miserably. I wanted you to have what's best. I know Will. I could never have a better son than him. He kept me alive when I had no intention to live. He treated me well, and it breaks my heart to see him make decisions I know he wouldn't do."
"Dad..." I squeaked, and his eyes lit. "I'm sorry for everything." I started to cry myself.
"No, no, no, don't apologize, Madison." he said and stood up to hold me as I cried.
"I'm sorry for being a bitch of a daughter. I didn't know that you had to go through all of that. I'm sorry." I continued to cry on his shoulder.
"Hey, princess, look at me." he soothes and I look at my father. "I am the one who should be sorry. I know sorry is not enough to make it up for everything that has happened and done.. You know that. We can't turn back time, sweetheart. All we could do is live the present as best as we can. Everything will turn out better in the coming days, okay?" It wasn't a promise, but it gave me a tiny spark of hope.
"I don't want to expect so much, but I just want us to be okay. I don't want to be parentless anymore, dad. I lost my knight and shining armor when I was young. He never came back for me." I muffled on his shoulder.
"I'm here, sweetheart. I'm here." he kisses my head.
"It's j-j-just so m-m-much." I sobbed.
"I know, honey. I know. I'm sorry." he rubbed my back and continued to soothe me. I didn't care if people were looking. What mattered most is that I have my father back.
He wanted me to stay with him starting that day until Will and I would find our ways to get back. He made me dinner in his wonderful home. It was a two-storey family home. It was the house we were supposed to live in years ago, and he was alone in that house for the past months. Just like Gigi's home, it was cozy, but it felt empty. Well not anymore.
Dad also promised to not tell Will I was there. And as if Will knew, I saw his Ferrari being parked in the driveway. He told me to hide in his room upstairs. Will never went upstairs he said.
I heard the door open and the two greeted each other. I kept my face glued to the door to listen.
"Any news?" Will asked my dad.
"None at all. You out of most people should know she hates me." my dad replied. Do remind me to interrogate why Will knew my father and not told me anything about his whereabouts in the future.
"Don't worry, old man. I'm top of the list now." I hear him plop on the sofa.
"Son, you better not take this harshly on yourself."
"I fucked up. Now I lost her. I lost everything I truly love and care about. She's my lifeline after my mother, you know that." Will sounded like he had a drink or two before coming here. I know when he's clean.
"She hasn't sent any divorce papers yet hasn't she?"
"She hasn't yet. And I don't want her to!"
"William, you need to give her space. She's been through worse. I know you had your fair share of hardships, but for her, everything's coming all at the same time."
"Yeah. That's when I realize how much she makes me feel strong when I don't most of the time. We were going to start a new life with our supposed to be family. We were so excited."
"I know, son."
"I wanted to be better than him."
I knew for a long time, Will wanted to be the best version of a father he could be just to brag to his father that he was worth something, and now I understood where every emotion he had was coming from.
"You are, William."
"I'm not the husband she deserves. What's all the billions I actually have if I don't have her."
My heart swells with sadness. I've been causing agony on him too much, but I know he deserved it.
"We all have our flaws, William."
"Right. Are you sure you haven't seen her or heard where she is? I've just visited Gigi, Dr. Jones' daughter at her place. She wasn't there. I don't know where else to look."
"She'll show up when she's ready, Will. Madison knows what she's doing. You just have to respect the space she needs. She needs the time to think things over. I know she loves you, and she'll come back to you. You are the best thing to ever happen to her. Take the night easy, okay?"
"After a few more drinks maybe." he slurred a bit.
"If you're going to drink, make sure you're at home." I heard their voices fade a bit so I think they're at the door so I made my way down and hide behind the wall to take a peek.
"If you find her, old man, tell her I love her, okay?"
"You bet." my dad replies and pulls him into a hug.
The moment they hug, Will started to cry, and my father does his best to soothe him this time. As for me, seeing him that vulnerable and raw felt like daggers straight to my heart. He didn't even know I was there, and my husband is crying on a man he met when he was younger, and treated him like a father.
As Will's cries grew louder, I took each step heavily back upstairs to the room prepared for me. I pull the covers up, but sleep wasn't anywhere near until I heard Will's car engines roar obliviously.
**
Author's Note: I'm crying so hard as I'm typing, you guys. You don't know how much this was thought out to play. I didn't expect this chapter to be this way, but I think it's the way that's best.
A lot has happened once again. I was supposed to update last month during Holy Week, but we had family friends come home from the city, so I wasn't able to update. The earthquake here in our province had my anxiety up again. If you read the update I uploaded some time ago, I thank God to be able to upload a chapter today.
I graduated from college last April 26th. And now that it's May, if you've been with me the past year, y'all know it's May the 4th be with you all the way. Here I am, with my new balayaged hair, waiting for Tuesday to come and it's the first day at work. Bless mah soul, it's a no vacation for me, but that's fine.
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I just feel so emotional right now. Hugs for everyone.
Do read "The Girl With Secrets" by @Nicolacube if you want to see me as a character haha!
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LoveLots,
WanderingDancer x
(May 10, 2019; 10:20pm)