Monday was going smoothly. I had been in a good mood the whole day. I decided against calling Adrian even though it was killing me. I needed to stay focused. I didn't want to seem like I had that conversation with my brother for nothing.
I stayed up all night thinking about that small business card, though. I started imagining us trying to somehow make it work. That maybe my dream of us being together could become a reality. I thought about how maybe just one phone call wouldn't hurt. That way, he would know I didn't blow him off.
Then in came insecurities wheeling their way in. I thought about age and how clueless I was to all those emotions and feelings towards him. —Then, there was my past.
I knew he could get any girl he wanted. Why would he like me? I thought maybe I was delusional. He probably was just looking out for his best friend's little sister, nothing more, nothing less. So to save me from any embarrassment or rejection. I decided to forget the whole thing. That's anxiety for you.
I was seated outside of school waiting for my brother to pick me up. We agreed that Mondays would stay the same. After school, I'd go with him to his shoot-around.
As the thought of going to Mikey's shoot around with his friends ran across my mind, it hit me. Adrian would be there.
What the hell am I going to do? How did I not think about this? Is what raced through my head. I was so focused on him hugging me and the card he gave and not using said card. I didn't think about having to see him. —Maybe I should try to get out of it. —Nah Mikey wouldn't go for that. This was our agreement. He might change his mind about the car altogether. I have to suck it up, and go. This is not good. Why me? I rambled off.
****
Walking into the gym, my heart was beating so fast I thought it would stop. My brother was talking, but I didn't hear a word. "Rai, did you hear me?"
"No Mikey. You were mumbling. I didn't hear you." I answered while walking further into the gym, noticing Adrian wasn't there yet. I exhaled. "I said my friends are coming to the house later tonight. To hang out by the pool."
"Ok." I thought for a second then a little smile appeared. "So Leah's coming?" I knew this was his way of finding an excuse to get her back to the house. His way of being low-key and keeping things casual. "You caught me. I miss her and little man." He replied tilting his head side to side.
"Me too. You want me to call her or you?" I giggled. He shook his head no. "I got it, and if you want to hang out with us, that's cool. Invite Sienna." Mikey said as he walked with me.
"I'll call her and see if she wants to. If not, I'm hanging back in my room. Let y'all do your thing." We made it to the bleachers. I put my headphones on, then buried my face in my purple notebook.
"Nah, none of that. We're doing things differently this time. I'm showing some growth. Now you show you me." He sneered, causing my brows to come together. "Where is all this coming from?" I stopped myself by holding up a hand. "—Let me not complain."
"I don't like you not being able to come to me about stuff. That tells me I need to ease up a little— plus, I thought about the conversations I had with Leah. Which was basically the same thing you and mama Laurie had been saying for years. Even A3 said it so here I am trying to show you, that I trust you and I understand you're growing up." He said with no problem at all. This new Mikey talking about his feeling and just overall communicating with me was something I would have to get used to.
Not calling Adrian was indeed the best decision. My brother trusts me. I couldn't mess that up.
But just for laughs I decided to toy with him. "Soooo, does that mean I can date now?" I had to keep him on his toes. Hell would freeze over before he let that happen.
"Sure. Tell him to come by the house and pick you up around six. So I can meet him." He retorted with an evil smirk that only the Joker himself could match.
"Ha ha, not funny. That was not cool what you did. I'm serious, what if I have someone I'm really interested in?" His neck jerked toward me."Who?" And before I could respond, I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise.
I heard laughter. It was Adrian and Troy. I made sure to put my head down and focus on my conversation with Mikey.
"I'm not telling because I know you. This newfound leaf you've turned over doesn't extend that far." I laughed nervously. "I'll figure it out sooner or later." He replied while making a silly face with his tongue out walking off to join the crew.
I felt Adrian staring. I couldn't concentrate on anything. Ok think of something to do. Why didn't I have any homework, ugh? My project is at home, already partially complete. That's not due for another three weeks. —Oh right! I planned to write in my purple notebook. That's what I'll do.
Ok maybe just a little peek over in Adrian's direction won't hurt anything. Yeah just a small glance in his direction. I'll be quick.
****
I debated on whether I should even go. I figured I would because I didn't want to cancel on the fellas like that. I don't know what made me give her my card. She must think I'm some pervert. I hope I didn't disrespect her by doing that. I screwed this up. Now shit is weird. If it was anybody else I wouldn't give a damn.
We all hung out for a little while longer, having small talk. We had a half court challenge. Chance beat me by one shot. Show off. Troy coincidentally caught a knee injury. Oddly enough by the end of the game, he was good. I was ready to go. I'm not a fan of losing.
"I'll catch y'all later. I need to make a call to my assistant." I said noticing Raina glance at me. It was quick. If I blinked, I would have missed it.
"Oooooh, you're talking about that new fine ass assistant." Troy exaggerated louder than I wanted him to. "Man gone somewhere with all that." I waved him off.
"I mean what's good?" He asked with an oversized grin on his face. "It's not even like that. I'm not interested." I made it clear, sensing Raina peeping over again. I don't even have to look to know. I can feel her eyes on me.
"Dumb-ass I wasn't talking about for you, —so what's goody?" His left foot tapped, waiting patiently. My head shook. "Then this conversation doesn't have anything to do with me. That's all you. Do what you do on your own." I walked away throwing up two fingers.
"Don't forget to swing by the house later. You can bring someone if you want." Mike yelled out. I nodded, heading out the door.
Got home, called my assistant. I told her about an email I needed. I showered, staying in there longer than I should have. Eventually I got myself ready to head over to Mikes. I packed an extra set of clothes just in case. Sometimes when we have these little get togethers we end up crashing at each others house. We haven't really had anything like this since before Mama Laurie passed. So this should be good, to get back to hanging out. She would want us to.
After getting situated I looked at my phone. I noticed I had a text message. From a number I didn't recognize.
7:35 pm
404-055-6788: Hey.
7:46 pm
Me: Name?
7:48 pm
404-055-6788: It's Raina. Do I have the right number?
7:48pm
Me: Yes, it's me Adrian.
I waited a few minutes for her to text back but she didn't so I sent her one.
7:55pm
Me: You want me to call you? Or—can I call you?
While I waited for her to respond I saved her number in my phone.
8:00pm
Beautiful One: Sure.
I called and it rang twice. I thought about hanging up. I didn't want to get her into no shit. So I waited until she said hello before I responded. "Hey, it's me." I sort of whispered.
"Oh,—ok." She stumbled her words. I laughed a little. "How are you?" I asked breaking the ice.
"I'm ok actually, you?" She responded nervously. I laughed again, perhaps I was nervous too. "I'm cool." Why am I acting like this? I'm a grown ass man. "You ready for the pool party?" I added trying to make conversation.
"Well not really. It's Mikey's idea for me to join. He wants me to, but I was thinking about hanging back in my room." She confessed but I agree with Mike on this one. "You definitely should listen to your brother. It could be good to hang out and chill." I suggested.
"Sooo, are you ready for it?" She asked slowly. I could barely hear her. I adjusted the phone closer.
"Yeah, I'm about to head your way in a few minutes to help Mike get everything together." The line quieted. It gave the impression she was holding back from saying something. So I stayed quiet until she found the courage to speak.
"Oh.. ok. Is it just you?" She mumbled. I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, it's just me. Why?"
"Oh, nothing. I'm sorry. No reason you didn't have to answer— honestly you don't owe me anything." She rambled.
"Hmm, so is that why you decided to use my number?" I smiled curiously. "No, —no, it's not." She unconvincingly replied.
"Then what made you call me?" I countered. She took a second to come up with the perfect reason. "Uh, um I just wanted to thank you for being there for me yesterday. So thank you." Her voiced calmed a bit towards the end.
"You're welcome." The line silenced again. I didn't mind it, though. "I guess I'll see you there, and you don't have to avoid me. I'm a nice guy. You know me Raina it doesn't hurt to speak."
"Ok, bye." She hurried. I chuckled. "Bye Raina." She ended the call.
****
Hanging out with the squad always made for a good time. We were laughing and talking shit the whole time. Even Raina and Sienna decided to come out. Raina didn't get in the pool though, but her friend did. Sienna tried to convince her but Raina said something about not wanting to put on a swimsuit. Come to think of it I've never seen her used the pool.
I was scrolling through my phone while listening to the two of them. I just wanted to know if she was feeling me or not. If she is then I can just talk to Mike man to man. I wouldn't want to disrespect him in anyway. Not saying he would be open to me pursuing his little sister but I won't take it any further behind his back. He confided in me, and he trusted me. I didn't want to take that for granted.
But truthfully, I wasn't ready for him to stop us yet. Besides I only had one phone conversation with her so far.
I'll talk to her tonight. Set the record straight. Let her know how I feel and take it from there. I stop listening to their conversation. I shouldn't have been listening anyway. If she's feeling me, I'll tell her my plan to talk to Mike.
I focused my attention back at the table where we were all seated. Troy walked out struttin' in his new swim attire. Everybody busted out laughing at the same time.
"Troy, what are you wearing?"Amina asked. "My swimwear. What's wrong with this?" He answered.
"Really T? A Speedo?" I added my two cents, laughing. "So if Phelps wear it, y'all ain't got shit to say." He argued looking down at himself.
"Not even I would go this far Troy. It's too small." Chance added and Rita laughed. "I'm just ahead of my time. Y'all need to catch up. Besides this is the biggest size they had. I'm blessed." He shrugged.
"If you don't shut yo' hairy ass up. There is no way that's comfortable." I chimed in. "Must be the first time in life you ever had yo skinny ass legs out." Amina roasted him, leaning back laughing.
"You ain't lying. Damn Troy what happened? You never heard of leg day? Next time you go to the gym, don't focus on anything else, fam." Mike looked at Troys legs dying laughing and Leah hollered joining him. He looked down at his legs, and twisted his lips up. "Y'all a bunch of assholes."
"Mike I don't know why you over there keke-ing. Where are the ones you bought at?" He added, exposing Mike. "Doesn't matter where. The point is I'm not the one wearing it now. Besides, I look good in anything." Mike clapped back, smoothing down that long-ass beard on his face. Leah smiled, rolling her eyes a little.
"The hell! Ol' ugly- ass lil' boy." Troy replied walking off to hop in the pool. Mike and Leah went to grab the drinks and condiments from the house. I got up to keep an eye on the grill. Chance and Rita was laying together on the lounge sofa. Amina lit up a blunt and made a phone call. It was a goodnight.
****
I was so nervous when I decided to text Adrian. I was too curious I couldn't help myself. I wanted to know if he was just looking out for me or if he actually liked me. —and I high key wanted to know if he was bringing someone or not. I felt like I was convulsing when he responded.
Sitting outback poolside talking to Sienna, she said she was secretly rooting for us. I hate to say it but the idea of us sound very pleasant.
"I still don't understand why you're not getting in the pool, during a pool party. Mr. A3 got you acting all shy." She asked, even though she knew I don't ever get in. "Not at all. Are you staying over or going home?" I asked changing the conversation.
"I'm going home. My parents told me I can't stay, of course. Since mama Laurie passed, they don't really know your brother like that for adult supervising. You know how they can be." She sighed. "I get it. I'm surprised they even let you hang out with Trey." I told her.
"You know that's only because our dads are on the board. They golf almost every Saturday. I think that's the only reason. So it works out." I nodded
"Ugh I need to get a pedicure. Did you schedule our wax?" I asked and she nodded. "Yeah and Beth said she's getting an assistant this time with you." She snickered. My eyes rolled. "I don't care how many times I get a wax. I can't get used to it. I don't understand how people can say after the first time it get better."
"Girl, I don't even want to get in to talking about your first wax. I was so embarrassed. I remember mama Laura said ,"we might have to hold you down." You tried to hop off that table so fast. Beth said next time just come three hours early to prepare."
"Ooooo the shade, but the point is I stayed and finished. Y'all was gassing it. I wasn't even that bad." I pouted. "Girl stop. She even used the numbing spray." She snorted.
"I'm for real I'm a G." I sulked. We had a bit of a comfortable silence. Enjoying being outdoors. It was a warm and humid night. The full moon lit up the sky like the world biggest night light. It was time to go in. My clothes were sticking to me. I didn't even want to know what my hair was doing right.
"So, Trey and I kind of sort of took it a step further." Sienna spoke out of the blue.
"A step?" I questioned looking at her with wide eyes. "Yeah the big step." She said nonchalantly. I screamed whispered holding my mouth. She began laughing. "Um, ok when was this and you're talking about sex right?" I said louder than I should have.
"Yes I'm talking about sex. Keep your voice down and it was on Saturday, when I told you I was hanging with Trey."
"Oh my gosh, wait why didn't you tell me?" I spoke lower. She came closer. "I'm telling you now. I had planned to tell you yesterday after dinner. Lets just say you were a little occupied." She said looking in Adrians direction. I couldn't fight my smile.
"No wonder y'all were extra handsy at dinner yesterday. I should've known, the signs were there. —You were feeding him his oxtails. " We laughed. "Yep we did it." Sienna smiled extra hard. I went in for a hug. We shook each other for a second squealing.
"Details please! Was it everything you imagined it to be? I want to know everything? Don't leave anything out." I managed to say.
"Girl it was so awkward and painful. I think we were both way too hyped. He was amazing though. He was gentle." She went on. I stared at her eager to hear more. "He tried to be all romantic, with candles and flowers everywhere. First, we went to dinner. Well, an early dinner. He knew I had to be back home, and I couldn't stay over." I listened as my friend spoke more of the event.
"It was amazing, Rai. He kissed all over me. He gave me a massage, whispering his love in my ear. He took his time with me." She spoke in a soultry tone reminiscing with her eyes shut holding on to her charm necklace. I couldn't help but stare. "How do you feel about it? Like really feel about it?"
"Definitely no regrets. I love him and it felt right. We stayed on the phone all night when I got home. He didn't want me to go. Trey means everything to me. The way he loves me. He's so patient and kind. I feel absolutely amazing." Her whole face lit up. I was proud of her.
"Wow, when it's right it's right. —You guys grew up together. I know it was hard when his family moved back to Virginia. You had the long distant relationship for a while. Then he came back out of for college last year so he could be near you." I was in a daze myself just thinking about my best friend finding true love.
"Yeah so just know when your time come to give up your v- card, it will be perfect and right. No rush Rai. I mean that. Take your time and wait for true happiness regardless of how it comes to you." She looked over in Adrian's direction. I paused looking away. "Right. Well we should definitely celebrate you. Perhaps the spa? Or maybe we can do something fun?"
"Hmmm, oooh I always wanted to go indoor skydiving." She squealed. "Lets do it." Both of us said in unison, kind of loud.
We talked more about the details and I was feeling a little bitter. Don't get me wrong, if my best friend is happy with her decision, so am I. I just knew I would never have that experience.
Speaking of happiness, Leah came through tonight for Mikey. KJ was spending the night at her aunt's house. Mikey and Leah couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Chance and his wife was there, cuddled up. Rita said she and Chance were looking for a bigger house. They're looking to start a family in a couple of years. She also said she was looking for a house in the neighborhood. That would be dope. Of course Amina and Troy we're clowning as usual. Especially him getting roasted for his too little speedo.
The night went on, and my best friend had to leave. I went up to my bedroom after walking her out. I had a text from Adrian.
9:53 pm
Him: I need to talk to you.
Ehhh, what could he possibly need to talk to me about? —Maybe he thought giving me his number was a mistake. What if he doesn't want me? I don't want to be rejected by him, not by the guy I see as perfection.
9:59 pm
Me: Ok, when?
10:01 pm
Him: I'll come to you later. I'm crashing here tonight. So if you would keep your phone near you.
10:01 pm
Me: Ok.
I guess I better get showered and ready for bed. Then wait for this inevitable conversation. Maybe he does like me, why else would he need to talk to me tonight? Let me not get my hopes up just to get shut down. I thought.
After taking my long, needed shower, I brushed my teeth and gargled. I did my cleanser, mask, and moisturizer. I then applied oil and cream to my semi-wet skin. I got dressed in my all-black pajama shorts and tank top. I applied some grapefruit chapstick to my lips and sprayed a little body mist. Finally, I hopped on my bed, checking the time on my phone. It was eleven thirty.
My phone vibrated minutes later. 11:43 pm
Him: Hey, are you up?
11:43pm
Me: Yes.
About three minutes later I heard a light tap on my door. I hurried and opened it. I grabbed his arm, pulling him in and shutting the door. He smiled a little impressed at how swift I was.
Oh my gosh. He has on grey sweat pants and a white tee. That body! Breathe Rai.
He took a look around taking in everything.
"Where is Mikey? I whisper shouted. "He's with Leah in his room." He did quietly shouted in the same manner.
"Oh —ok well you can sit down, there's a chair behind you." He turned his head spotting the chair, walked over and took a seat. I was so nervous. Get it together Raina.
"You have a lot of white in your room. Everything is so— neat and no offense but kind of plain." He absorbed, taking everything in. I nervously laughed, taking a seat on the edge of my bed. I noticed him glance down at my backside. I scooted further on the bed and sat criss crossed with a pillow on my lap. "It's just easier this way for me with my schedule. I don't really like messes."
"Hmm." That was all he said. I'm pretty sure he thought I was weird. It became awkwardly silent. You could hear a feather fall to the floor. He stared in my direction but not directly at me. I wondered if I should have grabbed my robe. —Then that would have required me to get up and walk to the bathroom. No, thank you. I was too nervous about doing anything other than sitting on my bed.
Then a moment later, he locked in on my eyes, giving his full attention, before speaking. "I like you." He confessed pausing. I naturally looked away with a slight smile. I tried to hide. "I'm not sure how you feel about me. No pressure. I'm just trying to understand this thing between us. This feeling I get every time I'm around you. —You can be honest."
I hurried and confessed. "I like you too, Adrian." Both of us smiled and looked away nervously. He laughed a little shaking his head.
"I'm not trying to disrespect your brother, though. Honestly I tried to not like you but that shit was impossible. I've been around you and Mike for years but I want to really get to know you better. I would love to keep in touch with you. Maybe just call you and see how your day goes. I'll talk to Mike man to man and let him know what it is. I'm sure it won't go over well. I'm not trying to go behind his back, though." He paused, looking me directly into my eyes again, which made me extremely nervous. "You're beautiful. I've always wanted to tell you that."
"Thanks and same to you,— I- I mean handsome." I stammered shaking my head then looked away, smiling. Ugh.
"Thank you." He smiled.
"I-I think maybe we should get to know each other better before we say anything to my brother. I know him and you know how he is. That way we could figure out how to tell him, together maybe." That's a long shot, Mikey's crazy. He will never go for it.
He nodded his head, while rubbing his palms up and down against his knees. "That'll work. We can't drag it on too long though. The last thing I want to happen is for Mike to come to me with this." He paused briefly taking a deep breath. "I'm twenty-two just so you know."
"I know." I stated. He sighed, scratching the back of his head and leaned back in the chair. "Yeah."
"Trust me if you were older I wouldn't hesitate coming to you. In fact I would've told you this years ago. I most definitely wouldn't be waiting to bring it up to your brother, either. He would've just had to deal with it. I would've told him the moment I caught feelings for you."
"Which was when?" I asked, brows raised. Oh my God why did I ask that?
"Truth?" He sat up. I nodded. "It was a little while after I started to really get cool with Mike. I saw you. You were always around him. I didn't meet you until months after meeting Mike, -my first time coming over is when. I felt nervous around you."
"I thought you were older to be honest when I first met you. Then later, I found out. So I shut it down." I listened while he continued. "You were always quiet. Mike used to speak for you. Mama Laurie would ask you something then he would answer. You would always agree with whatever he said. I never understood that. Mike then told me about your parents and y'all being separated." I know Mikey didn't go telling my business. I really hope he didn't tell him about my past. I thought to myself.
"Oh." I mumbled. He stared at me intensely, trying to read my body language. "Yeah, he doesn't go into details about much, and I usually just leave it alone." He said as if he read my mind ending the conversation, sensing how uncomfortable I had gotten.
He sat back just staring at me with his now hazel brown eyes. They changed colors. I felt vulnerable. Insecurities met me again. I should've worn my robe. I nervously pulled at the seams of my shorts. Sigh.
He checked his phone. I assumed, looking for the time. "I better get out of here. It's getting late, and both of us have an early start. You want me to go running with you in the morning?" He casually asked.
"Sure. That should be ok." I nodded.
"I'll leave after." He continent with our plans. "Ok." I nodded sounding kind of bummed about the night ending. "Aight come here." He said getting up. I hesitantly got off the bed and walked over to him. He moved closer and wrapped his arms around my neck hugging me tight. He rested his chin on top of my head. I wrapped my arms around his torso and closed my eyes, trying to savor the moment.
"Goodnight, Raina." We finally released each other after a few minutes. "Goodnight." I smiled. He carefully walked out of my room, closing the door without a second look.
I walked to my floor-length mirror to check how my butt sat up in those shorts. I must say track had done me well. I smiled, biting down on my lip.
My hair found it's way in a bun on top of my head then tied in a satin scarf. I managed to hit the lights and dive into my sheets in the matter of seconds. I could still smell his scent. It was about to be a long night.
_________________________
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