🎶: Already Gone - Sleeping at Last [Original by Kelly Clarkson]
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[chaeng's outfit]
[note: chaeng's outfit on the dinner]
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JUNGKOOK'S P.O.V.
I am drunk not sure if it's the scotch that I am drinking or the tears that I have been running down my cheeks. I had her photo on one hand; the prettiest of all and I keep asking myself, "Where did I go wrong?"
Did I lack on anything? Was I too much? What did I do for her not to love me anymore? Why did she fell out of love? How? When? I just can't understand how. I did my best to change myself for her and I did but why?
Suddenly, my mom barged inside my house and saw how this place was filthy and how I looked like a total mess. My sister came towards me and took the glass away from me. "What ha-..."
She cut herself talking as soon as she saw the photo on my hand. "Still love deprived? Well, let me tell you something, son! She won't come back and she's going to forget you like dust in the air," mom said.
"Shut up!" I said under my breath. My mom walked away and got herself a glass of scotch. My sister sat on the table in front of me. She holds both of my hands and asked me, "Are you sure you want to come with me in New York?"
I nodded.
"Okay, I'll get our flight scheduled as soon as possible. You'll be fine, Jungkook!" she said.
-
[2 days after]
"Are you sure you're going to leave, Jungkook? I mean, it's not a shame to bail out," Seokjin said.
"No. I am really going," I said.
"Well, we can't stop you if you really want it," he said. I gave the guys my last hugs for them.
"By the way, where's Taehyung?" I asked. They all looked at each other and waited for someone to answer the question. "He's not doing well today but he sends his goodbye to you on your email," Jimin answered.
"Okay, well, I'll go now!" I said. I finally got inside the car and moved going to the airport. Suddenly, the car stopped. Taehyung was standing in front of the car. I got out of the car and walked towards him. "Taehyung? I thought you're not feeling well today," I said.
"Well, I can't help but not see my best bro to leave," he said.
He came forward and hugged me tightly. "Also, I came to give this to you. If you're curious of what it is, you should give it a play," he said as he hands me a cassette tape with heart label in front. "A cassette tape?" I asked him. "Don't give me that face for a cassette tape! Chaeyoung made it and she was hoping that she would give this to you personally but..."
"But? What?"
"She's still ashamed of what she did before. Ooh! She also gave you a letter. I hope you have fun in Switzerland as much as you have fun in here."
"I hope too, Taehyung."
I got back inside the car and finally go to the airport. I looked at the cassette tape. What could be inside? A song? A good-bye message? I hid the tape inside my bag.
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CHAEYOUNG'S P.O.V
I feel bad for hiding from Jungkook. I could've give the tape personally to Jungkook but here trying to hide from him inside the van. But I guess it is for the best. He wouldn't be hurt and I wouldn't be hurt by not seeing each other. It's fine to see him from a far.
He smiled as he hugged Taehyung for the last time. I realized that I was already tearing up badly. I looked away as the car got out of their gate. Finally, the guys got back to the van and caught me wiping my tears. Well, the atmosphere is a little quiet and awkward. "I'll be fine, guys! I can...I can handle it!" my voice shaking from holding back my tears. Jimin held my hand while Hoseok patted my shoulder and said, "It'll be okay!"
[a month later;]
I blankly stare the white ceiling on my bedroom. It's been a month and I am still making myself a fool over thinking Jungkook. It still hurts me whenever I think of him. I didn't understand how his simple, beautiful smile could hurt me so badly. Ideas of Jungkook started to pop onto my head. I suddenly heard my door open. "Can I come in?" Irene asks. I raised my hand and made a thumbs up to her. She closed the door behind her as she walks in and lay down beside me.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
I let out a deep sigh. "Does that sigh sound that I am okay?" I answered.
"I don't know, you tell me, Son Chaeyoung!"
For a moment it was quiet and it was just the two of us staring at the ceiling. "Remember the day when dad left us?" she asks, filling out the awkward silence. "It was a terrible memory," I said. "Sure it is! But I remember talking to mom that night after you fell asleep at couch in his working office. I remember asking her over and over if she still loves dad after all what happened," she said.
"What's her answer?"
"Well, she never stopped loving dad even if dad cheated on her. She still loves dad even on her last breath."
"Did she ever hated him?"
"Maybe, for a little bit, but mom's love for dad was too precious that she couldn't hate him even if she wanted too."
I sat up and my sister followed after. "I don't understand. Why would you marry someone if you're not sure that he is the really one?" I ask.
"Well, no really is, Chaeng. I guess that's how love works; how our feelings work. We tend to base our decisions on our feelings. Probably, mom married dad because she loved him so much then that she thought that he was the one. When Jungkook told you that he didn't want to see you again anymore, probably, he was able to say it because he feels confused, mad and he loves but he's confused of what you two have. He couldn't bear to see his love not to love him anymore like the way he did."
Suddenly, he holds both of my hands. "And you and your complicated love thing with Jungkook, fix it. Tell him what you really feel, what your heart really feels for him. If you still love him, tell him and take the risk of loving him. There's no regrets on trying. And if you don't love him, if the feelings aren't there anymore, let him know. Don't let him guess what you feel. He's no telepath to read your mind, honey. Tell him what you really feel so that he wouldn't wait on false hope of loving you again. Honesty is important in a relationship. It hurts to know the truth but just as the saying goes, the truth shall set you free," she added.
"Is that why you've dated so many guys? Do you tell them the truth that they are not your type?" I teased.
"I have no time for jokes, Son Chaeyoung. Just let Jungkook know, okay?" she said.
She patted my shoulder and left me.
I hate that my sister is always right. Maybe I should really tell Jungkook know about what I really feel. No more playing strong, no more games. I...I'll fly to New York.
-
"I want to fly to New York and find Jungkook," I said in front of the boys. They dropped their jaws and are in total shock of what I said. "Yah! Son Chaeyoung! Did you have 8 hours of sleep last night?" Seokjing asked.
"Did you drink 8-10 glass of water today?" Hoseok asked.
"Do you eat a balance diet?" Yoongi added.
"Do you do pilates? Exercise? Are you physically fit?" Jimin asks.
"Did you had a cold last night? Or did you hit your head on the way here!?" Namjoon added.
"Guys, stop freaking out! I'm fine," I shouted.
"Then, why do you suddenly want to see him?" Jimin asks.
"I, I wanted to tell him the truth," I said.
"And the truth is?" Yoongi said.
"That I still love him."
-
I got my luggage's ready and ready to take the flight to New York. The guys agreed to me going to New York and also my sister but in one condition, I should bring one of them with me. It was supposed to be my sister but she's busy with her business, so, Taehyung and Yeri volunteered to come with me.
"Call me if something bad happens and I'll fly to pick you up, okay?" Irene said. I smiled and nod at her. I gave her a tight hug and so did I with the guys. "Be safe, Chaeng!" Jimin said.
"Taehyung-ah! Take care of Chaeng! I'll beat you up if she comes home crying!" Jimin threatened.
"You can't handle me, Jimin!" he answers.
We said good-bye and we finally went to board our plane. I feel nervous and also excited. I have some many questions in my head that just makes me more nervous. Suddenly, Taehyung hold my hand. "It'll be okay," he said.
"I hope it is," I said.
After long, long hours of our flight, we finally landed to New York. I can hear the song 'New York' serenading me as I walk the ground of this beautiful city. Taehyung and I took the cab going to our hotel. "So, do you have an idea where Jungkook is?" Taehyung asked.
"Well, Jimin said that his family has a private property here like a mansion. He already sent me the address to it," I answered.
As we arrived to the hotel, we went to our rooms and took the whole day to rest. "What do you think what Jungkook think if he knew you were here? What would be his reaction if he saw you for the first time in months?" Yeri questioned.
"I don't really know, Yeri," I answered.
"Hey! Are you really sure you want to do it?"
"I want to make things right, at least, this one. And it's the only thing that I have done so impulsively that you guys agreed."
"Um, that's true but this is not the only thing you've done impulsively."
"Okay! Can you give me a moment where I became so impulsive?!"
"Oh, honey, I can give a thousand moments of that. You're an impulsive person. Okay, remember when you bought that vanity table at the mall and you told yourself that you wouldn't buy it cause you don't need it, your sister's ex-boyfriend gifted you a new vanity table and you need to pay for your ballerina classes that didn't come to use in the future which is now but you still bought the vanity table because the knobs of the drawers were cute."
"Okay! But the knobs are really cute, you know!"
"Go to sleep, honey! You have big day tomorrow! We're gonna hunt down your lover!" she said and tucked herself in to bed. I turned off the lights and tucked myself to bed but I couldn't really sleep. I kept on thinking of that question Yeri asked a while ago. What would be Jungkook's reaction if he saw me here? What would he say if I told him that I love him and I still want him? Deep thinking leads to another until I overthink things and then I'll get all over reacting to those things. What did I got myself into?
The next day, I woke up early and prepared beforehand. I wore the prettiest clothes that I brought. I even let Yeri do my makeup. "Wow! For a girl who is looking for her lost lover, you're the prettiest!" she said.
"Really?" I said.
"Nah! I only said that cause you're going overboard with all the preparing stuff. It's not like Jungkook's going to marry you when he meets you," she explained. I rolled my eyes over her and wore my shoes. We got down to the lobby and saw Taehyung who was already waiting. "Are you ready?" he asks.
"A little nervous but I'm ready!" I said.
"Then, let's go!" he said.
We got out and got inside the car that we rented. I was really nervous the whole time. I keep on overthinking things and possibly being the most pessimistic person in the whole world. What if I go blank when I see him? what if I wasn't able to see the things I wanted to say?
Finally, we arrived to the address that Jimin gave to us. We got out of the car and God, this house, well, mansion, is absolutely gorgeous. "Taehyung?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm nervous!"
"You'll be fine, love! You'll be fine."
We walked towards the door step and rang the doorbell a couple times. Finally, someone opened the door. "Can I help you?" the man asked.
"Um, I was hoping if Jeon Jungkook lives here?" Taehyung asks.
"Well, yes but he's currently not here," the man answered.
"Do you know where he is?" I asked.
"Well, he went out to visit a friend in the city."
"Do you know when will he comeback?"
"I'm sorry but Mr. Jeon didn't let us know when will he comeback."
"Oh, um, thanks anyway."
"Um, May I know who are you? so that I let Mr. Jeon know that you came."
"Chaeyoung. Son Chaeyoung."
We left the place and to be honest I am a little disappointed. Three days we went to find Jungkook. We tried calling him, sending him an email, tracking him down with his phone, everything but this does not going to make me give up. I almost gave up the most precious thing in my life and I am not gonna let this happen.
After a long day of finding where the hell Jungkook is, we stopped by to a near club that is owned by one of Yeri's friend. Yeri was dancing on the dance floor; a little drunk but I think she's fine. Taehyung is talking and drinking with a group of guys over the corner and I am left at the bar together with my whiskey. "Are you okay there?" Yeri said, panting from dancing.
"Yeah, I'm fine!" I said.
"Okay. Well, I'll just go around and find myself a lover tonight!"
"Yeah! You go and make yourself happy!" I said.
A few men went up to me and insisted to buy me a drink or dance with them but I refused. Taehyung called me a 'tough woman' for refusing those guys and getting all scared when I got annoyed with them. I refilled my glass for the sixth time and I feel like the whiskey is not hitting me today. I am not getting any drunk this night. Suddenly, Taehyung joins me at the bar. "How you doing?" he asks.
"You know with that tone of yours, you remind me of Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Are you flirting with me?" I said.
"I might be. I might not," he answers. And now the awkward silence between us started. Suddenly, Taehyung hugs me tightly. "Taehyung, what are you doing?"
"I like you," he said. I tried to pull out from his hug but he kept me tight in his arms. "Taehyung, I can't breathe!" I said. He finally lets me go. "What happened to you? Is something wrong?"
"No! Just look at me!" he said as he holds my face with his two hands. "Okay, big guy! I'll look at you but can you please take your hands off of me."
"I'm sorry."
"I wanna go home. I'm not getting any drunk," I said. Suddenly, he grabs my hand and pulled me back to my seat. "Maybe you're not drinking a strong alcohol. Maybe drink tequila or absinthe," he exclaimed.
"Taehyung, you can't drink absinthe in USA."
"But you can own one!"
"Are you alright? Why do you look like your freaking out?"
"Freaking out? Me? I'm not!"
"Alright, let's go home, Taehyung!"
As I turn around, Yeri surprised me. "Where you standing right there before?" I asked.
"Yeah! I think I'm not drunk. Let's drink more!" she said.
"What do you mean you're not drunk? You can't even stand properly, Yeri!" I complained. Yeri sat down first. "What's going on with you guys? You guys are all freaking out! Are you hiding something from me?"
"No," they said in unison.
"Let's go home!" I said.
"Wait!" Taehyung shouted.
As I turn around, I saw Jungkook standing right before me. I feel like my heart skipped a beat and I was so happy to see him. "Hi, Chaeng!" he said. I was about to step in give him a hug, however, suddenly, a girl comes over to him. He smiled at the girl and that smile it was the same whenever he looks at me. It can't be... and the way his hand held his waist and pulled her closely to him. For a moment a felt so numb. My knees were trembling and that feeling on my throat is choking me. I couldn't even breathe well. "Hi," I said so softly I couldn't even hear myself.
"Oh, um, this is Kim Jiho," Jungkook said. The longer that I look at her, she kinda look likes Park Chaeyoung. "Jiho, this is Taehyung, Yeri, Chaeyoung's best friend and Chaeyoung."
She shook Yeri's hand, then Taehyung and then me. "Hi!" she said. I pulled up a small smile for her and shook her hand. "It's nice to meet you," she said with lovely smile on her face.
"It's nice to meet you too," I said.
"Uh, we gotta go. Chaeng is a little sick," Taehyung said.
"Oh, okay. Take care of her!" Jungkook said. Taehyung escorted me outside and Yeri tagged along. I quickly got inside the car. I cried all throughout the trip going back to our hotel without making any noise and it's killing me. Taehyung stopped in front of the hotel and had it drive to the parking lot by a valet boy. I am still in shock; a little lost. Yeri went ahead to our room. Taehyung was there standing in front of me. "You can hug me if you want," he said. Slowly, I took a step closer to him and wrapped my hands around him tightly. I sink head into his chest and I couldn't help but burst into tears. "It hurts! It hurts so much!" I shouted.
He held me tighter. "I'm such a fool! I'm a fool, Taehyung!"
"Yes! You're a fool! If you hadn't chosen to love him in the first place, you wouldn't be crying over him. and I hate it when you're crying over him," he said.
After a while, we both went up to our rooms. "Taehyung-ah, thank you! I would be a crying mess right now if it weren't for you," I said.
"Well, what's a friend gotta do for?" he said.
"Good night."
"Good night."
I got inside my room and saw Yeri on her bed. She had a concerned face that freaks me out. "What is it?" I asked. "Um, Jungkook called, well, Jiho called and she wanted to have dinner with us tomorrow," she said.
"Oh. Um...what did you say?"
"Well, I told her that I would ask you and she also asked for your number."
"Oh, okay."
"Are you okay now? I know you're hurt and all but are you still gonna pursue your plan?"
"Well, it's what I went for, at least, I could finish the job before leaving."
That night, Jiho called and I said yes to the dinner tomorrow night. Sadly, Yeri couldn't come with us. She had to fly back home because of her studies. It's only me and Taehyung who will be attending the dinner.
-
I a little spaced out on the ride going to Jungkook's house. "Chaeng?" Taehyung said.
"Yeah?"
"We can back out if you want. It'll be no shame on you or on anybody."
"No, I want to happen this time and I'm, I'm ready."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"Can I at least hold your hand so that I know that you're really okay?"
I held his hand. "They're a little cold," he said.
"I'm nervous," I said. He smiles at me and shifted his eyes back to the road.
As we arrive Jungkook's house, Jungkook and Jiho welcomed us. I don't know but I feel a little uncomfortable to be with him and Jiho. We sat down on the dining area and the meals were served to us. "So, um, Chaeyoung? Do you, uh, have a boyfriend? Or are you dating someone?" Jiho asked. I almost choked on she said. "Um, well, I wish I was dating someone," I answered.
"Well, you know you'll have someone in the future. You know, you two look good together!" she said as she points to me and to Taehyung. "Oh, we're not dating! We're just friends!" Taehyung said.
"Honey, I think that's a little too far," Jungkook said.
"I'm sorry. I just thought that you would look good together."
We talked a lot of things half of it I wasn't listening though but I knew that Jiho is fashion designer and she also plays the cello. Taehyung did most of the talking and I, well, I mostly took glances at Jungkook. I really wanted to tell him but this is so not the good time to say it. As they talk, I noticed the shiny diamond ring on Jiho's hand. It really looks really pretty. "You're ring is pretty, Jiho!" I said.
Suddenly, the two silence and looked at each other. "Well, we wanted to have this dinner with the two of you because you two are Jungkook's closest friends and we wanted to announce that..." She looks to Jungkook with a sweet smile on her face.
"We're, um, We're engaged!" he announced.
And damn, that was a stab behind my back and a painful pierce on my heart. "Y-you're eng-engaged?" I ask.
"Yes!" Jiho exclaimed.
"Why so sudden? It's not like you have known each other for a year, you know!"
"No, but I guess that's what true love is."
"Bullshit!" I said softly.
"I'm sorry?"
"Excuse me. I need some fresh air," I said and got out of the house.
As I got out, I felt someone grab my arm. It was Jungkook. "I'm sorry," he said.
"Sorry? Well, I hope that sorry heals my wounds," I said.
"Oh, I'm sorry, the last time we had this kind of fight you told me that you were sorry. Do you think that your sorry's and your I love you's would heal in an instant? I'm sorry, Chaeng, but I have finally found someone who meant the world to me and who would love the same way that I have loved them. And if you can't accept that, well, it's not my fault that you let me go."
"That's why I came here! I came here to tell that I still love you, that I was stupid to let you go and to hurt you. And I want us to come back again."
"I hope you did that a little earlier. We wouldn't be right here now if you did a little early."
"Do you really love her?"
"Yes."
"More than me?"
"Chaeng, you can't ask me that. You two aren't the same."
"Does she makes you happy like I do? Does she make you smile like I do?"
"Chaeng, don't do that!"
"Is she, is she the one you want? Is she the one you really want to love? Does she make you feel like she wants you?! Tell me, Jungkook! Is she?!"
"Yes! She's the one who's filling the void inside my heart that you wouldn't do because you're selfish! She loves me more than you do! Now, please, stop this Chaeng! Please!"
"I...I'm sorry."
🎶: I wanna know - NOTD, Bea Miller
The ending of this story is inspired by this song.
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Author's Note:
If you guys have no idea who Kim Jiho is...
Well, she is one of the members of Oh My Girl. She kinda looks like Rose from Blackpink and this is those tweets "if Rose and Jisoo had a daughter" which is impossible but kinda real. i don't know what i am talking about.
here are her photos to bless your eyes.
She also has amazing voice. i love her so much!
Also, have you guys seen BOY WITH LUV? How's the album? What are your favorite songI know i'm a little late i just want to know what are your thoughts about it.
so far i am loving, HOME, Jamais Vu and Dionysus
Anyways, i hope you enjoy reading today's chapter.
Side note: It's obviously a long read because i worked on it for 2 days. it shouldn't be this long but my brain is an idea pooper so i had to put everything my brain tells me