JK POV:
I woke up in the middle of a small meadow surrounded by perfect tulip blossoms as I felt warm sun rays on my body.
It felt strange but awfully perfect as the day was bright with clear skies and a steady breeze slowly swaying the flowers from one side to another.
It felt too flawless to be real.
The flower petals felt like silk around my skin as I touched them lightly and the sun-rays seem to glitter as they were pouring down on the earth. I closed my eyes and hummed in satisfaction taking in all the positive aura being radiated off of this un-natural beauty.
I felt light as a feather as I stretched my arms out creating resistance for the flowing breeze. It felt like experiencing heaven while being on earth. I was in euphoria, with every atom of my body bursting with unknown excitement. But the feeling slowly faded as my conscious began to take hold of me and I was pulled out of my ecstasy as I had a sudden epiphany.
I looked warily around me as I wonder, What sort of place is this??? and How did I get here in the first place?
I couldn't even remember the last thing I was doing, it felt like my link to my memories was temporarily disconnected. I could feel them floating across the surface of my conscious mind yet I couldn't seem to get a hold of them. Strange, isn't it?
My inside tickled with the anxiety that suddenly surfaced inside of me as I felt extremely weirded out by the situation.
I started to look around, to find any sign of where I was but I couldn't see even a glimpse of civilization for miles. My brows furrowed as I felt a little frustrated about my memory loss.
The nature that I was enjoying just a moment ago became extremely suffocating. It all felt like a ginormous trap and I wanted to get out of it.
I closed my eyes in frustration as I fell down on the velvety grass with my body facing the clear skies that suddenly seem to be taunting me. An irritated sigh left my lips as I tried to calm my nerves.
I flinched a little, shooting to sit straight as I felt someone's presence beside me, making me open my eyes as a reflex.
Wait... How did HE get here?
There was no one in sight moments ago, then where did he come from?
Maybe he ran but he didn't look like he is out of breath?
Countless questions pooling in my mind as I kept looking at Jimin while he didn't even acknowledge my presence like I wasn't even there in the first place.
For the first time in a while, I wasn't disgusted by his presence.
It was like every emotion has deserted me as I was just blankly staring at his face.
He was looking straight ahead, his deer eyes trying to find something far away on the mountains in front of us. I was caught in a trance, my eyes seemed to be fixed on his face trying to find some imperfection but failing. He looked beyond perfect, that I was lost at words to describe the beauty that lied in his presence.
As I paid more attention, I started to feel notice something different about him.
He felt familiar yet oddly different at the same time. He held a determined look on his face and there was no sign of weakness in his eyes, no fear.... but a melancholy that made him look mystical than the environment itself.
His aura felt different, more confident and more strong.
He was wearing a white dress shirt reaching his collar, his raven hair falling flawlessly on his face... he looked.... Handsome?
Yes, handsome was the word I would use to describe him as he looked heavenly, like an angel caught on earth.
Wait... Jimin's hair isn't raven? It is blond, like the color of the beach. But this person in front of me had hair darker than the night itself and to be honest, no other color could have done the justice to his face as this color did.
My brows furrowed as I kept staring at his face, waiting for him to say something, to acknowledge me.
Why am I getting all worked up all of a sudden and since when did I start caring about him talking to me", I questioned myself unable to find an answer?
As I was about to open my mouth to come up with a snarky comment as I usually do to him, his face turned to me, our eyes locking and my breath hitched in my throat.
It can't be!!!!!
Those eyes... how can I ever forget those midnight deer eyes that use to encapsulate all my universe?
He was exactly how pictured him to be, he was as stunning as I imagined him to be, how he would have been like if he was alive.
My vision blurred as my chest constricted, cursing nature for playing such tricks on my mind.
"No, he is not here. This isn't real. Jihan is dead and he is never coming back", I shook my head trying to get rid of the illusion that my mind was creating in this strange dimension I was caught in.
"Kookie", my heart lurched inside my chest as I finally got to hear his heavenly voice after such a long time.
It was deeper than I remembered, but then again he grew up a lot when I wasn't with him.
How I wish I never had left.
"No, no, no", I shook my head vigorously not giving in to the tricks that nature was playing with me, "This isn't real, you aren't real. You are just an illusion. You can't be real. This isn't real.....", I yelled out frustratingly wiping off the tears that were falling down my face.
What the hell was happening to me?
I collapsed, sobbing as I felt two arms soft yet strong, embracing me in their calming shell.
I buried my face in his chest as I cried my heart out, crying over my dead lover, over my fate, over the cruel tricks my mind was playing and over the fact that I could never be with him.
I sobbed and sobbed waiting for this illusion to end, waiting for this dream to conclude but none of it was happening.
I could still feel his presence, I could still feel his arms around me as he silently coaxed me.
After I was relatively calm, I raised my head expecting to see my fears come true but it was still him, in all flesh and blood.
It was him with his blinding eye smile as he affectionately patted my head like he used to do when we were children.
"I have seen you have grown into quite a man kookie", he said with a teasing glint in his voice as I chuckle slightly at his remark.
"This isn't real, is it? Y-you are not real, are you?" I said in a fearful voice, tear surfacing at the corner of my eyes once again.
"Shhhh, don't cry kookie, it is alright. I am always here", he said pointing to my heart.
"Why didn't you wait Hyung? Why leave me alone without even telling me? I waited for you so long..... ten years, day and night I dreamt of coming back to you, to finally see you, to finally be able to touch you, to feel your presence around me and yet when I came back you weren't there.... You left me and it hurt, it hurt so bad Hyung..... why did you???", I started to tear up again at the feeling of finally be able to confront him in person.
"I am sorry Jungkook-ah, Hyung is so sorry for leaving you like this, but baby I never had a choice. I had to go. If I had given a choice, I would have stayed back... a thousand times... for you and Jiminie, but I couldn't. Please forgive Hyung for leaving you like that.....", I could hear the pain in his voice as he caressed my checks lovingly.
"I know Hyung, I know but it still hurt... it hurt to see the name of your love carved on a vacant tombstone... it hurts seeing your grave thinking that you are lying dead inside, too close yet too far away... it hurt seeing a carbon copy of you roaming around, looking like you but is not you... it hurt hyung and I don't know how to stop the pain from killing me inside. I miss you each and every second of my existence thinking that by some miracle you will pop up one day in front of me and I will finally be able to hold you in my arms... I don't know how am I supposed to fight this heart who is not willing to let go of you", I chocked at the end, my voice betraying me. The pain in my chest was becoming unbearable.
"I understand Jungkook-ah, I do but I am dead Jungkook and you are not. It's enough proof of your love that you carry me around in your heart but you need to let me go in order to live. Move on, and look around. Open your eyes and see the person who love you with all his heart. Stop blaming him for the things that weren't his fault. I understand that you are hurt but open you eyes and see the pain you have put him through, because of your blinded hatred. Let go of this unreasonable hatred and realize your true feelings before it's too late kook-ah, before you lose another person you could have cherished. How could you claim to love me when you are broking the other half of me?", Jihan caressed my cheeks lovingly as he gave me a soft smile with a hurt expression adorning his handsome face as if trying to make me realize something.
I felt something broke in my chest as all the events of me hurting Jimin started to play, like a film, one after the other.
Everything hit me like a truck as I started to remember all the horrible things I did to Jimin, how I wiped the smile of his face, how I tortured him every second of his life.
I remembered how I blamed him for Jihan's death, how I beat him senseless for crossing path with me, how I left him cold and half-dead in that cemetery, how because of me he is hanging between life and death.
Suddenly a horrifying feeling enveloped my mind as I pictured him leaving me as well.
My heart skipped a beat and I stopped breathing as the realization hit me hard.
I love them both... I love Jihan but I also love Park Jimin.
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A/N: I am thankful to each and every person who have been supporting me with this story and have been understanding enough that I rarely find any time to write these days.
I love you all <3 <3 <3