Nora scoffed. "What do you mean 'again?' We've never met, dude."
The man's grin didn't falter. "Maybe you haven't." What the fuck did that mean? He spread his arms out. "Did you miss me?"
The alien cracked his whip and the man caught the tail end. He tugged the whip out of the alien's hand, a scowl on his face. "You could have someone's eye out with that!"
"How dare-" the alien started, but before he could finish his sentence, Nora punched him in the face.
She shook out her hand, smirking. "That's for kidnapping us and calling me primitive." He opened his mouth and she punched him again. "And that's for trying to invade the Earth, asshole."
"Nora," the man admonished. She rolled her eyes and stepped back to stand in line beside Mickey. She was done for now. The man shot the alien a cheeky grin. "Sorry about her, she's a bit of a spitfire. Now you, just wait, I'm busy."
The man strolled over to them, beaming brighter than before. "Mickey, hello! And Harriet Jones MP for Flydale North. Blimey, it's like This Is Your Life." Nora didn't know what 'This Is Your Life' was, but she was glad to know she was in the presence of the fucking Prime Minister - that would've been nice to know before she started punching aliens.
"Tea!" the man exclaimed. "That's all I needed, a good cup of tea! Superheated infusion of free radicals and tannin. Just the thing for healing the synapses. Now, first thing's first. Be honest, how do I look?" He turned to Rose and Nora expectantly.
Rose shrugged. "You look different."
"Just different?" the man echoed, looking disappointed. "Am I ginger? I've always wanted to be ginger."
"Not ginger," Nora confirmed. "But not bad. Definitely not bad." She appraised him, her eyes flitting over his tall form, up and down, drinking him in. He was handsome - not her usual type, but he'd do in a pinch. At the thought, a smirk curled her lips. He seemed pleased with her appraisal.
He jabbed his finger at Rose. "And you, Rose Tyler, fat lot of good you were. You gave up on me. Oh, that's rude. That's the sort of man I am now, am I? Rude. Rude and not ginger."
Rose smiled condescendingly. "Sounds like you and Nora have a lot in common." Nora paused and reexamined the blonde. Was she...teasing her? No one really teased Nora, and if they did, they stopped after one withering gaze.
"I'm sorry, who is this?" Harriet Jones butted in, brow furrowed.
"I'm the doctor," the man said. Ah, so he was the doctor they all kept talking about.
"He's the doctor," Rose affirmed.
Harriet frowned. "But what happened to my doctor? Or is it just a title that's passed on?" Oh, so the doctor was a title. So it was the Doctor. Maybe it was a codename or something.
"I'm him," the Doctor assured her. "I'm literally him. Same man, new face. Well, new everything." Harriet didn't seem to believe him, so he seized her shoulders and said, "Harriet Jones, we were trapped in Downing Street and the one thing that scared you wasn't the aliens, it wasn't the war, it was the thought of your mother being on her own."
"Oh my God," Harriet gasped.
The Doctor rubbed her shoulders excitedly. "Did you win the election?"
"Landslide majority," Harriet said with a small nod.
The alien leader growled, "If I may interrupt."
"Yes, hello, sorry, big fella," the Doctor chuckled, spinning to face him.
"Who are you?" asked the alien leader. Nora wasn't his biggest fan, but she had to admit that was a pretty brilliant question. Just 'The Doctor' wasn't much to go on.
"I don't know!" the Doctor boomed, throwing his arms out. "See, there's the thing. I'm the Doctor, but beyond that, I just don't know. I literally do not know who I am. It's all untested. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy?" He shot Nora a saucy wink. "Right old misery? Life and soul? Right-handed? Left-handed? A gambler? A fighter? A coward? A traitor? A liar? A nervous wreck? I mean, judging by the evidence, I've certainly got a gob. And how am I going to react when I see this, a great big threatening button. A great big threatening button which must not be pressed under any circumstances, am I right? Let me guess. It's some sort of control matrix, hmm? Hold on, what's feeding it?"
The Doctor inspected the giant red button Nora somehow hadn't noticed.
Your observation skills could use some work.
Oh. They'd been quiet. Nora was starting to think they'd fallen asleep. The Doctor opened up the base of the pillar.
"And what've we got here? Blood?" He tasted it. "Yeah, definitely blood. Human blood. A Positive, with just a dash of iron. Ah, but that means blood control. Blood control! Oh, I haven't seen blood control for years. You're controlling all the A Positives. Which leaves us with a great big stinking problem. Because I really don't know who I am. I don't know when to stop. So if I see a great big threatening button which should never, ever, ever be pressed, then I just want to do this."
He slapped his palm on the button. Rose and Harriet cried out in protest while Nora just pouted. Sure, she'd only just noticed the giant button, but she wanted to be the one to push it.
"You killed them!" the translator guy shrieked. It was then Nora remembered that a third of the world's population was on the roof. Well, not anymore, apparently.
The Doctor shot the alien leader a cheeky smirk. "What do you think, big fellow? Are they dead?"
The alien leader looked rather uncomfortable. "We...allow them to live." Nora snorted. That was the coward's way of saying 'We could never actually kill them.'
"Allow?" the Doctor repeated with a slight chuckle. "You've no choice. I mean, that's all blood control is. A cheap bit of voodoo. Scares the pants off you, but that's as far as it goes. It's like hypnosis. You can hypnotize someone to walk like a chicken or sing like Elvis. You can't hypnotize them to death. Survival instinct's too strong."
"Blood control was just one form of conquest," the alien leader snapped. "I can summon the armada and take this world by force."
Nora winked. "Oh, I dare you."
"Ignore her!" the Doctor said hastily. He sent her a dirty look. "She's...Well, yeah, you could, yeah, you could do that, of course, you could. But why? Look at these people. These human beings. Consider their potential. From the day they arrive on the planet and blinking step into the sun, there is more to see than can ever be seen. More to do than- No, hold on. Sorry, that's The Lion King. But the point still stands. Leave them alone!"
The alien wasn't all that intimidated. "Or what?"
"Or," the Doctor snatched a sword from another alien, "I challenge you."
Nora threw her hands up into the air. "Are you fucking kidding me? So I could've just beat these guys up? Ugh, this could've been over fifteen minutes ago!" She was irritated now. That wasn't good for anyone. When Nora got irritated, she got punchy. Her lips twisted in annoyance.
"You can't swordfight, Nora," the Doctor shot back. She scowled. He was right, but she didn't have to like it. He turned back to the aliens, who howled with nervous laughter. "Oh, that struck a chord. Am I right that the sanctified rules of combat still apply?"
The alien bowed his head. "You stand as this world's champion."
"Thank you," the Doctor said. "I've no idea who I am, but you just summed me up." He removed his dressing gown and threw it to Rose. She caught it easily.
"So, you accept my challenge?" he pressed. "Or are you just a cranak pel casacree salvak?" Nora furrowed her brow. Why didn't the TARDIS translate that?
There's no English equivalent.
Oh. Well, she supposed that made sense.
The alien snarled, "For the planet?"
"For the planet," the Doctor agreed. Their swords clashed and they launched into a swordfight the likes of which Nora had only seen in movies. She never even considered sword fighting might be a skill that would come in handy in her lifetime. Now she supposed she'd have to take it up.
"Watch out!" Rose called.
The Doctor's eye roll was visible even from where they stood. "Oh, yeah, that helps. Wouldn't have thought of that otherwise, thanks." Nora snorted. Maybe Rose was right. They were both rude and not ginger.
The alien leader obviously had more experience with a sword. The Doctor backed up into a tunnel, remarking, "Bit of fresh air?"
They all followed the fight out into the daylight. Nora shielded her eyes so she could actually see the battle. The leader drove the Doctor back to the edge of the ship and hit his nose. Rose and Nora both jumped forward, Nora's hand on the switchblade she kept in her jacket pocket.
"Stay back!" the Doctor shouted. "Invalidate the challenge and he wins the planet." Hesitantly, the girls took a step back. Nora slipped the switchblade from her pocket and hid it in her fist. Just in case.
The leader knocked down the Doctor and, with one swift slash, cut off the Doctor's hand. His hand and sword fell to Earth. Nora didn't envy the asshole who got hit by a random mutilated hand. Rose cried out beside her.
"You cut my hand off," the Doctor gasped.
The leader cheered, "Ya! Sycorax!" Was that his name or species?
Species.
Oh, alright.
The Doctor, despite missing an entire hand, grinned. "And now I know what sort of man I am. I'm lucky. Because quite by chance, I'm still within the first fifteen hours of my regeneration cycle, which means I've got just enough residual cellular energy to do this." And then he fucking grew a brand new hand.
"Witchcraft!" the Sycorax leader exclaimed.
The Doctor winked. "Time Lord."
Rose snatched another sword from one of the other aliens and threw it to him with a cry of, "Doctor!"
He shot her a look as he effortlessly caught the sword. "Oh, so I'm still the Doctor, then?"
"No arguments from me!" she shot back. She had a brilliant grin on her face like a kid on well, Christmas.
"Want to know the best bit?" he asked the Sycorax leader, beaming like a madman. "This new hand? It's a fighting hand!" With that, the battle resumed. The Doctor managed to disarm the Sycorax. He jabbed the hilt into his abdomen twice. The leader fell right on the edge, just like the Doctor had moments ago.
"I win," the Doctor said simply. Like it was nothing. Like he hadn't just saved the planet from alien invaders. Like he was announcing someone's order was ready. He was both impressive and terrifying.
"Then kill me," the Sycorax leader spat. Practically begged. Death would be a better fate than to live with the humiliation of being bested in front of your entire crew.
"I'll spare your life," the Doctor reasoned, "if you'll take this Champion's command. Leave this planet, and never return. What do you say?"
The leader nodded. "Yes."
"Swear on the blood of your species."
"I swear."
The Doctor brightened. "There we are, then. Thanks for that. Cheers, big fellow." He walked over to the small gathering of humans, tossing his sword aside. Nora tucked her switchblade back into her pocket but didn't relax. She was still on high-alert. She didn't trust the alien leader's promise.
"Bravo!" Harriet Jones cheered.
"That says it all," Rose chimed. "Bravo!"
The Doctor played it modestly. "Ah, not bad for a man in his jim-jams." Rose helped him put the dressing gown back on. He started rambling, "Very Arthur Dent. Now, there was a nice man. Hold on, what have I got in here? A satsuma. Ah, that friend of your mother. He does like his snacks, doesn't he? But doesn't that just sum up Christmas? You go through all those presents and right at the end, tucked away at the bottom, there's always one stupid old-"
He was interrupted by Nora's grunt as she pushed him aside. The Sycorax leader had recovered his sword and was rushing to attack. Now that Nora stood where the Doctor once did, the blade of his sword connected with her wrist. The blade wasn't sharp enough to break her skin - most metals weren't. The leader gaped at her in confusion. She smirked and took that opportunity to yank the sword from his grip, followed by a swift kick to his chest.
He stumbled back towards the edge. She tossed the sword up in the air. She grabbed the sword by its hilt and shoved it through the Sycorax's throat. She lifted the sword and he dangled from it much like a fish on a hook. With a soft giggle, she angled the sword above her head and kicked him off the blade and off the edge of the ship's wing.
Okay, now you're just showing off.
She turned back to the crowd of humans and Sycorax, raising the sword slightly. "I'm keeping this."
"You're impossible," the Doctor gushed, a half-smile forming on his lips.
Nora rolled her eyes. "I'm not impossible, Doc. You just need to expand your horizons."
*
the action at the end is a bit awkward but hopefully y'all can visualize nora's moment of badassery