Her Eyes
I am in a middle of sailing in the sea of my thoughts that leads to wonder how Marsan treats me so special but yesterday was really different, I think I stepped his boundary that he built around everyone including me. I will forgive him for saying that I'm not his girlfriend and I'll say sorry to him. Honestly, I was overthinking that something was going on between us but I won't tell him that. It'll just scare me because it's really my fault, I gave in. I forgot that Marsan is a secretive and mysterious person.
Upon thinking too much, I notice Roxan who enters the room through the door in front while I was sitting in the first row beside the window.
"Hi!" Roxan greets me and sits beside my left.
"Hello," I respond in a low voice. We rarely greet each other and we never have a proper small talk.
"Why are your eyes swollen?" Roxan asks while pointing at my eyes.
"Can I..." May pag-aalinlangan kong tanong and I pause for a few seconds. Is she the right person to tell about my dramas in life? Based on her personality, she's safe to tell about my secrets to her but I can't risk it, no one should know.
"What is it?" She asks while looking at me with full of curiosity and those ocean blue eyes always remind me of Marthim, Marthim was my best friend, kaya naman parang ang dali na lang makipagkaibigan kay Roxan.
Oh no! Marthim will get mad if he knew I fall in love with Marsan.
"Nothing. Never mind." Heck, no one should know about it. Pati hindi ko gamay ang magsabi sa babae, this would be the first time. It scares me a bit, but as I look at her, she seems relaxing and okay with me.
"Okay." Then she smiles.
A meme pops out inside my mind. I saw it once I was scrolling the internet.
When an American or a foreigner says, "Never mind," one would normally respond "Okay."
But if a Filipino says, "Never mind," a filipino would typically respond, "Ano nga?"
I laugh a bit in my head about it.
"I THINK you should know about something." Sambit ni Roxan pagkatapos ng aming lecture sa History. "Let's head to the café."
"Okay." I respond.
I sip my chocolate-milk shake with strawberry on top of it, I ordered it earlier when we came here. I am facing Roxan who's sipping her drink which is the very popular milk tea. We are sitting near the door beside the glass window.
"Aren't you curious about my eyes?" Her question catches my attention. I look at her blue eyes, there something in it that I wanna dive in.
"What about your eyes?"
"My eyes..." She pause for a few seconds, nangingilid na sa kulay asul niyang mga mata ang mga luhang handa nang lumabas. "They're from Marthim." Sunod-sunod na ngang lumabas ang luha sa kanyang mga mata. It feels like it came from him, I could feel the emotion too, it battles in my head. A tear also fell through my face down to my cheeks.
"Why?" I asks while crying, I couldn't even dare to drink my chocolate-milk drink.
"Please don't be mad at me for not telling it to you before, but I swear I just knew all about it yesterday. My mom cleaned our house yesterday, then I found a paper. It was the contract of my operation. It clearly stated that Marthim was the donor. My eyes, is not mine but its Marthim's."
Napatulala na lamang ako sa mga nalaman ko, how I didn't figure it out? So it means, Marthim is really dead. Dati ay umaasa pa ako buhay siya sapagkat hindi naman namin siya nakitang nilibing na katulad ng nakasulat sa mga libro, bigla na ulit silang lilitaw at babalik. A tear fell once again from my left eye agad ko iyong pinunasan ng aking kamay.
"I know I should be sorry and thankful to you but it's too late."
"It's never too late." I say "Gaya, I mean like that I have recovered on my PTSD."
"I really am sorry, without knowing that I was the cause if your PTSD, I trigger it more when I always came to you." She says with full of regrets in her voice.
"No, don't be sorry, after all you helped me on recovering from my PTSD and I should be the one who's thankful to you. Plus, you have his eyes. It feels like his alive." I plaster a smile on my lips while touching her hands, I say those words with outmost. sincerity.
She smiles back at me which makes her even more beautiful, emphasized with her straight blonde hair, paresan pa ng kulay asul na mata.
"I am also thankful to you because of your best friend that I can already see clearly. Do you remember when I bumped into you?" I nod. "I didn't see you because my eyes are blurry but because of his eyes I have a clear vision now. So, thank you so much Française."
"It's alright." I say and the chocolate milk shake gets my attention again, I began to sip it. I truly love this shake, the chocolate taste is sweet, nor bland neither too sweet. It'll surely give me an energy for my training with Stephen later. Plus, the coldness of it chills me in this super hot country.
"Honestly, I didn't like it when I went with you for your PTSD treatment. I just thought of you as a burden. But right now, it feels like I am ungrateful on you and I'm sorry because of me you suffered from PTSD and even if this is not Marthim's eyes, I would still regret that I have thought of you badly and I am still be sorry. I'm really sorry."
"Don't say sorry for the ninth time, Roxan because I am already fine. I know naman na burden ako kahit pa nga kay Marsan."
Kumunot ang noo niya sa sinabi ko.
"Pardon? I didn't get the last words you said."
"I said I know that I am just a burden to you and even to Marsan." I translate.
"Speaking of Marsan, is he your boyfriend?" Nakangisi niya pang tanong
"No," kun todo tanggi ko pa dahil hindi naman totoo. "That's for pretending to get me free treatment."
"Oh," Tumawa pa siya ng medyo malakas. "I wish it was true, you look good together." She tells it like its true.
HUMAHANGOS ako nang makarating ako sa gym. Kagagaling ko lang sa isang lecture at good thing sakto naman ang dating ko. Nasa kalagitnaan na ang tinakbo ko sa gym—when a cold stoned man appear a meter away from me. Stephen does not wear his dobok, ito yung pangtaas na damit ng taekwondo. My jaw drops in a slow motion in literal. Kaagad akong tumalikod sa kanya dahil napansin na niya ako. Well, I didn't expect that he have a hard chest and an awesome eight pack abs.
Naramdaman kong lumalakad siya papalapit sa akin. I smell his manly scent, humarap ako ngunit napadikit lamang ako sa kanyang katawan. Hinapit niya ang aking bewang gamit ang kanyang kamay.
"I didn't know that I have a chance, I'll just seduce you with my body so you'll like me. I saw it, I made you blush." Pang-aasar na naman ni Stephen, agad ko siya tinulak gamit ang kanyang kamay ngunit napigilan niya ako dahil hinawakan niya ang kamay ko na nakalapat sa matigas niyang dibdib. Awesome! Stop it brain! "But too late I promised to your Dad that I will wait for you." Dahan-dahan niyang binitawan ang aking kamay at lumapit sa pinagsasabitan ng kanyang dobok. He wear it in immediate action and put his black belt on.
"Ewan ko sayo! Tigilan mo 'ko. Baka gusto mong isumbong kita kay Dad." Pagbabanta ko.
"As of the moment I am not pursuing you. Nagbibihis lang ako kanina nung dumating ka, hindi ko naman alam na mabibighani ka sa abs ko." Paliwanag pa niya. Hindi na ako sumagot sa kanyang paratang.
"I'll just get dress." I enter the rest room of this gym at dito ako magbibihis. I locked the door baka manilip ang bwisit na Stephen, gantihan pa ako. Oh mind, bakit ka ganyan mag-isip?
"Let's start." Sambit ko agad pagkalabas ko ng rest room.
"Sure. Let's warm up first," He say as he leads the exercise. We did it for a couple of minutes na sinundan ng light jogging.
Habang nagja-jogging kasabay si Stephen ay parang hindi ito nakakapagod at masaya pang gawin.
"We'll go a little bit faster." He say, inalalayan niya ako sa aking siko.
"Stephen!" Suway ko sa kanya.
"Sorry, just continue jogging. I'll just do push up. A punishment every time I touch you."
He lay down his body, he put his hand on the floor while pushing his body on the floor. Each time I passes, I get distracted by his push-ups.
"Hey," I say nang makatatlompung ikot na ako. I squat in front of him.
"Hindi ka ba titigil?"
"No, 89, 90, 91, 92—"
"Pero pagod na akong magjogging." I say as I touch his hair.
"Oh no, back to 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6—"
"I said stopped it already, you should focus on me, I mean focus on teaching me." I say in frustration.
"Now, baby sit down spread your leg as wide as you can." I split my legs, and to my surprise I can split straight, stretching my legs widely and straightly.
Inalalayan ako ni Stephen sa pagbebend ko. He's behind me holding my arms while bending my body towards my left to reach my knees using my forehead and vice versa to the right. His hands are sending shivers down my arms and I can't get a hold of my fast-beating heart.
He stand up and he hold my arms to guide me in standing. He holds two kickpads in his both hands.
"I will attack you, reflex from it and think about any defense you want." He say with a wink.
He attacks me with his right kickpad. I slide back and kick his right kickpad using my right leg. A simple roundhouse kick.He then attacks me with his left, I use my right hand to wave it, together with a roundhouse kick using my left leg that almost touch his head.
" I like this position." He say and I only realize, I have been putting my left leg on his shoulder and almost holding his wrist.
Mabilis kong tinanggal ang pagkakapatong ng aking paa sa kanyang balikat.
"No, this won't do," he says and throws the kickpad out of the mat.
"So, a sparring?" I ask in an obvious way.
"No, babe. We'll just cuddle here."
"Stop calling me babe, baby or whatever you want. Stop that, I have a name!"
"Well, France—"
"Also, don't give me a nickname. I have so many nicknames and you shouldn't give me another one."
"What would I call you then?"
Iyah, gusto ko sanang sabihin kaso ito na lang ang nickname na family ko lang at si Marsan ang natawag sa akin. "Call me by my first name, and sanay na ako dun eh. Lahat yun ang tawag sa akin tapos babaguhin mo."
"So, Française, let's cuddle here. No I mean let's start the fight." We did the sijak and junbi starting in sparring.
He attacks me in fast pace which I couldn't see it coming. I almost feel it touching my face but it didn't. Napapikit pa ako at pagmulat ng aking mata ay ipinatong lang ni stephen ang paa niya sa aking balikat.
"Focus, distracted ka ba sa kapogian ko?" He says. Nagpapogi look nga siya sa harap ko.
"No, you're not pogi, gwapo, handsome or whatever you call it."
"Ouch, what's wrong with my face?"
"Not just your face, your whole existence."
"Ang sakit mo magsalita, Française. Kung iba ang pag-sasabihan mo nito malamang magwo-walk-out sayo yun. Pero dahil ako lang ang sinalitaan mo nang ganyan kaya pa kitang tiisin." Litanya niya saka binaba ang kanyang paa. Na sinundan ko nang pagsipa sa kanyang ulo. I use full moon kick, from right to left and balik gamit ang kanang paa ko.
"Okay this is enough. This time, ba—Française, I will wear an armor and you gonna kick me hard and it's okay baby—I mean Française."
This is my tenth time na sumisipa sa armor na suot ni Stephen.
"This won't do. Ang sakit na ng katawan ko babe—Française pala. Magpunching bag ka na lang. Mababasag ribs ko sayo." Dahan-dahan niyang tinanggal ang armor at hawak-hawak ang katawan niya habang dahang dahang umupo sa bench.
"Are you okay?"
"Why are you asking me that question? Masakit nga, babe. C'mmon just kiss me."
Tumabi ako sa kanya hindi para halikan siya kundi I put an icebag on his ribs.
"Grabe, ang sarap pala sa feeling kapag ako ang inaalagaan mo hindi yung Marsan na yun." He murmurs something.
"Huh?" I just say pretending that I didn't get it right.
"Wala. Just continue. Ouch here also, hey put your hands on my body."
"Ikaw na nga maglagay niyan sa katawan mo. Sisipa pa ako." I say at nilagay sa kamay niya ang icebag. Tumayo na ako ngunit hinawakan niya ang wrist ko at hinila kaya napakandong ako sa kaniya.
"I can't wait for you to be mine. Lalo na kung palagi kita kasama. Just say you like me too, ipaglalaban kita sa Dad mo." He says that made me nervous.
"Stop it already, Stephen." I command, he slowly let go of my wrist and I get off of his lap. I saw sadness written in his eyes. If I could just like him, won't worry about my dad, and I didn't fall in love with Marsan then I could've just boyfriend him.
YongRine