Breath in the future, breathe out the past
Savour this moment as long as it lasts,
If You Stayed Over - Bonobo ft. Fink
. . .
As Noah led me through the back gate, and into the Allen's yard I saw that it was lit up, brightly by bulbs like the ones I'd hung earlier for the party, up in the tree.
The table had been laid out with fresh flowers, and cushions had been piled up on the wide wooden seat right under the kitchen window.
"You'll need to wait here just one moment." Noah instructed, disappearing into the kitchen. Cupboards and draws slammed as he rummaged through them, while I stood and marvelled at how beautiful the porch looked.
It was Poppy who had insisted on me leaving the party early. Apparently Noah had asked her, earlier in the day if he could steal me away before the eleventh hour. Of course I hadn't minded, as we slipped through the front door, quick and impatient to leave the noise and crowd behind, so we could be alone.
Admiring how the table had been arranged, Noah stuck his head round the door frame and told me to close my eyes. I heard his footsteps get closer and closer until I was finally allowed to open them again.
"It's not much and I know you've already had one this evening but still." he said nervously, as the small round cake covered in deep red petals lit up before my eyes. Just like in Lily's picture, the candles formed a heart shaped halo round the flowers, coloured in my name.
"It's beautiful."
"Scarlett Begonias." Noah pointed out before shyly laughing. "Everyone helped out although I'm sure you can tell which ones are mine."
"They're all perfect. It's perfect."
"You want to try a slice?"
Reaching out to touch his face, I nodded and let my lips thank him, pressing them softly. Noah's hand held my back as it arched, my feet lifting off the ground.
"I thought we could sit out and watch the stars." he whispered, as I pushed back his golden hair and brushed the tip of my finger along the faint scar on his cheek.
"A lesson about the stars, is that another one of my presents?" I said back lightly, enjoying the moment of just being alone with him, feeling anything but lonely.
"Maybe."
Slipping my palms against his, I felt bold and brave. Rising up to meet the lobe of his ear, I breathed out, and whispered what I wanted.
Because for now, the stars could wait.
. . .
Noah had kissed me, all the way down the hallway, guiding me backwards with his lips until the wooden grain of his bedroom door could be felt against my back.
It was strange to see, in those moments Noah's usually neat room become chaotic, swamped by the urgency to pull off and discard the clothes that clung to our bodies because they were the only things left standing in our way.
The flannel shirts that he would normally fold and place over his chair were now carelessly thrown onto the floor and the dress that I had spent all evening trying to keep clean and unspoiled landed right beside it.
His hands were warm over my skin as he softly kissed the aching corners of my mouth. The palms of my hands felt cool on the rough whitewashed wall, as Noah's back pressed against it, my eyes gazing up and down at him, letting my fingertips lock into his messy hair. Whispering all the while, to never stop.
Noah's lips hadn't left mine once in the time it took to fall from the doorway to the bed, and they didn't part, not for a moment.
Until with crisp sheets wrapped around my hips and Noah wildly caressing the back of my neck, I felt it.
From my head to my feet.
My breath, escaping rapidly all at once.
.
.
It was his eyes I saw first, burning into mine after the moment, one that I could feel still linger on my lips and thighs. Noah's cheeks were flushed like mine and his smile was brilliantly wide, his hands firm on the small of my back.
Again he pulled me in, so close I could feel the beating inside his chest and the heat rising my from it. The sticky hot summer may have retreated but our bodies kept the waves of heat alive, with every soft touch and every kiss.
And as I savoured the moment, I thought about Noah's quiet confidence. How unlike those few before him, who had asked endlessly after if I had, Noah didn't ask. Even though he was truly, the only one that had.
Given me that moment.
Breath in. Breath out.
. . .
Saturday, early September
The warm light filtered through the gaps in the curtains, as my body twisted beneath the sheets and my eyes begrudgingly woke.
It may have just been a theory but as I rose to my feet, the softness of Noah's red flannel shirt under them, I felt different. Stronger somehow, as if every inch of me had been renewed and altered for the better.
Turning in expectation, to marvel at the person who had made me feel such things, I saw only but the indent of him, the sheets pulled away to reveal an empty space.
Wrapping them around my naked body, leaving the dress to rest on his floor because it was too difficult to put back on, I crept out into the narrow hallway to follow the faint sound of spoons against china mugs and muffled radio jingles.
When he caught me standing inside the doorframe, Noah smiled as if he'd been waiting for me to appear. Walking towards me with only a towel wrapped tight on his hips he passed over a mug of hot tea.
"The lady has risen." he laughed, cupping my face in his hands so our lips could wish a good morning.
"So sleepy." I yawned cradling the tea against my chest, careful to not let the covers slip down. "What time is it?"
"Well it's definitely not morning now, I thought I'd let you sleep a little and try to fashion some kind of brunch for us. For energy. So far we have tea and ice cream." Noah replied.
"How continental."
"You fancy that slice of cake now?" he asked, grabbing bowls and plates from the cupboard. "Ever had a picnic inside before?"
I shook my head as I slowly sipped the sweet tea, my gaze still fixated in awe at the bare-chested, beautiful light haired boy speaking in front of me.
Intrigued I said. "Can't say I have, why?"
"Cos I don't feel like getting dressed today." Noah said casually, a wry grin spreading to his lips as he pulled a tartan throw from the couch in the living room.
Shuffling onto the stool by the breakfast counter I watched him open cupboards and add jars to the tubs of ice cream already set out, the stash of picnic food growing with every search.
As Noah balanced a carton of orange juice under his chin, he said. "It's time, you ready?"
Jumping down from the stool and pulling up the sheets so I could find my feet again, I nodded enthusiastically. Shuffling slowly as he told me to follow him, back to the bedroom.
. . .
As our shadows cast onto the walls grew darker, and the evening's light faded, I found myself curled up on Noah's bedroom floor, on the blanket he'd laid out for our improvised picnic.
We'd worked our way through the tubs of ice cream and potato chips pinched from the Allen's treat cupboard, along with most of the Begonia birthday cake. Noah had throughout the day played songs on his guitar that I'd never heard before but fell in love with instantly, his fingers delicately picking away at the strings so effortlessly.
After his hands were sore from serenading me and bowing to the pressure of my calls for encore after encore, he put on a CD that became our late night soundtrack, soft bass echoing off the walls I'd laid my palms on just the night before. Noah had joined me too, hidden and safe under the sheets as we reminisced about punctured tires and old conversations from the Diner, where I'd been too proud to tell him that I disliked my salad and he'd been to shy to hug me the first night we said goodbye, out on the lawn.
"When we were just friends." I teased. "You know I heard you say that to Mrs Allen and I believed you."
Stroking the gap between my collarbone he told me that he thought that's all I'd wanted us to be, just friends.
Thinking back to the night in The Tompkins pool, in the moonlight when he'd kissed me I asked. "What changed?"
"Your reaction to me applying for college." Noah admitted, his voice low lost in thought. "It made me realise that maybe you liked me more than I thought, and not in a 'just friends' way. When you disappeared to the bathroom I asked Mrs Allen why you'd gotten upset and she said it's because you'd miss me."
"She was right."
"She always is, and so I thought about it, how I could show you how I felt. It took me a lot longer than expected, I know." he laughed quietly, fingers still tracing my collar, making me shiver.
"I'm just as guilty, I should have told you too."
"Doesn't matter now, really. All that matters is right now, right here. Living in the present, enjoying it."
Kissing my way from the side of his jaw to the bottom, I told him I was afraid to look at the time.
"You tired?"
"Yes but truthfully I don't want to fall asleep, I want to stay awake so that tonight, last night, all of this can keep existing." I whispered. "Because tomorrow I won't be able to do any of it, not in the same way, not like how it is right now. You know when you wish you could bottle up a moment, a feeling or a look? Well that's how I feel right now, not wanting to close my eyes, not wanting to sleep because I know when I wake up it'll be nothing but a memory. And I don't have a way to revisit it." I confessed, feeling a surprising lump stick in my throat.
"I know." Noah sighed. "But it's not over, not yet."
Letting my head rest between his shoulder, I breathed in his scent and wished for the morning to stay away, for sleep to not pull at my eyelids, and as I did I heard Noah quietly laugh, before he kissed my cheek to whisper.
"Well, I know of one way to escape sleep, a somewhat enjoyable way to stay awake all night..."
. . .