It's a long one guys to make up for that shit I just posted. Enjoy ma lovely beanssss.
"I'm a nymphomaniac!" That's all I heard when tuning back into the conversation. I turn and give Allison a look that is basically bitch don't lie I know you are a pure little Jesus child.
Claire rolls her eyes,
"Lie!" Claire rolls her eyes.
"Are your parents aware of this?" Brian asks fully believing that Allison could be a nymphomaniac.
"The only person I told was my shrink..."
"And what'd he do when you told him?" Andrew asks a little sceptical.
"He nailed me."
"Lovely." I snort.
"I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape since I paid him." I don't think the same thing stands for me.
"He's an adult!" My breathing gets fast as memories fill my head so I stand up and walk away from the group. Sitting at the top of the metal steps I sigh when hearing steps follow me.
"Hey what's up?"
"Sorry. I was just.. stressed." I sigh and from the corner of my eye I see Bender sit next to me, crossed legged.
"About Allison going with a adult?" I dont respond and Bender pulls at my arm so I turn to him with tears in my eyes causing a Bender's naturally hardened face to soften,
"What happened?"
"You don't wanna hear my issues Bender." I laugh humorously.
"I do. Avery your not like the other girls. I actually like you and I don't really know how but I wanna try with you so please just let me in." Any other situation I would have swooned at that.
"Did I just hear John Bender say please?" He gives me a dull look when I tried to change the subject so I huff.
"You know those marks on my back? They cover my entire body and I have a bruise that's like half my stomach. My dad has a lot of anger I guess. And I was ok with that. I could deal with that. But one day my mom and Claire were out shopping and he has some friends round. One of them got a bit to friends and even though I screamed my dad didn't care. He just left his friend to it. Not the best first sexual experience. So I slept with Todd and Kevin. Ya know those jocks? Just to try have something better then that. Suddenly I'm a slag as well as a psycho loner." I feel a warm hand slip into mine so I look up through wet lashes.
"I'd say you can come live with me but my family isn't too great either." I let out a sad laugh and lean my head on Bender's shoulder.
"Maybe we should just run away after school." I half joke.
"Yeah maybe..." he says and, just like I was, I could tell he was thinking about it. Wiping my tears from my cheeks I stand up.
"Come on, they're probably at each other's throats by now."
"He can't think for himself." Allison says and my eyes accidentally go straight to Andrew.
"She's right...do you guys know what I did to get in here? I taped Larry Lester's buns together." Claire laughs and I roll my eyes at her taking a seat on the floor in between Bender's legs.
"That was you?" Brian whispers.
"Yeah, you know him?" Brian nods as a answer.
"Well then you know how hairy he is, right? Well, when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some, some skin too." I hiss in pain,
"Damnnnn..."
"Oh my God..." not funny anymore is it Claire.
"And the bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my old man. I tortured this poor kid, because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about, you know, when he was in school...all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right...So, I'm...I'm sitting in the locker room, and I'm taping up my knee. And Larry's undressing a couple lockers down from me. Yeah...he's kinda- he's kinda skinny, weak. And I started thinking about my father, and his attitude about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him...And my friends they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I was sittin' in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father. And Larry havin' to go home and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation...fucking hell the humiliation he must have felt. It mustuv been unreal...I mean-" oh my god he's crying about ripping someone but hair off. What am I suppose to do? Do you comfort someone in this situation?
"I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way...it's all because of me and my old man. Oh God, I fucking hate him! He's like this...he's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore. He's always 'Andrew, you've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family...Your intensity is for shit! Win. Win! WIN!!!' You son of a bitch! You know, sometimes, I wish my knee would give and I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me..."
"I think your old man and my old man should get together and go bowling." Bender says after a awkward silence. I chuckle and add,
"Yeah mine too." Claire shoots me a look.
"Shut up Avery you can't say that! He's your dad! Our dad!"
"No. He's yours. He's just like my boxer, I'm his punching bag and his friends prostitute so don't try act likes he's this great man Claire. You know he's not, you just don't want to admit it because your scared he'll cut your credit card." I scoff when she stays silent.
"It's like me, you know, with my grades...like, when I, when I step outside myself kinda, and when I look in at myself you know? And I see me and I don't like what I see, I really don't." I frown at Brian who had spoke up most probably because he felt left out.
"What's wrong with you? Why don't you like yourself?" Claire asks concerned. Does she like Brian? Oh Brian the poor soul wants to hope not.
"Cause I'm stupid...'cause I'm failing shop. See we had this assignment to make this ceramic elephant, and um...and we had eight weeks to do it and we're s'posed to make it like a lamp, and when you pull the trunk the light was s'posed to go on...my light didn't go on, I got a F on it. Never got a F in my life... When I signed up, you know, for the course I mean. I thought I was playing it real smart, you know. Cause I thought, I'll take shop, it'll be such an easy way to maintain my grade point average."
"Why'd you think it'd be easy?"
"Have you seen some of the dopes that take shop?"
"I take shop!" Both me and Bender exclaim offended. Bender adds,
"You must be a fuckin' idiot." And I giggle.
"I'm a 'fuckin' idiot' because I can't make a lamp?" I shake my head against Benders chest before saying in a strange, mysterious tone
"No, you're a genius because you can't make a lamp..." both Brian and Bender shoot me strange looks.
"What do you know about Trigonometry?" Brian asks Bender.
"I could care less about Trigonometry."
"Yo I love trig." I add but I'm ignored, the only recognition is Bender patting my head a little bit.
"You know without Trigonometry there'd be no engineering?"
"Without lamps, there'd be no light!" Lighting up my cigarette I pull a face at this comment and show Bender my lighter.
"This fire. Fire bring light. Fire not lamp?" I say mockingly and Bender pushes me away is feigned anger. I laugh at this.
"I can write with my toes! I can also eat, brush my teeth-" I could tell this was a cry for help as Allison felt left out. "-play Heart & Soul on the piano."
"I can make spaghetti!"
"What can you do?" Claire asks Andrew.
"I can...uh...tape all your buns together." He mumbles and I laugh.
"What bout you?" Brian asks me and I shrug.
"Not much. I can sing a bit I guess?" Claire nods,
"It's true. I hear her all the time. She's pretty good at dancing too, although I only see that when it rains because she always has to go run and dance in the rain." Claire giggles and I poke my tongue out at her teasingly. She grins and I smile a little remembering how close we use to be.
"Well now I wanna see what Claire can do!" Bender suggests and Claire instantly shoots the idea down.
"everybody can do something." Bender says in a condescending tone.
"There's one thing I can do, forget it, it's way too embarrassing." Eventually she gives in when making us, Bender especially, to not laugh.
Claire takes lipstick out and opens it. She places it between her breasts and applies it to her lips from her cleavage. When lifting her head she reveals perfectly applied lipstick.
"Damnnn girl." I mutter and she rolls her eyes playfully at me.
"That was great, Claire...my image of you is totally blown."
"You're a shit! Don't do that to her you swore to God you wouldn't laugh!"
"Am I laughing? Avery, does it look like I'm laughing?" I look between Bender and my only friend Allison who is giving me a stern look and so I settle for a shrug of the shoulders.
"Your a fucking prick!" shouts Andrew.
"What do you care what I think, anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference...I may as well not even exist at this school, remember?" He turns to Claire, "you don't like me anyway.
"You know, I have just as many feelings as you do and it hurts just as much when somebody steps all over them!" I shimmy out from between Benders legs awkwardly and sit next to Allison watching the drama unravel.
"Don't you ever...ever! Compare yourself to me! Okay? You got everything, and I got shit! Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? School would probably fucking shut down if you didn't show up! "Queenie isn't here!" I like those earrings claire. Are those real diamonds, Claire?"
"Shut up!" She shouts angrily. I can in fact confirm that they are indeed real diamonds.
"I bet they are...did you work, for the money for those earrings?"
"Shut your mouth!"
"Or did your daddy buy those?" Claire was beyond furious now and was crying.
"I bet he bought those for you! I bet those are a Christmas gift! Right? Bet your sister didn't get anything though right? Not that you'd care because you just so self absorbed. You know what I got for Christmas this year? I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey! Smoke up Johnny!" Okay, so go home'n cry to your daddy, don't cry here, okay?"
"I think you've made your point Bender."
"Not my name. Why do you call me that?" He asks quietly while Brian speaks up to everyone.
"That's your name. That's what everyone calls you."
"Not you. I like you. You shouldn't be like everyone. You call me john." I smile and nod at him.
"When you grow up, your heart dies." Allison explains loud and simple.
"Who cares?" Asks Bender and Allison scoffs,
"I care..."
"Me too..." I say from her side and Bender looks at me silently but I can see he's thinking.