Chapter 4
All of a sudden, my world turned upside down. Parang sinusunog ang baga ko sa sobrang hapdi habang nanginginig ang buong katawan. Rey immediately noticed that something is wrong with me. Inilapag niya ang hawak na papel at nilapitan ako.
"Ayos ka lang ba, Czarina?"
"I...hah...uhh...." halos hindi ako makasagot sa kaniya. I could barely breathe! I clutched my chest as hot tears blurred my vision.
"Siya ba yun?"
"Mas sexy pala sa personal..."
"Madami kaming nakapila sa iyo, Zari. Patikim lang."
Parang sirang plaka na paulit-ulit kong naririnig ang sinabi nila sa akin kanina. Nabitawan ko na ang phone ko at natutop ang bibig kasabay ng pagbagsak ng mga luha.
"Czarina!" halos yugyugin ni Rey ang balikat ko. We are still in the middle of a program! We are now supposed to give signals to the host and the candidates on when to pause, pose, and exit but now I couldn't do anything about it.
"I'm sorry..." tuloy-tuloy ang agos ng luha ko at dahan-dahang inalis ang mga kamay niya. "I'm sorry..."
Hindi ko na siya pinasagot pa at mabilis na umalis sa backstage. I was still crying when I left, so most of my blockmates were asking me what's wrong while the comm students are staring at me weirdly. Wala ako sa sariling naglakad palabas. When I left the AVP room, the noise in my head finally died down. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at inisip kaagad kung saan tatago.
I can't see these people right now. I just can't. Ni anino ko ayokong ipakita sa kanila. My chest is still burning and my tears are nonstop. Nanginginig kong kinuha ang phone nang mag-vibrate ulit ito.
Sorcha:
San ka?
I didn't bother to reply. Ibinalik ko 'to sa bulsa at umalis na ng campus. I headed straight at home and locked the door. As soon as I was alone, I burst into more tears.
Hingal na hingal ako at halos hindi na makahinga sa sobrang iyak habang nasa kama. I fell asleep crying. When I woke, my body is aching all over and I could feel the heavy puffiness of my eyes that are sore from crying. I dragged myself out of the bed and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. It didn't even soothe me a bit. Isinandal ko ang ulo sa pader at pumikit.
Napaigtad ako nang biglang may kumatok sa pintuan. Then, I heard Sorcha's demanding voice to open up. Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi, nagdadalawang-isip kung papapasukin ba ang kaibigan. One glance at the wall clock and I saw that it's already 8 in the evening. Kaninang 6 pa natapos ang program...
I slowly walked to the door and opened it. As soon as I did, Sorcha burst inside.
"What the hell is wrong with that jerk?! Does he have a fucking death wish?!" galit na galit niyang singhal.
Bumuntong-hininga ako at isinara ang pinto.
"I already talked to my brothers about it. You have to file a case against him, Czarina!"
"I can't..." mahina kong imik.
"What the fuck?"
Kanina ko pa nakita ang litratong kumakalat sa GC. Possibly the entire population of Sta. Veronica College have seen it by now. Kanina ko din napagtanto ang totoo...
"Hindi ako yun, Sorch."
"Ano?!"
"I... never did it with him." I hugged myself and looked down.
"But why did he..."
"He must be angry with me, spreading rumors like that. Of course, people will believe him. The photo is wearing the school ID sling, and it we even have the same physique. Kahit anong gawin kong paliwanag, hindi sila makikinig sa akin."
"Oh my God, Max is a fucking moron. My father will kill him once he learns about what he's doing!"
"Pero Sorch..." nanginig ang mga labi ko. "What if this reaches the admin? Anong mangyayari sa scholarship ko? Between me and Max, wala akong laban sa kaniya."
"Nakakagalit. I know it doesn't belong to you, but once we dig up the real owner of the nudes, siya naman ang masisira. You might be able to clean your name, but you'll end up destroying another girl's reputation."
Namuo ulit ang mga luha sa mga mata ko. Maybe it would be easier if those photos were... mine? But no. I don't even know where he got that photo. And I'm going to be fighting a losing battle once I defend myself.
Biglang pumasok sa isipan ko si Rigor. By now, he must've seen the photos. Bumigat lang lalo ang dibdib ko. Would he believe that it was me? I guess I shouldn't expect him to talk to me after this. Wala ring party na magaganap ngayong weekend para sa akin. I couldn't show my face to everyone. Not right now.
I opened my phone and as expected, it was filled with messages. Pinagp-pyestahan na ng lahat ang litrato. I even received disgusting message requests from dummy accounts and some of the boys from other departments.
"Don't deactivate your account." Sorcha said, typing furiously on her phone. "People will think you're guilty once you deactive your account."
It's so tempting but I followed her advice. Inignora ko nalang ang walang tigil na pagpasok ng mga messages sa messenger. I turned my phone off instead. Ihinilamos ko ang mukha sa palad.
"I'm talking to my brother right now... he says he'll drop by Max's house later to talk. Babalitaan niya ako mamaya."
I nodded. I didn't know how to thank her for what she's doing to me. She's still at war with her brothers, and she's not one to swallow her pride. But to think that she's doing it for me, I couldn't help but tear up.
"And stop crying, will you? Hindi naman pala sa iyo, eh. Maaayos din natin 'to."
I nodded, still crying. Inikutan ako ng mga mata ni Sorcha.
Kahit na hindi ko gustong pumasok kinabukasan ay pinilit ako ni Sorcha. She said she'll accompany me all the way to our building. Paglabas ko pa lang ng apartment ay pakiramdam ko maraming mata na ang nakatingin sa akin. I tried to ignore it as much as I can and waited for my friend in the gate. It was bearable at first, but by the time we started walking towards the building, I almost couldn't bear it.
Baon na baon sa akin ang titig ng mga estyudante. Even the art students that do not know me is now looking at me. Kalat na kalat na nga talaga siguro ang litrato. I swallowed hard. When Sorcha noticed that I'm shaking, she sighed and grabbed my hand. Nag-angat ako ng tingin. Some political science guy whistled.
"Pa-score naman!"
Humigpit ang hawak ni Sorcha sa akin, sabay lingon sa lalaki na naniningkit ang mga mata.
"Do you want to fucking graduate?"
"Huh?"
"Cause I could ruin your education in just one call. You know my brothers are lawyers, right? We could sue you for bullying, defamation, and libel."
"Pinagsasabi mo-"
"And you're a political science student? How disgusting."
Hindi sumagot ang lalaki, halatang nawala sa mood. Tinaliman lang niya kami ng tingin at bumulong-bulong bago umalis.
"You don't need to do that, Sorch-"
"It's okay. He's a shitty person who deserves a shitty treatment."
Matamlay akong napangiti.
"Salamat..."
"Sorry nga pala." Nakaabot na kami sa harap ng classroom namin. I looked at her, puzzled.
"Huh? For what?"
"For assuming that it was really your nudes... and for doubting you. I, more than anyone else, should know you better... na hindi mo gagawin ang ganung bagay. I judged you."
"It's okay, Sorch..."
She tipped my chin with her manicured finger. "Now, hold that chin up, Saorsie. People whose opinion matters to you know that you are innocent."
For a moment, I was felt a whisper of relief in my chest. I nodded slowly and silently entered the room.
Kagaya nga ng inaasahan ko, nakarating ang lahat ng ito sa admin. Kahit ilang beses kong tawagan si Max ay hindi niya naman sinasagot. I got blocked from his social media accounts, too. So there was no way to contact him.
Nagpaliwanag naman ako nang maayos sa kanila na hindi ako ang babaeng nasa litrato, but they don't seem convinced.
"How do we know that it's not you on the picture... do you have any proof or evidence?"
Hindi ako makapaniwalang tumitig sa babaeng admin. She adjusted her eyeglasses and placed her phone. I thought she's going to be more compassionate or at least understanding because we are both females. Pero nagkamali ako...
"Don't get me wrong, Miss Martellin. You are one of our scholars. This scandal is just too... big. We can't easily ignore it, you know? We have to conduct an in-depth investigation about it. But as of the moment, you are suspended from getting any financial assistance from your scholarship until it's proven that you're innocent."
"Pero Ma'am..." halos maiyak na ako sa upuan.
"If what you're saying is true, then you should at least get Mr. Maximo Arzano to come here in the office and testify that it's really not you in the photo. After that, everything will go back to normal."
Tulala akong lumabas sa admin office, hindi alam ang gagawin. How could I convince him to come here, when he's really mad at me? He got so mad that he started spreading fake rumors that is causing me sexual trauma right now.
Hindi ko na talaga alam ang gagawin ko. Dagdag pa ang mapanghusgang tingin sa akin ng mga estyudante... I am instantly reduced to a college whore because of a fake rumor. And now, I am on the brink of losing the scholarship I worked so hard for.
Bumagal ang paglalakad ko nang mamataan ang pamilyar na bultong naglalakad din sa hallway. Kaagad akong lumiko at pumasok sa pinakamalapit na classroom nang makita ko si Rigor. Good thing he didn't saw me. I stayed inside and waited for him to pass before I slowly went outside and dashed to the gate.
While I was walking home, my phone vibrated. Kinuha ko iyon at nakita ang isa sa mga mensahe niya.
Rigor:
Kumusta ka?
Mapait akong napangiti. So now, he knows. I'm surprised he's still talking to me after seeing that photo. Napabuntong-hininga ako nang marahas. I looked up at the gloomy sky with so much worries. Maybe I shouldn't speak to him. I am still on fire. If the students see the two of us together, baka pati siya madamay pa. Until I solve this problem, I shouldn't have the right to see or speak to him.
The weekend came so fast. Naalala kong ngayon nga pala ang housewarming party ni Elton. Sorcha got invited personally. She wants me to come but I'm still not in the right state to show myself to a lot of people. Baka makakita lang ng away si Sorcha sa party dahil sa akin.
"Are you really not coming? My brother said he had a long talk with Max. He's still convincing the jerk to own up to his mistake but he's not backing out... hindi pa kasi nakakarating sa Papa niya ang ginawa niyang kagaguhan kaya ganun nalang ang yabang niya."
I am so desperate to talk to him as well. Naisipan kong puntahan siya sa campus nila since he is not picking up on any of my calls. But not now...
"Don't worry much about your tuition, I can loan you some money while you're waiting for your scholarship to finance you again..." tinitigan ako ni Sorcha. She's wearing a red mini dress with puff sleeves and boned bodice, highlighting her curves. I would've been picking out on some clothes that I'm going to wear for the party tonight had it not been for my problems.
"It's okay, Sorch. Tatawagan ko nalang si Mama, baka padalhan niya ako ng pera." I lied.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
Rigor texted me again that night, asking me if I'm going to come as if nothing happened. As usual, I did not reply to him. Si Sorcha lang ang nirereplyan ko kapag nagti-text siya. I was in bed, trying to calm myself when my phone pinged.
Sorcha Melissa Arzano sent a photo.
I clicked on the photo and saw a stolen shot of Rigor, sitting by the pool, alone. Katabi niya ay isang beer na mukhang hindi pa nagagalaw. I noticed that the pool is different from theirs, so it must be taken in Philodemus' house and in real-time. Sorcha is typing her message below and a few seconds later, it appeared.
Sorcha: Look at this loser, still waiting for you...
Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi at nag-isip ng ire-reply, kaso walang pumapasok sa isipan ko. I just feel guilty that he's still waiting for me even though it's clear that I'm ignoring him. Should I just tell him to leave me alone? No... I don't want that. I just want him to distance myself from me while I'm sorting out my problems. After that, we can continue whatever it is that we started... or maybe I'm just assuming things.
Napabuntong-hininga ako at bumagsak sa kama. One intimate encounter at the party and a few bumps at the campus doesn't mean he's into me. Why am I assuming things? Besides, with Rigor's aristocratic family background and insane talents, a dirt like me shouldn't even be seen with him.
Mas lalo lang bumigat ang dibdib ko kaka-overthink. I stared at his last text message for me without the courage to type a reply. Mayamaya pa ay dinalaw na ako ng antok. Gusto ko sanang hintayin na makauwi si Sorcha at makapagtext sa akin pero mukhang malabo na iyong mangyari.
I was about to close my eyes when my phone pinged again. Iminulat ko ang isang mata at kaagad na napabalikwas nang makitang text ito galing kay Rigor.
Rigor:
Sorcha's here. You're really not coming?
I nibbled on my lower lip, anxious to type a reply. Nang lumipas ang iilang minuto at wala pa rin siyang natanggap mula sa akin, panibagong mensahe na naman ang natanggap ko mula sa kaniya.
Rigor:
Fine. I'll just enjoy the party here. Good night.
Kinain ako ng guilt sa naging huli niyang text message. Kanina ay inaantok ako pero halos ngayon, hindi na ako makatulog. Frustrated, I got up from the bed and grabbed a hoodie. Isinuot ko ito at dali-daling itinali ang sintas ng sapatos ko. I glanced at the clock. It's half past midnight. I wonder if he went home already? O pwede ring magpapalipas siya ng gabi sa bagong bahay ng pinsan. Whatever. If he sees me, I'll just lie that I came for Sorcha... although it is half-true.
Abala pa ako sa pagtatali ng buhok nang makarinig ng katok. I froze, staring at the door's reflection in the mirror. I'm not expecting someone, not this late. Nagdadalawang isip tuloy ako kung pagbubuksan ko ba o hindi. I don't have a peep hole, so I don't know who's behind the door. I swallowed hard and nervously walked to the door. Muntik na akong mapatalon nang tumunog ulit ito.
"Czarina..."
Umawang ang bibig ko nang marinig ang pamilyar na baritonong boses ni Rigor. I threw the door open and stared at him with my mouth hanging.
"What...? What are you doing here?" lito kong tanong sa kaniya. "Akala ko ba nage-enjoy ka sa party?"
He placed a hand on my door, just above my head. Napatingala ako sa kaniya. I saw a beer next to him from Sorcha's picture earlier pero hindi naman siya amoy-alak. Tiningnan niya ako paibaba sa namumungay na mga mata at tipid na ngumiti.
"Akala ko rin."
"Rigor..."
"Can I come in...?"
I hesitated for a bit. I know he's been inside my apartment once, but it's so messy here right now. I don't want him to see the unlit cigarettes littered on the floor due to my frustration. And a lot of my unfinished paintings are also sitting around. For someone as talented as him to see those pieces of trash... it would wipe out what remains of my confidence.
"Or we could head somewhere if you're not comfortable. I brought my car." Sabay turo niya sa kotse. Nangunot ang noo ko nang makitang nakababa ang bintana sa backseat. A moment later, a dark, furry head popped out with his tongue lapping happily at me. Then another one. And another.
"Oh my god! You have the boys!" I squealed happily and dashed to the car.
Binuksan ko kaagad ang pinto at hindi nagdalawang isip na palabasin ang mga aso. They were happily wagging their tails at me, eager to lick my face and were beating each other for my attention. Isa-isa kong hinalikan ang mga ilong nila habang masayang hinahagod ang malambot nitong ulo.
Rigor chuckled. Paglingon ko, nasa likuran ko na pala siya.
"Alam kong hihindian mo ako... kaya dinala ko sila. Malakas sila sa'yo, eh."
I smirked. "Good decision, Treveron."
"So... can I kidnap you for a while? Hindi mo ako nilalapitan kaya ako nalang ang lalapit sa iyo...."
My cheeks turned red. Buti nalang at madilim. Kaagad akong nag-iwas ng tingin at kunwari abala sa mga aso.
"S-Sure. San ba tayo?"
"Kahit saan.." he stuck his hand in his pockets and then gestured for the dogs to go inside. Dali-dali naman nilang sinunod ang amo. "Come on."
I shut the door and happily climbed inside the shotgun seat. Rigor circled the car and claimed the driver's seat. The engine roared to life as I buckled on my seatbelt. Hinayaan kong nakababa ang bintana nang umandar na ang sasakyan.
"Do you want to go to the beach?" he asked while reaching for the stereo. His fingers slipped and accidentally pushed a button. Biglang tumunog ang stereo niya at saktong Araw-Araw by Ben&Ben ang tumutugtog. He seemed satisified as his fingers lazily slipped from the device. Dahan-dahan niya akong nilingon.
"Czarina...?"
Something struck in me.
Muntik nang mabangga ni Rigor ang kotse nang makitang dumadaloy na ang luha sa mga mata ko. He seemed confused... scared... worried. The dogs at the back are whimpering, probably sensing my pain.
"Shit, I'm sorry-"
"The beach is fine." I said, sobbing. "Punta tayo ng dagat, Rigor..."
He stared at me for a long time, before he slowly nodded and pulled away, driving to the beach in the middle of the night as the song went on.
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#HanmariamBFLChapter4