Hey everyone!
I wanted to share something very important about this story and why it's extremely close to my heart. Although it, hands down, is my favourite book out of all the ones I have written, it was also the one I had the hardest time with. Just like writing this note is. So bear with me, please.
For those of you that have read the story about Justin and Addie, you know what Justin faces. Every single fact in this story is based on my life. Even the part about my dad brutally assaulting my mom in front of my sister and I (https://www.kelownadailycourier.ca/news/local_news/article_5b3c6aef-2b3a-5826-bcce-7c1d252f6710.html).
I don't want to go into a lot of detail about this part. But I will say that no one was shot. We were mentally and emotionally traumatized, and my mom was physically wounded on top of that, but no one was shot. But just like in Justin's story, my father was not punished for what he did. And nobody helped us -- not the RCMP, not the Canadian government, no one. Family members I once trusted backed-up my father. People I thought were my friends figured there must have been a reason behind everything.
But the truth is, my father had NO reason to do what he did. No reason whatsoever. I will never know why he did what he did.
Skip ahead to September of 2011. It was my first year in high school. I was stressed because my old last name was recognizable. Everyone knew what had happened back in May and people continuously judged me because I was the daughter of an RCMP officer that lost his mind. And, on top of all that, I kept having these episodes where I would zone out and lose my connection with the world. I could hear people and understand what they were saying, but I couldn't respond at all. I also got this wave of panic and fear in my gut during these moments. Of course, it felt normal to me -- I'd been having these moments since I was nine. But what worried me was that they were becoming more and more frequent and would last for longer periods of time. Plus, I was getting horrible migraines.
At the end of September, I was officially diagnosed with a non-cancerous brain tumour. Prior to being diagnosed, I had been suffering through what I now knew were partial seizures--epilepsy.
I remember the day the doctors in the emergency department told me so vividly it's almost haunting. I remember barely being able to process the news. I remember the look of shock on my mom's face. I remember the tears, the painfully agonizing sobs that shook my body. I was so upset that I barely understood what they were saying to me.
After that, after I learned that I would need brain surgery to remove the tumour, need to start taking medication, need to change my lifestyle completely, I dropped out of high school and decided to finish off my first semester at home, taking online courses, until it was over.
I went through test after test (MRIs, CT scans, etc.), medication after medication, and various trips down to Vancouver to visit BC Children's Hospital. Until December 13th, the date of my surgery. I was fifteen by then and terrified.
And it was heartbreaking when the first surgery didn't work.
For the next five years, I suffered from epilepsy, both partial seizures and clonic-tonic ones. None of my medications ever worked. Nothing was able to control the seizures. Through those five years, I did manage to get back into a somewhat normal routine. I went back to my high school, graduated, and even started college. To me, the seizures were embarrassing. The fact that I couldn't drive was embarrassing. I didn't even want to show my face around the family anymore.
And, on top of all that, the seizures were getting worse. Just like the first time, they became more and more frequent, lasted longer, and more degrading to my self-esteem. As the seizures progressed and the headaches got worse, we decided it was time to contact BC Children's Hospital again. While medications are highly effective for most cases of epilepsy, the tumour had been adding too much pressure to the specific area to help in any way. It was concluded I needed surgery again.
Though the thought of having another surgery terrified me, there was something different about this. Perhaps I was more mature at the age of 20. Or maybe I was holding onto hope. Either way, in February of 2017, I had another surgery. This one was a lot harder to recover from than the first. First of all, it was ten times more invasive than the previous one. The first layer on the left side of my brain is completely gone. But while the surgery was hard to recover from, every day seemed to be a little more hopeful. However, for the first year post-surgery, I was skeptical. I was terrified that the seizures would come back.
They didn't, though.
I haven't had a seizure since 2017 before my second surgery. The second surgery worked! I feel absolutely blessed and thankful for this, and I will always appreciate the staff at BC Children's Hospital.
At first, I was very skeptical about revealing that "Stay With Me" is based on my life. Obviously, I changed some minor details, but the story is still mine. And, while Justin is very much like me, he's also completely different. I never had a lover that stood by my side or friends that supported me. I was never brave enough to be social and believe in who I was. I was never brave enough to tell someone about how much I was struggling.
Justin is a more confident version of me. The person I wish I had the strength to be.
I wanted a story that would make people become a little more aware of epilepsy and how hard it is to handle--as well as the diversity of it! Of course, it doesn't represent all cases and causes of epilepsy. There are lots of cases that don't know what is causing the seizures. Sometimes, they're in different parts of the brain. It is a very diverse medical topic. Which is why I've provided some helpful links. Here are some good websites that outline different cases and causes of it:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/epilepsy/symptoms-causes/syc-20350093
https://www.epilepsy.ca
https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/epilepsy.html